Possession. The process in which a soul is supplanted from its original body and the invading soul seizes control of the body. It’s something I’ve read about, but I never expected to go through it. 

And even though there are cases where the person the defending soul is able to repel the invader, there are also plenty of other cases in which the original soul is expelled or the body dies from the turbulence caused by the two souls fighting. While the invading souls’ reward was always a physical vessel, some survivors have even been documented to develop magic. And although this is a theoretical way to obtain magic, it just doesn’t work out. There’s just the small problem of having to resist a being that has existed since the dawn of time, finding a way to set up enough energy for a gateway, and actually knowing the correct ritual method for the correct deity. So not that big of a deal. 

What’s more interesting is how the souls fight for control. Based on the few records I managed to acquire during the war, I learned that the conflict is a contest of will in a sense. Although it was possible to voluntarily surrender to the invading soul, resisting was the norm. And from those that have successfully fought off possession, they described it as a sort of tugging battle between two consciousnesses. 

But reviewing the fundamentals of possession was not just so I could prepare myself for my upcoming battle. It was so I could distract myself. 

What surrounded me was an eerie feeling of emptiness. As though I both existed and didn’t exist at the same time. I’ve heard about those with missing limbs recalling how they would feel as though the separated part still lingered on physically. 

Yet right now, I felt as though my body had completely disappeared. All the while, I couldn’t shake off the ghostly feeling that I was still physically whole. Could it be that a consciousness cannot perceive its own continued existence without a body so it manufactures a feeling of a body to keep it sane? 

With nothing better to do, I sunk into thought, all the while existing solely as my consciousness. Ironic, isn’t it?

Another interesting thing to note is how difficult it is to tell time while stuck in a void. Without the sun and even environmental factors, predicting the amount of time that had elapsed was incredibly difficult. While I could use the average rate at which I think to approximate time, which amounted to around 2 hours, this was an unreliable method at best. 

Bored, I tried to sit down in the colorless void. And surprisingly, it was possible. It was as though I was locked in a room that went on forever. More importantly, I wonder if the stark white color of this world was real, or if it was just my mind trying to present reality in a way that I could understand. 

Sadly, my peace came to an end.

“Hello there hero! It’s a pleasure to meet my future vessel.”

While I was sitting down, a jovial, almost whimsical voice rang across the desolate room. 

When I looked in the direction it seemingly came from, I was greeted by the sight of a beautiful androgenous figure dressed in a blue kaftan that contrasted its red hair and yellow eyes. 

“Fashionably late?” I asked in a jesting manner, hoping to provoke the godly being to make it behave irrationally. 

Looking down at its outfit, the being began to tug at the fabric that it had conjured. 

“Oh right, you can see me,” the being remarked. “Just curious, but can you see yourself?”

“No…” I answered suspiciously. 

“Good, that means we’re in your consciousness,” the being said cheerily. “All that’s left is for you to hand over your body.”

“I decline. And who are you anyways?”

“Aentaerope,” the being replied proudly, putting its hands in the air for added effect. “Now I know my name is particularly popular on your plane down there, so I’ll just let you know that I’m a god of chaos. And my plan is to use your body to create the perfect”

Frowning, or at least perceiving that I did, at the  being, I sighed. 

“Yeah, you’re definitely not getting my body. In fact, I’d like for you to leave.”

To my shock, Aentaerope began to cackle uncontrollably. 

“Perfect, absolutely perfect. The perfect appetizer before the mortal plane. Now hero, time for the show to begin.”

In an instant, the white room around me morphed back to the real world. Now, I was standing atop high red stone walls. Above me, the sun had already begun its descent, signaling that the time was evening while painting the sky a vibrant orange. 

But what was more shocking was that I could see my own body. It was the exact same armor that I wore during the war. A purple cloak, bright silver mithril greaves and a hauberk of mithril were among the items that I was wearing. Yet the true crown jewel of my panoply was the brilliant golden cuirass hugging my chest. 

Combined with the sound of ringing steel and the sight of men fighting in the distance, I knew I was back at the day of the incident in Beroea. 

Suddenly a voice called out from beside me. Its source was a tall handsome blonde youth who was putting his hand on my shoulder. 

“Az, you alright? You seem really distracted today.”

Before I could respond, I heard a vigorous and proud voice ring out from my own body. 

“Worry about yourself before you worry about me.”

“Wait, I can’t control my own body,” I muttered mentally. 

As if to mock me, Aentaerope immediately answered in a teasing tone. 

“Correct! My gift to you is the chance to relive your best day. Oh, I just remembered that you have no recollection of this memory. Well that only makes it more amusing. So just let me know when you’re bored so I can have your body.”

“So his plan is to wear down my resistance by making me relive this hell,” I snarled in my head. “I definitely can’t surrender at this rate.”

Helplessly, I watched as my body moved on its own accord. Mikhail and I raced along the battlement with one another.

Although I didn’t remember this particular day, I did go around the city of Beroea after the incident so that was how I recognized the surroundings. Additionally, I also heard the story from the other people who had been there, so I had a rough understanding of the events that I was about to see. 

As Mikhail and I swiftly dispatched the enemy soldiers guarding the outer walls, I couldn’t help but feel jealous of the power that I once had. The two of us trounced dozens of soldiers as though they were nothing more than children. Worse, the troops on our side were cheering wildly as we helped them, blissfully unaware of the horror that would ensue at Beroea’s inner wall. 

After watching Mikhail and my past self for what seemed to be an hour, I saw three other familiar faces from the past.

The first was a pale skinned elf with warm emerald eyes and flaxen hair who rushed over to Mikhail and I. 

“Are either of you hurt at all? I’ve already helped the soldiers in this area so there’s no need to feel reserved.”

“Thanks, but we’re fine Florence,” Mikhail said gently before patting her on the head. 

While Florence blushed nervously, a lean and sturdy orc woman with black hair came over to me and slapped me on the back. 

“Az, you think we should start taking shots at the enemy guarding the inner castle?”

“You want to make a bet? Whoever hits less shots has to buy the other drinks.”

“Sure, sure,” she replied heartily. 

Before the two of us could start walking, the last person in our party spoke. 

“Aethel, I don’t think you should follow that barbarian’s example. Those are people on the walls, not targets for practice.”

“Those are people who have resolved to fight for an evil god,” my past self pointed out. “If they surrender then it would be great. But letting them fight would just lead to the death of the people on our side, Shirin.”

Crossing her tanned and muscular arms, Shirin huffed before looking away from me. 

“I hate to break it to you, but he has a really good point, Shirin,” Aethel said with a shrug before moving in the direction of the inner castle. 

Despite looking the most similar to me, with curly black hair and golden eyes, Shirin was the person I clashed with the most. Although I regularly contested Mikhail, it was more of a one sided affair. On the other hand, Shirin and I mutually disliked one another. 

At the very least, my relationship with the other two was more bearable. While I had a one sided crush on Florence, she didn’t reciprocate my feelings at all. But she would always try to be kind and understanding so I appreciate that. As for Aethel, we were and still are best friends, though neither of us could muster any romantic attraction towards the other. 

But in regards to why I was upset that Mikhail got with all the other heroes, it wasn’t because I wanted to take his place, I was upset that they all went for someone that I felt was inferior to me. 

A while after, Aehtel and I accompanied the advanced force as they began the assault on the last bastion of enemy resistance.

“Looks like drinks are on you,” Aethel chuckled while we were trading shots with the enemy defenders. 

“Don’t get too confident, I might just catch up,” I said with a wry grin. 

Yet as we continued to rain arrows on the enemy, violent streaks of blue lightning came flying from behind us. The source, none other the hero of the sword. 

“Arrive earlier next time,” I complained to Mikhail when he got to my side.

“Az, he was probably helping clear out the streets,” Aethel pointed out with a gentle punch to my shoulder. 

“Fair enough,” I said with a shrug.

During that whole exchange, Mikhail just stood there with an apologetic smile. And despite being almost two years since this day, I still dislike that smile. 

What was more infuriating was how the soldiers cheered for Mikhail, praising him for his assistance while forgetting that Aethel and I existed. 

“Well that’s magic for you,” Aethel sighed. “But don’t take it personally Az, we still did plenty of good in the end. Even if we’re the only ones who know how much we did.”

That’s right, I wasn’t the only one getting pushed out of the spotlight by Mikhail. But Aethel always took it in stride. Even if she complained and ranted about it, she still remained patient and did her best. To her, the true satisfaction was being able to fight for a better world. At least that’s what she told me after a few too many bottles. 

But as we continued to clear the walls, I felt a foreboding atmosphere. And based on what others told me, I would soon experience “it.”

Worse, I could feel smidgens of the emotions that my past self experienced. And that was truly terrifying. It was an insidious rage that threatened to spurt out at any point. All the pent up anger and frustration that had accumulated for more than a year. I say pent up, but I had been unleashing it fairly frequently. It was just that I couldn’t let go of my anger faster than I accumulated it. 

In the fringes of my vision, I could even see my golden cuirass slowly distorting in color. A faint wispy black rose from my chest, almost mimicking the anger of my old self as it gradually grew more noticeable. 

Then I snapped.

There was no trigger, or at least noticeable one. My past self just snapped. 

While I was engaged in combat with the remnant of the enemy forces, I felt all semblances of reason leave my past self. All that was left was an unbridled rage. 

And there was nothing that the current me could do. The extent of my power was to watch and experience the whole incident from start to finish. 

“How are you liking it so far?”Aentaerope suddenly interrupted, its voice ringing in my head. “You’re going to love what happens next. And just to remind you, you’ll get to see every single detail.”

“Oh you’re still here?” I asked dismissively. 

“Sorry, I don’t like distracting you,” the being said in a fake apologetic tone. “I’ll be quiet now.”

Without being able to do anything, I watched as my past self smashed through the enemy line. It wasn’t heroic in the slightest. It was just a massacre. My spear darted about like a snake, piercing soldier after soldier. Each strike launched at me missed and even shields were unable to deter my assault. 

Seeing the hopelessness of the situation, the enemy dropped their weapons and pleaded for mercy. Yet all they received was the sharp end of my spear.

Without any option, they began to cry out for help. Hoping that someone would save them. 

Their comrades tried to save them, as did soldiers on our side. But my spear only found more targets when they came. And there was nothing I could do to stop my past self. I tried to seize control of my body, even if it was just a muscle. But it was hopeless, I was just reliving a memory. And yet I hoped that what I was experiencing was  a fabricated reality made by  Aentaerope, something that I just might be able to wrest control from. 

But as I was slaughtering both enemy and ally, the other four heroes came to the scene. 

“What’s happening?” Mikhail almost screamed as he saw the carnage unfold. “Why is he doing this?”

“It must be the armor,” Aethel deduced. “Look, it’s a completely different color. And there’s even smoke coming from it.”

“If it’s too hard, we might have to kill him,” Shirin said, sounding not at all remorseful. 

Suddenly, she was blocked by Florence who had sprinted in front of her. 

“I promise we can save him. Even if we have to injure him, I can heal Az back. Just don’t kill him. Please.”

Faced with the pleading look from the cute elf, Shirin could do little more than shrug. 

“Fine. I’ll make sure to protect you guys with my shield, so just do your best.”

With Shirin and Mikhail leading while Florence and Aethel stood at the rear, the four other heroes began to approach me. 

At that point, both the enemy and allied troops had backed away from me, with a pile of bodies between them and me. 

Charging at me, Mikhail unleashed multiple bolts of lightning. But I could actually feel their impact on my body. And although I was wearing mythril armor to dampen magic, I knew that Mikhail was holding back. 

In addition, Aethel’s arrows also soared in my direction. But none of them hit. And when I observed the situation, I realized that she had purposely missed. Her sole goal was to distract me. To prevent me from hurting anyone. 

Meanwhile Shirin had already closed in on me and began to engage in combat. With her shield covering herself, Shirin stabbed at me with her spear. And like the others, Shirin restrained herself from trying to kill me, albeit grudgingly. 

Soon, I found myself clashing with both Mikhail and Shirin, desperately trying to find an opening in their defense while avoiding attacks from both of them.

As this was happening, Florence came from behind them, a brilliant golden glow emanating from her hand. She was trying to heal me. 

And although I later found out she was unsuccessful, it clearly made sense in the heat of the moment. With the ability to heal both injuries and illnesses, clearly Florence’s powers could apply to whatever I was experiencing. 

But my past self didn’t take this into consideration. I think I felt the anger of being spurned as I was forced to experience my body thrust my spear right towards Florence’s heart. 

If I could puke I would. Even if I wasn’t in control and under the influence of a curse, I felt nothing but disgust at myself. 

Yet even if I couldn’t force myself to stop, Mikhail quickly deflected the blow with his sword. Seizing this advantage, he blasted me in the chest with lighting, hoping to knock me back. 

Or so he thought it would work. Instead of falling back, I barely staggered. And in the brief moment of his shock, my spear hurtled towards his neck.

“Move Mikhail, please!” I screamed mentally, unable to make a single muscle budge.

Luckily, I felt the force of Shirin slamming me from the side. So instead of impaling itself in Mikhail’s neck, my spear simply grazed it. 

Or so I thought.

With impressively quick movement, my body jerked the spear upwards and slammed the butt right into Mikhail’s helmet. 

An ugly crack could be heard, something having been broken. And with that, Mikhail fell down unconscious, his nose bleeding profusely under its mithril guard. 

As Florence screamed in horror, Shirin pressed her attack, this time with the intention to kill. But she wasn’t a match for me, and was soon forced onto the defensive. 

Fortunately, Aethel came to our rescue. Using the hook of her axe, she grabbed my spear and yanked. The force was enough to send me staggering, something Aethel took full advantage of. Grabbing onto me, Aethel began to grapple with me with Shirin joining in. 

Unable to resist, I was pinned to the ground as the two attempted to pry the now black armor off of me. As this was happening, I could make out Florence sobbing in the distance as she used her magic to mend Mikhail’s face. 

Because of how much I was resisting, Aethel had no choice but to break both my arms, a small price for what I had done. Soon, she finally managed to pry the armor off me. And when she did, everything faded to black. My past self must have passed out. 

Yet that wasn’t the end of my troubles because a shrill voice suddenly returned. 

“How was it? Did you like it? Any improvements you would like?”

Since I remained silent, Aentaerope continued to pester me, slinging word after word into my consciousness. 

“Well, since you didn’t say anything, how about we do it again?”

“Motherfu-”

And I was pulled right back to the walls of Beroea, the orange sky glowing ominously. 

Like a twisted game, I was forced to repeat this experience. Over and over and over again. 

“It’s been twenty times already. Are you not tired yet, you masochist?”

“Thanks for your concern. But how about you shut up and suck my cock instead?”

“Looks like someone is getting agitated. You know, you can end all this with just a word.”

“And bring about something even worse than what I’m reliving,” I snorted mentally.

The two of us continued to trade verbal attacks as Aentaerope forcibly pulled this memory back over and over. 

I was getting tired. Although I don’t need sleep in this state, I could feel the strain on my mind slowly growing. Worse, I even felt desensitized to the massacre at Beroea, if for no other reason than reliving it so much. 

Another twenty loops and there was no sign of stopping.

Now I wasn’t giving up hope, but I could feel regret welling up in me. 

I want to see Sekh and Minerva again. I want to rub Sekh on the head and give her kisses. I want to give Minerva that gift I ordered for her. I want to keep my promise and come home safely. 

If I could, I want to tell Florence and Mikhail that I was sorry. I want to have another drink with Aethel. And maybe even thank Shirin for not killing me. 

I want to practice with Zeph too and help her become a knight. I want to see Nico and teach him how to shoot a bow. I want to go out for an all guys dinner with Gaius and Justin. 

Right, I want all this to end. 

“Still there?” Aentaerope asked me as I was tiredly watching myself take shots at the enemy in the inner castle with Aethel. 

Not hearing a response, Aentaerope still continued to speak. 

“You know, I could let you see them again. Those two cute girls that love you so much that is. I’ll even let you have control when you interact with them.”

“I trust you about as much as I can move my body right now.”

I could almost imagine Aentaerope smiling wickedly as its cackles rung out in my head.

“Your loss.”

And just like that, we continued. At that point, Aentaerope and I had lost count of how many times I relieved the massacre at Beroea.

If nothing else, I wanted to die. I want to get out. But I can’t let this piece of shit win. 

“Hey Aentaerope, don’t you have anything better to do than bother me?” I suddenly asked. 

This must have surprised Aentaerope because there was a brief silence before it replied. 

“Well I spend nearly all my time just waiting to be summoned by mortals. And I’ve been doing so for a few thousand years. So yeah, this is a good use of my time.”

Something snapped inside of me then. Even if I was busy reliving my mass slaughter, I could feel a violent jolt of emotions. 

Out of nowhere, I began to laugh, breaking out into a cackle shortly after. 

“It’s poetic isn’t it? To be stuck with an annoying god for eternity as punishment. You know what, I’ll take it. If this is what it takes to redeem myself for what I’ve done, then I’ll do it. Even if it takes a hundred thousand years. Even if it takes forever.”

“Have you lost it?” Aentaerope asked in an incredibly amused tone. “Did I accidentally jostle your mind?”

“This is the best I’ve felt in a while!” I laughed almost madly. “I’ve realized it, this is my chance to right my wrongs. I lost control once, but not again. And you can watch my memories with me. Watch something that I’ll never give you.”

“Yeah, you’ve lost it,” the entity guffawed. “But don’t worry, I’ll keep you company. My perfect world can wait.”

“Sorry Sekh, sorry Minerva, sorry everyone,” I thought. “I want to keep my promise that I'll come back. But if I can’t win, I promise I’ll hold this thing here forever.”

I want to make sure that I don’t cause something like the massacre in Beroea again. I want to protect the people I love. And most of all, I want to spite this entity. 

If I could win and regain control, that would be perfect. But I could at least trap him here with me.