It's a well-known fact that evil people don’t like cheese. You are on trial for a murder you didn’t commit. Bad news: You’re lactose intolerant

The defence lawyer walked in front of the accused: “Mr Osborn, tell us where you were on October 30th ?”

“I was at the botanical garden, at the mayor’s fundraising gala.”

“Do you remember talking with Miss Bannon there?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Please tell us what happened.”

“We talk about her article in the paper and the threats she has been receiving these past days,” answered Osborn in a monotone voice.

“Her article was about chemicals in food. Please remind to the court what is your occupation.”

“Objection, your Honor” suddenly yelled the court-appointed lawyer.

“Alright. Do you remember any incident that night?”

“No, I do not.”

“We have a witness that testified seeing you refusing cheese offered by Ms Bannon.”

Osborn looked at the lawyer with dull eyes, “I was full so I politely refused.”

“Another witness testified that they saw you trying to throw away another piece of cheese given to you by the mayor.”

The jury gasped in horror.

“It is common knowledge that just evil people, no, evil being cannot eat cheese.”

Osborne rolled his eyes and countered, “I like cheese, I just can’t stomach it.”

“Your Honor, when the police searched Mr Osborne apartment, they found several illegal dairy products. They look, smell and almost taste the same, however, they contain a certain modified substance.”

The court broke in whispers.

“Silence!” ordered the Judge.

“It’s just lactose-free milk. For goodness’s sake, it’s not like I had a bomb or something” argued Osborne with impatience.

“Do you?” added the lawyer.

“Of course not! This is ridiculous! I didn’t kill anybody!”

“Your Honor, there is a quick way to determine if the accused is evil or not. I send detective Barret to buy some full-fat milk and triple cream cheese.”

“Objection, your Honor!”

The judge examined the accused, before finally accepting. “We will do as such.”

“This is insane. How can someone be judged for murder just because they cannot digest dairy!”

----

The detective placed a plate garnished with a whole camembert cut in half, and a pint full of milk in front of the accused. Osborn couldn’t help but swallow nervously.

“Please eat. If you don’t, we can always have the bailiff help you.”

Osborne sighed in resignation, “Seriously, me eating it should be considered evil.”

It took him 20 minutes to polish his plate, and the more he ate, the paler his complexion grew. Everyone frowned. Osborne began to sweat, and his knees weakened. The lawyer came in from of him, his chin up and triumph shining in his eyes.

“Your Honor, we can all see that…”

A long and high pitch noise interrupted him, followed by a loud and deep rumble.

“Is that thunder?” asked a member of the Jury.

“No, that’s my stomach”, replied Osborn. He shook his head in defeat, “I warned you.”

A strong and pungent smell rose in the air. The Judge was the first to fall, followed by the defence lawyer. One after the other, each member of the Jury collapsed. The count was thrown in disarray, the public tried to escape as more people were falling and convulsing on the floor. Osborne watched as the scene unfold, cold and unfeeling. He told them, but they would not listen. The sound of hurried pounding footsteps rose, mask men with heavy equipment entered the court. The SWAT had arrived. Calm and indifferent, Osborn stood up, a sly smile on his face.

“Maybe, I should become evil after all.”