Kira stood before a group of 6 succubi, these 6 would be responsible for crafting weapons. All of them had very serious expressions as they stood at attention before Rex. After taking so much shit from them over the months, he was shocked to see them all so serious. This lasted until the one with the shortest hair couldn't hold her excitement in any longer.
“Are we going to learn to make the great weapon of the succubi?!” She asked excitedly.
“I watched it burn the elves city down for over 3 days!” One of the succubi admitted bashfully.
Rex was in utter shock as he heard these comments.
“After Mistress Kira left, our sisters gathered everyone close enough to watch the historic event. The great weapon of the succubi will be in the annals of Succubus history after all.” The first succubus exclaimed.
Rex realized he had to stop them here, or they would never get anywhere today.
“The great weapon of the succubi requires an enormous amount of experience to be able to create, you must start at the basics first.” Rex began to grift the surrounding succubi. “ A great weapon of the succubi, built without the proper foundation, will never be a great weapon capable of bringing out the true fury of the succubi. Like a tree without roots, it will fail to stand!”
He now understood that his existence to the succubi would never be separated from his failure. What started as an experiment to see what mana could do if merged into different elements had produced that failure.
I need to name the damn thing, I am so sick of them calling it “The great weapon of the succubi!”
Rex had a headache over the succubi. Kira was proof, they could be just as capable as normal people.
Why are they all so lazy?! Is the dream of a succubus nothing more than seeking comfort and luxury?!
The image of his pig ex-wife demanding her portion of his paycheck, 5 minutes after it had been deposited. She knew when he got paid better than he did, and she spent all of it, almost immediately. They had met through his father's friend, and Mary just got worse over time. Being the spoiled princess of a city mayor, she always got what she wanted. Before he died, Rex made more than her father did, and he could barely stay in the middle class.
$120,000 a year was barely able to cover their bills because she shopped so much. Some of her dresses weren't even worn before they were thrown away to make room for more. As she started aging she also spent more and more to look young. All of it added up quickly, and Rex was struggling as the sole income provider.
Life is so unfair! Why couldn't I get a divorce, before I died!
“That stupid bitch, I hope she burns in hell!”Rex muttered in fury.
“That's mean! I just wanted to know when we will be making the great-” A hurt-looking succubus started but Rex stopped her.
“I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about any of you. I was just thinking of my ex-wife.” Rex said flatly.
“How has a child been married and divorced already?!” A succubus exclaimed.
“It was a long time ago, it doesn't matter.” Rex began. “Kira is going to teach you to make cold weapons, using casting. We picked up leather and everything else that will be needed.”
Rex thought of a way to make cruder weapons than stopped.
“I would just make a run of normal weapons first, then just beat them to hell, it should look like tool marks.” Rex wanted it to look like they were being forged.
How can they reduce their numbers for us, without pointier sticks?
The elves and beastmen had yet to properly figure out steel, Rex assumed only the dwarves knew. They had to hammer metal into steel, then have it enchanted. Rex planned to make a press machine, to stamp on the enchantments. Then they could just swap out the plates for different ones. then they can just pour the silver mixture on, and then just wire wheel it to a finished state. They weren't gonna use these, why did they care how well they worked?
“Alright Kira, show them how to make the steel. I am going to make a stamping machine.” Rex said as he walked to his workshop.
Stamping was how most writings were put onto metal, it was just like a printing press. It was a wheel-shaped gear with teeth, that meshed against a straight rod with teeth on it. The wheel gave you a mechanical force multiplier you could use to force a stamp into the steel. The frame would be shaped like an L, and the stamping tool would be able to tilt on the top of the L. This was so the operator could move the stamping arm out of the way when positioning stock.
Rex always tried to be as considerate to the people using his machines as possible. Too many times he had to use poorly designed products, he attributed it to the growth of his bald spot. He would help the succubi keep their hair intact.
“It seems like soap was the main reason they all kept it so short.” Rex muttered. “Now I'm forced to use the same soap the prisoners do.”
Kira had realized you could scent the soap, and she made the floweriest concoctions. Rex was too embarrassed to use hers, so he just used the plain stuff.
“It's the damn mama's, since they raised Kira, they feel entitled to it!” Rex grits his teeth.
He had so many mothers-in-law, and he didn't even have a harem, or an official wife yet.
“They never talk about the in-laws. How the fuck are you supposed to do a Christmas dinner? Go to 3-7 of them?! Good luck keeping a harem when you can't get your fat ass out of a bed anymore!” Rex lamented.
He didn't even want to think of Kera, she had sat on his back and used her tail to just keep slapping him. This was after he had blown up her house, she was so angry at him for it. He had to promise to help build her an even bigger house. She wanted an office, a desk, and nice furniture. Stuff that would last a long time.
Rex finished his blueprint as he sighed, at least he could count on Kira. He would never allow her to become like the mama's, this he swore. The enchantments he would be using were all stuff that already existed, he was just going to copy it directly from the elf's books.
He and Kira had planned out their next steps carefully. They needed to play all sides, they wouldn't be able to reach the other races of the mainland without first passing the elves and beastmen. Rex had learned something amazing about the dwarves and gnomes. They did not produce strong stomach acids like a lot of other races and used alcohol to assist in breaking down food. They lived off a type of highly acidic moss for a long time, and that is what lead to the current evolution of the species.
Dwarves were all stout and short and possessed large beards and hair. This hair was very sensitive to vibrations, and they had incredible eyesight with almost no light. The entire species had dull gray skin and suffered photosensitivity. Gnome were smaller less hairy dwarves and were said to be a sub-species. Goblins were an offshoot of the gnomes and had less photosensitivity than their counterparts. They also had other races that were a part of their faction, but little was known about them.
Succubi keep their mass when they transform, and can't reduce their size easily. So they had little information on these races, it was only known they tended to attack savagely when they did. They could tunnel directly under an enemy, and burst up from the ground once the sunsets. Guns were something they had, but it was on the level of flintlocks. The dwarves were really strong, it was almost like ants.
“I bet they have issues getting nitrates underground, digging under a swamp would be a nightmare.” Rex concluded, too bad he had no idea how to find them.
Rex had run into a major issue with sailing, and that was navigation. Compasses didn't work, and there was no equivalent to the North star he could find in a short time. As an island they were inseparable from the sea, they would be a maritime nation no matter what they did. This meant that they had whatever they could produce, which seemed to be metal and oil. They could farm enough to sustain a population, but that was about it.
“Kira should have the succubi trained up within a week or two. Then we can start selling weapons and slowly stoke the war. I want free pickings of all of their slaves, this will also give us time to develop the island.” Rex concluded.
The prisoners were still too hard to directly control, but the succubi didn't take any shit from them. Just because they didn't need to feed on them, did not mean they were afraid to turn someone annoying into ashes. The prisoners had tried to test the succubi several times, but Kira did a really good job training them. Some very capitalist prisoners decided that robbing their fellow man outside the exchange was a better idea than working for ore.
An annoyed succubus decided to take her time teaching him a lesson, and his screams as he was being eaten were particularly vibrant. This quickly showed the prisoners that the exchange was a safe zone, and the succubi wouldn't tolerate any games.
“Oh yeah, the new mining program should be starting soon, as well as the bank.” Rex mumbled.
-
Meanwhile...
Succubus Homeland, the exchange
Dori was the succubus that Rex had first met at the exchange, and she was the manager of the exchange now. She had been re-trained and appointed by Kira to run things in the exchange.
The exchange felt more like a real store now as they offered more things. Tools and candles were sold for miners, as well as various types of food. Jerky was imported and flown to the island to provide protein. Alcohol was still the biggest seller and took up several days a month of Rex's time to make. Right now it was mainly made from coconut, but he had begun using other fruits as well, it was all just too limited.
At the moment 4 dwarves and a gnome stood before Dori, these were the best miners on the island. They had run a competition and any of the prisoners could join. They had to be able to spot ores that Rex had selected and have a high yield per month. This result wasn't surprising to anyone, the 5 were even from the same faction.
The coins had taken over on the island, and even the prisoners traded them with each other. This system of work was very similar to what the dwarves used already, they weren't a unified race.
“What kind o' job do ye got fer us?” The lead dwarf spoke.
They typically wore robes and turbans when they left the underground to protect their skin as long as possible. Long veils were common among them as well.
“We have found veins of rare ores, that require experienced workers. The pay will still be in yield, but you will be based elsewhere. If you need anything from the exchange it can be brought to you.” Dori explained to them.
“What kind o' ore is it?” The lead dwarf asked in curiosity.
Dori reached behind her and took out a sample before she handed it to the dwarf. The dwarf looked at the ore intently through the slot in his veil. He took off his gloves and ran his rough fingers over it carefully.
“Ye can process this?” The dwarf asked in wonder.
“The mistress can process any ore. She and her teacher can make anything out of metal! They can treat it like any kind of liquid! Who do you think made all of the tools you are using now?” Dori asked in pride.
This brought shock to the dwarf, although it was hidden behind his veil. All of the prisoners knew who Kira was, they all had to use the exchange. He had considered himself a decent craftsman before, but he was a better miner.
A little girl is better than some of our best smiths?!
The dwarf had to catch himself from falling to his knees. This was too much for the old dwarf's heart.
“Are you kidding me?!” The gnome screamed out. “Her soft little hands have no kinds of wear on them, how can she be a craftsman?!”
This gnome was a member of the Kira fan club on the island. It was one of the few things that crossed racial boundaries. When she descended from the mountaintop like an angel when the food ran out and handed it out for free. Many of the prisoners decided unanimously that she would be the one neutral thing they all agreed on. When Kira was at the exchange, all of the prisoners seemed to change into kind uncles. They were all on their best behaviors, some of them even bought soap and bathed. They didn't want to leave a bad impression on her.
The demons sent their rejects here, so most of the prisoners were aging or past their prime. Now that the succubi did not need the prisoners, they thought it best to just kill them all. Rex had been against this though and had been trying to get control of them. Several prisoners had come to Rex looking for support, but they all failed in the end. This had turned into a point of contention between Kira and the other succubi.
“Of course I am serious! Kira is the best succubus craftsman in our history!” Dori proclaimed proudly.
She had watched Kira grow up after all. Rex had made a leather belt that could be fastened around the neck. It had an enchanted plate on the front that could block the mama's charm. If they wanted to, they could push past its restriction if they needed it, but this allowed them to live like a normal succubus.
Rex though had made it look like a dog collar, he didn't care much for the mama's treatment, and they would never know anyway. This had been a subtle form of revenge for him.
The dwarf though was continuing to have other thoughts, the succubi were only seen as parasites to the other races. Since they lived longer than any creation, they didn't create. They only cared about food, and this is why they blended into other societies.
“We will accept.” The dwarf said he wanted to see what changed the succubi so much.
-
1 week later...
Elven capital Ellysar, Great elven hall
The capital of the elves was built around a great tree in the center of the forest. It was said the first high elves came from across the oceans to escape war when they came upon this land. The great tree provided fruits that allowed the elves to extend their lives. An elf could eat a single fruit in their lives to gain an extra half a life. If a normal elf lived 200 years, by eating the fruit you could get 300 years. The issue was that you couldn't leave the forest or you rapidly aged.
Out of the 7 elves who lead the species only 3 had eaten the fruit.
High King Amyllyr sat at the helm of the table. His skin looked like tree bark, and he had large cataracts. His hair was completely white, and he seemed shaky. Once the most powerful elf mage, he was proof that time comes for us all.
Elf Queen Wyndyllynn was in a similar boat. She was just waiting for her granddaughter to come of age to replace her. If not for the insistence of Ashanda she would never have come here. Wyn had long gone into seclusion and barely did anything anymore. It was said she had less than a decade left, and it was questionable if she or Amyllyr would pass first.
King Dryfys was the youngest of the kings, and also the weakest. He was the owner of most of the elves' slaves and the main producer of resources. He was a stick of an elf and looked sickly. He ate one of the fruits the moment it was available, and it was said he was sick in the head. His eyes shifted to the other elves as if he was wary of them.
Queen Ashanda was the youngest elven queen and considered one of the most beautiful elves. She was the only daughter of King Amyllyr. She was everything he hoped she wouldn't be, spoiled, self-centered, and egotistical. The issue was King Illisayd was enthralled with her, and was at her beck and call. While Ivangor was easily the strongest elven king currently, he was a really poor king. And Queen Alysandri didn't even bother to show up.
When Amyllyr looked around he felt a splitting headache, this was the future of the elves?! If Ivangor became high king then they would never stop going to war. Right now Ivangor looked even more like a madman than usual. It was clear he hadn't even bothered to bathe since his city was destroyed. Even with Amyllyr's failing senses, it was impossible not to detect such a strong manly odor.
Looking over he could see light coming through a hole in the wall. This King's foot can make a door! They had heard this vaguely through the wall before a section just disintegrated. Then Ivangor strolled through the hole with a scowl on his face as if he was the one who was inconvenienced.
Looking at Dryfys he was even more sickened. Dryfys was born due to an incestuous relationship, and it had effects on his mind. None of the three current kings could replace him, and all of the queens had issues as well. He had desperately wanted to retire.
“I demand we send troops to immediately seek retribution from the beastmen!” Queen Ashanda yelled out hatefully, “They crashed the silver prices in my city, my entire economy is ruined!”
The tax production from her city had plummeted and the economy was in free fall. Now that Ivangor's city was also destroyed, the elves were feeling a bit of a pinch. All of these endeavors would require labor, and labor came from the slaves. Most raw materials were gathered by slaves, except the ones that required precision.
“Have the alchemists analyzed that fire yet?” King Illisayd asked.
This was the most troublesome of the elves, it was a shock he became so powerful. Illisayd was a puppet for his family and did all of their biddings. The reason Illisayd pursued Queen Ashanda, was because he was told to by his mother.
“They were not able to safely collect any of it. They said it was an incredibly unstable substance. The mana that it had emitted was staggering, and they were unable to measure it. The beastmen have alchemists, but it is more likely the demons or the dwarves.” High King Amyllyr gave his speculation.
“The skaarm are also involved in this.” Ivangor said decisively.
What?
Amyllyr felt like his brain was melting trying to figure out how he came up with that.
“If I have to fight the demons, the beastmen, and the dwarves, I would still have a limb with nowhere to aim at.” Ivangor said and scowled. “That means we can only involve the skaarm in this, to balance things out.”
All you ever care about is fighting! Are you even an elf!
He direly needed to change the way the high king was chosen, or in Ivangor's hands, the elves were doomed!
“The skaarm are not involved in this.” Amylyr started.
Bang! A fist-shaped hole was bored into the table, no one even saw Ivangor's fist move.
He stood up, dragging the table up with him as he stood, causing the entire table to tilt. The elven king's hands were over his chest as he angrily said.
“You didn't have your city burned down in front of you! How can you know it wasn't also the skaarm involved!” Ivangor shouted angrily.
Amyllyr was more shocked by the table. It was being lifted entirely by the bulge on Ivangor's waist. If the old elven high king could stand, he would want to verify what he was seeing. This was a solid oak table, he couldn't even begin to imagine the weight!
What a man! Does he lift weights with that!
Amyllyr felt as much respect as he felt abject disgust. He was their greatest warrior and their biggest shame.
“We all have very long lives, why don't we slow down a bit and investigate this thoroughly.” Amyllyr tried calming things down.
-
Meanwhile...
Succubus Homeland, Weapons manufacturing
We had upgraded to 3 kilns and 3 smelters. The bellows were now pulled by small engines, making the succubi's life easier. A new larger succubus house was built to store weapons. Right now Rex was inspecting their work.
“Wow this looks like a shitty sword, how did you make such a realistic mold?” Rex asked one of the succubus workers.
She looked at Rex from the mold she was pouring, and the spade on her tail pointed at a barrel. Inside was an assortment of old iron weapons, many covered in rust.
Rex drew a blank as he tried to figure out where they came from.
“Those are the succubi's glorious spoils of war!” She declared proudly.
“Good job re-purposing junk! You should just melt it all down when you're done with it.” Rex said as he looked at the crap iron products.
Rex had to hand it to them, this was quite smart, they could buy crappy swords then recast them. This would only slightly improve their quality, and encourage them to run right into their guns.
Looking over at Kira's slender white arms, they were smaller than his. In those hands were some tongs, then a large crucible that looked like a 3-gallon bucket, filled with molten steel. While she had to use her tail as a third leg to stay balanced she was carrying, 80 pounds easily.
The image of her using her tail as a tripod while firing a 50 caliber machine gun appeared in his mind. She stared down at her enemies with a proud look as she gunned them down.
“No, she enjoys dropping explosives on them.” Rex muttered to himself.
All he had heard about for the last week was the great weapon of the succubi, they wouldn't let him name it something else. He cringed every single time he heard it. It would have been like if every single person referred to nukes as “Mankind's attempt at making a sun!”
“I need to make another great weapon of the succubi, they have to name it if there is more than one!” Rex declared.
Thwack!
Feeling a light tap on the back of his head, he looked back. Kira was just smiling at him.
“You shouldn't talk to yourself where others can hear.” She reminded him lightly.
Rex's eye twitched a few times in response.
That's right! I need to seem less insane I can't keep leaving a bad impression.
The surrounding succubi all watched as Rex's demeanor seemed to transform. He went from someone madly pacing around muttering to themselves, to a proud young man who seemed like everything was in his control. He just smiled at them confidently.
This instantaneous transformation after a few twitches of his face was unnerving.
Rex looked at the surrounding succubi as he decided that the weapons they were producing were good to sell. Well to him, even if the weapons were worse he would still sell them. After a week of careful planning, they scrapped the idea of exposing the succubi. He had been thinking in human terms, he had the perfect infiltrators now.
“Kira, how is the succubus, food production, is it good?” Rex asked carefully.
They had been steadily increasing the number of converters, and they had been waiting for the first big batch.
The new plan was simple, and that was major immigration.
There were over 1600 succubi and less than 50 on the island. He could now feed over 2000 of them. There was no reason to have so many of them deployed as spies. The main reason they had to infiltrate all over was to feed themselves, now he had solved that. They could bottle the water, and it would keep if it was sealed.
Now that Kira was moving on the right path towards the leader of the succubi, it meant that they could finally implement bigger changes in the world.
We need to make a lot of money quickly, any day now they will begin selling off slaves in bulk in the elven cities to fund repairs. Then the beastmen will do the same to buy war materials.
“Harriet Tubman used a railroad, I will be using a cruise ship!” Rex laughed to himself.
Thwack! Rex felt a small tail on the back of his head.
“Sorry, I will stop!” Rex said as he hurried to his lab.
A succubus tail is the best cure for mental illness!
If he wants to shame the succubus, he should bottle the water with the name of "Rex-Giz"!
I was thinking Succu-bottles, but I like where your going with this!
Hahaha.... speaking seiously. Mc NEEDS, to spend some time making a good bed, a good bath and get good seasoned healthy food and rest for a week. His "bed" is a piece of flat stone!!! I can tell that his body is slowly crumbling down and he is on the border of true insanity. Kira has noticed some of it but cant understandnit. Maybe if a Nintendo Switch with 100 games along with a tv and a generstor is summoned to his side and he spend a week or 3 playijgs games will his sanity levels become normal. Games were made to relax the mind XD.... i would say that s*x also helps relieve the stress of the mind but mc cant... so far mc is not that affected cause he is 7. But soon (if he dosnt die due to harsh living conditions plus chemical fukes breakijg his body down). When he reaches puberty. Being surronded by 99/10 sexy succubus and being forced to be blue balled.... the nightmare!!! He wont even dare to masturbate as that will cause his doom... the constant fear is something thst stress out the mind the most.
Im surprisied he hasnt fallen into a coma yet or bang his head on a wall.
Mc is spending so much tine experimenting as a way to keep his cracked mind together to escape his extremely harsh living conditions. He is living worse than a prisioner on earth.
At least he can teach kira how to massage his muscles (if he still has any) to relieve his stress like a good wife.
I'm seriously hopping ivangor doesn't die even if he probably will
I love the story of the world Rex is in and how he is influencing it.
But is it just me or is Rex hard to connect with. I just can't see myself doing the things he is doing especially in the order he is doing them(if I had the knowledge he has of course). He really is acting like an insane man, doing anything he thinks is interesting at the time. He gives Kira very detailed plan, with precise steps, but his inventions and progression seem so random lately. I feel disappointed in him because he still isn't focusing on making enchantments for his protection from the succubuses. Oh and still hate the treatment he is getting from the succubuses, except Kira of course. I bet there are slave collars in this world, he should just make his own and make it look like the charm cancelation colars. That way he ce inslave all the succubuses at once
.
Anyway the story is amazing, but the main character is much to be desired. Hard to relate, insanity isn't a trait that is easy to relate as well, but I understand why he would go insane with how dense Kira is. We haven't heard what his inspiration is for making all this stuff still. I would like to know what his feelings are about anything else other than his experiments.
Ok enough ranting. I just felt very disappointed after reading the last three chapters and tried to put a reason to it.
He has hit resource snags. In order to be able to scale up production, he needs to be able to weld. He needs to cotton to make gun cotton, he needs mercury, he needs lots of things he can't get on the island.
I plan to cover most of Rex's life with this series, and right now he is filled with flaw's. This is also part of the reason he isn't really respected. I wanted to story to be funny and palatable, while telling a story of someone who is lost in a world finding their direction, than themselves. This could be a really, really dark story, but I want to show it in a brighter way.
Rex at his core is a curious person, and he just likes to build. Part of what you are seeing is what happens when his wheels start to spin. He is also trying to fix his image, but you can tell he is just following along and isn't serious. A lot of the concerns you have are actually intentional at this point in the story. His flaws are all things he will need to overcome with time.
I see your concerns, I think it is more fun to fix them in the story than to not have them at all.
I see you have it all planned out. As I see it you are trying to really make his character grow through this story and I support you, but I think we don't see enough of Rex's feelings. Like you mentioned you said you portrayed him being a very curious person and that he likes to build. You only portrayed this with his actions(which might be your intention) but Rex didn't actually express his enjoyment in wanting to experiment more or how amazing his inventions are(because they are, mana enhancing the property of the material it is stored in is amazingly op). I might be forgetting an instance he did but he mostly comments about what is happening around him and what he plans to do, not how he feels, which is the main issue I have with him. Like you already want to portray he is insane why didn't you add him laughing like a maniac at making the yellow goo or mana infused Sodium and him being excited at all the future possibilities. I am missing him actually enjoying his time right now because he isn't trying to change his situation much.
@valci Your actually not missing anything, Rex is depressed. Currently he isn't enjoying anything. If you go to the first chapters and compare it to now, he is much less emotional. The only time he thinks of the first world it tends to make him angry, and he is grasping for things from that world.
When I was plotting this all out, I tried to think of a very realistic idea that could happen. What happens if you don't want to accept the world you find yourself in? His emotional response to the elves getting fire bombed was a good example, that was sociopathic. No one around him has any idea what is happening to him, but he is slipping currently.
I wanted this book to be both funny and serious. I also wanted to be able to hit a broad number of topics I feel like, just don't get covered in isekai's. I have never seen an isekai where they actually feel trapped or just real depression over their situation. They seem like tigers who go through 4-5 chapters of emotional trouble, then just grow wings. I find that more insane to think of. As an American, if I woke up in the Congo tomorrow, I can't imagine how traumatized I would be. I think having all of Rex's knowledge would be worse. If he couldn't make something useful, he would just build something else.
I have never seen an isekai where the MC had serious trouble adapting. They either force their views on the world, or just drop it and become a tourist. And they are perfectly happy doing all of this with no repercussion or emotional struggle. He also didn't really have it that bad, one divorce would of fixed all his troubles. He had friends, family, everything we want as humans today.
I think you guys will like how this book wraps up, especially if you like emotional development.
@Mechaphobic I know we will enjoy it. But connected to my previous statements. I didn't get that he was miserable and had a hard time adapting to the new world and way of life and body and... from the MC or your writing. I might be the only one, so hope some other reader puts their own input. I only said that he didn't express he was enjoying himself because I didn't understand or his feelings didn't get conveyed to me on how he was coping with the situation.
On the subject of how every other isekai ignores the issue of the MC mentally dealing with losing everything they know, love and have and are forced to change or in many instances fight to survive. I agree with your premise and take on the subject. But if you are going that route you should involve more of the MC's mentality and emotions.
@Mechaphobic I think what Valci is trying to say is that even though MC talks to himself, we don't get enough inner monologue to get a really good handle on his emotions. That gives us a bit of disconnect when we fill in the blanks with what we expect, which diverges somewhat with how you describe him in comments and his actions in the book.
I have a history with depression (like a lot of other people) and I don't see MC as depressed. He seems manic to me. He seems driven and on edge and that's not my experience with the depression part of the manic/depression cycle. I would expect to hear him fighting with himself and internally kicking himself in the butt to overcome the effects of depression.
That's not to say I don't like the character. This story is far more compelling than it has any right to be. I can hardly put it down. I'm just not sure you're expressing the character in written form the way you see him in your mind. Even so, you're doing a remarkable job considering this is your first book.
@Enlyghten It takes practice, I get better at getting the character across but it took me time to get better at it. I realized after my attempt at more serious writing that I prefer comedies. Something about mixing comedy with a serious story is fun and gives it a more interesting tone. I realized that the depression portion doesn't come across well.
My vision for him was to become an advocate who wanted to create a better life for everyone around him, but to do this it made more sense that he had to suffer early. I hate characters that are only good with no flaws. It needs to make sense where their drive comes from. Rex starved a lot in the early years, and he had to fight tooth and nail for the respect that he did get.
The later the book goes the more stubborn he will get about certain things like food as a basic right of life.
@Mechaphobic Bojack Horseman and After Life are comedies as well and they do a remarkable job illustrating depression and character growth. It just works.
I agree that goody-goody OP MCs are boring. (I still enjoy them from time to time, but they're what I read/watch between finding good stories) Character progression is rare and difficult, and starting off perfect leaves no room for growth. The toughest part is making them believably flawed and this story is doing that.
It's interesting to see the story quality change right alongside the MC. If it means anything, coming from some rando on the internet, I really appreciate the effort and though you put into this story. It's quickly becoming a favorite.
@Enlyghten I never expected to get many readers, to be honest, the first time the book trended it caused me a lot of stress because I got hammered for my poor writing skills. It is the randos who I talk to in the comments that are the main reason I am still doing this. The amount of times I have considered quitting and walking away is too numerous to count.
For a story about being the only human I wanted a character filled with traits that I consider human. Hypocrisy, empathy, understanding, so many of these traits are missing and it makes characters that don't feel real to me. It's hard to connect with an ideal character when you yourself don't have those traits.
I have been really thinking about what I would do with the first book because storywise not much happens there and there are reasons for it. I think it is why I procrastinate so much on writing it.