LittleVixen

Had a rough week and most of my free time went into my other story, so sorry for the late release. This chapter is a bit shorter than usual. The next one will have 1,5k again, probably.

CW:

Spoiler

mentioned deadname, mild-dysphoria

[collapse]

It took me a while to calm down. All of this bullshit was utterly ridiculous. Was fate working against me? Did somebody curse me? Nah, can't be; something like magic isn't real. 

The clock on my smartphone told me that my follow-up seminar had already begun. I considered whether I should still go or take the rest of the day off. In the end, I went home.

The bus ride was quiet. Whilst the morning had started with a mild summerly temperature, it was now cold and rainy—depressing weather for the depressed me, great. Also, I didn't bring an umbrella with me...

Totally soaked, I arrived at my 'home'. I stripped off my wet clothes and took a warm shower. I closed my eyes the whole time...looking at my body was the last thing I wanted to do now. 

Once I felt warm enough again, I reached for my bathrobe, put it on, and went to my bedroom. I slumped into my gaming chair and started my high-end pc—the only object in my possession that was worth something.

As soon as I was on my desktop, I played the song 'Happy' and sang along.

♫ You're still hiding in the park.

You look so happy when you're down, down, down.

Under the trees where you won't be found.

And you're still dancing in the dark. ♫

I don't know why, but this song always managed to lift my spirit. I scrolled through my playlist. There were so many songs I loved: database, 99.9, Savages, Woke up, To be human, Re:re, Human Music, My Soul Your Beats!, Mr. Fear, It's me, In the Shadows, Help me,...

I heard a 'ding'. A chat window opened. Who could it be? I don't remember having anyone on my list who was online at this hour. 

|| Hey Nick!

|| Oh sorry, you go by Mavis these days, right?

Urg, it was an old school friend—Dan. Totally forgot to delete him from my friends list.

| Yes. Do you want something specific?

|| Gosh, sorry. Didn't want to...umm...deadname you, or however you call it, ok? Just wanted to know how you are doing. Everything's...fine?

Huh? Why did he want to know that...after all those years?

| It's ok, somehow, I guess. I'm still alive, at least for now. 

|| Bro, that really doesn't sound good.

|| *Gal,

Oh, he corrected himself—something I never expected. Why? Because the Dan I knew was a homophobic, misogynistic asshole who thinks too highly of himself.

| Dan, what the hell do you want?

|| Someone's touchy.

What. The. Heck. How could I ever have called him a friend even once in my life? 

My cursor hovered over the close button, but a new message popped up.

|| Ah, fuck. I'm sry. You know how I am, but I'm rly tryin to better myself for a while now. I just wanted to chat with you a little bit. yk, it's rly awesome how brave you are with this whole coming out thingy. I mean, your father is a freaking religious bigot. You don't wanna know the shit he's talkin bout ya.

| Yes, don't wanna know. And good for you, that you're trying to be a better person. 

|| The others trying too, btw. Hey, ik you kinda don't want to see us, but we're having a class reunion soon. Two weeks from now. They all want you to come—the real you, nobody of us saw before.

| Idk Dan. Let me think about it. 

|| Sure, sure. Wanna play some games? 

| Sry, don't wanna play with somebody else right now. Maybe tomorrow.

|| Alright. See ya. Stay safe!

How should I feel about this? This whole situation seems fishy. After all this misfortune, why should one of the biggest fucktards I knew suddenly change and wanna be friends again? Well, I'll see. 

I closed the chat and started Gothic II—an old classic. I can't remember how many times I played through this game. Played always the mage route—loving it. 

Being able to use magic. This would be the most amazing thing in the world. I could use it to solve all my problems. With it, I could have the body I've always longed for. But magic isn't real. Luck isn't real.

-------

After some time, I exited Gothic. Somehow, this wasn't a gaming day. Just couldn't get in the mood, and playing a game without enjoying it is wasted time.

I pondered about what else I could do for now and decided to check my emails. I looked through the new ones but saw nothing important. I switched to my uni mail account and it actually had a new entry. 

|>Prof. Dr. Dr. Rubina von Eschenwege<|

Dear Miss Burg,

I am sorry for the way I reacted today! It wasn't my intention to hurt or insult you. My reaction was due to something I've noticed. I would like to go more into detail, but not per mail. Maybe if you have some time after the following lecture, we could talk about it. 

I promise this will be in your best interest and will help you! 

So please, talk to me next week. 

I wish much vigor and success for the rest of the week!

Prof. Dr. Dr. von Eschenwege

Did she really? Wow! It had never happened before that somebody apologized like this to me. But what did she meant by 'something I've noticed' and 'in your best interest'? I sure she knows nothing about me at all. So how could she know what's best? Still, the mail appeared sincere, plus, I could meet and talk to her. And I reaaally wanted to. Who wouldn't? She's an amazing person, cute, intelligent, hot, and oh my god—I had a crush on her. Bad Mavis, she's out of your league...and with this body...I just don't want a relationship or something else. I'm way too disgusting.

But anyway, it wouldn't harm to talk to her. I just needed to wait for another week. I wonder if I will make it.

LittleVixen

Thanks for reading!