It's been one year... I think it has. Since the story has existed...
Sigh... What am I even doing? I don't really know, what I am even saying might even be irrelevant. I don't know anymore. It's like - an empty bastion - meaning to protect something, or make a testament to something, but alas... It never really happened did it? I don't really know what to say, I've been pondering about it for a few days. The novel suffers from constant hiatuses and there is no good excuse for it.
I suppose I should introduce myself first... Not as the self-loathing author, not as the sarcastic one or the one that tries to be funny... I am...
I am the cover artist and initial editor of this project originally called "Zeileheim project". A silly novel made by some friends that was meant to go nowhere. A pipe dream if you will. Injected with dumb character designs and dumb ideas. Just a lovely project made by some people that wanted to have some fun. It was undoubtedly cringy when it first existed.
The project consisted of two people, me, and... Azrie... Yeah, it's getting weird. And there were some other collaborators that woulda dd ideas to the pile. Because why not? It was a thing for fun. I don't really know what to say at this moment, but I guess I'll keep explaining. Perhaps I can reach some conclusion by the end of the story. So let us start, the story has started and the two chapters were written. It's going to be a bit simplistic and ambiguous because honestly, I don't feel like dealing with the detailed story right now... Perhaps one day I'll tell it, perhaps I never will.
The story has started.
Fast forward a bit, and we come up with the idea that we should post it. Well, I did. Azrie, well... She wanted nothing to do with the posting- also was the main writer, but she was okay with it. I was more of an editor/plotline person we can tell I didn't do a good job at it. So anyway, in an attempt to not steal the credit I basically became "Azrie", simply for posting and interactions - I was still the editor. But I wasn't going to claim something under my own penn-name. It wasn't meant to be that...
Fast forward a bit more, and it's chapter 18. I forgot the point of the story, but as we can see it's pretty early on. The story has been doing pretty well, and is hitting trending and stuff. I personally feel overjoyed that people seem to be liking the little project of ours, and at the same time was kind of in a mental turmoil - so there were a few missteps in terms of author notes and random apologies... Sorry about that one.
That day... I forgot the date already - pretty ironic considering I still remember the first page of the novel came to existence in May 13th 2019... Anyway. I received a message.
A simple line. "I am done". That was it. That was the entirety of the message. I was confused but never really got an answer, aside from knowing from friends that she was going to entirely focus on college.
I guess it was time to say goodbye to this passion project... Something that I had gotten myself invested into, something that other people wanted to see. All gone, the main writer was gone, and the editor was left. Someone that has never written before, with a barely basic understanding of English. I knew it shouldn't have been posted... It was... the end... Or was it really the end? I felt attached, particularly to this tsundere dragon. A character that came out of nowhere simply because I said - "Wouldn't it be funny to genderbend a dragon for no particular reason?"
Honestly, it kind of felt like killing the characters off by dropping it. And so... I took over- I guess you could say. I became Azrie. New author and editor. Having next to zero experience writing I started by trying to mimic what was previously written. Absolutely no idea what I was doing. But it slowly started to become something.
We all know how far that has gotten. Already at chapter 70+. But now I am stuck, afraid of continuing the story in a sense. Because well... I have no idea what the story was initially going to be. It basically became my very own story, it's my story now. I get to do whatever I want with the characters, right? Yes that's pretty correct, but I still feel awkward thinking of the other possible routes to where the story could've gone.
Doing research on blacksmithing and getting it wrong was fun. I have no idea what was planned in the original outline. As in - events that could or should happen. I was simply someone that made sure the pacing was alright, rather than the plot itself. It was initially a project made for fun, nothing more, nothing else... Just that - something for fun.
And now I am here. Making a confession, not as Azrie, but myself. It feels as if I was lying to absolutely everyone - including myself. By continuing to use this account, and keep making excuses of why nothing was being posted. Truth be told, I just don't want to mess up, often questioning what were the original intentions. What did Azrie originally want? Unfortunately, I might never know, no longer in contact and I have no interest in what she is doing either. I am no saint, and I would be lying if I said I didn't feel abandoned.
Just constant struggle with the plotline and what things need or not to happen. Sorry...
For lying, and for making such a sorry case for myself. After all, I could've said absolutely nothing, and simply continued to post as normal. But I felt it necessary to continue and move on. Not as Azrie but as myself. So please, take care of me moving forward. I will request a name change from Tony hopefully soon. Thank you all for reading...
And I do hope we can continue to have fun with the story - sorry for being such a phony... It... I am ashamed of it, continuously lying to myself and to others to simply justify my ineptitude.
It won't happen again, it's a promise. Perhaps things might remain inconsistent, but at least I will remain truthful. I feel truly ashamed of what has happened. Success built on a throne of lies is nothing but a joke, therefore let's rebuild said throne on truths and laughter instead. I would stab myself if I could... - Alice.
I hope I can forgive myself...
Call me a bad person if you want but I really don't care if you are a phony or not nor do I care if the story is going in it's intended direction.
God knows i frequently pause reading to imagine my own continuations frequently enough. I have no complaints with the story so far and don't worry about writing a perfect story right off the bat.
These light novels are not meant to be perfect but to be allot more regular. Is there glaring issues? Too bad but it's to be expected and the best course of action is almost always just to move on.
Perhaps you will go back at some point and do a rewrite to fix all of these things but that is then and now is now. Just do what you feel like and deal with the consequences some other day.
All I can say is that I enjoyed reading whats being thrown out to me. No matter what pseudonym your under, I'm happy the consciousness that is you, is writing these words down.
If it's been all you since chapter 18, then anybody here is here for you and the story that you were crafting, not Azrie and not whatever story she originally had planned. Judging by your post, it has long become your story and you've clearly made good faith attempts to contact Azrie. If it somehow still bothers you, do what Master of All did and add her name to the title with a clear disclaimer in the synopsis that there was a new author after chapter 18. It doesn't bother me and I doubt it bothers most readers, but if it gives you peace of mind it's an option.
In the mean time, I'll be waiting patiently for the next chapter.
Jesus kid, it's just some story, you did not rob anyone or slaughter a kitten. You could still become president.
Nevermind. I don't understand why you worry about it. Liar or not. Who cares. It is our nature after all. Just do what you want to do. Err. Sorry for my English. My english is rather bad as you can see. What i want to say? Stay determined! Oh... What a nice reference! Well... Just Nevermind.
https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ
That should make you smile a little.
And remember I'm never gonna give you up
Sorry for the late reply, IRL sh*t happened. Still, I hope my favorite author - that's YOU, not the first Azrie - will still see this, read it all, and find something in it to help lessen your guilt and let you forgive yourself. Now that that's said, on to the actual comment:
As I said before, who cares? Someone started it for fun with a group, and then it stopped being fun for them, and the others it was still fun for (the ones adding ideas to the pile) kept going, until eventually the group became just you.
Imagine you'd started playing an MMO with some friends, and joined the guild one of them made and lead, the rest of you being the vice-leaders or whatever. Your guild grew, filling with people you didn't know (the readers), who were there because of the guild and the way it was run. Then, one by one, those IRL friends stopped playing, and the position of guild leader naturally fell to you.
If you keep the guild running with the same intentions, the same goal, then who cares if the one running the guild and using the guild's name isn't the same.
And as others here said, if someone has read up to here, they're here for you, the one who wrote the last 50+ chapters. You ARE the author, the first Azrie was your guide and inspiration, but everything after she left was yours. You're not an imposter, you're a successor to the name, and you've turned that name into something... almost legendary, honestly.
A confession of my own (and this is related) is that the novel I'm publishing here started off as a fanfic of CCG, before I decided to scrap the bit where I'd first had my OC MC interact with the base novel's characters, change the system, and make some other small edits. But the first chapter stayed roughly the same, just some worldbuilding didn't. It started off written one way, and then early on, changed quite a bit. Who cares? Nobody noticed, and if they did, they either left or they stayed. Everyone who stayed past chapter two, stayed for the following non-fanfic chapters. And even if I told all of my readers that the idea, the main premise and the prologue, was originally intended for a fanfic, basically nobody would care. Some might find it interesting to look for the subtle shift when I changed from fanfic to something entirely original, and try to put the difference into words.
I have to ask, though. Have you heard from her since she sent you that simple three word message? Does she still read this? What does she think about how this has gone after she passed the mantle to you?
I realize this makes me selfish, but I can’t wait to read the next chapter. I want to know what happens next. How will the conflict with the Guild master be resolved?
Surely the holy church won’t accept an undead as an adventurer, so they’ll probably come into conflict with the protagonist.
What about Aizen and her class? How will her students learn and grow from her teachings, and conversely, will Aizen grow as a person from teaching them?
I can only speak for myself but I dont really care?
I have enjoyed the story and if it continues will continue to enjoy the story.
Sucks that the original author bailed but you didnt want to disappoint and kept the story going, I appreciate that. I have seen many times a cool story i grow to really enjoy just ends up dead. Its always a bit heart breaking so I appreciate you trying to keep the story going even if you have no idea where its going. If you continue the story Ill keep reading it.
Thanks for keeping the story going. Try not to be too hard on yourself.
Sometimes it's best to just rip the bandaid off quickly and move on.
In this case make your decision and then don't look back