Lindsay still wasn’t home. 

It was time to stop putting this off. The last week was filled with self-doubt and belief that she wasn’t good enough to be a girl while dating another girl. Josie knew intellectually that believing herself to be invalid like that was bullshit. Emotionally, she was all over the place. After all, it had only been a couple months since Josie had realized she was a girl. Then again, she was confident in the direction she was taking her life so far, there was no need to put an arbitrary time restriction on it. 

With trepidation, Josie was ready to take the leap. Well, almost ready. The last week had been full of close calls and attempts to say something, only for Josie to chicken out at the last moment and not say anything. This time was different, though. As soon as Lindsay got home from work, it would be time to ask her out.

Only problem was, Lindsay still was not home. She usually was back thirty minutes after five. It was going on 5:45PM now. Every minute that passed made it that much more likely for Josie to blurt out her feelings in a fury the second Lindsay stepped through the door.

Josie turned her attention back to the article she was reading on her desktop, so desperate to distract herself, she reread the same paragraph for a third time. It was a basic web design primer, for people completely unfamiliar with the concept of making webpages. 

Josie mulled over her plans one more time. She wasn’t comfortable charging people money for work that also benefited the environment and improved people’s lives. The money from the state was enough of a moral compromise, though she knew deep down that morality and money was somewhat of a lost cause of a debate when the money also put food on the table.

Still, Josie had to set the boundary somewhere, and also make concessions if she ever wanted to get out of apartment hopping. 

To that end, Josie wanted to create an online page to host herself on. Or more accurately, host her Bloom identity on. Maybe create a store full of goodies for those that wanted to support her, and a donation box. She imagined that would go pretty well with the work she did.

In fact, Josie was overhauling the entire ‘Bloom’ part of her life. 

A costume was necessary, for one. Something that was a shade of green. Dark green would look pretty good on her. Josie hoped it wasn’t too late to get away with a costume, considering she had been doing her previous work in civilian clothes. Not like ‘Bloom’ had any enemies beyond the dude that was locked up, but the fear was there. 

It was wise to take precautions, and even though the absolute safest paths were to either only use the staff for hero work, or transform and give up being Bloom, neither were very feasible. For one, Josie had rapidly reached the point where not being transformed would give her heavy dysphoria. Two, giving up her powers was not something Josie would be prepared to do. She still wanted to heal the world and help people.

Still, the worry about the staff was ever-present in Josie’s mind. She was starting to have nightmares over the fact that she was a couple quick moves away from locking herself out of her idealized self, should the staff be broken accidentally or deliberately. It was silly to worry so much when she was in control of all of her life choices, but the idea of having her ideal form ripped away under any circumstances made her anxiety spike.

A whirlwind of ‘what ifs’ kept circling around Josie, going over every possible way her life could be ripped from her. For one, Magic was unpredictable in all aspects, of course. Who’s to say that another body-changing artifact couldn’t just come along and ruin everything? What if the staff breaking transforms Josie back anyway? Phil had reassured her that wasn’t how it worked, but Josie wasn’t prepared to take any chances.

Josie had one more way to hedge her bets, at least in theory. Save up enough for a Confirmation Spell and keep it in her emergency fund. That way all of her bases were covered in case something happened, and she could continue to go day by day as her ideal self in the meantime. 

Josie shook her head and stood up, unable to focus on web design. She began pacing her room yet again. She had a plan for where she wanted to go with her life. Continue her work as Bloom, and expand on it where she could.

The only problem was whether Lindsay was going to be a part of that life or not. It would be presumptuous for Josie to assume Lindsay could just be absorbed into her life without any issue. Then again, it was presumptuous to even make plans with Lindsay in mind, considering they hadn’t actually talked about their feelings yet. There was always the chance Lindsay would reject her and they could stay friends. If they were both okay with that? Or what if it was worse….

Josie tried to push that last thought of her mind. The only problem she should focus on was that Lindsay wasn’t actually home yet. Josie glanced at the computer screen again. 6:02 PM. The anticipation was killing her. Of course the night Josie wanted to confess happened to be the one Lindsay would be late.

Wait, what if something had happened to Lindsay? Josie checked the news on her phone, quickly seeing if there were any super incidents in the area. None reported, though that only put Josie slightly more at ease. Then again, what if it hadn’t been reported, and Josie needed to tap into her Bloom connections to investigate--

Distantly, a creak coming from the entrance to the apartment made Josie drop her phone in surprise. Lindsay was here now. Everything was fine.

***

Everything was not fine.

Josie stood by her closed door to her room, hand on the doorknob, shaking and trying to psych herself up. Like she had done the last few days, Josie was on the verge of freezing up and refusing to communicate with Lindsay.

It had to be time. These feelings weren’t going to go away. Josie couldn’t keep putting this talk off. She opened the door and found Lindsay setting a couple bags on their coffee table. 

Josie cleared her throat, eager to spill out all of her feelings. However, Lindsay looked over in her direction and spoke first. “I’m sorry I’m late, I wanted to surprise you with this, and I figured I would go pick the food up, but the restaurant was running late…” Lindsay noticed she was trailing on, and cleared her throat. “A-anyway, I got us a nice pizza. Um, do you want to sit on the couch and eat? We haven’t done that in a few days.”

Josie only nodded, not trusting herself to say a word. She grabbed a couple slices of pizza in silence and ate. Lindsay plopped down next to her, with her pieces. The awkwardness grew minute by minute, with both girls attempting to stealthily glance at the other. Josie knew Lindsay was making glances, but as far as she could tell her own glances were undetectable.

As Josie took her last couple bites, she began to realize she was running out of excuses not to talk to Lindsay. She’d left her phone in her room. Desperate to prolong the time until she would be forced to pour her heart out, Josie took her time eating.

Josie had just swallowed the pizza crust she usually would skip when she heard a cough from Lindsay. Jumping in her seat a little, Josie turned her head over to face her roommate and dear friend. Lindsay was wiping her face with a napkin.

“You okay?” Josie asked.

Lindsay shook her head affirmatively. “I’m good.”

“Oh. Good.”

“Yeah.”

Josie could only nod in response to that, and cursed inwardly. Now what should she do? Go for it? Give up and try again another day? Panic welled up in her chest, as if she was going to explode in the next few seconds.

Before the ambiguously rational part of her brain could protest, Josie opened her mouth and went for it. “Lindsay, can we talk?” 

Lindsay turned her head and looked at Josie with a nervous expression. Josie clearly had Lindsay’s full attention, though why Lindsay looked so tense was kinda weird considering Josie hadn’t even gone into anything yet.

Focus, Josie. “Lindsay, I really like you, I--” Lindsay started to deflate, sinking in her chair. That wasn’t the reaction Josie was expecting. Wait, oh shit, this wasn’t the direction Josie wanted.

Josie tried again. “Wait, I mean -- fuck, this is hard,” Josie paused, looking down for a moment before continuing. “Can we go out? ...Together?” Josie asked meekly.

Time stopped. Josie dared not move, not even to breathe. She couldn’t bring herself to focus on Lindsay, though didn’t want to dare looking away. Instead, Josie’s eyes lost focus for a moment instead as her brain threatened to short-circuit.

Lindsay visibly relaxed, and then scooted a little closer to Josie. Josie’s first instinct was to recoil back as she would for anyone, but this time she elected to stay put. Lindsay looked into Josie’s still slightly malfunctioning eyes, and smiled.

“I thought this was going in a different direction,” Lindsay let out a small chuckle. “Um, are you sure you’re up for a relationship?” Lindsay asked gently.

Josie furrowed her brows. Was that a yes or a no? 

“Yeah,” Josie squeaked. “I-I mean, I think so. I want to go out with you.” Josie looked down, wringing her fingers together. 

The remaining tension in Lindsay’s body evaporated, as she smoothly and calmly brushed Josie’s cheek with her hand, sending shivers going down Josie’s spine. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now. I’ve been waiting for you to say something.” 

Josie’s head tilted. “What? Why? Uh, you knew?” Josie wrapped her arms around herself. Lindsay, sensing the change in Josie’s posture, pulled her hand back.

“Knew that you were pretty? Yeah, that much was obvious,” Lindsay giggled, sending heat all the way to Josie’s cheeks. “But as for why I waited...well, I didn’t want to put more pressure on you. You needed time to figure yourself out.”

“But…” Josie started, but Lindsay put a finger to Josie’s lips.

“You’re okay,” Lindsay reassured her. “I’m going to ask one more time, because I don’t want you to go into something while you’re confused. Do you feel ready?”

Josie frowned. What kind of question was that? Of course she would be ready, she was the one asking Lindsay out! Lindsay couldn’t just put it back on her to choose if they were in a relationship, or was Lindsay just trying to let her down easy without letting her down directly?

“Are...are you ready for a relationship?” Josie asked.

Lindsay got a weird, confused look on her face, shaking her head slightly. “What? I’m asking you!” 

“But...but if I say I’m ready, you might still reject me…” Josie mumbled, the feeling of panic starting to return.

Lindsay’s mouth hung open for a moment. She attempted to say something, but closed her mouth and opened it wordlessly a couple more times. “Josie, I’m -- you know what, fuck it.” 

Lindsay leaned in further, first brushing away a few strands of Josie’s hair and cupping Josie's neck. Lindsay ran a finger along Josie’s cheek, dragging her nail ever-so-slightly at the end. Lindsay leaned in, and Josie quivered in anticipation, finally understanding that 

The kiss was so soft, Josie had never felt a sensation quite like this. Lindsay clearly knew what she was doing, as she pressed her face a little more onto Josie’s. Josie let out a soft gasp as she lost herself in the pure passion of the moment. In some ways, the kiss felt a little like her transformations to her ideal state. The sheer bliss was intoxicating, and this was only the first of many kisses to come.

Lindsay gently pulled back, and it took Josie a moment to realize Lindsay was just staring at her, eyes alight. “Was that enough confirmation that I want to date you?” Lindsay asked coyly.

“I...uh, n-need some more evidence,” Josie said, giving Lindsay a confident smirk.

“Good try, cutie.” Lindsay let out a quick giggle. Well, that certainly set the tone.

The heat on Josie’s face continued to burn hotter; she opened her mouth to protest,  but Lindsay was quicker to speak.

“Pretty good for your first kiss, huh?” Lindsay said with a hint of smugness.

“I kissed a girl in high school…” Josie protested softly.

Lindsay grinned, pulling away slightly with a knowing look in her eyes. “Heh, me too. You kiss pretty well though, and I gotta say, you make a really good girl.”

“I…” Josie stammered, her thoughts going in a million directions at once. “I get to be the girl.”

“Hey!” Lindsay exclaimed with mock offense. “I’m a girl, too!”

“Yeah, but it’s all new for me!” Josie bounced in her seat.

“You know what, I’ll give you that one,” Lindsay conceded, then moved closer to Josie again. “In fact, I think I’m gonna have to give you quite a bit more.” 

It took Josie a moment to parse what Lindsay actually meant. By the time Josie caught the innuendo, it was already too late. Lindsay’s lips were already planted onto Josie’s. Josie initially was frozen, not knowing what to do. Then her own passion took over, and Josie followed her new girlfriend’s lead with enthusiasm.