Internet-Degenerate

Fun fact: Marvin the Martian was the referee in Space Jam because he is both a Looney Tunes character and an alien, making him a neutral party.

"It feels a little livelier than last year," Chloe commented as she surveyed the gymnasium.

"I'm sure they're all restlessly hoping to be taken by Seraph," Sapphire says, looking towards me to observe my reaction. I ignore her. I'm not going to give it to her. If I stop reacting to her stupid words, maybe she'll stop saying them.

"Taken? Just say dancing like a normal person..." Chloe told her, enervated. "Besides, everyone already knows who they're dancing with."

"But as the night goes on, their turns will come." Tabby said, nodding to herself. "The only boy in a room full of girls. It's like fish in a barrel." 

"That's not how you use that idiom," I inform her. I was ignored.

"But I feel quite excited myself." Sapphire started talking again, so I no this means nothing good. "I can't wait to touch Seraph in his rough, hard place."

Nope. Nah-uh. Not reacting.

"W-What are you talking about again?" Tabby was understandably shocked and confused. It seems she hasn't yet adapted to Sapphire's mischievous streak.

"His hand?" Sapphire said, feigning ignorance. There's no way she's unintentionally making all these innuendos. She can't be that empty-headed.

"...His hand?" Now Tabby was just confused. She turned to me. "Let me feel." Tabby took my hand and poked at my palm with her finger. "Wow, it really is. It's much rougher than mine."

"I'm not a toy," I tell her firmly as she continues to poke me.

"Oh, it's fine. I'm not hurting you." Tabby gave zero shits.

"Ah? But..." Sapphire joined in poking my palm. "I feel as if it's a bit softer than before..."

"Yeah," Chloe agreed, now also poking my palm. "You've really gone soft."

"And it was so hard before," Sapphire lamented with a sigh.

"...What are you people talking about?" Rosalia dared to ask. Rosalia wasn't wearing anything special. Just a simple, flowing, royal purple gala dress with matching evening gloves. Despite her clear lack of interest in having a fashionable wardrobe, her thin, slender figure was (in my opinion) the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I'm truly at a loss for words.

"We were talking about how the dance seems livelier than last year," Sapphire answered her and left me alone. As she did, Tabby and Chloe backed off from me and acted like nothing just happened.

"...Well, we do have a boy here this year," Rosalia said. "I feel rather swept away myself." 

"Wow. You too, Rosalia?" Tabby seemed genuinely surprised. Rosalia stared at her blankly. Then she turned her gaze towards me.

"Have you opened your egg yet?" She asked me.

"No. I was going to open it last minute," I tell her. I'm treating the egg as Schrödinger's egg. It isn't her egg if I don't know who the egg belongs to. 

"...I see." Rosalia gave a curt nod and quickly walked away.

"What's with her?" Tabby asked no one in particular. "She's acting pretty weird."

Then Sapphire opened her accursed mouth. "Perhaps she is imagining Seraph's passionate embrace..."

"It's still just-" Chloe opened her mouth to retort her, but I hold a finger to her lips and shush her.

"Don't acknowledge her words. You'll only make her stronger," I tell Chloe in a hushed voice.

Before whatever this conversation is continued any further, Sol spoke into the microphone, and her voice resounded throughout the entire gymnasium. "Now, third year Final Course students, please present the paper inside your egg to the person whose name is written on it." If I'm understanding correctly, the seniors of each course go first, followed by the second years, then the first years. So first up would be Final Course third years, second would be Intermediary Course third years, and after that would be Final Course second years, which is my turn. I secretly practiced the box step last night after watching a tutorial online, so I shouldn't embarrass myself too much. I've seen some videos of people dancing the regular waltz and the Viennese waltz, so I have a rough idea of what the dance should look like. My plan right now was to observe this first dance to get a more thorough understanding of the waltz. As all the students started lining up against the wall, I shuffle over to a point where I'd get a better vantage point of all the people dancing. 

Too bad my plans never seem to work out. As I'm trying to find a good position, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I jump and turn around. 

"Salutations." It was a girl in an azure colored dress I had never seen before. She had a black hair tied into a bun and she looked at me with a cheeky grin, showcasing her pearly whites. She's beautiful. She's a stranger. I'm scared. Alarm bells are going off in my mind. What does she want with me? "You're Seraph, right?" She asked me, then laughed at her own question. "I guess I don't need to ask. You're the only boy here, after all. Nice to meet you. I'm Amy Kirk of class 3-C."

"Ah," I utter in a cracked voice. "I-I'm Seraph."

"Okay, Seraph. You're dancing with me."

"Huh?" My voice managed to crack even harder.

"What do you mean 'huh'?" She innocently asked.

"Ah, uh..." The sheer abruptness of this situation has left me baffled and flustered. She gave me such dazzling smile that I couldn't resist no matter how hard I tried to. This is all happening way to fast for me to comprehend it.

"Come along, now." She took my hand and pulled at me lightly. I can only moan pitifully to myself as her assertive nature caused me to stumble out onto the floor. My brain continues to lag harder than a 2004 Dell laptop as the stranger takes me into a closed hold and we start waltzing. I haven't mentally prepared myself for any of this, and, quite frankly, it's taking everything I have to not scream and have a nervous breakdown. Amy laughed at me, seeing my anxious disposition.

"Is this your first time dancing? You're so stiff."

"Yeah..."

"In that case, I'll take the lead for you." She pressed up even closer to me. As she did, the sweet fragrance of her perfume tickled my nose, and her... 'softness' was pressed up against my body. They were huge. Maybe as big as Sapphire's. In particular, since I was looking down from above, her cleavage stood out even more. I hold my breath.

Her scent makes me want to gag. I hate this. I hate everything about this. This is giving me a headache. I clench my jaw and grind my teeth as I'm being assailed by vertigo and tinnitus. I hate this. I hate this. I hate that I'm thinking this way about someone I just met. I hate the fact that I'm so against this. I hate that I hate this. Why did I think coming to this dance was a good idea? 'No pain, no gain' my ass. There's no gain. Only pain. This is disgusting.

It's revolting.

It's sickening.

It's nauseating.

It's repulsive.

I hate this. 

I just need to focus on the dance. Follow the steps of the dance without stepping on her feet. Focus on the rhythm and the music. Miraculously, after a little while, I finally manage to calm myself and catch my breath. I gathered up the courage to ask her a question that was on my mind. Also, if I spent the whole time awkwardly looking between my feet and her chest, she'd have my number pretty quickly.

"Uh... Miss Amy?"

"'Miss?'" Amy gave me a confused look when I prefixed the title to her name. She didn't seem to be a 'miss', but she was clearly a woman. I didn't see a ring on her finger, but when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. So then she must be...

"Um, Mrs. Amy?"

"Mrs.?" Now she laughed incredulously. I guess that wasn't it either. "You can just address me by my name. I don't put too much stock in formalities. Just call me Amy."

"Uh... right..." I most certainly wasn't going to do that.

"So, what did you want to ask?"

"D... Do you have the paper with my name on it?" I asked. The rules said she was supposed to show it to me before she ruined my night with a harmless dance. 

"Oh, that. Well..." She averted her eyes for a split second before giggling. "Actually, I lost it."

"Is that right?"

"Yes," she affirmed. "I was walking down the path, when suddenly I was attacked by a crow. It was scary. Then it flew off with the paper in its beak. That kind of thing happens all the time, you know?"

"Huh..." Something about her story smelled a little funny to me. Probably because it was complete bullshit without even a speck of truth. But whatever. I'm not going to complain about dancing with a beauty like her. I'm too much of a chicken's pussy to do so. Feeling quite beside myself, I turned my head to steal a peek at my surroundings in order to avoid direct eye contact. That was clearly a bad move, because Amy was apparently having none of it.

"None of that," she said, reaching out to turn my face back to her. "It's poor manners not to watch your partner during a dance." I highly doubted that was the case. All the videos I watched of people waltzing were actually looking away from their partner, but what do I know? 

"Ah, sorry," I apologize.

She giggled at me. Again. "You may not know me, but I've been watching you for a while now. You're a boy, after all. I've wanted to know what kind of person you are. But I've had several different impressions of you. One minute, you seem surprisingly noble. The next, I have no choice but to consider you a Serpent Séduisant. Which is the real Seraph, I wonder?"

"I'm-" As soon as I open my mouth to answer that I'm neither of those things, she interrupts me.

"Rather than taking your word for it, I thought it would be better to interact with you and find out. Little by little, you know? But, dancing with you like this, I did learn one thing about you."

"...What?" I hesitantly ask.

She looked me straight in the eyes and gave me a mischievous grin. "You have a bit of a dirty mind." 

…So she did have my number after all. I had just now realized that the song was reaching its end. I had been so nervous I barely noticed.

"...I'm sorry," I say, my voice filled with remorse and shame. 

"Not at all. It was extremely educational." Amy shrugged off my apology with a smile. Thankfully, she didn't seem to be the type to be terribly bothered by that kind of thing. After what felt like an eon of time had passed, the song finished and she pulled away. Her scent and softness that had me on edge throughout the entire dance was gone in an instant. "Well, I should be going," she playfully remarked. "Salutations." 

Left standing alone in a daze, I spot the girls I left standing against the wall and tiredly made my way towards them. As I rejoined the group and leaned up against the wall to regain my stamina, I was met with a condemnatory Chloe. 

"When did you get so cozy with Amy?" Chloe huffed with her arms crossed. 

"Literally just then," I tell her. "I have never seen that woman in my life."

"Wow," she said sarcastically. "This tiny little school and you've never seen her even once?"

"I am very self-centered."

"Now, now," Sapphire interjected diplomatically. "The more pressing issue is how she invited you to dance."

"Yeah. That's right." Tabby added herself into the conversation. "Chérie Poupée should be your partner, shouldn't she? Did she give Amy her paper?"

"No," I tell her. "She said it got stolen by a crow."

"What a blatant lie," Tabby commented. I nod in agreement. "So why didn't you turn her down?"

"Well, d-um..." I embarrassingly stumble over my words for a few seconds before I manage to form a coherent sentence. "I-It's just hard to refuse when a pretty girl drags you out onto the dance floor, okay?" I was met with silent gazes from all three of them. What does that mean?

"...Whatever, I guess." Chloe disregarded my excuse with a shrug of her shoulders. "What did Amy say?"

"Um... She said she'd been watching me."

"Oh?" Tabby raised an interest in my words and placed her chin between her thumb and forefinger. "But you've been here a whole month now... I never knew Amy was so cautious."

Oh, God, what is she usually like?

Before I can ponder that question any further, Sol's voice reverberated through the mic and filled the gymnasium. "We will now proceed to the Intermediary students. Will Intermediary Course third years please take out their papers?"

Oh fuck, that's Matilda's turn, isn't it? I still haven't mentally recovered from the dance just now! I'm not ready! FUCK! FUCK! FUUUUUUUUCK!