Chapter 4: A new song. (POV Dorian/Lyra.)
“Make your own future, shape your own destiny. We are what we choose to be.”-The human soul, chapter 1, volume 1.
"Wake up sleepyhead! Or do I have to tickle you awake? Miri giggled.
Dorian stirred in Miri’s bed, his eyes fluttering open.
Her laugh was like a burst of fresh air on a summer’s day, light and refreshing. He’d always recognize that laugh, no matter where he’d go, or who he’d be.
“Where, where am I?” He groaned, rubbing his head. “Am I dead?”
“My room, and no. You’re as fresh as a daisy! Or a newly hatched egg.“ Miri replied, staring down at him with a mischievous smirk.
“Your room? In your bed?” His eyes shifted across the room, before settling on Miri’s grinning face.
“Yup.” She winked. “Sorry that the sheets aren’t prissy-clean.”
“What?” He blurted, then sniffed the sheets and nearly gagged. “Do you always sleep in these?”
”Aye. I can only change them a few times a month, you can thank madam Morgause for that by the way.”
She sat down next to him, eying his face while biting her lip.
“So...anything you want to tell me? Any Earth-shattering secrets you want to reveal? Because your Shape-changing...well..what can I say? I like you much better now!” She giggled, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.
Dorian furrowed his brows. “Just because we’ve been invaded doesn’t mean…” He blinked, something was off. He’d heard a voice, soft and lilting, like down feathers.
“Miri,” he began, “Do you have another girl in here? Again?” Dorian’s eyes darted frantically across her room. “Where is she?”
She blinked, tilting her head. “Um…..you don’t know do you?” He quirked an eyebrow at that.
“Don’t know what? What don’t I know?” She looked at him with a now cheeky grin and likewise started giggling in her hands.
"What's so funny?" Dorian glowered. “Are you tricking me? Are you BOTH tricking me?” He jumped up from the bed, shouting at no one in particular.
Miri wheezed from laughter, "You're as oblivious as a newborn chicken!"
“I am NOT!” He stomped his foot and briefly wondered why it hardly made a sound. “Don't play games with me! I heard a girl’s voice! Where is she?” Dorian growled.
Miri snorted, inching closer to him. “Here, I’ll give you a hint.” She grinned devilishly and tapped his small nose with her finger. “Boop!”
Dorian wrinkled his nose and awkwardly scratched it. “That wasn’t a hint in the…” his voice trailed as realization dawned on his face. “Ashes...” After shaking his head he found himself gawking at a tangled bundle of wavy, fire-red hair obstructing his vision, which he instinctively brushed behind his ear.
The prince gasped and pulled a lock of red hair back into his vision, wavy red hair fell to his waist.
“I…” He furled his brows in confusion, subconsciously fidgeting with his hair.
“But...I don’t understand, I don’t feel as if my well of power is being drained by my shape-changing spell, and I’d know if another sirenborn had cast one on me. Only a Duskborn can sustain an altered appearance indefinitely or make it permanent, by stealing someone’s shadow. Even if I was a twice-born, suddenly in possession of Duskborn powers..” Dorian glanced at his shadow. “No, my shadow’s still there.”
He sighed and planted his elbows on Miri’s simple dressing table, burying his face in his hands.
“At least I didn’t somehow steal some poor girl’s shadow..” he sighed, clenching his jaw.
”Of course not. Gods I’m really reaching here aren’t I...” he scoffed to himself. “I don’t know what happened to me, not in the least.”
Miri softly continued running her fingers through his hair. “What about also being a Faeborn? Maybe that’s the answer, I still uh…remember…the Faeborn jester that was here last summer.” She looked away, her face turning beet red.
“Yes, Faeborn could technically change genders, but that’s just an illusion. It doesn’t live up to physical inspection, to touch specifically.”
Miri’s lips parted. “Oh.” She squeaked, nodding sheepishly. “Right…how could I forget? Figured that out the hard way.”
Dorian blinked, his lips curling into a mischievous smirk. “Wait…he had a beard.”
She bit her lip, eying the floor. “It was very..bushy...”
He broke into giggles, feeling a small burst of happiness. “Must’ve been a pretty disguise.” He replied jestfully.
Miri gave him a mock-frown and folded her arms. “In my defense, it was very pretty.”
She struggled to keep the poutines from her voice. “A shame he just likes men. And that it really was just a prank..”
Dorian tilted his head. “You didn’t mind the beard?”
She lightly shook her head. “No, a girl’s a girl. It was just…surprising..”
The prince nodded in agreement and though he didn’t know why, closed his eyes, then rose from the dressing table in silence.
“Are you okay?” Miri asked, tilting her head. She looked genuinely concerned.
“I don’t know yet, I don’t even know what happened, I just don’t know.” He rubbed his forehead. “My memory’s..hazy. I only know that this is very strange.”
The book Children of water came to the front of Dorian’s mind, a guide on the magic of sirenborn. It clearly states that a sirenborn’s shape-changing can’t be permanently sustained, as it is always rather taxing on one’s well of power. And yet..he didn’t feel as if he was using any spell at the moment, he couldn’t wrap his head around it.
“Hmm..is my blood unchanged?” He muttered to himself, grabbing a small rusty pin.
“Uh..” Miri scratched her hair.
Dorian held the pin tightly and pricked himself with it. “It’s just a test, I have to see if I still bleed like a Cirrian royal.”
A few drops of crimson red blood fell on the floor, and immediately light themselves aflame, creating tiny violet flames on the droplets. “Well, that’s good to know I suppose.”
“Wait…” he strode over to a bowl of water, and made a pulling motion in the air to move the water, but it didn’t budge in the least. “I’ve lost my magic…Whatever happened during the shape-changing..it did something to my magic...” He pinched the bridge of his nose.
“I’m going to have to consult every volume of Children of water now...all four of them, if I have to.”
Dorian exhaled a sigh that was almost a high whimper. “So what happened while I was..napping?”
Miri peered into his eyes, her voice edged with anxiety. “Um, why don’t you sit down?”
He fixed her with a defiant glare. “I think I’ll stand, I’m not a child. Just tell me.”
She raised her eyebrows at his words, then shook her head. “Okay so, by the time the Lyrian army reached the main hall the royal family was long gone including about half the army if I had to guess, the rest just...surrendered, it was quite strange. One moment they were ready to fight then their commanders just told them to lay down their arms.”
The prince knitted his brows. “That…doesn’t seem very...Cirrian, no.” A pang of guilt stabbed at his heart. “Oh, gods…I ran away...I ran away! I…just ran…I must’ve shattered their morale even further...The ashen kingdom fell because of me.”
Miri reached for him, but Dorian took a large step back, his head low and his eyes shut.
“This was likely a test, from my father...Even if he didn’t know of the Lyrian ambush and he likely still did, he’d love a chance to try my mettle...Every now and then he just goes on and on about testing my worth. Gods he really would go that far just to test me wouldn’t he…” a rogue tear traveled down his cheek.
“And I failed.”
He dropped down on Miri’s bed, hanging his head so his hair would hide his face. “Please, go on, Miri.”
Miri clenched her hands into fists. She wanted to scold him, to slap his face and tell him it wasn’t his fault, that he shouldn’t give a damn what his father cares. What his family thinks of him, that he shouldn’t take all this guilt and responsibility on his shoulders. And especially, that he’s far better than any of his family will ever be.
Her expression dulled as she relaxed her fists. It would just tear him down further, she knew he wasn’t in a place where he’d believe any of it.
“The Lyrians spared every man they could, for whatever reason. I suppose Pyria fell peacefully, I haven’t heard if the rest of the Ashen kingdom surrendered but they likely will, with the capital under Lyrian rule and all..when the soldiers came I’d already changed your clothes so I just told them you were a new maid, Lyra. That’s all they know.”
Dorian’s lips parted. “You…named me..Lyra? After the...Lyrians, who invaded us?”
Miri nodded cheerfully, plastering a smile on her face.
"Lyra the maid! Lyra the breathing maid, that part's important." She winked at the prince but he merely rubbed his forehead once again, massaging it thoroughly.
“You realize I'm going to get teased mercilessly.” Miri grimaced and scratched her hair. "Sorry? They demanded a name and well…it's the first thing that popped up, honest!
She awkwardly shuffled her feet, eyeing the ground in shame. "Sorry. Again…”
Dorian exhaled a deep breath, but then, suddenly burst into a fit of giggles.
“Eh?” Miri tilted her head, a look of bewilderment crossing her face. “Are you..giggling?”
“Lyra! After the Lyrians that invaded us! Oh, ashes that’s hilarious!” He squealed and fell on the bed from laughter. “I’m not mad anymore, honest! I…kinda like it.”
Miri’s eyes slowly widened. “Never seen him laugh like this before, what’s gotten into him?” She whispered under her breath, praying the prince wouldn’t hear.
“DON’T CALL ME A HE!” Dorian growled. And with that, it was the prince’s turn to widen their eyes.
“Oh…oh!” Miri coughed awkwardly, a blush on her cheeks. “Sorry, milady. I just assumed..I shouldn’t have assumed.”
Their breathing grew shallow and rapid. “Show me, please show me what I look like!”
She nodded, hastily fetching a medium-sized hand mirror and without delay, raised it in front of them. “Don’t worry, you’re a pretty one now.”
“Oh, ashes!!!” They shouted, gawking at the shocked girl in the mirror.
Miri hadn't lied in the slightest, the wide-eyed redhead staring back was pretty, but a little detail Miri left out, consciously or not, was that she looked innocent, so much so that it wasn’t hard to believe she couldn’t hurt a fly, or wouldn’t even want to.
The redhead had a small button nose, a delicate heart-shaped jaw, and a pair of large crystal blue eyes. "You've got freckles too." The girl’s lips parted when her eyes fell on the small river of freckles flowing over her nose and cheekbones. "…Me?" The girl in the mirror numbly pointed a finger at her chest.
“You!" Miri laughed cheerfully, ruffling the girl’s hair.
“Me…I’m..Lyra.” They turned to Miri. “A girl?”
She nodded a little too excitedly, “If you want to be.”
Lyra closed her eyes, and for the first time in her life, she could feel her heart singing with joy. “Yes! I think I do!” Tears glimmered in her eyes before they streamed freely down her cheeks.
Miri only blinked, unsure of what to say.
But Lyra beamed at her, giggling between her happy sobbing. “No silly I’m not crying because I’m sad! I’m crying because I’m happy! Gods, I don’t think I’ve been so happy in my life!”
Miri’s mouth curved into a soft smile. “It’s good to see you smile.”
Lyra jumped on Miri’s bed, joy bubbled up inside of her. “Smile? Miri I’m so happy I could sing!” She threw her arms wide and broke into a joyful dance.
“Tonight I’ll be dancing around, but I’m off to Northway now!
Look how she’s off to Northway now, to find a fine love!
And here i am on my way to Northway but here’s a fine gal/o’ mother mine, and she’s telling me, before I go on my way,
Home you’ll go and there you’ll stay, you’ve work to do in the morning!
Give up your dream of going away to find fine love in Northway!
But I said nay, not today! for I had more to run and more to see! off I go to Northway to play in the morning! And maybe meet a love or two, woo!
Here today, and off I go in the morrow, I’m going away to meet fine love and song in Northway! To-“
Miri gently took her hands, interrupting her song and dance. “Not to be a party breaker, believe me...but we’ll be summoned tonight to take new oaths. I’ve also heard there is actually a celebration in a few days, and you’ve got a few things to learn about being a maid.”
She chewed on her lip. “Actually more than a few things..”
Lyra furrowed her brows, pouting fiercely. “But…”
Miri shook her head, and likewise folded her arms. “No buts, you can sing and dance at the taverns or in the dine hall later if you want.”
Lyra nibbled on her lip, then grinned, a mischievous twinkle in her crystal blue eyes. “Okay! Catch me Miri!”
“WAIT WHAT?-“ before she could even finish Lyra already sprung from the bed and pulled Miri into a tight hug, tackling her to the ground.
“You know hugging’s really nice! Why didn’t we do it before?” She peered at Miri’s face and tilted her head. “Why do you look so red?”
Miri gawked at her, her face turned bright scarlet. “No reason! I’m just hot-I mean you’re hot-I mean ummmm…”
“Do you mean my body temperature’s hot? But I was actually feeling kinda chilly.”
Miri chuckled and gave her a lopsided grin. “Sure that works, you’ve spent way too much with your nose in the books haven’t you? I mean, you’re even a bard!” She giggled jovially.
Lyra blinked, then looked at her friend with a thoughtful frown. “What do you mean?”
Miri rose to her feet and patted the redhead’s head. “Oh, nothing.” Her lopsided grin bloomed into a smile.
She looked up at her willowy friend and helped herself up. “Nothing? Hmm,” she strode over to Miri’s dressing table and grabbed a hairbrush. “Alright then, keep your secrets.”
She held out the brush with a bubbly smile. “Want to brush my hair?”
Her friend took the brush and gestured to the bed. “Aye, wanna sit down?”
Lyra happily skipped over to Miri’s bed with a sprightly gleam in her eyes.
Miri ran a hand through her bright red locks. “Hmm, it’s surprisingly...not that tangled. Could you flick it back?”
With a nod, she threw back her hair, right in Miri’s face. “Thanks…”
The willowy girl shrugged then brought the brush to her friend’s hair before a firm knock interrupted their bonding session.
“Ugh. This better be a pretty girl.” Miri grumbled, unlocking and throwing open her door.
“What?”
A young man dressed in fine, cobalt steel plate armor greeted her with a warm smile.
“Oh, sh-I mean..” She curtsies deeply. “Highness, what brings you to my door, if I may ask?”
His voice was low, calm, and smooth, like a flowing river.
“Worry not, I am not here for any malicious intent. Pyria’s fall was rather calm, all things considered. But I’ve heard that many of the servants were shaken, or frightened, I’m merely here to see if I can help. And to ask for a small favor, if you don’t mind.”
Miri glanced up, and instantly dropped her courteous demeanor. “Oh, well why didn’t ya say so? My friend and I are..” A merry smile graced her lips. “Doing just fine.”
She firmly patted the prince’s back. “What can I do for ya prince..?”
He gave her a warm laugh. “I am Prince Cullen of Seafair, and well, the prince’s former quarters-“
A small, high whimper interrupted him.
Cullen’s expression hardened, “Is your friend alright? If any of our men or our assault have troubled her in any way I will see to it that she’s compensated and that justice is done if need be.”
Miri looked behind her, drinking in the sight of Lyra nibbling on her hair, a pained look in her eyes as she stared at the floor.
“No, please there’s no need she’s just…shaken still, I suppose. Give us, give her some time and we’ll be alright.”
Cullen walked past her and gazed at her, his sapphire eyes meeting hers, worry crossing his face. “What’s wrong? Has someone hurt you?” He asked, his voice low and quiet.
Lyra blinked, then squeaked and took a tiny step back. “I’m…five-i mean I’m fine!”
Her cheeks turned pink, and in a blink, she’d drawn her hair over her face like a curtain.
Miri cleared her throat. “Uh....she’s just…really shy your highness.”
Cullen scrutinized her face, then nodded. “Very well. You were the prince’s personal maid before weren’t you?”
“Aye.”
“Well then, you should know how to best handle cleaning it. if you could both please tidy his old room, my sister is arriving shortly and would like to live there for as long as we’re staying in the ashen kingdom.”
The prince strode out of the room and gave the girls a quick bow. “A pleasant day, ladies. Calm tides be with you.”
“Thanks, Cullen! You too.” Miri said, then shut the door. “Lyra?”
“I’m not a he!! Ashes, it took me 19 years of my life and some strange accident to know but I’m not!” She wailed, embracing Miri.
“Hey I…I know, it’s alright now.” She soothed, delicately rubbing her back.
“Tell ya what, why don’t we tidy your old room, and after we’re done I’ll brush your hair and clean you up, I’ll teach you everything I know. Would you like that?”
Lyra nodded, blinking away fresh tears. “I’d love that..” she said, softly.
Miri winked at her. “Good! Why don’t you go on ahead and look for those books you wanted. I’ll be there soon.” Lyra walked away from her, then glanced over her shoulder.
“Miri?”
“Yes, Lyra?”
She fidgeted with her hair. “Can I teach you how to read?”
The corners of Miri’s lips quirked up in a happy smile.
“I…” Happiness danced through her thoughts, she struggled to find the words to say.
“I…don’t know what to say…”
Lyra pursed her lips. “Say yes?”
“Yes! A hundred times yes!” Lyra’s eyes lit up like a star. “I know lots of books that are perfect for learning how to read! I’ll go look for those first! Don’t be late!” She ran to her old room, her heart soaring.
“Well...this has been a…morning.” Miri chuckled to herself after Lyra vanished behind her door.
She exhaled a long, sonorous breath. “She’s like a whole new person now isn’t she...”
Her brows snapped together. “Or maybe I was just blind to who she really was..”
Miri walked to her window and looked heavenwards. “It all sounds so familiar..too familiar. If you’re real, are you giving me a second chance? If you are your…godliness...” she wiped a lone tear from her cheek and clenched her hands into fists.
“I will not waste it.”
grabbing a small rusty pin
Hopefully tetanus isn't a thing in this universal. Or if it is, having magical blood that catches on fire prevents it from happening.
Also, more details about the magical system here. Very intriguing it is, however what is even more interesting is Lyra seems to have lost her fancy waterbending powers.
Though perhaps most interesting of all is that Miri seems to have an inkling of an idea what happened.
Speculation aside, the new prince guy seems to understand the premise of "not being a d*ck to your subjects and things usually work out better." Which is more then the cirrian royal family (excluding Lyra) understands, thats for sure.
Actually, now that i think about it, with the comment about the jester, and our other mc (whose name i am sadly currently forgetting) is getting magical powers just a random thing based on your birth? Though i assume there is a predisposition based on area. With there being a fire kindom and a water kingdom after all.
The magical blood of Cirrian royals is purifying, so Lyra’s safe
Lyrians, and specifically Lyrian royalty understands human psychology much better then most, they know it’s important to be kind to others, and many of them want to be.
The other mc’s name is Evie, it is something you’re born with, and you’re right! There’s a disposition to certain powers based on the area and your parents. But someone’s personality can actually change what powers you develop.
@Liralyne I don't know if this is intentional, but you saying its partially based on personality makes me think that the reason Lyra had water powers (or perhaps still does, for Reasons. Or perhaps even has a different set of powers due to the fact she actually knows what being happy feels like now.) is because unlike her family, she isn't an asshole.
@therandompers Every form of being a powered has a good side and a bad side, Flameborn can be Hot-headed, prideful and deeply arrogant, but they can also be warm, passionate and lively or anything in between and more. Their powers reflect this, they can give you a cozy gentle fire to keep you warm or a blazing inferno if you’ve hurt them or their loved ones, I’d elaborate but sadly I can’t because of spoilers
Sirenborn aren’t much different, they can be as cold and aloof as ice or as nurturing and healing as a river or a rain cloud.
The same goes for every type of magic there is, they all have their own traits drawing different people to them, and strengths and weaknesses, what matters is how you choose to use them. Power’s got a way of revealing who people really are.
Thank you for being so engaged in my story
So I was talking about this story to someone and mentioned that the setup is very similar to Tearforged by Clarity, and then they mentioned that, no, this story directly plagiarises it. I didn't really want to believe it, so I was reading through all the chapters you've released so far, and the first instance I spotted was in this chapter:
Dorian narrowed his eyes at her. "Have you forgotten your manners?" Her smirk grew.
"Have you?"
She sat down next to him and brushed her fingers against his cheek.
"I love what you've done with your hair," her smile shifted from mischievous to a flirty, if a little smug, grin.
"It suits ya," Dorian's eyes widened, he had never seen this side of her before, not with him at any rate. "And it makes your eyes pop! I love your new eye color too by the way."
The prince slapped her hand away and fixed her with a glare. "Don't tease me!"
Miri replied with a round of giggles.
And here's that section in Tearforged:
"Have you forgotten your place, wench?" the prince growled.
"Have you forgotten yours, Daila?" Auri knelt beside him and ran the back of her hand against his cheek. "I love what you've done with your hair, by the way," she continued, a smug grin on her lips. Auri had always been a bit insolent, but Delvaran had never seen this downright devious side of her before. "It suits you."
Delvaran slapped away her hand and sat upright, fixing her with a glare. "Don't test me, girl," he spat.
Auri replied with another round of giggles.
The moment I read it I had such a sinking feeling. Why would you rip something so directly without mentioning it? If you're trying to make a better version of an existing work, or one that more applies to your tastes, that's fine, I mean, that's what I was doing for my story The Yin Physique. But I never ripped from the text itself... all of my words were my own. And I also mentioned the story that I was inspired by. I don't see any of that for this story though...
This was really sad to find out... Such blatant copying of another work, especially in a work that otherwise has a lot of unique and cool stuff. I don't really know how to feel about it. Do you want to talk about why this is the case? Cuz I'd really like to give you the benefit of the doubt here
I...I’m really sorry!!! I didn’t actually mean to plagiarize tearforged!! I was thinking a lot about it when I came up with this story and wrote this chapter so it was just an accident! Really this story means so much to me, it’s how I realized I liked girls I would never disrespect clarity’s or anyone’s work on purpose I’ll fix this right away!!! I’ll also add in links, something I forgot to do... again, I’m really sorry for everything! I’d sooner take down the whole thing before letting this stand
I've changed what I saw and remember from tearforged but if I've forgotten anything, please tell me! I've also added a link to her story in the description. But I'll be honest I don't know if I can continue writing now, knowing I plagiarized anyone's work alone but clarity's...it's breaking my heart
@Liralyne There's a large section of the training in chapter 7 that is almost identical to the end of Tearforged chapter 3. Like it was copied and then some words were changed in the dialogue, and then a couple sentences changed here and there to fit this story better.
Of Hearts and Fairies
Miri continued feigning reading as Lyra poured her an imaginary cup of wine.
“GIRL!” Miri suddenly shouted, leaping back on the desk. “You clumsy wench! Clean it up, now!”
“I’m so sorry my lord!” She blurted, glancing up at her while she pretended to clean an imaginary stain.
“No, no, no! No eye contact, and don’t raise your voice! Not when you’ve made a mistake, always speak softly.” Miri sighed, crossing her arms.
They’d been at this for hours, despite the redhead being an incredible study she had a lot to learn. Lyra started to suspect Miri was enjoying this, even if just a little bit.
“Let’s try this again, and no. I’m not enjoying this as much as you’d think.”
Lyra almost bit her tongue in surprise, “H-how did you know I was thinking that?”
Miri shrugged a shoulder, “I just know you, doofus. That’s another thing, what’s rule one of being a maid?”
She flashed her willowy friend an awkward smile. “Know your masters...”
Miri nodded sagely, doing her best to sound wise. “Aye. Every master is different, with a different kind of tolerance, and a different way they’ll treat you. You can learn a awful lot about someone, based on how they treat their servants.”
She sat back down in the chair. “Now, let’s just try this again.“
Lyra rolled her eyes and grunted every so slightly. “Yes, milord.” She replied through gritted teeth.
“No!” Miri jumped from the chair so fast it fell over, her breathing quickening.
“Never...never address a noble like that, never. If you do that…Madam Morgause will punish you until you can barely walk. Or worse, send you to the furycave...”
Lyra fixed her with a small glare. “You talked to me like that dozens of times.”
Miri’s lip curved into a small smile. “You let me get away with it. She won’t, and I doubt your master will either.”
Her eyelids drooped. “Or my next master, for that matter.”
Lyra’s heart sank. She stood there quietly for a while, gazing at the floor with a forlorn look shadowing her face.
“Was I...was I good to you?” Her voice was small and timid, like a child’s.
Miri tilted her head and silently looked at her.
Tearforged
Auri continued to feign literacy as Delvaran poured imaginary wine into an imaginary cup.
“Girl!” Auri cried, leaping from her chair and glaring down at Delvaran. The willowy girl stood almost half a head taller than Delvaran, and the prince fought the urge to gulp in fear. “You clumsy fool! Clean it up!”
“I’m sorry, my lord!” Delvaran replied, glancing up at Auri. How unfair...the wine wasn’t even real. He was a prince. A prince! Who was she to treat him like that, even if she was simply pretending for the sake of practice?
“No!” Auri clicked her tongue, and slapped her hand against the desk. “No eye contact, and don’t raise your voice! Not when you’ve made an error. Keep your head down and speak softly. Let’s try it again.”
The prince bit back a slew of insults and returned to the door. They’d been at this for hours, and he was beginning to suspect that Auri enjoyed these training exercises.
“My lord,” he repeated, gritting his teeth as he curtsied.
“No! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. If you address a nobleman with that tone, Madam Marsa will beat you until you can barely walk.”
“You addressed me like that, just a few hours ago,” Delvaran shot back with a glare.
“Context is important. You’re a redhead, Daila. If you don’t want to raise eyebrows, you’ll need to be absolutely perfect.” Auri fixed him with a hard stare. “Plus, do you remember the first rule of being a maid? Understand your masters. Every master will treat you differently than the last, and they’ll all have a different level of tolerance for mistakes.” She nodded sagely, approving her own words. “You can learn a great deal about a person, based on how they treat their maids.”
Delvaran stood quietly for a time, rubbing one of his pale arms. “Was I a good master?”
Auri tilted her head, as if surprised by the question. They held each other’s gaze for a moment
@Chirichirichiri Thank you, I’ll fix that too right away. I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid...
@Chirichirichiri I’ve cut out the whole thing, I didn’t even want to try changing it as...the last thing I want is do it again somehow... I feel so awful about all this!!!
@Liralyne I don't really know what to tell you, I'm honestly really hesitant to believe that this could've been done on accident. The sections I pointed out were just too similar. Are you sure you didn't use Tearforged as an actual reference? Like, idk, at this point it feels like maybe at one point it was a Tearforged fanfic that changed some names and made it a lesbian story, but evolved from there? Like at that point maybe it'd be best to call it "a lesbian retelling of Tearforged in a new world" or something idk.
Idk. I'm glad you're at least mentioning Tearforged somewhere now, at least... I'd love to see the story continue, but that's assuming that the story is actually going to be... this story. Or at the very least that it's going to be honest what it's pulling from. We need more LGBT+ original fic authors, we always need more. We're so outnumbered by every other genre, and people need more representations of themselves in media. And clearly you do know what you're doing, when your writing isn't being pulled from something else — for example, what you replaced the pulled scene with in this chapter is great, I think!
I want to see your stories. I want to look forward to new things that you create. The community needs the kind of energy that you can bring. Honestly, when I was originally talking about Of Hearts and Fairies to that friend of mine, I said that I liked your take better bcuz I liked the vibe better. (And then that convo was what led to this.)
Anyway... I hope that you can stick around and keep your writing your own. I want to see more of this story, more of this world. There is value here, in your words — just keep them your own.
@Chirichirichiri No I didn’t! Honestly I’ve read Tearforged so many times, not just to enjoy it but to learn from her writing I know it sounds really stupid but I think that’s where I went wrong but I should’ve been much more vigilant! This is my first story writing but that’s no excuse, please believe me that my novel’s gonna be my own! I never meant to steal or hurt anyone all I wanna do is make people happy and maybe forget about their troubles, and hatch a few eggs if I can! I’ll take the story off hiatus but I can’t promise the next chapter’ll be on time