12/15/77

Sam,

My parents found the suitcase. They went through my stuff while I was at work. Said they were cleaning up my room for me, but I know that’s bullshit. I cleaned up before I left for my shift. They were just snooping. Everything was in there. I couldn’t bring myself to actually throw it out. The thought hurt too much. My clothes, our letters, hell there was even that issue of Dinah you smuggled me down when you went over the river last year. All of it. I ain’t seen them that mad since Ma caught me with the laundry back in middle school. 

They said a lotta things. I don’t even remember half of it to be honest. There was yelling, I remember a lot of yelling. God, I’m shaking again just thinking about it. I was grounded and they took my suitcase. I got dragged to church almost every day. Reverend Dan seems to think I got a demon crawling around in me somewhere. Said that the only hope for me was some camp out in Virginia. Ma agreed and I was supposed to leave on New Year’s. I don’t wanna go to no camp. They also kept asking me if I liked men. I don’t know why, I ain’t never cared for men and told them that but they kept acting like I was lying. Well, Rusty was interesting but we both know what happened to him. 

Speaking of that, the old gang apparently came by the house. Brandon got back in on the fourth. I’ve been avoiding him, but he’s been looking for me. I guess Reverend Dan must have talked about me to him. Honestly if I hadn’t already left the house by the time they came by, I wouldn’t have been surprised if I ended up like Rusty. I’m staying at Mike's place at the moment. I honestly thought that he’d be more awkward about it but he didn’t bat an eye when I showed up at two in the morning. Said he expected it. Have you been writing to him about me? I mean, I don’t mind. He is your ex and you’re still close to him so it makes sense, but still. 

I’ve been thinking more about what you said by the way. I can’t go to work, so I’ve had nothing to do but think. You know, I think that maybe I can just think of myself like that. I can’t ask others to, we both know I ain’t nowhere near looking like I deserve a name that pretty. But, I think I can try to see myself like that. If it’s not any trouble, if you can even see me like that I don’t want to force you into anything, maybe you could think of me like that too? Again if you can’t it's okay and I get it. I’m probably gonna be staying here for a few more days, so you can write back here.

Talk to you soon,

Tiana