NEVRAS

Herein lies my personal journal, which I have decided to share with some, but not Ambrosia, because it's embarrassing. I'm not sure how she would feel knowing that she is a character in this story. I would entreat all of those reading also not to share a word to those inside the royal castes. After all, there is some material within these pages that would compromise my position. You understand, don't you?

Ostensibly, I am Nevras Fitzembor, a common soldier within the army of Phoenix, and currently a mercenary. However, my real name is Crown Prince Nevrasia Astra Danger Fitz Embor Phoenix III. Yes, Danger is my middle name, but we will never mention this again.

I have made it known that while any children I have may be eligible for succession, I have no desire to rule. Frankly, the secrets I hide would be better kept if my parents were allowed to either rule in my place, or to appoint a regent. Phoenix is not patrilineal succession, but rather it would be fairer to say that it's a mix of several systems. Phoenix believes firmly in the Mandate of Heaven, which means when those of the royal bloodline misrule or refuse the position, someone else is chosen. Usually close relatives are given the crown, but because it is more important that a willing and suitable ruler be in office, regular citizens have on occasion become king or queen. My grandfather was direct line of Phoenix so he had the throne, but my mother rather than her husband was granted a coronation. This makes my dad a prince consort. Not that he minds this job.

At around age 15, I told my parents that they could rule in my stead until I had made a decision regarding the crown, and I basically left. My sisters weren't much better; after having become thoroughly sick of being waited upon hand and foot, they decided to renounce all titles. Between my twelve sisters, most became maids, hunters and fishers, or farmers in service of our castle; two others became townspeople, and one decided to travel along with a Miroku Buddhist. If people ask them though, they will deny that they were ever in line for the throne. My siblings look fairly different from myself, between dye jobs and rune-based reconstructive surgery.

The prospect of filling out paperwork all day and having no real power does not seem very appealing to any of us. Since Phoenix is a small area, our power counts for very little. This is not to say that I or my sisters would have changed our minds about ruling if we ruled more land.

Phoenix is an archipelago, a group of three closely knit islands that form an inverted triangle. There are wetlands near their coasts, giving way in places to hardwood forests, and gradually become much more mountainous near the town of Phoenix. The entire eastern edge of the western island and the northwestern tip of the eastern island end in a steep cliff, while the southern island is a lowlands. The entire group of islands receives record amounts of rain due to its coastal weather patterns. The town of Phoenix is a mountain village across the sea from the town of Opening; there is very little for us to “rule” over in such a backwater place. We just review largely pointless laws, only to conclude there is no need for them.

On the other hand, Phoenix is invested in the Council, and its decisions matter there. But any discussion of leadership is largely academic, since by Council law, any kingdom is not allowed to rule over more than one town. Our position is more like that of a mayor.

Centuries ago, the leaders of the State divided the nations entirely into ten regions. These largely unelected folk were quick to become dictators with no checks and balances to answer to, all while pretending to be peacekeeping force. They gave grand-sounding mission statements, but ultimately it was about control of the population. Why, they even once tried to lock everyone indoors because of a virus! WHO would do such a thing...

GOD

The Conditioned Opinion Viral Immunodeficiency of 2019 (also known as the Phantom Virus), was a psychological warfare exercise. This was at a time when the State tried to reign over all, yet human beings were about to awaken spiritually. So they engineered a fear program. They convinced everyone that a deadly disease was going around, and that everyone must do their part to be safe. As if safety kept one from death.

I think it would be better to explain it as a mass reverse-placebo. Subjects were continually fed bogus statistics about cases or deaths, there were constant mentions of symptoms, and people were constantly exposed to masks and gloves (since people were told to wear them). People weren't going outside to verify whether actual illness existed, leading to a Plato's Cave situation where information was distorted. They were being fed a steady diet of unbelief. And the temples were closed, so people weren't able to feel connected or positive without significant effort. It was like a cult took over.

People were told they couldn't enter businesses without a mask, even if they were hard to get. Even if they had allergies or religious objections, even if they were so poor and hungry that they needed help, they were turned away at the gate. And the businesses themselves had to say this or be told they weren't being “safe enough.” It was a sick situation where the business didn't want to turn away customers, but were forced to in order to please people who never had any interest in their company, while annoying customers who would potentially boycott them in response. It was no-win and many stores closed, to say nothing of the massive crisis to all temples. There was loss of religious freedom, mass unemployment, forced vaccinations, scanning people to see if they were vaccinated, curfews, and there was also trillions in private bailouts because society didn't let the economy just figure out how it would work on its own.

I knew there was never any virus to begin with. This experiment was a Pavlovian exercise to induce “symptoms” similar to how stress hives developed. Inside the prescribed radius from others, people were sure they would become sick, so they did. These things were only as real as the fear itself, whether of the so-called disease or something else. Like the Salem Witch Trials before it, this was a mass hysteria.

It was only once people let go of their fears and tried to overcome them that they understood the Regaining Companionship sutra. This was one of the Miroku Buddha's teachings, not to fear those who could destroy the body, but to remember their soul instead. Then they regained companionship with me, and began to invite their friends back in their houses. Whenever humans spend time with others, they show love to me.

NEVRAS

Huh, I feel like my train of thought was interrupted for a second there... Anyway, after they were finally overthrown, the remaining nations took stock of all that had happened, and realized government was most effective when it stayed to its own affairs. And so, the Anti-Government Council was formed in the New Earth. They were a sort of constitutional anarchy, quite paradoxically; a world government dedicated to preventing the formation of world governments. The Council prevented towns from gobbling up each other towns and becoming empires. The Council made laws against certain taxes (with income/property taxes prohibited, some leaders got very creative) and the use of military for anything but self-defense. The Council weren't completely a nuisance though, since they did facilitate overseas trade and helped countries develop goods and services. As a kingdom, we weren't that rich, but we managed to avoid making our citizens grumpy by producing our own food with subsistence farming and by hunting. Since we were a series of islands, fishing was not a problem either. We got most of our money from exports and from... well, I'll discuss that later. The citizens in turn treated us well, showing us to nice restaurants and other entertainment, and getting some of their money back. Still, I despised the Council, as I despise most hypocrites.

I eventually joined a mercenary service. I adopted common speech to hide my noble origins, and used only what money I could carry. Fighting creatures gave me pride which I had not possessed as nobility, for I learned to work with my hands rather than rely on connections. And so it was that my journey led me to Opening. The town is just as I last saw it, when I visited to collect on my bounty. By that, of course, I mean a shithole. I watched as the guards killed a woman for failing to pay their toll, and I continued as I saw a girl with fern blue (I know my colors, but I'm not gay or anything) hair was getting pushed directly into the crowd. Finally, I had seen enough.

Perhaps I look a bit too much like some stock blond spiky-haired characters of heroic legend. It is as if someone modeled these heroes after me, then decided to make me much different from what is expected of a real hero. But I'd rather not talk about that.

I pulled out my katana, silently stepped closer, and swung at the guard with a wide sweeping arc of the sword while his back was turned. The crowd scattered as this scuffle started, not wanting to get hurt, despite not minding these guards cutting people up apparently. As I had found while hunting bears and other furry animals, it was extremely effective against flesh and muscle. However, the lamellar armor did its job of keeping out shallow swings. I had been in the army, as mentioned before... but, to be completely honest, I was a mere scout. They trained me to use a sword, but my light body lacked the driving power to deal with heavy infantry. The guards turned around, and the male one said, “Halt! Who goes there?” I taunted the male guard and got him to chase after me. The female guard tried to chase after me as well, but she was too close to the gate entrance, and had to slow down to avoid crashing into the gate. As the soldier raised his weapon at me, I blocked with my sword and pirouetted to the right as if I were going to flank the guard from that side, but it was a fake. I dove under his legs instead, and drew my sword before he could react, using the Speed Slash technique.

Unlike thaumaturgy, techniques don't use mystic power. Yes, this is even true of those guys that can generate lightning by swinging their weapons around. Show offs. My technique was nothing much, I just rushed forward at high speed, and slashed a few times. It was the sort of technique that a person could use to slash an apple several times in midair, like in all the movies. Oddly enough, though, it was called Speed Slash and not Speed Slashes because the average person only saw the sword get swung once and return to the wielder's side. The slashes cut the straps connecting portions of the armor. The breastplate portion of his armor slid off, and I used the remaining slices to take him down. The female guard was a bigger problem, she had finally caught up, and she seemed the more vicious of the two from what I noticed. I also generally had more reservations about horribly mangling her body, like I did with this guy. People tend to die when they are killed, after all. It's unsightly. Given this, I played a defensive combat game, hoping to study her form, and wear her down. With any luck, I could disarm her and knock her out. It was dangerous enough though, she definitely had more arm strength than me, even given her small size. One cut to the wrong area would be the end of me. I weaved left, I ducked right, and I backed up as she slashed across. I was just about to dodge her next attack, when I slipped on an uneven mound of dirt. It had rained yesterday and some of the ground had sunk from foot traffic. This was not supposed to be the day that I got impaled or beheaded. I was supposed to be the brave hero, who saves the girl. Wasn't I?

AMBROSIA

For the record, I am not a conventional fighter. I learned to fight from defending my territory against rats with a fishing pole, and I learned to fish from many times where it mattered that I... stay fed. I am really quite good at getting a meal this way most days. Of course, anything close to a pond in town has basically no fish, because it's called a large puddle. I am neither particularly fast, any more than another person, nor strong, nor anything much else. If a story were made of me, I clearly wouldn't be the lead. I know how to use my basic skills to fight, though. I guess that's something. I can sew, fish, chop wood, cook, and put on a corsets and other fine clothes (thanks to my somewhat upper-middle class adopted parents).

It was just me, the girl, and the guards. Then, this beautiful girl managed to take out the male guard, only to be forced to weave in and out of attacks. Her movements were as flexible as a dancer (I had no idea at the time that I was actually watching a grown man, so convincing was his femininity). Since her back was now completely turned to me, I cast my fishing pole fly-fish style, I managed to hook the cord around the woman's shoulder, and then twirled it until it also tangled around her other shoulder and looped tightly near her chest. I had caught marlins before, so I wasn't a weakling. I yanked hard, pulling her closer to me and farther from this other girl. She had tried to cut it, but I jerked hard enough and fast enough that the sword flew out of her hand. Unfortunately, it managed to graze the knee of the girl who was trying to help me, and she had to sit this one out while she performed first aid. Now that she was close enough for me to do so, and before she stood up, I decided to run in a circle around her, still holding the pole. “Gotcha suckers!” I screamed. Using the fact that she was restrained to my advantage, I jumped on her back before she got a chance to move toward her weapon.

We wrestled in the dirt for quite a while. She managed to move on top of me and free her arms in the process of struggling, and then held my shoulder down while she wrapped her legs around mine, just below the knee. She basically had her knees folded almost in a triangle with her knee near my hips, and her arms apparently making ready to choke me, if she could manage to loosen her arms and shoulders enough to move them closer. Only, I was sitting on the fishing pole, so that wasn't happening. I tugged slightly, and the coiled line around her pulled her arms away from me. On the other hand, I had my hands mostly free, having only the misfortune of being tied at the waist to her by fishing line, and her legs around my lower body. I pivoted slightly to the right, as much as I could anyway with our bodies locked and reached for the strap of her outfit. Given that I knew all about complicated female outfits, having seen everything from zipper to lace-up fastening for clothing, it was a simple matter to find where the parts to her two-piece breastplate and skirt armor undid, being careful to slide them under the fishing line, managed to leave her completely in her underwear, except for a red leather helmet that left a bit of green hair peeking through.

For someone so brutal, she wore surprisingly girlish lingerie, bearing a lacy set of pink brassiere and panties. As she became exposed, her earlier bravery was replaced with something more akin to a submissive personality. She dropped all antagonism, so I punched her in the stomach. Since we were tied to each other, my actions pulled me on top of her. I loosened my bonds (including her leg) and tried to stand up. This turned out to be easier said than done, since the moment I stood, she suddenly became very clingy, pulling me halfway down and kissing my lips with a sort of hunger. I didn't really kiss back. It's not that I'm asexual. Like I said, I can't feel very strongly, so I tend not to get very attached emotionally. Right now, I knew exactly the appropriate response when someone I barely knew lusted after me and wanted to give me sweet sweet loving. It was of course to kick them with the heel of my foot. Repeatedly. Oddly, enough, she started moaning, and when I tried walk away, cried “Don't stop! I want more...” I agreed, “Okay, but only on the condition that you guards stop bothering people. There must be another way than this!” After thinking a moment, she concluded, “Honestly, most of the guards were thinking they could probably still make the tax money by moonlighting as prostitutes.” Yep, I still hate this town. I kept my end of the bargain and continued to kick her while she proceeded to kiss my leg. Finally, the bruises were enough for her and she was exhausted.

I looked at my rescuer. She was tall and slim with nice hips, and had a healthy mane of short spiky blond hair which I had a strong urge to tousle. It wasn't until she spoke that I noticed her distinct lack of breasts, and heard her too deep voice. Heaven and Earth, but he was gorgeous. He asked me, “Are you all right?”

Someone this pretty wouldn't respect a downer girl like me. I had to lie, and fast. Putting on my best fake happy smile, I said, “Why wouldn't I be okay?” To answer, he pointed at my fallen rival. “Oh alright, so I have a few issues. So sue me. And you still haven't told me your name. Who are you?”

GOD

I just thought I'd break the story a little bit, to talk about something important. I know some of you are worried that I basically moved the topic away from what happens next. This is a literary device, known as suspense. We take the action away from the main character so you have time to wonder, “What happens next?” Don't worry, I shall not take too much of your time.

Today, we will talk about death. I know that you saw the dashing man Nevras kill someone in full view of everyone, and are worried if your children should be reading this book. Especially with some of the sexual references. Granted, it was probably in the Adult section of your local library. But still! I know they sometimes check out books above their reading level.

You mustn't be concerned. Death is a natural part of life, and even though murder is definitely not natural, nor what I intended them to do, there is less worry over mortality in this world. For not only are priests able to raise the dead, but even if they don't... it'll be okay. Unlike in Earth, death does not operate with the same intensity on the New Earth. Lives are still quite sacred, to be clear, so abortion or murder are frowned upon. But I will generally forgive such things, provided one feels real sorrow for having killed another life.

There is another reason. Remember how I said all those historical events happened? Oh wait, I haven’t talked about this yet. You silly humans and your “time” thing. Well anyway, it turns out that I changed my mind. What really happened was around this time was that I was changing reality. I gave them Grace from Jesus, after the Law failed. Before that, I was the God of the universe and solely in control, but now I shared my power and I made them co-creators. I proposed the idea of seinaru-ishi (thaumaturgy) and kiseki (miracles). And yet, I told nobody about this until after the New Earth. This meant that most people did not understand how to be saved. I showed them with the resurrection that they no longer needed to fear death. Yet they kept expecting that one day, my Son would come again. And they made up stories about the second coming, and how the wicked would be damned. Who just so happened to be the same sort of sinners that I forgave on the cross?

Eventually, the Earth did get destroyed anyway. When I remade the Earth, I decided to improve it, as people believed what John of Patmos had written, “And I saw a New Heaven and a New Earth, for the first Heaven and the first Earth were passed away; and there was no more sea. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes...” That wasn't my plan (he kinda made false prophecy), but I went along with that part. But immediately, fishermen complained that they had no work. And people who were bored wanted death and pain to remain. As I wasn't sure how to proceed, I brought humans up to my design room and had them argue. This is how I came up with the idea of the Great Revision, then I went back in time in the original Earth to test it out. It began with the Mandela Effect. It was obvious why I wanted to undo Nelson Mandela’s death in prison, but changing Jiffy to Jif peanut butter or rewriting Vader’s line in Star Wars were less obvious. Satan even helped with some of these, though the quality was lacking. I mean, c’mon, why would C-3PO have a silver leg or Curious George not have a tail? And the line in Pokemon should be “no worries” not “no need to worry.” These were all part of a plan to teach humans how to rewrite reality to avoid unwanted futures. Eventually, humans discovered the power of the Soulfire, the ability to reshape reality. This was the first of many types of magic, at least since ancient times.

I gave them back the sea, but it was such that anyone could breathe underwater if they had strong will. And I gave them death, but it was such that spiritually people could choose how fast they aged, and when they wanted to die. But I also gave all people the ability to remember that there was an Afterlife. This even included atheists, though they had to do some mental gymnastics usually involving denying reality itself. The sting of death was taken away, for all could remember that death was not to be feared.

All of them, except for Ambrosia. She was born without a memory of most of her life, and being afraid of her own death. Why did she not remember, you ask? You forget, suspense is important, dearest reader. I shall not tell you right now. Yet, I made a promise. If ever her story ended before she completed her task as Oracle, I had made the decision to use a prayer. I would recite the words, Reset and her entire group would be taken back to the nearest safe place. From there she was able to make a different decision, and change her fate. They weren't supposed to remember this reset, but sometimes they did anyway.

You ask, but what happens to atheists or people who don't believe in an Afterlife? Well, my dear readers, this will require some backstory. In fact, let's go all the way back to the Beginning. They ask, “What created God?” I can say with all certainty that I created me. I had come into being, as a result of looped reality. That is, a later me wanted me to exist, so that version of me created the earlier me. Likewise, creation cannot happen ex nihilo, everything is a transformation of my eternal body. For eternity before everything was created, before there was such a thing as time, I was Yin and Yang. I alone was Existence in the universe, in a swirling mass of Void nearby. Void can be thought as an absence in the universe, but it isn't actually nothing, because something must exist to cause things to break down into entropy. While powerful wonder-workers can summon the Void as offensive or utility effects, it is safe to say that unlike matter, Void is not really “created.” It is least confusing to refer to this as unmade matter, where matter needs to be created.

And there was nothing but Void here, aside from me. And then, tired of nothing happening forever, I spoke the words, “Hikari ga aru yō ni” and there was Light (many people think because I am God of the Hebrews, that I spoke these words in Hebrew, but that is incorrect; Unified Japanese is the true language of the universe, along with computer code). From that moment on, the Reapers existed as personifications of the Void. They were beings that handled the underpinnings of reality. Think of them like you would the backstage crew of a set. I created things, but they built the runes that allowed things to sustain themselves. When hooded, they looked like the typical grim reaper, and their hood somehow completely covered their face, but actually all of these but one were women, and rather attractive for beings that would never get lucky, ever, since they weren't created to reproduce. Unlike the classic Grim Reaper, each had a different color robe. There were seven of them: Rinne was the Reaper of the Afterlife; Seishi was the Reaper of Birth; Yomi was the Reaper of Death, the Grim Reaper; Chiku was the Reaper of Nature, Engaku was the Reaper of Physics, Jin had authority over Free Will; and finally, Bosatsu, as the one male in the group governed the Unseen World. The Unseen World was the world where the Reapers (and their human employees, the Pales) lived.

The typical soldier for a town guard is chosen for his lack of belief in the supernatural, which grants them powerful antimagic to defend against those who might think to use thaumaturgy against them. This decision wasn't without drawbacks, as they were unable to see most ghosts and had difficulty using magical items. While indirect magic like enchantments or illusions might still work, any time an atheist was aware of active magic within about five feet of them, they would nullify it. When an atheist died, rather than experiencing a self-created Afterlife, they directly saw the Unseen World.

Typically, a Reaper would approach them and ask them how they wanted their body disposed of. Every now and then, the Reaper of the Unseen World would ask a person if they wanted to become a Pale, a human servant of a Reaper. Unlike Reapers, who could only be seen by mortals if they were dead or if they touched them, the Pales were capable of being seen by humans. But they usually didn't know what they were seeing. A human that saw a Pale would instead see a crow or raven eating the body, or fungus making things fertile, or a midwife delivering a baby.

That's what happened here. The dead soldier's world fell away, replaced by a sepia world that mirrored ours. While the world itself lacked color, there were connecting strands webbed across everything, extending from specific points where people were born, dying, etc. Suddenly the gate of the town was as crowded as it had been before. And then he saw the source of these strands. There were seven tall beings in hoods, waiting for him to make some sort of decision. “Do you want to die?” they asked.

After thinking for a second, he replied, “I thought I am dead already.” They chuckled like those who had heard a joke many times before, yet still found it mildly amusing. The one in black, Yomi, responded with a sigh, “Your body was killed, but you do get to choose. We can reincarnate you. We can destroy you and turn you into energy. We can let you wander as a ghost.” The one known as Bosatsu stepped towards him. “You are a warrior,” he said, “for long I have watched you defend this land. Would you like to continue in your duty? Would you like to become a Pale?” The soldier considered for a second, and then answered, “No. I want to create a barrier to screen out all those who would harm the people of this land, be they humans or animals.” Chiku, the Reaper of Nature, stabbed him with her scythe, and his body turned into runes. Whenever someone tried to enter who had evil will, vines would spring up and block the entrance. So you see, dear reader, this is why you should not spend too long mourning this man.

NEVRAS

“My name is... ummm, Nevras Fitzembor. That's it, yes. I am clearly a regular mercenary and not anything else,” I said, even though it was blatantly obvious that I was lying. For some reason, she just stared at me, not caring particularly that I was hiding something. It was pretty clear that she liked my looks from her blush.

As I am well aware, I lack many of the male secondary sex characteristics while I have many uncharacteristically female traits, short of actual breasts. I had myself tested at a young age by our court alchemists, and ultimately they concluded that, yes, I was a fertile male, but I had difficulty using some of the testosterone for development. Even at an old age, I would not be able to grow a beard and would have smaller than normal muscles for the amount of strength I should have.

It used to be that doctors and scientists told people they couldn’t be fertile, but some of that was to give them an excuse to cut away and make everyone look “normal” by their standards. Then the Great Intersex Revolt happened, and people closely examined these people and the unnecessary surgeries they were given. This event came about because less and less men were born conventionally masculine. Men began to stop building muscle mass as a result of wars taking the biggest and strongest, and even the growth of beards became somewhat rare, with only about a quarter of the male population able to grow facial hair. It was like on a very spiritual level, men stopped caring about being men and instead wanted to be more like women.

People like me used to be considered sterile, but then people with far more extreme conditions managed to do so. It did mean that I was more likely to have daughters than sons, though, if I ever had children. I was just a very soft-looking guy, who could pass easily for either gender. I had small hands, no Adam’s apple, and broad hips, yet down below I was not female. A little padded armor and suddenly I looked a lot more manly; on the other hand, I was certain that I could with only a small amount of effort pass equally easily for a girl. Not that I'd ever tried, right?

The girl decided it was her turn to speak. “My name is Brahman. Ambrosia Brahman. I owe you my life. Thank you!” She paused as if considering something very weighty to say, and then just spat it out, “Could you help me? I have one of those quests to carry out, and it would be tedious without a cute male companion to join me.” I immediately blurted out, “Sounds cool!” And indeed it did. Over the course of the next hour and a half as we walked toward her destination, she discussed her experiences, being extremely secretive about certain details. I felt inspired to help her out. There was something about her that made me think even someone like me would be accepted without a second thought.

We exited the town. Now, things might seem strange to those of the 20th and 21st centuries, but there is very little in the way of running water or underwater pipes, no roads to speak of, few bridges or dams. Alchemy has made things like cement and advanced metallurgy possible, so within towns, even without any magic, there was running water and the latest conveniences. So why are there only well-trod paths and no formal roads? It's because towns stop at the outskirts, since government doesn't usually have authority out there.

The landscape passed by. We passed through thickets and worn dirt, noticing the huge tree in the background near an even more ponderous mountain. At long last, I could see the outskirts of the town. The sign read, «The Town of Shoten. This town is famous for the Sage Delphi. Only women are permitted inside the temple!» Oh crap. Ambrosia decided to try anyway. She went directly to the entrance to the temple, and demanded they let her in. They would not even agree to simply let her enter without me, electing instead to give us both a sharp poke in the stomach, knock us prone, and insist that we leave. It was only after we rose from the gravel that we noticed a blond girl in pigtails waving us over.

AQORM

As a proud resident of the town of Shoten, permit me to be your guide. You, the people on the other side. I see you looking. And as a dodecacentenarian , my perspective is somewhat beyond human standards, which probably why I know about you guys reading this. Even though I have read thousands of books, everything from advanced philosophy, engineering, agriculture, and economics, to musical theory and poetry, it feels like showing off my knowledge would make me a center of attention. My true age is 2018 years, but it suits my purposes better to pretend to be only 18 years old; I pretend to be a carefree half-elf who knows nothing about the Earth's sad history, and who plays childish pranks on people.

While many people think being a half-elf only entails elf and human pairing, some half-elves are half-demon, and so on. Elves come in several shapes and sizes, but all have night vision and superior senses, and a racial affinity for geomancy. There are the high elves, those with advanced magic in addition to geomancy. While geomancy granted elves a power that drew power directly from the type of land the user was standing on, high elves used also thaumaturgy of other races; however, unlike other races they were able to use them without expending mystic power due to their natural connection with the land. There's also the wood elf, who were strong and fast, and able to navigate the woodlands easily without losing speed. Other elves, such as the drow and aquatic elf, were less commonly seen. The drow lived deep under the earth with another race known as hill elves, and the aquatic elves could breathe underwater and were similarly away from sight.

There are even some “half-elves” who are two different breeds of elf. I won't bore you with the technicalities, but elves do not consider each other the same race. It has something to do with their racial superiority complex, each elf believes its race to be the ideal of elfhood. I am a “half-elf” in that I was a flawed blend of wood elf and aquatic elf. My parents were all elf, and looked as young as a teenager, while I was beginning to look older than them. While all elf, the mixed blood in my body meant my body wasn't fully adapted to life as either elf race, so I would eventually die. My father was a aquatic elf who left for the surface after becoming bored with life below. My mother was a wood elf who met him on the job. Oh right, I should mention about her occupation, but perhaps let's save that for later. What happened now is important, because the events today changed my life.

Half-elves by the way, even those like me, could easily be identified as such. I had long ears like other elves, but any purebred elf would be readily distinguishable by the shorter height and extra digit on each hand or foot. That's right, real elves have only four fingers and four toes, not five. As such, even though my parents wanted to teach me about elf culture, they couldn't. I was considered a mortal, and I would gradually age.

I had left my family to pursue my dreams, since they could never understand me. After arriving in the town of Shoten, I took in the sights. It was a rather small town, with a smattering of shops and other buildings, surrounding a large two-story temple in the center with a set of stained glass windows. The second floor was mostly just a staircase to the bell tower, which rang once per daylight hour. Most of the houses in town had stone frame and wood roof structure, including the temple. This was done as a specific building quirk, and it seemed to be popular, as other towns copied this design. As it was, I owned the only building made entirely out of wood, and it honestly wasn't much of a house. The outside of the place was just as big a wreck. It was a log cabin with the facade of roof, with nothing but cardboard roofing behind it. In fact, it was of such poor quality that a kid threw a rock at it, and it made a hole. The masons, used as they were to repairing stone buildings, simple placed a paper sign on the area, «Repairing the hole in the ceiling. Be back later! -Department of Public Works.» They were never back. We have a leak even today.

As bad as this building was, it put me at a good vantage point to see most of the major events of town. I saw the “women” who walked the streets of this town. There was an inordinate amount of female impersonators aged from childhood to well into old age. Not that everyone was male, but the fact that there was somewhere men couldn't enter created a situation where some of them were tempted to don wigs and makeup. It was especially the case when Delphi, the woman inside the temple, was said to have prophetic abilities.

It was at this time when I saw two people head to the gates of the temple who definitely weren't from this town. I decided to help them after watching them walk right towards the gate guarded by two shapely women. The guards only said, “There is a man with you! You shall not pass!” before bludgeoning them with a mithril quarterstaff in the stomach, knocking them back and causing them to groan as though suffering from indigestion. I also decided I would not tell them about the back entrance. The boy looked entirely too sexy for this opportunity to go to waste. I didn’t dare steal him away from the girl he seemed to be traveling with, but I did want to see how cute he could look. I was wary though, as this woman looked more than slightly emotionally disturbed. Granted she outwardly seemed calm, but I had seen women like her before. If ever she did become his boyfriend, she was the type to remember that I had done and do terrible things to me.

There is something you should know about these guards. They are aware that many of the visitors are in drag. They only keep out those who do not do a decent job of it. In fact, the town has cut a deal with me. My housing is free, plus a small stipend, so long as I aid and assist those who wish to enter. My house is small, but since elves and half-elves don't really need to sleep, there is only a small vanity table with a mirror and cosmetics. We had a few costumes hanging on a hook too, but most people prefer to get their own clothes. Provided they brought other supplies, I would help them make the look passable. I had transformed obvious men with plenty of facial stubble, broad torso, and square jaw into dainty ladies with soft faces, long eyelashes, and good curves. Having a better subject to work with was definitely preferable though.

“Hey!” I called out to the hapless targets of abuse. “You look like you need help.”

The girl had a strange expression on her face. She had just been beaten up, but for quite a few seconds, her face showed no response at all. Then, with effort, she managed to look peeved. Still, her voice had no note of emotion even while she acted angry, “Those guards beat us up. The nerve!” She continued, still trying to sound more upset than she apparently felt, “I don't know what to do! If we can't get in, I won't be able to complete my quest.”

It was extremely odd. As she explained her mission from God and her past, I definitely got the sense that it should be important. Yet somehow, as my elf senses were quick to point out, there was a definite note that there was something missing. Possessive clinginess to her man notwithstanding, she didn't give vibes of a sociopath or psychopath, her emotions weren't fake, she simply was trying to hide the fact that she seemed to be unable to care about anything. It occurred to me that someone who had a quest but no passion would quit midway, and become bored or depressed at the slightest setback. Somehow watching this girl try to be passionate about the idea of being passionate was starting to affect me. I wanted to follow her. I wanted to make sure she never failed in her quest. Suddenly, it was about something more than just helping her guy carry out a scam.

I had to phrase this carefully, or these two would never agree. I decided to act as if I had just thought of this idea, and not been doing this so often that at least one-third of the population had already gone along with this plan. “What if... You could dress up a girl, maybe?” I'd expected him to put up some resistance, but it was a refusal followed by, “Okay, I guess so,” when Ambrosia told him it would be fun. From there, since he was reluctant to head to the store and buy clothes, I convinced him to instead fight one of the “women,” omitting certain relevant facts. Of course it was legal to be attacking random citizens for their clothing, because I had given them this clothing after all. The target for attack immediately tried to confess “her” feelings to him, until Nevras attacked with the flat of his sword. Aside from my geomancy, I also had years of experience picking pockets. I had originally planned to be a pianist. Busking with a grand piano was more difficult than I had expected though, because of hauling it around. Until I managed to make money as a makeup artist, I learned the art of theft to make ends meet. While the target was distracted, I removed their clothes, much to the shock and embarrassment of Nevras and Ambrosia as the victim, I mean target, attempted to cover his nudity. I directed Nevras to my house before he asked the awkward question of why a woman we had undressed suddenly turned out to be male.

Inside my house, I showed Nevras to the vanity table, and told him to undress. Ambrosia waited outside. He stripped down, taking off a blue shirt and pants, which it turned out were actually a type of padded armor. His body was actually much smaller under this. He took off his boxer briefs, and suddenly I understood why. He likely had what was known as Partial Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome. He had no breasts, but his small equipment, generally low amount of body hair, and feminine features were proof enough. I noticed right away when he put on the bra and panties that he understood about tucking. He had definitely done this before. I got the sense perhaps that Ambrosia hadn't figured it out that Nevras was into this sort of thing yet. I fished around through the other stuff I had handy, and found some false breasts. Centuries of alchemy combined with a high level of advances in runes had created materials that were waterproof, didn't leak or tear, and blended so completely to the skin that it was impossible to notice. When it was time to remove, they would slip off with a touch, and yet one could exercise, swim underwater, or bounce up and down on a bed and not have them detach. They even felt real! While Nevras could walk around without a bra and still not be suspected, it wouldn't do to have jiggling everywhere. I zipped him up in a medium-length blue dress, and he slipped on some matching heels. I put on some makeup on him, adding some foundation, concealer, powder, and blush, then added a touch of lipstick. His eyebrows were good, so I wound up doing a minimum amount of work there. Come to think of it, his makeup was far more natural looking than most of my other subjects. I added a wig in a similar color to his hair, pinning his own hair in a cap. Finally, I opened the door to show him off to Ambrosia.

AMBROSIA

Wow.

NEVRAS

For the next few minutes, Ambrosia stared at me like a horny teenager. I doubted she could articulate anything going on in her head besides a strong desire to jump my bones. I knew she was attracted to me but somehow being made up like this seemed to turn her on more than some conventionally manly guy would.

After a few seconds of something similar to shock, she whipped out her phone and started taking pictures. Her phone started printing off photos, and before I could grab away the phone (and possibly smash it) she ran off. Ambrosia returned with a big stash of money, obviously claimed by selling pictures to random people.

We stood at the gate to the temple. The guards now said, “Good, it looks like you're all female! I'll let you folks in.” And with that, they stood aside and unlocked the doors.

Inside the temple doors, the stone walls of the temple and high windows blocked all but faint light. The stained glass from the back and side windows cast faint images of strange prophecy, with three windows in the back and six on each side. The back three windows had a single event, depicting of a woman pointing to a man's apparent mother and father, the same man leaving those and going to slay his real father, and... “Oedipus,” I murmured. There were many other pictures, from prophecies of war to rise and fall of kings, and even one that had a series of silver spears which had a plaque below that read, «with silver spears, you will conquer the world.» I have little knowledge about these ones though, so I ignored them and continued to look around.

Priestesses moved about, performing all sorts of tasks such as cleaning the temple, helping to interview candidates for whether they were good candidates for her prophetic powers, or ushering them out if they had silly questions concerning weather or the like. Those who were accepted were asked to bring gifts to the Oracle, and they were given laurel leaves to carry around in preparation for seeing her. At the very back of the temple sat a woman in a long white dress sitting in front of a crystal ball. Yes, seriously, like a cliche fortuneteller, except for the fact that her outfit resembled a bride more than a soothsayer. Behind her was a wall of red curtain aside from a small archway. I couldn't see what was in the archway yet because it was too dark and I was too far away. Somehow or other, Ambrosia found a bag of coins on the floor. The bag immediately broke when she lifted it, though.

I'm getting ahead of myself though, as I hadn't even made it halfway down the hall. Ahead of me was a young man with short-cropped silver hair. His outfit was quite different from the others in the temple, wearing black and white cloak. He had the general look of a well-educated scholar, and he was looking directly at us. I immediately realized that he was probably blocking the way. Also, how'd he get in?

This man talked in depth about history, from the original Earth to our New Earth. He told us why the lessons of history proved that the Oracle must fight him to prove her worth.

GOD

While Elias believes he knows the history of the world, he forgot some points, mainly Earth's religious history. It is my job to explain this, since I am the Author of all things, and I know way more than any pitiful mortal. The religions we have today are not like the ones of the past Earth. Long ago, the Earth was consumed by evil. Before we go on, let me straighten things out. You humans for many years believed taking the name of God in vain meant saying things like "God damn" or "Oh my God," but it is not. Taking my name in vain means dragging my name through the mud, like saying that I would sentence people eternally to Hell, or that I sponsored religions to kill nonbelievers. I believe in people, not religions. I had already said, “Look, people, I don't care what religion you personally adhere to. Just love each other and stop killing each other.” Apparently, this small request was too much of an imposition. These leaders that told other people some angel told them I gave this message, or that I had told them to found that religion. Honestly.

After one of these religions in particular started a bloody conquest that killed billions, I decided to send the archangel Gabriel to convince them that I had in fact not told them to do this. They tried to fight my archangel, but even their strongest weapons were brushed aside while Gabriel yawned. Then he summoned the animals.

Over the years, sacrifice animals had been pricked, prodded, had their throats slit, been burned, or even had creepy people pull their hearts out of their chests and show it to them. Among the signs and wonders performed were making all sacrifice animals become Saints. When you think of saints, many of you readers think of pious men and women who do nothing but praise me. While this image is largely true, I shall show a picture of what this really looks like if these come to Earth. Hundreds of thousands of animals rose up with new bodies (since their original bodies had long since rotten or been carved into food) which were impossible to hurt or restrain by objects of this world, and which ravages of time no longer affected. They aren't zombies, but no matter what I say, you readers will always think, “some sort of holy living zombies or something.” All of the animals slaughtered suddenly began mooing and clucking and oinking while walking about again. And they were pissed at having been sacrificed. Blowtorches, chains, machine guns, nukes, and even energy weapons did not damage one hair on their heads. And the archangel who summoned them was fast enough to dodge bullets but didn't have to, and could make things appear just by speaking about them.

When they understood that a real angel was telling them their religions had gone down a false path, and nothing violent they tried had any effect, they eventually agreed to disband as a group. It may seem unbelievable that humans would ever surrender to a single person, but here were creatures staring them in the face that their religions could never explain, yet were more real even than their weapons. These religious zealots converted to a new religion to reflect this change. They named this new faith Sakun, or “stillness.” Then they moved far away from others and never converted by force again.

I am always accused of being cruel, as are my followers. But I saw possible futures. In the first possible future, this religion continued to expand until they covered the whole world, bringing violence with them. The other option involved crowding all of them into the lands where they came from, then further walling them inside. These futures further branched into infinite number of paths, but no matter what happened, things were worse if I did nothing. Some paths involved them killing each other off, while others involved constant invasion attempts until other religions had enough and nuked them. This branch of reality did not need to happen. Those who live to hurt others will never be satisfied, because the happiness they really want is never fulfilled. I wanted better for them, even if my methods seemed heavy-handed.

Years passed. I would have thought (because I am not omniscient, unless I choose to be) that with them gone, the world would be at peace. But then, the nations of the world united under a single group known as the State. The State had no legitimacy, since no nation's people voted for them. They tried to trick and brainwash, and otherwise control citizens of these nations. But logic and reason exposed them, and their own brutality undid them. When people voted to disband them, they tried to say that the votes weren't “real.” I could have seen their future, but there was no need. I knew of history, and it always ended poorly for such people. When states tried to tell people they couldn't have free government, they wound up strung up by the “democratic” lynch mob they so loved. In other cases, such groups succeeded, only to find out that in order for their despotism to stay in power, they had to keep offering perks to those that gave them consent to govern, or suddenly find themselves murdered.

In this case, they had a seemingly flawless system of control, using a number of fake events to produce a narrative that the people needed their authority because without them there would be no roads or bridges. When people realized they were capable of building their own roads and bridges and became sick of losing rights, they began to tell citizens that they needed their protection against environmental dangers, other evil religions, or to protect from plagues. When people began to dispute this, they manufactured such disasters as “proof” of this.

Yet the world did not end through disasters. In actual fact, contrary to so-called prophecies, it was never my intention to bring the world to an end at all, but these people were actively destroying it. I didn't slaughter them, because I refused to restrict free will, but I did clean up any disasters they caused, much to their irritation. Only when people like Ungorr the Untamed began to corrupt the very sanctity of life through science, only then did I let the Earth stay polluted.

You see, this Ungorr guy, he wasn't conventionally evil. He was the sort of mean jock that you'd see in pubs, but not a dictator or world leader. He was just a narcissist with too much muscle. He was also bit of a rageaholic, and would kill people who didn't see him as a specimen of physical prowess. Such people generally live sad lives under normal circumstances, the tough guy in high school often being unable to hold a job after college, the prom queen leaving him for someone of character. Such was much of his life, he had few friends, no family, and no woman loved him because he was too violent. He would have remained this way, except that the State saw him and decided that he was the best candidate for their plans.

He had powerful followers, because people made his fitness obsession into a religion and pressured people to see him as almost a god. They worshiped at a temple known as the Gold's Planet. While the State was mostly made up of scrawny bureaucrats, this man and his group of fitness goons frightened people enough that they had second thoughts about disobeying orders.

Between the State being stronger than ever, and this goofball being in charge, things were bad enough. But this whole situation had been manipulated behind the scenes by a demon named Belial. Thanks to Belial, Ungorr gained access to a meteor that gave him super strength, immortal life, and invulnerability to all mortal weapons. Why, no prison built could hold him! He named the meteor Wormwood, after his high school. Using the meteor, his followers experimented with the dead, resulting in zombies roaming the Earth. His followers began to become very scary, and regular people were afraid of also being subjected to their experiments. Ungorr’s followers began to desire land to seize it, to take houses, and to rob people of their inheritance by force. They did this in broad daylight because they had the power now, and those who complained or defended themselves were now arrested. The Earth was a mess between the State, Ungorr, and his zombie followers, Belial, and the pervasive dark energy flooding the Earth. I sent the last Oracle of Tao to bring the world back into balance, but he failed. He learned what all Oracles learn, and I had to accomplish the job myself.

I remade this Earth, dividing it into the New Earth and the Realm of Void. However, this did not happen immediately but as a gradual process. And I broke the power of the State using a small group of plucky teenagers with powers. Their leaders of the State besides Ungorr put under arrest in order to answer for their war crimes, then those who could be executed were while the others were imprisoned. True, there were centuries of unrest as this broken empire left a political void that most people expected to be filled. And there were an awful lot of zombies roaming about. And ummmm... but let's brush over the nasty bit of history! Anyway, I sent angels to subdue Belial, but the Earth was too polluted with evil. And so I removed people from this Earth to be be put in a deep sleep, while I split everything and remade the world. But before that, world religions had their deities or prophets or what have you fulfill their apocalypse.

Contrary to their beliefs, I didn't want to have an apocalypse at all. There was too much the idea of killing off the wicked, and creating trouble to people caught in sin. Yet a lot of believers seemed like they would be disappointed, so I obliged their wishes without loss of life whenever possible. For example, while there was no lake of fire, the Christians who had not betrayed their faith were all raptured. They were here one moment, then they were in the Afterlife, leaving piles of clothing behind. For the most part, they decided to stay with me rather than returning to the New Earth. So I had a nudist colony, I guess. The only Christians today are called Revival Christians, those who found scraps of old Christian text. The Jews had their Messiah finally come, their Temple was rebuilt, and the dead were raised as Saints. These Saints were given the power to turn Ungorr and his zombies into dust with a touch. Those who were not slain were remade from zombies into a new lifeform. There are a fair number of them today, yet they are a pitiful race known as goblins. Miroku Buddhism was also founded at this time, when the Miroku came and taught pure dharma. These people tended to make long pilgrimages throughout the land, observing events of life and death. There were many other religions who had end times or a religious renewal, but too many to discuss in this text.

But the most shocking of all was the appearance of Lao Tzu, founder of Taoism. Taoism had never been a major religion, mainly consisting the idea of living in harmony with nature and returning to balance. They tended to not believe in the concept of apocalypse since the idea of good vs evil was abhorrent to them. Most of their followers were content to live in small towns, and let life go on as normal. And yet, these were interesting times, where the Tao was out of balance. He showed up and told everyone who was either a Taoist or not particularly committed to any one religion, “This world is to be flooded by darkness. Darkness and light become each other, decay and growth constantly alternate, and the Earth recreates itself. Join me, if you wish, and I will take you to the New Earth.” And just like that, Taoism went from a largely insular group to one of the most popular religions. Like Jehovah's Witnesses, they even have started knocking on doors. Unlike the Jehovah's Witnesses though, they didn't push very hard. It was more like, “Do you have a moment to talk about the Tao?” and if they refused, the proselyte would basically just shrug and walk off.

I saved even the atheists, because they had none to come for them (Dawkins was a hack). Lacking any religious salvation that they would accept, I had one of my angels appear as some guy in a lab coat, and rescue them in a “rocket ship” while the Earth was recreated. What they didn't know about outer space wouldn't hurt them, so I let them see what they thought they were seeing. I came not to judge the world but to save it, so I wanted as few people as possible to stay behind to witness this ruined Earth, but some refused to leave.

You may wonder a few things, like “Why doesn't this seem to match up with the sequence of prophetic texts like Revelation?” or “Why does there seem to be an apocalypse for virtually every religion?” Well, it's simple. These shocking end times are a fraud. I try not to take sides, and I save all of those that I can. It doesn't always work out though, so by the time the atheists were given a chance to leave, the Earth had become corrupt and darkened by pollution.

The souls of those that didn't accept me were melted down and recast into new life, using a process called the Six Paths. More on that later, but the point is, I don't do eternal torment. I desire all to be saved... no matter how many lifetimes it takes. And no, this isn't like reincarnation, such souls had no memory. I deposited these blank slates on the New Earth, in hopes that a better world might inspire them to be better humans.

In any case, this is how I offered a means for all of Earth's people regardless of their religion to be reborn on the New Earth. I am sorry that acted so much, but it was either this or let Earth be ruined, since many of the rules that I set up for myself to defend free will allowed such abuses to continue. And this is why it was senseless to try to block the path of the Oracle of Tao. Yes, I am well aware that this was a non sequitur.

ELIAS

I had known of the Oracle of Tao for some time now. I had spent several years in intensive study concerning predictive science, statistical analysis, and sociology. By compiling all of the data I had learned together with the prophecy from Delphi and her nuns, I was able to extrapolate the estimated physical traits of the coming Oracle, as well as the exact time she was likely to appear. This did not mean she could not be late. Such things are subject to our choices after all; however, it created a basic set of parameters that I could use to determine what to look for.

I knew for instance that she would have the tattoo, the Crest of the Oracle. I also knew from study of the past Oracles that they typically had a generally greater fear of death than the average person, a fear no longer common in humans of the New Earth, given the fact that nearly all living things now understood that there was an Afterlife. Lastly, I knew that the Oracle had two distinct traits: unusual physical features and the ability to distort probability. As a result of years of evolution, the human race now had difference shades of hair and eyes from those the original Earth were familiar with, but shades of blue, green, and purple were still roughly one in every one thousand people. My own silver hair was far more common, but still unusual. It wasn't enough though, so I used a prayer for Equal Fortune. Equal Fortune was the mystical equivalent of a Schrodinger's cat. If the person has strong bad fortune, their own purse would develop a hole when entering the area. If they have no fortune, nothing at all would happen. And of course, positive fortune would allow them to find money on the ground. This prayer could involve things other than money, but I wouldn't want her to hurt herself. That she had found a bag of money but the same bag also ripped meant she had powerful positive and negative fortune. I would have to test her power, so I said, “You are unworthy to bear the Crest. I must be the one to defeat you. Face me!” Well actually, she was at least potentially worthy. I saw her friends try to slip past, but they were kept at bay by my barrier. I looked at her companions. The warrior, was definitely a male, even though this was harder than normal to tell. He appeared to have some minor trappings of royalty in his walk and diction. The half-elf appeared to be much older than she conducted herself. I had read extensively in books concerning body language, even though I hadn't been around many people besides scholars. But I wonder, why was that elf behaving like a teenager? I considered possibly talking to her later, if she would permit me.

The Oracle got directly away from the point. “What are you doing inside a temple where men are kept out?” I would have thought the answer was obvious. I responded, “You didn't know about the back entrance?” I watched as her companion stared over at the archway with growing realization. “The back entrance...” the warrior said with a groan. This was all it took to start a battle against me.

I fight like a priest. It was, therefore, a long and frustrating battle for them. The warrior would slash with the sword and use techniques, but no sooner did I take serious wounds than I used my healing ability to close my own wounds. The half-elf girl seemed completely uninterested in hurting me. To be fair, her options were limited. Sure, she could stab me with her daggers, but trying to use geomancy on holy ground tended to result in using sacred energy. Light did basically nothing to living creatures, just like Dark tended to ignore the undead. She instead decided to steal my priest's cane, which was actually a good idea, since it boosted my spiritual strength. Cheeky girl. I only wanted to test them, not hurt them, so it was probably fine that this happened. I finally surrendered after fighting for an hour or so, and used my remaining energy to cure wounds. I wheezed out, “So you were chosen as the Oracle of Tao? You defeated me, so my honor will not rest until I join you. My name is Elias.” The others introduced themselves, and I was generally impressed with everyone. I was impressed with Nevras and his incredible ability to pass as female, not his sword skill. Ambrosia, due to the fact that she had made it through the wilderness into this town with almost zero combat ability. And I wanted to get to know more of Aqorm. I decided to join them if only to get to know Aqorm better, but I kept my reasons to myself. It wouldn't do to appear too emotional. That would be unseemly. It seemed that this motley crew didn't care as much about public reputation as most people though. No sooner had I agreed to join this party and lend my healing skills than Ambrosia gave me a rather weak hug. Nevras gave her a hug while she did, and then Aqorm wrapped her arms tightly around me from behind. It was almost like... a family.

AQORM

After a heated battle, the four of us engaged in a group hug, and then proceeded to walk towards Delphi. Well, that's a slight exaggeration. I actually held Elias by the shoulder and dragged him off while he seemed about give some long-winded speech about the history of the Oracle of Delphi or some such. I admire his intelligence, but getting to the point is a good thing.

I definitely didn't need to know that the position of Delphi 's Oracle, also known as the Pythia was established in roughly 8th century BC, and continued until just around the 4th century, when Christianity, or the emperor, or maybe an earthquake destroyed the temple. In the New Earth, since Christianity was no longer around, the temple re-established itself in 4257 AD... yeah, he's still talking, even though I'm dragging him.

We stood before Delphi. I suspected her position was inherited, because unless she was a full-blooded elf, she couldn't possibly be this youthful. And the lack of pointed ears distinctive in both elves and half-elves confirmed it. At last, she spoke. “You must face the Trial of the Oracle.” Ambrosia appeared startled... for her, that is. “Huh? I came here for advice on a vision I had earlier. I don't even understand what an Oracle is...” Delphi calmly stated, “Relax, I'll tell you if you win.” Oh, not another battle!

At that, she arose from her seat where we could see her poofy white bridal dress in all of its glory. She began to circle around us, at first walking slowly, then gradually picking up speed until she appeared as a blur around us. In the place of one blond woman in a white dress, there were three women forming a triangle around us. One stood in front, appearing as we originally saw, the two diagonally behind us appeared like color-swapped versions of her. The one behind to my left was a red-haired woman with her white dress a mild pink tone, the other had black hair and her dress was a soft bluish-white. All had identical hairstyle, and all seemed to be acting and talking in sync, “Only one of me is real. Guess the right one, and you shall earn my power!” Honestly, I didn't think Ambrosia could do it.

AMBROSIA

I admit, I was tempted to just whack away at was clearly the original one. But I decided to hold off for a second and observe, since I was certain any serious attempt attack the wrong one would probably wind up with all of us dead. I defended, and looked from version to version of Delphi. As I looked, suddenly I felt strange. I remembered all of the dreams that I had instead of proper memories. They all came rushing back to me, dreams of events that hadn't happened yet. I felt a power within me of observation and prediction. While I couldn't really see the future or anything, I had a sense of roughly how strong my adversaries were. It was almost more like a hunch than prophecy, but I had a keen sense of any weaknesses of Delphi, how wounded she was, and most importantly, it let me determine the real one as easily as would be the case if there was a large white arrow pointing at her and saying “real one.” Somehow I instinctively could tell that the blond Delphi was fake, as was the girl with black hair. When I looked at the ginger though, it just felt right to attack her. Ummm, I don't mean it like that.

I hit her hard and repeatedly with my fishing pole (I needed a better weapon soon), knocking her to the ground. Suddenly, the three girls faded away, and only the original was left. “Ow, I mean... Congratulations, you made a wise choice!” She stepped away from us, and sat back down in her original spot. It was almost like she had never moved from there, and there was some kind of battle mode that put her in another position. “So... you are indeed a bearer of the Crest. No need to disguise yourselves, I know there are men among you.”

Nevras appeared embarrassed and more than a little upset. I asked, “Then why the elaborate attempt to keep men out?” Delphi grinned. “Because men in drag are hawt! Why do you think so many of them were on the streets?” And yes, she said it like 'hawt' rather than 'hot.' She explained that Aqorm, our helpful ally had been willing participant in a paid town program to feminize much of the town's male population. Aqorm wanted to hide in a hole, until I assured her that it was actually okay, and we forgave her. I totally understood Delphi's motivations. Nevras looked like he was ready to explode. “...” he said. I said nothing.

After a long moment, Delphi said, “Anyway... I'm sure you're wondering what your quest is for. A while ago, a wizard stole a mystical urn. This urn was said to contain something of awesome power, which could only be released with 13 mystical crystals,” she said, coming across as having an even more strange way of talking than I do. “Supposedly, it was even sealed by God. As you know, breaking an Edict of God can probably end the world entirely, so you must stop it. To do this requires equally great power and a strong heart. Hence, the Crests are needed.” And that was all she had to say. I decided the conversation had some holes in it. What exactly we were to do next? I kept talking to her until finally she told us, “The Sage Lao Tzu can be found deep in the mountains nearby. He can tell you more about this.”

We hurriedly left the town, with Nevras looking ready to scream. I didn't let him remove his dress and other gear until nightfall, because frankly he really did look quite pretty in it. We walked towards the mountain we had seen earlier, trying to find a path up the mountain. Having circled around the southeastern side of the mountain to the forests of the north, we were almost about to head back towards a large tree near the northwestern side of the mountain that had been dubbed the Great Tree, when a group of centaurs showed up. We had not been without conflict on our journey so far. I just didn't want to remember it. There were ferocious bunnies in large packs and fearsome pixies, and the horrific strawman. The strawman, true to its name, resembled a practice target, with basically no ability to attack or run, and propensity for making weak arguments that even I understood were a fallacy. “If you don't believe in Roman Catholicism, you must be an atheist,” the last one told us shortly before I knocked it over with my fishing hook. These centaurs that we found in the woods were obviously sweet and friendly. They were so obviously sweet and friendly that they pulled out their longbows and began to fire arrows at us. I immediately hid in the bushes, while the others weren't so lucky.