Straightening up again, Yue Ji needed a moment to calm his breathing. He had known that this would happen and he had seen it coming for a while. And yet, the pain was still the same.
He cleared his throat and then turned to look at Petal who was sitting on one of the shelves, crying as well. “Petal, you do me a favor.”
Petal nodded but continued crying. She hurriedly flew to his side and hugged his cheek as well as she could. “I’ll do anything!”
Yue Ji gave a hum and turned to look out of the window. “Do you remember the witch I asked you to find? We need her now.”
Petal pulled back, her tears slowly subsiding. “We need a witch?”
“Mn.” Yue Ji nodded but didn’t explain. “We do. Can you go and get her? You have to hurry though. There isn’t too much time.”
Petal didn’t quite understand but she still nodded and rushed out of the house, flying toward the place Yue Ji had sent her to find several years ago. She wasn’t sure if the witch would even still live there but since it was important to Yue Ji, she’d go and check. If she wasn’t, she could still ask around and hope she’d find her soon enough.
Back in the hut, Yue Ji turned to look at his lover’s body. Right now, his soul was still around and it should linger in the spirit realm for up to seven days before it dispersed and would slowly reincarnate. Unfortunately, he couldn’t see it and the soul likely wasn’t even aware of what was happening either.
Yue Ji got up with a sigh and left the house. The soul was something only the witch could help him with. But he was the one responsible for giving his lover’s body a proper burial. Well, maybe not proper according to the customs of the humans but his lover hadn’t lived with them for so long, he should be alright with the simple burial he could give him.
Yue Ji picked a spot not far from the hut, kneeling down on the ground, and slowly started to dig. Right now, it was summer so the temperature wasn’t low. Recently, it had also rained so the ground wasn’t too dry.
He quietly worked at digging out a grave deep enough, only pausing when it became too much. All this time, he tried not to think too much about what was happening but, of course, he also couldn’t ignore it.
His lover had left him. Now, only Petal remained at his side. He didn’t want to admit it but, actually, even she likely wouldn’t live much longer. Fairies usually lived up to two hundred years at the most, sometimes even only reaching a hundred years. When Fu Yun came into their life, Petal had already been about sixty years of age. Now, almost eighty more had passed. How many years did that leave her with?
Yue Ji stopped digging and sat on the ground quietly, not sure what to think. Once upon a time, he had been content being alone. But at that time, he hadn’t known how it felt to be accompanied by somebody every day either. Then, that man had entered his forest, changing everything he thought to know about the world.
So much time had passed since then and yet, life had never been the same. There were just some things that couldn’t be regained when lost and the peace of mind he had originally possessed was one of those things. He had exchanged it for a beautiful love, albeit one that couldn’t last. In the end, did he regret it?
Yue Ji shook his head at himself, leaned forward, and continued to dig. Of course, there would sometimes be moments when he wondered if it had been worth it. When he was alone and actually felt the loneliness, then he thought that life would have been easier if not for this turn of events. And yet, he would do all of it the very same way again if he ever had the chance. After all, just because life would be easier, that didn’t mean it would be better. He knew that all too well.
What was eternal life if you couldn’t share it with another person? To him, it didn’t amount to much. Maybe it would be different if he had had his own goals and aspirations but there was no such thing. He wasn’t even sure why he had been enlightened originally and managed to gain human form. Without any obsession in this world, it seemed odd to receive that chance. But then, maybe this was the reason in itself. He simply didn’t know.
Yue Ji worked until the sun went up again, climbed toward the zenith, and finally passed it quietly, sinking back toward the horizon. When he finally looked at the grave he had dug out, his heart and hands felt numb but at least he could bury his lover’s body as soon as the witch was done.
He continued to sit on the ground, unable to convince himself to go back inside. It was hard enough to be out here with the knowledge that he wouldn’t be able to speak to Fu Yun even if he went back inside. He didn’t want to actually have to see.
Night soon fell and finally, soft steps sounded behind him. He turned around and smiled faintly.
Between the trees stood a woman. She was tall, taller than him probably, and with wildly flowing green hair. He didn’t know which tribe she hailed from but it was obvious that she was the witch Petal had found. Well, the fact that she was currently carrying the fairy in one hand was naturally a tell-tale sign as well.
Yue Ji got to his feet and inclined his head toward her. “Thank you for coming. This is about my lover.”
The witch gave a hum and walked closer, looking at the grave that had been dug out. “The fairy mentioned he died. You know there is nothing I can do about that, don’t you?” The witches could do many things, sometimes more than a full-blooded spirit, but they couldn’t bring the dead back to life either. You’d need to find one of the gods if you even wanted a chance at that but it wasn’t like those were easy to find.
Yue Ji smiled. “I know. Would you mind coming inside?” He motioned at the hut and the witch silently followed.
She put Petal on the table in the first room and then walked into the second room with Yue Ji, looking at Fu Yun’s body. Her brows furrowed when she did and she stepped closer, reaching out to touch his forehead. “I see why you had me called. Do you wish to renew the mark on his soul? I can do that.”
Yue Ji followed her over, finally standing beside his lover. Tears gathered in his eyes and he tried hard not to let them fall. In the end, he shook his head. “No, I don’t have the strength left for that.”
The witch turned to look at him. Seeing his expression and putting it together with what she had seen, she had a rough idea of the story behind all this. “How many lives did you spend together?
Yue Ji smiled faintly. “This was the sixth. In fact, in the end, he didn’t even remember. My cultivation wasn’t high enough for that.”
The witch had already thought as much but she still reached out and took Yue Ji’s pulse, realizing that there wasn’t much energy left in him. “It’s indeed not enough to let him recover even a single memory in his next life. It would be enough to keep up the mark though. You could find each other again. With the mark in place, you’d meet sooner or later and it’s likely to fall in love as well.”
Yue Ji shook his head. “I knew from the moment I first met him that it wouldn’t last. This … it was just dragging out the inevitable. But with each of his reincarnations, my spiritual energy will only fall lower and lower. The spell can’t be kept up and by now, it wouldn’t be fair to him. Rather than that, it’s better to remove the mark. I still have enough spiritual energy left for that.”
In fact, he had spent time cultivating in this life simply so there would be enough energy when the time came. Fu Yun had lived longer than expected so by now, he didn’t worry about this. In fact, he might even live for a few more years afterward.
The witch silently watched his expression. Clearly, he had already thought it through and this wasn’t her life. What right did she have to try and persuade him? She finally nodded and motioned to the other room. “Well, get me a chair then. We can start at once.”
Yue Ji nodded and carried a chair over for her before sitting on the edge of the bed and holding Fu Yun’s cold hand.
The witch looked at the two of them and took a deep breath before taking off the chest she had been carrying on her back. She put it on the ground, bowed in front of it, and finally took out a wooden mask. Only then did she get back up, sat down on the chair, and took Yue Ji’s and Fu Yun’s hands, starting to chant the spell to erase the mark on the latter’s soul.
Outside, the stars were twinkling and only when they finally started to fade did the witch return the mask to the chest and looked at Yue Ji. “The mark is erased and in his next life, he will neither remember nor be bound to you. If you meet again, you will only be strangers.”
Yue Ji nodded but he didn’t worry. There wasn’t enough life left in him as that he could wait for Fu Yun’s next incarnation to return. “Thank you.”
The witch nodded, took his payment, and then quietly left.
Yue Ji waited for the door to close and then sighed deeply. Only now did he let go of Fu Yun’s hand. He hadn’t slept in more than a day but he still got up, gathered his lover’s withered body into his arms, and carried it out to bury him in the grave he had prepared.
By the time the ground formed a small mound, another half a day had passed by. Yue Ji felt lightheaded but he couldn’t bring himself to leave either. Looking at the disturbed ground in front of him, his thoughts wandered to the far past.
At that time, under the burning August sun, Nie Rong had dug his grave himself while he could only watch helplessly. That mighty general had lost to time much earlier than Fu Yun in this life, having suffered from the wounds he received in battle. At barely fifty years of age, he had already seen the signs and prepared everything, not wanting to leave any task to him that could be taken care of beforehand.
‘If there is something you can do so we’ll meet again in the next life, now is the time to make use of it.’ Those had been his words when he finally rammed the shovel into the ground next to his future grave. His face had been pallid, the strength clearly not comparable to what it had been before, but his gaze was still just as strong as the day they met.
Yue Ji had nodded faintly, walking over to him and holding onto his arm. ‘There is a way, although I can’t do it myself. I can’t guarantee that you would remember though. Maybe you’d only have a faint feeling of familiarity.’
Nie Rong had stared at him, finally giving a huff. ‘Isn’t that better than nothing?’ He might not have admitted to it out loud but he also had regrets. In that life, they had barely spent twenty years together and he wasn’t willing to let it go. Meeting a spirit wasn’t done easily and even though they both knew it would never lead anywhere, he could only ask Yue Ji for this one thing.
In the end, Nie Rong had died three days later and Yue Ji had found a witch barely in time to have them leave a mark on his soul that would let Nie Rong’s reincarnation find their way back to him.
He did. In fact, at that time, the young lord that stood in front of him remembered everything from his past life and greeted him with his name. They had thought themselves so lucky to meet as soon as this man who was now called Huang Xin Yi came of age. They thought themselves even more blessed as they managed to spend more than fifty years together.
But in the end, a human only had a mortal lifetime while a plant spirit could live as long as their cultivation allowed for it. Thus, they were forced to separate once again. Still, they had spoken about it before and with the success of Nie Rong’s reincarnation into Huang Xin Yi, the spell was woven once again so they may find each other once more.
Unfortunately, in his next life, when he returned as Liang Kun, he did not remember what Yue Ji looked like. Thankfully, he did remember how they had met in a forest and he went to search for him all over the kingdom. They met late once again. By that time, Liang Kun was already in his mid-thirties. It was a bittersweet reunion and a reminder of what was to come.
From there on, while they agreed to keep the spell alive, they were aware of its limitations. With his spiritual energy waning, the effect would be less and less pronounced until he would be unable to remember him at all one day. When they realized this, Liang Kun asked him not to tell him when he returned and just call it ‘fate’ when he brought it up. He wanted him to keep it a secret so his incarnations would not spend useless time obsessing over this.
As it turned out, Liang Kun knew himself well enough and how he would likely turn out the next time around. Now named Chai Zhen, he had become interested in the forbidden arts. He who could have had the chance to cultivate and turn into an immortal was unable to let go of what he had seen in his dreams. He was driven out of his sect, his cultivation abolished, and the ability to regain it taken from him for the rest of his life, forcing the two of them to repeat the cycle once again.
Even though they had had a long time together in that life, Yue Ji knew that it was that incarnation that cost them eternity. The one chance they had to be together forever was quietly erased like that. Knowing this, he indeed did as Liang Kun had asked him, never mentioning even a word about the spell to the following two incarnations. Whether it was the young scholar named Heng Yi awkwardly confessing that he had been daydreaming about living with somebody in the forest while he was supposed to study or finally the one time Fu Yun mentioned dreaming of being a scholar who wanted to build a hut for him, he only smiled knowingly, keeping the reason for this to himself.
Now, his cultivation had run out, the spell could not be kept up, and he could only have another witch erase the mark. He sighed to himself and finally forced himself to smile. “I’m setting you free. In your next life, I won’t be around any longer and you won’t be bound to me. You can fall in love freely with another human and live and love for however long the two of you are supposed to be with one another. It’ll be just how it was supposed to be.”
Yes, when Fu Yun was once again reincarnated, he wouldn’t be there any longer. He only had a few years left and as a plant spirit, he was likely to be reincarnated as a plant again. At that time, the likelihood of gaining awareness again was almost nothing and even if he did, it would be thousands of years later when Fu Yun had already reincarnated several more times. By then, the string of fate between them would long be broken.
But then, this was the end they had known they would have from the moment they met when he was but a recently transformed rosebush and Fu Yun had still been that proud general Nie Rong who almost failed to return from battle. He didn’t hate it. Anyway, they had managed to steal six lifetimes to be together. For a spirit and a human who weren’t meant to be together, this was more than enough, more than he could have ever hoped for. He was satisfied with that and he would not ask for more.
Yue Ji took his time to grieve his lover and three years later when winter once again held the land tightly in its grasp, he finally could not keep up his human form, turning back into a rosebush and finally withering beside his lover’s grave and completely severing the thin thread of fate that had still connected them.
