Chapter 4

“Ok, I’m sorry that was a bit harsh.” Emma looked equal parts frustrated and regretful. 

What was she saying? “What do you mean I’m a girl?” Did she forget I was a guy as well as my name?

Emma, face now buried in her hands. “Ok, let’s take this one step at a time. So, first of all, you didn't realize that I was Serenitea?”

“Of course not! I mean, you never told me. How was I supposed to know?”

“It’s not like I tried to hide it very well. I was gonna tell you after the first few streams because I wanted your unbiased opinion on how I was doing. But then I realized you were SlyMaid and after every stream of me calling you a good girl and pogchamp you seemed really happy. Like, happy in a way I’ve never seen you before. So I’ve been waiting for you to finally put all the pieces together.”

Oh no, Oh no no no no no. How could she know? I was so careful. 

“Wh..what do you mean? I’m not SlyMaid, why would I go along with being called a g..good girl if I was? Obviously I’m a guy, why would a guy do that?” Yes, use logic and reason to cover up the fact that she was entirely correct. 

“Listen, it’s ok. You don't have to hide around me. Besides, It’s pretty obvious.” Emma’s face showed nothing but compassion which was odd. She’s usually so snarky and playful. 

“How was it obvious?! I’ve masterfully crafted my entire life around not letting anyone know the truth!” No stop. Shut up, what am I saying? 

“What do you mean how? Your notification tone is literally me saying you’re my little pogchamp, I can hear you practicing a girl voice late at night, you blush harder than anyone I’ve ever met after being called cute, and to top it all off, you changed your username for when we play games together to SlyMaid!” She was panting after rattling off her damning list of evidence.

Sure wish I could just hit a button to object right now and hopefully some ace lawyer would have all the right answers. “I..wh..no..how could you hear me? I was wearing noise cancelling headphones and your room is soundproof!” 

Emma’s eyebrows raised. “First of all, noise cancelling headphones only work to block outside noise, not the noise you make with your mouth. Secondly my room is deadened, meaning it doesn't have an echoey tone when I stream, not soundproof.”

Fucking rip, I can’t believe it. She’s known this whole time. Oh no, what else has she heard me doing? My chest tried it’s best to merge with my stomach it sank so low. 

I finally mustered the courage to look back up at her. “I don't know what to say.” It was like a dead meme that keeps popping up everywhere, I was at a loss. 

Emma reached over and put her hand on mine. It was odd how my face was warm even though she wasn't touching it. “Listen, I know things can be scary and hard to accept. But there’s a reason I haven't been using your name or referring to you with he/him pronouns.” 

I didn't want to say it, I’ve spent so much of my life not dealing with this and trying to subvert my feelings with the mask of manhood. Averting my eyes from women's clothing sections at any store, exposing myself to all the stupid sports parties, pretending like i wasnt jealous of people who had come out as transg...oh...well fuckle.

“I, um, I think.” No, it’s not like I want to actually be a girl. I just like wearing girls clothes, and being treated like one, and acting like one, and being called a girl, and having people see me as one.  

What am I saying? Of course I want to be a girl. I hated looking at my body, I hated my voice, I hated my clothes, I hated everything I was supposed to be.

“I don't think I like being a guy.” I need to say it. If I don’t say it now I never will. “I want to be a girl.”

It was as if the entire world stopped for a moment. Emma looked at me with a giant smile. She walked around and pulled me in for the softest hug I had ever received. “You are a girl. You’re my friend, and I am here for you.” 

I started to tear up, I had never said it out loud before. It was as if a giant weight was lifted off my chest. This feeling was pretty poggers. 

After what was probably the longest hug I’d ever had, Emma went and sat back across from me.  “So, would you like me to refer to you as a girl and use she/her pronouns?” 

I started to blush, I couldn't really formulate words and my mind was swimming. I nodded and finally started to eat my noodles which luckily hadn’t gone cold. 

We sat and ate dinner in silence. I think I needed it after everything that happened today. After we ate we decided to just sit and watch TV. Emma said there was a kids show I’d love about lesbian space rocks. 

Once I was done crying from the highly relatable content Emma turned to me. “So, have you thought of a new name you’d like to go by? I mean, I could call you SlyMaid but some people might give us weird looks.”

I looked down and thought for a moment. “I um, kind of like the name Natalie.”

“Well alright then Natalie, I’m really proud of you.”

My face started heating up again, this was going to become a thing wasn't it? I was going to be a keyboard smashing mess for the foreseeable future. Not that I’m complaining. But I’m still gonna have to figure a lot of stuff out. 

“So, will you finally accept an invitation to come with me to the mall? A cute girl like you needs some nice clothes and to do something with that hair.” Emma’s teasing smirk was back. Her smile was dangerous.

“Um, maybe, I’m still really nervous. I’ve never really shopped for girl clothes before. Except the one time.” Please don’t ask, I don’t want to get into that whole ordeal. 

Emma moved a little closer to me on the couch. Like, too close, closer than friends should be.

“We can take our time. I can invite my friends, most of them are part of the LGBTQ community, it’s honestly why I was so adamant about inviting you before, I hoped you’d come to this realization sooner if you had more exposure. Or it can just be the two of us.” She put her hand on my leg. “Just me and a good girl.”

Holy shit she was touching my leg and calling me a good girl! Why was she so close? She was definitely back into her teasing ways, but why did it make me feel so weird? I mean, before it was just because I didn't know I was a girl. Maybe I hadn't gotten used to the idea yet. I had only been a girl for a few hours, that must've been it. Yeah, there’s totally nothing else going on here. Just gals being pals, after all, we were roommates.

Emma leaned in right next to my ear, I didn't dare move. Her voice was low and husky, sending absolute chills down my spine. “So, why don’t you tell me how you know about the equipment in my room?” 

Oh, yeah, about that.