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Yay. Votes: 150 95.5%
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Nay. Votes: 7 4.5%
Spongebob
really like the new cover but i don't know if it fits as much as the current one though i really want to see the finished version even if its just to see some cute art
Well... I already have a lot of things to do, so just finishing and not using it as a cover. It would be quite... Wasteful to be honest. Thanks for the opinion though.
The new cover seems to be wonderful, but absolutly doesn't fit the current story. I mean, to me the current story is about 3 girls with quite the dark pasts who lick eachothers wounds in a bad\dark\hateful environment. So a cover with 3 cheerful girls?
The story is nice and entertaining, the only thing that bothers me is, that all conversations between the three is so very awkward. I don't know how to describe it, but it feels like always one of the girls steps into a landmine and an awkward silence is always an companion.
@blkopler Wow... The landmine is... Well, it made me laugh out loud although it's not quite intentional. But while you are right about the story being like that, the main objective is them being cheerful (or becoming happier.) or just making the reader feel happy. And not really a tragedy filled story. I could've written a good 100 pages of dragon life and a good 100 chapters of how truly miserable the MC is, but that is not what I am trying to focus on. Thanks for the landmine thing though, you made me realize something that had been bothering me for a while.
@Azrie I know that it wants to be a "fluffy" story (to simplify it), but it isn't now, it will be, maybe in the next 5 or 10 or 100 chapters. Oh and of course I never saw the story as a tragedy or as dark, but it isn't quite "fluffy" yet. And you should never forget that new reader begin with chapter 1\prologue never with the current chapter.
Edit: I don't really know what I want to say anymore. But good work so far anyways. ;-)
@blkopler Well yes. Sometimes it's kind of awkward when people point out "flaws" in my story when they are already resolved in my drafts. So I guess it is kind of like that, I personally have seen a lot of stories that have covers of the next arc or whatever and not leaving the initial cover. I can see what you mean, but even the initial cover was meant to be fluff, however, I failed miserably. I think the story shines in just seeing the little or major problems that each character has and slowly resolving them.
Thanks for all the feedback though. And this might sound quite selfish, but the cover I think it's better this way. At least it would attract more eyes, which is ultimately what I would want. (Not even going to be that author that says they don't care about views or ratings. Because everyone cares to some extent.)
Nice sketch I can defiantly see the moe in the sketch, maybe the background can be a field with a city in the distance or something similar?
Yay much Yay yes
It looks adorable already.
Cover looks promising. As for the story Ari doesn't seem too consistent on her personality, (I believe someone mentions back when she went to the guild) some points she goes super mature and other points shes shy others shes middle of the road, I'd say of all your characters Ari needs the most work on. The others come out pretty good.
can't see the cover,the site say "403 forbidden"
Well it is just a sketch.
http://prntscr.com/o5g345
That link should hopefully work.
it work now,thank you
just picked up the story 3 days ago and could not stop reading it until now. im a slow reader :(. anyway love the story every character has a great personality and each person is well described to help you picture them in your mind as you read. excited to see how the world evolves and learn some things like( why beastmen are hated, Ari's background when they get back to the capital, will we meet the apprentice soon, and lastly can this story get even cuter then it already is. love the story and keep up the good work. excited to see the new cover.
It really makes me smile when I read a comment like yours. Thank you.
Why beastmen are hated is actually answered by the lovely inn lady pretty soon. Thanks for the kind comment. @Cardinal_Flame
The picture doesn't load, otherwise I'd gladly give my opinion ^-^
I like the story so far.
I think my main critique is that the MC's gender change doesn't seem to have much if any impact on her character. It's a HUGE change, not just because of her opinions about it but because people would subconsciously treat her differently. Whether she's happy, neutral or angry about that, it would either way be a change. I think you're going for something like that in how other people are looking down on her more now, but people treat men and women slightly differently even when they're talking respectfully to another adult. For example, men tend to be more physically aggressive with other men, women might feel safer around and be more talkative with other women and act less guarded around him, and so forth. Like, for example, a scene where she enters the adventurers guild, gets hit on by some drunk guy, but gets pulled over by some women at another table who wants to look after the newcomer girl and ends up in a "men are all the same" talk. Or a scene where she realizes men are more likely to help her out - or LESS likely to be confrontational and look for a bar fight or whatever - because *ahem reasons*. Regardless of how she reacts, they'd be new experiences she'd never have gotten as a guy. At least if the gender roles in this world are similar to ours, which is what it looks like to me at the moment.
As it is right now, I don't see the reason for her gender change. She might as well have been a girl from the start as long as nothing has noticeably changed.
Oh, and the cover has the same issue at the moment. I read that as ’girly’ body language. Which is fine, but it’d be better if there was an explanation for why a person who was a guy until very recently use that sort of body language. Was she already acting like that as a man, is she sunbconsciously copying Ari to fit in, has she noticed a change in her behavior as a result of the cats charm, was she actually trans from the start (depending on her age that might not even be much of a conscious difference yet) and is happily embracing this new change?
... actually, now when I mentioned age, most of these points could be completely moot if the MC is still a child. I don’t think we’ve learned her age yet.
@Llamadragon I think you are overthinking it. MC really doesn't care about gender much, being stuck in a game for around 8 years with few interactions with people, would make our mc socially awkward and not even have normal logic. Which is kind of what I did albeit a lot more subtle. Also actually the only normal pose in the cover is going to be from the MC. This is just an extremely rough sketch. Age is briefly mentioned in one of her monologues. Thanks for the feedback though. If my answer is unsatisfactory, well. Sorry about that, I can't really please everyone no matter how I try.
@Azrie Nah you're good and all. Your story, don't say sorry for how you write it regardless of if you're apologetic or not.
It's just that I look pretty androgynous and I've spent some time looking like a man and time looking like a woman for the shits and the giggles. I didn't particularly care about gender either so I completely get that, but even then there was a real and noticeable difference in how strangers greeted me depending on what gender they thought I was. And I live in a country with fairly high standards of gender equality.
Teal deer: even if the MC doesn't care, or doesn't realize WHY there's a change in how they're treated by people, they'd almost definitely notice it if it was the real world. If it's not what you want to write, don't, just pointing it out. :) It'd give the story a lot more believability to me if this was at some point explained.
@Llamadragon I think the point is that he was never part of the real world, so this would be the first time her gender is even relevant to her or how people see her?