While camping outside during their travels to Talaga, a beastfolk city about to be attacked by humans, Maya fell asleep first after being exhausted from keeping Anna off of Sophia. This actually caused these two to be alone together for the first time since meeting each other.
"Say..." While the two were sitting next to each other in front of the campfire, the princess looked at the cat-girl peacefully sleeping in Sophia's lap while also having her head lovingly stroked. "How did the two of you even meet?"
"That's such a stupid story..." Even so, the blonde was smiling broadly. "Fen and I had just left the human territory after we ended up attacking a city of theirs…"
"H-How nonchalantly she admitted it..."
"Well, I got kinda upset... Anyway, Fenny suggested visiting the beastfolk to have some nice company for a change. On our way, we saved a group of adventurers from a couple of rock golems. Those were friends with Maya, and when we were out drinking together, she ran into us. This cat's a bit of a muscle brain, so she challenged me to a fight the second we met..." Sophia left out the part where she embarrassed herself. "She thought she was the strongest, after all. Well, she already mentioned how that ended up for her, right? After that, Maya didn't stop bugging me about wanting to travel together with me so she could learn my magic. As you can see, she succeeded."
"So... it was basically fate? You saved the life of someone and got rewarded with meeting her?"
"S-Sounds super cheesy, putting it that way. I think it rather was one of these rare cases of me actually being lucky."
"And I was unlucky..."
"I don't think it's that easy... Just because I met her first doesn't mean I would've c-chosen you if it were the other way around..."
"I-I see... yeah, you're right..." Anna managed to accept this.
"Hey," Sophia also wanted to know something. "W-Why... Why did you fall in... l-love with me, anyway...?" She had a hard time asking. "I-I mean... we just met... and you know nothing about me..."
"I, err... just did? When I saw you talking with father, it was like something hit me."
"R-Really...?"
"Yep." The princess nodded. "Totally love at first sight."
"Uhh..."
"You're really charming. I also think I have something for girls that are shorter than me. Not that this means a lot, coming from me." The princess was taller than most, after all.
"Urgh..." She remembered Maya mentioning that she thinks her boost also increased her charm.
"I think your personality is interesting, too."
"No." Sophia instantly denied that claim. "That's just a huge mess. I'm a huge mess..."
"Aren't you too harsh with yourself?"
"You have no idea... Though, after meeting Maya, it's gotten better... I'm not a complete mess anymore." She looked at the cat-girl in her lap with a gentle expression.
"You... really love her, don't you?"
"Yes." There was no hesitation. "My life until a while ago wasn't a good one, and Fen was the stepping stone for a better one, but after meeting her... She's the reason I'm able to enjoy it again. She's my light. Maya was able to accept everything about me and still loves me. I really never ever was so happy before meeting her."
"If-, If I were to accept everything about you, as well... Would it still be impossible for me, Sophia...?"
"How do you know you could? You've seen nothing I'm capable of. You have no idea what I become like when I'm really upset, or even angry, for example."
"Oh, I saw that yesterday during the meeting with father and the commanders. You were s-scary, but I think I could get used to it."
"In terms of what I let out… At best, I was somewhat annoyed there... You might see me really upset, maybe even angry, when I meet this human army. I don't think you'll want to come near me again afterward."
"W-What are you planning...?"
"I'm going to end the pretentiousness of those insects-, humans."
"That's... That's simply not possible." Anna didn't buy it.
"I. will. end. it." Her expression changed again.
"H-How...? Even killing all of them would do nothing in that regard. It's the first time I'm going to see it with my own eyes, but I heard from father how many humans already died because of their idiocy…"
"With force. There are ways other than killing to make them listen, though I'm not sure if they're any better. At the end of the day, their entire army will be kneeling in front of me, begging for forgiveness." Sophia's voice grew colder with each word. "Depending on my mood and their behavior, my level of forgiveness will vary between nonexistent and very little."
"W-Wow..."
"Do you still think you'd be able to I-love me when I turn into an angry and brutal monster?"
"T-That's... I might be...?" The princess wasn't 100% convinced about it anymore. At the end of the day, she still was just a young girl, but she was still willing to try. "You're getting angry for the sake of our people, after all..."
"You're a strong one, huh?" Sophia was a bit impressed. "Even so..."
"Even so?"
"I'm sorry." The blonde tiger-girl glanced at Maya while having a great smile. "I'm really sorry. She's the one. The only one. I love her. I genuinely love this girl. She's my first love, and while I'm aware these often don't work out, I'll try my best to stay by her side as long as she lets me. I hope she feels the same, too. That would make me the happiest person in this world. There's a chance we might b-break up... in the future... these things happen..." She made herself sad while just imagining it.
"Maybe-" Anna tried to say something but managed to hold back and let Sophia continue.
"I sincerely hope we don't, though. That's why, don't get your hopes up, Anna. I do like you, but not in this way. I don't know what's going on in ten or so years, especially when the age gap between us isn't criminal anymore..." She mumbled the last part to herself. "I'll do my best, and if I'm lucky, I'll still be together with my dream girl." Sophia gave Maya's head yet another pad.
"…" She was only listening.
"You're really beautiful, and I think your personality's great, as well... You're super funny when you're not too pushy... I'm sure you'll find a wonderful partner in the future. That person will be extremely lucky, but... it won't be me. I can't forbid you to... l-love me, but we won't ever be more than friends..."
"..." The princess was unable to reply.
"I'm... sorry." Sophia felt bad, really bad, but she had to properly turn her down, or this situation would go on forever.
"D-Don't be... I was aware... I really was. Even so, I ignored it, l-I didn't want to believe it... Uuh... M-Maya is so lucky... It won't be in an instant, but I'll try to get... over it somehow... I... I need a moment." Anna stood up and turned around to leave.
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"..." Unfortunately, Sophia saw something she didn't want to when the princess turned away from her. She really wished she wouldn't have noticed those big tears running down her cheeks. "Are... Are you happy now, Maya?"
"..." The cat-girl stirred in her lap before opening her eyes. "How did you know?"
"The heartbeat of a sleeping person is different from one simply pretending. It's pretty easy to tell when your head's on my lap."
"I-I see..." She felt a little awkward. "Happy... is a pretty wide term..."
"Well, I'm not very happy right now..." If anything, Sophia looked quite sad.
"U-Understandable... The princess isn't a bad girl. So, seeing her heart getting broken does sting... But... thank you. You did it for me, after all. Us, and that does make me happy."
"Y-Yeah..."
"Your speech was great, too, and I feel the same. I also will work hard to keep us going. You were the best that happened to me, too."
"A little more happy now." Sophia liked Maya's answer. "Still... I know I'm the last person who should say this in this situation, but I want to help Anna out somehow..."
"I think I'm the last one, but... How?
"How am I supposed to know...? Up to a little while ago, I had neither friends nor a girlfriend... I have no idea how any of this works. You're the popular one, Maya."
"Says the girl who just turned down the first princess of the beastfolk kingdom. Again, actually..."
"Urgh!" She had to give her props for the comeback. "Y-You know what I mean..."
"Hmm... Both of us are the wrong girls to help her at the moment. I think time's pretty much the only thing able to heal these kinds of wounds... Or maybe a distraction."
"By that, you mean-"
"Another girl, or boy... who knows. Though, she feels kinda girls only. No one could compete with you, but now that this door's completely closed for her, there might be some options now. Not that playing cupid for a princess sounds easy."
"T-True..." Sophia agreed.
"Oh, are we still going to visit her school?"
"Maybe? Depends on whether she still wants. Do you have an idea?"
"Well, she is a princess, after all... I also do have to admit that she's pretty attractive. There's bound to be one or two that have a crush on her, don't you think?"
"S-School crushes..." Sophia's face grimaced by just repeating these words.
"Something's wrong?"
"N-No..." She shook her head. "Just some suppressed memories came back to me... Playing matchmaker might be fun, though. Do you think it will work out?"
"That entirely depends on the princess having someone else in her life she finds interesting."
"F-Fair point... It would be great. I would like to finally get a real friend... As in a female and humanoid type... That's still a very sad part of my life since coming here..." The tiger-girl had yet to find someone who was more than an acquaintance and roughly the same species.
"E-Eh?! Am... Am I not your friend?"
"Someone I'm not... romantically involved with, I mean. It's not like I can boast about you... to you."
"Ehehe~." Maya was happy with her reply.
"Or complain to."
"Huh?!" Not so happy anymore.
"You know, I love my girlfriend, and I'm happy that she feels so strongly about me, but her jealousy can get really annoying... Is not something I can tell you, can I?" Sophia, suspiciously quick, had a very specific example ready.
"..." It was impossible to say anything in her defense.
"Though, if that's a thing, you need a whole group of friends, Maya." She was fairly self-aware. "With all the stuff you can complain about me. Rightfully so."
"T-That's..." The cat-girl didn't deny it. "Have you claimed the princess as a ranting partner already?"
"Oh, shut up."
"Tehe~."
"Speaking of which..." Sophia looked around. "Anna's not coming back, is she?"
"Obviously. Would you? She needs a little distance right now."
"Y-Yeah... It's too bad... She was looking forward to camping outside with us so much."
"There'll be another opportunity…" Maya did seem a little conflicted, too, but the couple could do nothing about it right now.
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The princess indeed never returned that night, and the two had to camp out alone. The cat-girl got comfortable in Sophia's lap again and fell asleep relatively fast. The tiger stayed awake a little longer, thinking about things. Still, she ultimately followed the other girl not too long after.
On the following day, once Sophia was awake, forcefully awoken, the convoy resumed their travels for the last leg of the journey towards Talaga. There was a slight change in the carriages, though. Sophia and Maya were now alone in one with a few maids. Anna needed some more time and rode in the carriage of her father for obvious reasons.
"A-Ah..." One and a half hours passed when Sophia's expression suddenly turned complicated.
"I told you to stop doing that already!" Maya really hated it when the tiger-girl did her Ah thing because it basically never meant anything good.
She didn't listen to the cat and exited their carriage without it ever stopping. They weren't traveling at a speed where she could get hurt, after all. Effortlessly jogging up to it, Sophia then knocked on the door of the king's carriage and entered it after politely waiting for three seconds, delivering the news of the human army that she had just detected.
Dear diary, today we decided to visit Spain. Unfortunately, there was a slight error, and we only made it to something similar sounding.
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As said before, I'm serious about no harem. There are only 2 rules I made for the story, and this is one of them, with the other being no GB (including futanari and similar things). They can be fun/interesting and have their place; it's just not here.
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Also, is there a secret agreement going on when it comes to polls here? Every time I do one, it's basically a perfect tie…
Yeah, I agree on the GB with you, dealing with trans stuff on top of all the other things in a story like this would not be the best idea, at least not at this point in the story, it's just waaay too serious and touchy subject, that can do a lot of harm if handled poorly, and that coming form a trans woman
@Aster1254 That's actually a type of GB I wouldn't dislike. You're right, though, it wouldn't fit this story and I'm by no means even remotely confident to even think about writing about this topic. My biggest gripe with GB normally is that they're just like 'Oh, I guess I'm a girl now', and then roll with after chapter 3. Or keep insisting that they're still a boy (which in itself is no problem), but then go after girls to stay straight without ever mentioning it to their partner(s).
@Teanam omg yes, that is a big gripe I have with it too, being forced to live in a body that is just not *you* is not in the least bit fun, I mean there are people who are completely fluid and don't have (huge) problems with it, but yeah, it is a big can of worms, and yes there can be people who have no idea they are trans, because they don't have any idea what living without dysphoria is like, because it was always there (like fish doesn't notice the water) I was and to some degree am still like that, so when someone suddenly "turns into a girl" and is completely okay with it and had no one around to explain why it is "can happen" (and this is a bit of my head cannon for most of the GB stuff I read) it's not exactly healthy, the MC, the reader notlr the Author will learn about them selfies reading it, and that's my biggest worry with these, because people just really stop sometimes and ask them selves, "who am I as a person?" and answering that question can only make your life better, and to just ignore all that is not okay imo, and if you want to have a cute girl as the MC just have her be her self from the get go, like you did :)
@Aster1254 Yeah, I wouldn't be able to do this situation and emotions justice. Your last words are exactly what I'm thinking when giving those GB stories a try because the depth of them are missing. Want a girl MC in a fluffy/cute story, make them a girl from the beginning.
@Teanam should we expect a GB novel from you in the future
@theeggsquared No, as I said, I couldn't portray the emotions of what one actually (normally) would go through with such a transition and I don't like the GB who ignores that part entirely. If I do anything after this one, I'm fairly sure it would be pure fantasy without the isekai part.
@Teanam a reverse isekai could be fun :3
@Aster1254 That could be interesting, especially because it's pretty rare. Then again, fantasy worlds are more appealing to me. I mean, who wants to be here -currently-?
@Teanam Touché, tho a setup like "nihon e youkoso elf san" where they travel between the two worlds could be really interesting as well, especially with a different focus from that novel :)
The pain in this plane falls mainly on Not-Spain. . . ?
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Dysphoria really is hell. The ones that have low body dysphoria are the lucky ones, a primal rejection and hate of your own body is not a life anyone should have to endure. That said, I'm not sold on the notion that someone getting GB would have the same response as transfolk have. I totally agree that those who just shrug it off are basically unicorns, rare to the point of being legendary.
Haaa, how do I structure this... ok, so being something other cis-gender is fundamentally an incompatibility between our existential self-concept and experienced reality, in much the same way as using the wrong driver on a screw head. It doesn't fit properly so it keeps camming out and taking a chunk out of the head, if you're really unlucky it slips and injures you.
Next... There's a subtle difference between that and the position a GB person would be in. They would have the experience of being cis-gender, they're experiencing a state of loss rather than a state of wanting. It's like the difference between wanting to immigrate to a country and return to your home country, the travel plan might look the same but the intent has different implications.
To use a somewhat unpleasant analogy, think about a person who lost the use of their legs and a person born without the use of their legs. They have the same limb function shortage but beyond that they are completely different prople, one has feelings stemming from loss while the other feels... I guess grouping them as "feelings of exclusion" gets the idea across?
So my personal opinion, based on over-thinking, is that a GB character should be able to cope better than a trans-person. Maybe not as quickly as some stories show, but not years either. There's some elements of "not my body" at work but that make this much longer.
Disclaimer: Kaithar's comments shouldn't be taken as suggestion that trans people should be equated with paraplegics. Kaithar is not liable for any consequences of attempting to repeat these analogies imilarity. Kaithar says you shouldn't taunt Happy Fun ball. Kaithar has taunted happy fun ball. You are in a maze of twisty passages ...
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I have Some separate thoughts on the harem stuff but I really need to stop using fine motor skills for a bit so I'll post that later.
@kaithar I'm a little interested in the limb analogy... I don't know if I'm weird, but I don't really get it... I feel like losing your legs/or the function of them later in life would be much worse than never having them function in the first place. So, the feeling of loss, in that case, would be way worse, at least for me. I either understood everything wrong, or it doesn't really fit. Though, it's really hard to say because I (thankfully) have no experience in either.
Also, with a lot of mtf GB, they often (try to) keep identifying themselves as male, which (should) give them the feeling of loss AND wanting. In my opinion, at least for a long while, that could (should) totally destroy them.
@Teanam that limb analogy IMO would better represent Dysmorphia than Dysphoria, as for dysphoria it does come in many flavors in my case, I felt basically nothing whatsoever like even my emotions were kind of muted, (but in other cases, it can be as simple as being basically hyper-aware of how certain parts of your body move/feel/function, kind of like when you are in the middle of a meeting and the sole of your foot starts to itch, and you can't do anything about it, and after a while, it just consumes your all your attention) then again "getting used to it" and not having it are two completely different things, it can manifest as a loooot of different things, but the easiest description is "a vague sense of wrongness" in general, in my case (MtF) feeling uncomfortable in changing/washrooms like "you don't fit in"/ "you should not be there", little to no self-care, clothing choice almost exclusively based around "comfort" (comfort meaning loose baggy clothing), when I was 9 I insisted that I want my room painted pink (funnily enough my cis, bi sister insisted that she wants her room painted blue) and so on. most of these I was not even consciously aware of at all, only realized it after hatching, how bad I was disassociating (and I'm only a year into hormone therapy), so yeah, "getting used to it" is in most cases the result of disassociating really badly, and not treating dysphoria wrecks your mental health, and that's also a big reason why the suicide rate amongst trans people is soo high, as per a 2014 study: "More than one in four (27 %) trans young people have attempted to commit suicide and nine in ten (89%) have thought about it. 72% have self-harmed at least once." so if a cis person gets gender-bent and doesn't get it fixed, chances are that "getting used to it" most likely won't be a thing that happens
here is are 2 excellent visual aids as to how dysphoria feels like:
https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/glue.576w-b6cde2c9c6.jpeg
https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/b/banana-containing-orange-25015295.jpg
@Aster1254 Thanks for those insights. It's really informative.
And wow, these pictures alone make me already uncomfortable(in not an offensive way, ofc). For myself, I feel like I'm right with saying I can't even imagine how it would be to feel like this about yourself.
Though, I feel a little that suddenly getting GB could(would) actually be worse, after all, because it just *bam* happens without any chance of going through a transition from one to another. Transition, especially having to force yourself to transition after you already changed probably is it's very own kind of hell. It feels so to me, at least, and again, I could be wrong with everything here.
@Teanam yeah, uncomfortable is a, apt way to pout it :)
and yeah, dysphoria is its own kind of hell, and having it be forced upon you is just needlessly cruel imo
@Teanam I could definitely have stood to be clearer on that limb analogy, but you pretty much got the point I was trying to make... substituting in blindness or deafness and it still works.
A person getting GB experiences a loss of sync whereas a trans person never had it, Which is harder to deal with depends on the personality, losing something means you have an experiences and references to refer too in adapting to that loss while having completely different sets of skills to learn. Walking with a prosthesis, using a wheelchair.. knowing what clothes are appropriate, socialization... you get the idea. An advantage of being a baby after getting bent is that babies aren't expected to know how to put a bra on.
The main reason this difference matters, I think, is because of the different types of dysphoria @Aster1254 is describing, and i'd love a second opinion on this. My theory is that an adult cis-male suddenly placed in a female body is going to have a really weird set of desyncs. Since they have a stable male identity already, they don't have a lot of the dysphoric triggers from behaviours and roles that don't match their gender, Practically speaking, they'd be in the same position as a transman who hadn't undergone any surgery. Except, we also have to consider drag artists, most of whom are cisgender. Are they a more appropriate guide for the experience once the initial shock has gone?
Then there's the s*x based differences in neurology and hormones, how consequential those would be is a debate of its own.
@kaithar I can tell you from experience that hormones make a world of difference, they shape both your body, and how "sensitive" (for lack of a better word) bot emotionally and physically you are
@Aster1254 yeah, no argument from me on that, I'm referring specifically to how they might affect a cis person who finds themselves suddenly gender bent