That was the last of our contact with the mysterious Mr. Solitare for now. Melissa let me and Lily know that they weren't following her on social media, but they'd purchased a few of her movies and photo packs. Only the ones where I was with her though, so it seemed like they weren't interested in my friend, just me and Lily.
On Monday it was back to our regular classes and stuff at college for me and Melissa. Tuesday after class I bought her a nice pair of prop glasses as a thank-you for her computer help on Sunday. Then while we had dinner she practiced acting more like a stereotypical bimbo without them, then acting like a nerd with them.
It was pretty funny and we both had a good laugh thinking about what sorts of reactions she'd get at college with that kind of performance.
After dinner I decided to show her how I could make the horns and tail re-appear. Melissa was really surprised by that. Both that Lily taught me how to do it myself, and that I enjoyed having them enough that I wanted to be able to have them appear whenever I wanted. It surprised me a little too, when I realized I actually sort of missed them for the past two days.
My horns inspired Melissa to switch up her act from 'bimbo' to 'horny bimbo', including the obligatory puns. She proceeded to give me a 'horn job' which started out as part of her silly act, but considering how sensitive my horns were things quickly got heated up. Then I showed her some of the tricks I'd learned with my tail, and the two of us pretty much spent the rest of the night in bed together. Neither of us got much sleep, but it was worth it.
Wednesday morning she took the prop glasses to school, and started using them now and then when she needed to 'act smart'. I struggled to keep a straight face at first, but did my best to go along with the gag. I had a feeling it was going to be a lot of fun, for both of us.
Lily was quiet through much of the week, and I couldn't tell if it was because she was worried about that mystery person or if it was just her normal quiet.
And at long last, Friday rolled around and I was looking forward to my date with Susan. We texted each other around noon to confirm we were still on. As soon as me and Melissa were done with our classes we both hurried home to get ready. She had a date with a guy we'd run into at lunch on Thursday while she was doing her ditz act. So she was going to play that up for her date since he seemed to be into it, while I was just planning on looking nice and normal.
Me and Susan weren't going anywhere fancy, we were meeting at a typical chain 'restaurant and sports bar' place. The main attraction wasn't the food or the ambience, but the location. It was adjacent to the mall across the street, so it wasn't too far for me to walk there. I didn't actually know where Susan lived or if she drove, but she picked the place so I figured it was either convenient for her too, or she was just being gracious.
It didn't take long to pick an outfit. I opted for black leggings, a mid-length black skirt, and a pretty black blouse. I wore my sexy black lace lingerie underneath though, incase the date moved on that far. My make-up was my usual slightly-goth look. Over-all it wasn't too flashy or too fancy, just nice and one or two steps up from casual.
As I finished with my make-up, Melissa joined me in the washroom. She stood next to me at the mirror to check herself out. She was in blue skinny jeans and one of her tight pink tops with a very deep scoop neck. Between that and the bra she picked, it was almost like she was serving her boobs up on a platter. And as usual her make-up was bright and cheerful.
"I take it your date's into those?" I asked as I sort of eyed her chest in the mirror.
She smirked, "Yeah, he barely looked me in the eyes once when we met yesterday. And I wasn't even wearing anything special. I want to see if he'll be able to finish any sentences when I'm sitting across from him like this."
For emphasis she leaned forward slightly which gave an even better view of her cleavage, then jiggled her boobs for added effect.
I rolled my eyes, then frowned and asked "Wait do you even like him? Like, are you even interested in this guy at all? Or are you just going out with him to tease him or something?"
Melissa shrugged, "Just going out for some fun, I'm not looking for a boyfriend or a relationship or anything like that. And if I was, I sure as hell wouldn't be looking for it from him."
That made me frown slightly. I wondered for the thousandth time what exactly she asked Lily to do for her, and what Lily wanted in return. It felt at times that my friend had changed a lot more than just physically, and sometimes it left me feeling a little uneasy. It also made me wonder if I'd changed, and maybe I didn't even realize it.
"Melissa?" I asked, "Have I changed much since I became Mara? I don't mean the obvious physical stuff, I mean like, my personality or whatever?"
She gave me a puzzled look, then put on her ditzy act and teased "I need to go get my glasses to answer that, silly girl."
I frowned at her, "C'mon Melissa, I'm being serious."
"Sorry," she sighed.
She was sort of studying me in the mirror with a thoughtful frown, then finally answered "Not a lot? You're still a bit of a goof sometimes, and you still get into trouble. There's some differences for sure, but it's more like stuff that was always there, now it's coming out? Like you've always been a kind, caring person? But before you didn't really have the self-confidence to speak up and involve yourself. Now when you see someone's upset or hurting, you'll offer hugs and compassion, you'll reach out and talk rather than just being sad for them without trying to interact."
She added, "That's another thing, you're a lot more touchy-feely now? I mean, you're more willing to give and receive hugs. And I guess over-all, you have a lot more self-confidence. And of course you're way happier, you smile more. But like I said? I don't really think you've changed in any significant ways. Being Mara has just allowed your real personality to shine through a lot brighter."
That brought a smile to my face, "Thanks Melissa. That's really nice of you to say."
She smiled back, "So what brought that on?"
I shrugged slightly, "I don't know, I was just sort of looking at the two of us in the mirror and thinking how different we both are now, to like what we were like five months ago?"
After a brief hesitation I asked, "What about you? Do you think you've changed much since your transition?"
I was still watching her in the mirror, and I almost thought I saw a brief flicker of doubt in her smile. Then her expression shifted to a smirk and she shrugged "Yeah of course. I'm like a million times sexier, and I've got hips and a fantastic ass and amazing boobs now!"
"You know what I mean Melissa," I sighed. "Not physical stuff, like inside stuff."
She sighed as well, then shrugged "Sure. Like I was saying about you? There's a lot of stuff I kept hidden. Like buried way down deep inside, because I was embarrassed and because my folks would have shit themselves if I let it out when everyone still thought I was a guy. I even kept stuff from you, because I had no idea how you'd react? I worried you'd think less of me, or you'd think I was a freak or a pervert or something."
"Sorry Melissa," I turned and pulled her into a hug. "I didn't mean to bring you down or anything. Like I said, I just started thinking about how different we both are."
She hugged me back, then asked "Is it because I'm dating guys now? Or because I'm mostly just looking for a good time and not a relationship?"
I blushed. Of course she'd know exactly what I was worrying about.
"Yeah, I guess that's part of it." I admitted. "I get why you never let on about being bi back when you were in the closet, because of your folks. The relationship stuff, I just don't know what to think I guess?"
"I'd say I'm pan rather than bi," Melissa replied. "And yeah, my folks wouldn't have even heard 'pan' or 'bi'. They'd have assumed I meant gay. They'd have probably assumed you were too and we were a couple? And yeah, they'd have flipped. As for the other stuff, I guess I'm just making up for lost time? Like all the awkward high-school dates and crushes and whatever, all that stuff we missed out on because of dysphoria and low self-esteem? I think I'm just making up for that. And maybe I'm going a little wild about it, but you know me? I'm being careful, using protection, and I'm having fun. So don't worry about me, ok Mara?"
I smiled, "Ok Melissa. And yeah, as long as you're happy that's the important thing."
We were still hugging, and she gave me a little squeeze. "Are you happy too?"
"Yeah," I nodded. "I love my life, I love that you're happy and got what you wanted. And I'm happy about how things worked out for my mom too."
"Then don't worry about me," she said with a grin. "Because I'm just as happy about all those things as you are. Now you go have fun with your Jedi girlfriend, I'm going to go give Jake the night of his life. Or Jack, or Jim, or whatever the hell his name is."
I could tell from her smirk that she was just teasing about not remembering her date's name.
"Ok Melissa," I grinned. "Thanks."
We finally let go of each other, and after one last check of my hair and make-up I figured I was ready.
"I think I'm good to go," I said quietly, with more than a hint of anxiety in my voice. This was actually my first real date, and I was a little scared of messing it up.
"You'll be fine," Melissa said confidently. "Just try and keep out of trouble? Maybe don't accept open drinks from dodgy guys?"
I blushed and rolled my eyes, "One time! It happened once!"
She nodded, "I know. Just be careful. It's great you have a guardian demon watching your back, but try not to make your guardian demon work too hard."
My cheeks remained red as I finally left the bathroom. I pulled on a warm black jacket and slung my purse over my shoulder then said "Have a good night Melissa, have fun!"
"I always do," she replied.
A couple minutes later I was down at ground level, and made my way out of the apartment building. It was already dark out, but it wasn't too cold yet. There was a bit of a breeze but nothing terrible. I probably would have been better off in jeans rather than a skirt, but I wanted to keep the option of having my tail and horns appear later on. Pants would have made that impractical or impossible, but with the skirt and leggings it was doable.
Five minutes later I was cutting through the mall parking-lot as I hurried to the restaurant.
cool chapter and I'm loving this story, but ...
"I'd say I'm pan rather than bi," Melissa replied. "I think it's more inclusive.
This concept that Bi is not inclusive is really hurtful to people who identify as bi. I'm Trans, I'm attracted to all possible genders, I Identify as Bisexual, and have since the 80s.
I have no issues with how others Identify, but I do have issues when people put down other people's identities, especially when they are reasons based on false assumptions.
i apologize. melissa's idea behind preferring the term pan rather than bi is she felt bi wasn't inclusive to non-binary or gender-fluid folks? it wasn't meant to insult folks who identify as being bi and i'm sorry it upset you. and i don't mean to insinuate that being bi means excluding NB or gender fluid folks, but melissa wanted to make that distinction in how she identifies. i've removed that line since it doesn't add anything & i don't want the story to come across as hurtful to folks.
@PurpleCatGirl thank you, it gets annoying at times because I've actually been attacked online for calling myself bi, I can use either term, and most bi people can. There is some modern refinement of the definitions but they are technically synonyms, and neither term is exclusionary.
@gothicshark you are absolutely right.
Bisexual means Attraction Regardless of gender. In fact, The term Pansexual didn't exist prior to 2003, when a young Woman, who had a lot of misinformation about bisexuality, Identified herself as Pansexual because she Was under the Incorrect Assumption that Bisexual Meant Male Or Female Only. While the term has evolved to now include those who feel sexual Attraction to inanimate objects, Animals, Etc (like that guy who married his car), Pansexual began as A description for Bisexuality by those who had a lot of incorrect information.
The Bi in Bisexual dosent mean Male and Female, but Homosexual And Heterosexual.
For Us, Its not What they're packing, its who they are.
Nice to see I'm not the only person trying to help correct the misinformation.
@Darkakuahebi Um some of that stuff about pansexuality doesn't sound right, pansexuality isn't commonly considered to include sexual attraction to inanimate object, or animals? Pretty sure bi is most often used for someone to whom gender is a factor, or plays some role in the manner in which they feel attraction to others, whereas pansexuality is usually understood as attraction in which gender is irrelevant entirely.
A bi person may themself attracted to men, for example, more frequently than women, but still are attracted to both to a degree. Or they might find different traits attractive in men than than in women. Or they might experience the feeling of sexual attraction to both in a different manner qualitatively, but at the same intensity. Or, gender might be a non-factor, and they just prefer the bi label over pan. (I don't mean to exclude NBs from bisexuality, I'm not saying bisexuality doesn't include attraction to NBs, but NBs are a large spectrum and are all different and it would have made the explanation more confusing)
It's confusing too cuz bi is also considered an umbrella term that pan falls under, and then there's omnisexual which might be either definition (I've heard it described in the same way I described bisexuality, and in the way I described pansexuality) and what that implies the definition of bi and pan is- the whole label system is honestly a mess, there's loads of different interpretations as to what any given label means, there's overlap, there's not-completely intuitive umbrella terms, there's artifacts in the form of outdated terms that are still used commonly with an updated definition that isn't fully understood or agreed upon by everyone- a complete mess.
And since we're on the topic, I'd like to just air my grievances on the system beyond that. The terms gay and lesbian, where gay is an umbrella term that includes lesbian, but lesbian is exclusive to women, leaves a gap where a term for mlm should be. Or rather, should be, if we were following that system. But honestly? Using labels based from the concepts of heterosexuality and homosexuality is frustrating. The terms we use to describe our sexuality either imply the speaker's gender, or requires the context of that gender. And that means tons of confusion when someone is questioning their gender, because they have to shift their view of their sexuality as well. And, if an nb is speaking, then it can impose a binary gender on them.
A better system would be terms that are independent of the speaker's gender, a word for 'attracted to women (and women-adjacent)', 'attracted to men (and women-adjacent)', perhaps words for 'attracted to non-men/women'. And then of course 'attracted to all genders', and 'attracted regardless of gender'. It's still hard to figure out a good way to address attraction to nb's though, because there's so much variation, and some can be related to the traditional binary genders and others can't.
Also, the normalization of these kinds of terms could help reduce the perceived divide between straight and gay people, because gay or straight, we'd be using the same language to describe our attraction. Helps build empathy. At the potential risk of the loss of gay culture, perhaps. Not that I find it likely that the changes I've suggested will actually find themselves into mainstream language anyway.
@GlassRose look into the history of Bisexuality and Pansexuality. They were essentially the same thing, originally... Except the term Pan means Everything. So yes, that includes Attraction to objects, animals, Images, etc... whether they like it or not. Because Language.
Nowadays, there's a pretty big difference for that exact reason... but yeah, It All started in a Post from around 03... Before then, Pansexual wasn't really a term. As for The Whole Gay=Lesbian but Lesbian does not =Gay thing, well... The term Lesbian was (supposedly, i have one potentially unreliable source) coined by a group of Lesbians who wanted to be seen as a distinct part of the Homosexual community. They simply weren't okay with Being "lumped in together with the men" to paraphrase the interview with these women.
Why? I dunno, Sexism? They were essentially Hippies. While Lesbianism Existed long before, obviously, It was simply referred to as Female Homosexuality Before the 1950s or so... (supposedly, the only source I have is an old newspaper article from Vermont of all places... I can't find ANYTHING online.)... Why is there no Gender specific term for Homosexual men? There are. But they are all slurs, so I won't be posting them.
But yeah... Bisexuality is Having both Heterosexual and Homosexual Attraction. And is actually, believe it or not, the Default State of human Sexuality. Nearly EVERYONE has a Touch of Bisexuality, Whether they admit it or not...
A hetero guy saying, for example, that Channing Tatum has nice Abs? BISEXUALITY!
A Hetero Woman saying "I wish I had Hips like Scarlett Johanson!"? BISEXUALITY!
A lesbian thinking that Effeminate Gay guy at the bar looks Female enough that after a few More Rounds she won't care what He's packing? DEFINITELY BISEXUALITY. Also, Pretty Desperate.(I feel sorry for my buddy Juliette... Lives in a small town in west texas... only 60 people in total, and not one lesbian her age. She did help her buddy Kyle realize he was Bi though.)
That Cute Enby Hooking up with another Cute Enby? Bisexual? IDK... They Don't identify as either gender or sexuality, so it's hard to define, but you know what, Lets accept it anyway... BISEXUALITY!
Ive done a LOT of research, because I thought for the longest time that I was Hetero, And that being otherwise was somehow wrong... I was atound13 when I dropped that misconception, but Still,it took me almost 20 years after that to realize... That it's Okay That I found The Guy Who plays The titular Character in Lucifer Attractive, and that Hearing the Late Sean Connery Speak Affected me in WAYS. I also Still Found Women Attractive... And that's okay. I Am Bisexual. And I was stupid not to know, considering the main reason I cast out that misconception about Homosexuality was because I Had two online girlfriends(who were dating each other... may they both Rest in Peace), one of which was Transgender... (I go into exact detail in one of my own stories, which was originally written for them. It's called "I Am..." So if you want to know the entire sad story, go read the Foreword.)
But yeah. One of my first loves was a transgirl, And She'd even showed pics of her pre-transition, which I as also attracted to... And I didn't realize I was Bi. I was a stupid kid.
Not my fault though. I grew up in a small town in Arkansas, and had Religion and Local Rhetoric Shoved down my throat for Years... I may have been a bit repressed.
@Darkakuahebi
look into the history of Bisexuality and Pansexuality. They were essentially the same thing, originally... Except the term Pan means Everything. So yes, that includes Attraction to objects, animals, Images, etc... whether they like it or not. Because Language.
By that logic, bisexual means attraction to the number two. Or perhaps, pairs of things. While the roots of words often give significant hints towards the word's meaning, the meaning of a word is not determined by it's exact literal translation to an older language, the meaning of a word is derived from the common consensus, from what people understand when you use that word. That's how language works, that's how it changes, grows, and evolves. And it is all, at it's very core, rooted in arbitrary sounds given arbitrary meanings that the group just collectively understands by learning through context. And 'pansexual' is far more commonly used in the manner I described, especially by those who use the word to describe themselves and have some of the best claim to being the ones to define it. Now if you really want to get into etymology then you don't just get to interpret it in whatever way proves your point. Yes, the root 'pan' means all, however when considering the context of the word's usage, origin, and related words, it is evident that it is referring to 'all genders', just as homosexual refers to attraction to the 'same gender', and heterosexual to 'different gender'. I would also add, that the definition of bisexual I have seen most commonly is 'sexual attraction to 2+ genders', which admittedly is a tad awkward feeling (the plus was a latter addition to not exclude NBs, but hey, language evolves to suit the needs of those who use it), but maintains the pattern, and thus I am inclined to support that definition over others.
Nearly EVERYONE has a Touch of Bisexuality, Whether they admit it or not...
Debatable, but possible. The degree to which one experiences attraction is a spectrum after all. I'd posit however that in most people, it's of such a small degree that it's inconsequential and not useful to use as an identifier. A mere curiosity, interesting to know about, and a neat bit of context to alleve confusion attraction to an unexpected individual.
A hetero guy saying, for example, that Channing Tatum has nice Abs? BISEXUALITY!
A Hetero Woman saying "I wish I had Hips like Scarlett Johanson!"? BISEXUALITY!
Plainly incorrect. You are conflating aesthetic appreciation, envy, and socially enforced gender ideals with sexual attraction. Well, the abs comment could be gay, not necessarily though.
A lesbian thinking that Effeminate Gay guy at the bar looks Female enough that after a few More Rounds she won't care what He's packing? DEFINITELY BISEXUALITY.
More an example of the flexibility of perception. It doesn't matter what something/one is, to the brain, only how it perceives it matters, and sometimes logically we know something is one way, but we perceive it another, and automatic processes run off that assumption. And sometimes you can intentionally trick that perception, or it can be muddled by substances such as alcohol. Also, you can have/want s*x with someone you're not sexually attracted to. Sex-positive asexuals do it, all the time.
That Cute Enby Hooking up with another Cute Enby? Bisexual? IDK... They Don't identify as either gender or sexuality, so it's hard to define, but you know what, Lets accept it anyway... BISEXUALITY!
Do I even need to comment on this part?
@GlassRose the examples were meant to be humorous, not serious...
As for The Pansexual argument, While yes, most Pansexuals do not claim those, for lack of a better term, Alternative lifestyle Weirdoes(that's a quote from a comedian), Those folks ALSO Describe themselves as Pansexual. Look up the dude who married his car... He describes himself as A Non-Physical Pansexual With An Automobile Fetish.
My point on that was That due to the Ambiguity of the Term, It can be used by ANYBODY, Regardless of Actual Sexual Orientation... As for Bisexual, it DOES mean Two-Sexual. Homo and Hetero. That's Two.
Pansexual Should mean Attraction to Everything, But at its base form is Almost Identical to Bisexuality, As Homosexual and Heterosexual Attraction Covers Exactly that: Everything in between.
That said, the terms meaning has shifted, and is most commonly used by The Non-Binary and Gender-Fluid Communities... As well as Those who engage in Polyamory, And, as I mentioned, Quite a few of those Odd ones.(like the guy who married a chicken... yeah, there's some Weird sh*t going down in kentucky... JK, but a man DID marry a Chicken.)
I wasn't trying to offend anybody, honestly... Just commenting.
Also... About the last example... My Enby Friend pointed something out. They said this: "no. Two Enbys aren't Bisexual... They're Non-Bisexual!"... pretty sure they were trying to be funny, honestly, But it kinda falls flat...
Well... I Say They, but that's because I won't call them The rude thing they prefer.(rather than the common They/Them, My Weirdo Enby Buddy wants to be called It/That. No idea why. I'll say it to Their face, but calling someone It or That just sounds like bullying.)
@GlassRose I'm half asleep, morning coffee hasn't had a chance to kick in. But I feel you are over complicating ideas.
Bisexual = sexually or romantically attracted to both men and women, or to more than one s*x or gender.(Dictionary definition) Basically understood you like both masculine and feminine type people not excluding anyone else.
Pansexual = sexually or romantically attracted to people regardless of their s*x or gender. (Dictionary Definition) Your attractions are based on the individual more than what they look like. Ironically a lot of Demisexuals are pan, and technically I fall here in the great specifications.
Omnisexual = (IMO the coolest name) involving or characterized by diverse forms of sexuality; attracted to more than one gender. (Dictionary Definition) You like Adult Humans. That's it, you might have preferences in age and fashion, but you like people.
((Note: Omni was a Science Fiction magazine when I was a kid, I use to have a huge collection of issues, and I have always loved that word because I love Sci-Fi.))
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There is one more term that older Bisexual stoners would use, myself included back in the 90s. But that was a bad joke from a Cheech and Chong film that didn't age well.
Added for context, it's late 80s early 90s cringe, which is even worse cringe than now.
quote:
Louis Corsican : ...Makes Casanova look like a schoolboy. He's a trisexual!
Lucian Corsican: : Trisexual?
Louis Corsican : Yeah, he'll try anything...
@gothicshark I should have read the whole thread...OMG. Big walls of text...
Ok for simplicity, I will try and explain this in as few words as possible, coffee has almost started to kick in, and my eyes are starting to focus on the world a bit better. I hate that eyes start to not work after 50.
Sex/Gender attraction is more than one thing, it like humans is a complexity that a simple slider doesn't explain. It's usually referred to as the gender sexuality spectrum, and Bill Nye even did a segment on it.
Using this scale as a 2D representation of a multispectral idea:
(A---AB---B---BC---C : 1:0 ) A = the first value commonly said, C = the second or last value commonly said, 1:0 indicates not fitting in the line spectrum 1 = all or most, 0=none or few because a 2d line doesn't really show the complexity needed. Even my little scale doesn't show all variables.
Gender Identity: (A---AB---B---BC---C : 1:0 )
Gender Expression: (A---AB---B---BC---C : 1:0 )
Sexual Orientation: (A---AB---B---BC---C : 1:0 )
Sexual Drive: (A---AB---B---BC---C : 1:0 )
Romance Desire: (A---AB---B---BC---C : 1:0 )
Relationship attitude: (A---AB---B---BC---C : 1:0 )
Sexual Exploration: (A---AB---B---BC---C : 1:0 )
((note there are other versions of this, with different entries used, I'm just giving one version.))
Bill Nye: https://youtu.be/aQDBNJ3mPa0?si=AibW0vmDUNf_9hDs
So, using myself as an example:
Gender Identity: Female
Gender Expression: Gender Fluid
Sexual Orientation: adults regardless of age, mostly masculine now, mostly feminine when a 20 something, exclusively feminine as a teen. Time can change who you find attractive.
Sexual Drive: Moderate high prior to transition, near zero at 50+ post transition.
Romance Desire: Does D&D and a beer count? If not near 0.
Relationship attitude: Mostly exclusive.
Sexual Exploration: As a teen wild, as a 50 something naaa.