Another bad night. Another nightmare. Or at least, that’s what those who don’t know better would think. But Bai knew better than that. It was not a nightmare. It was reality. Or at least something along those lines.

It’s not something anyone would understand. Much less be able to repeat. It was fair to say, he was probably the only one in the Empire who could do it. Well, maybe not the whole Empire, but in the Western parts of it, he never met anyone who looked like they are on pair with him. He wasn’t sure about the other 4 parts – Northern, Southern, Eastern and Central. He knew even less about the other parts of the world. Well, not because he was uneducated. It was just the way how people of the Empire are raised. The less they know about outer affairs, the happier they are. That’s what they are told since birth. That’s what he believes to be the truth still. Or at least, that’s what he is trying to make himself believe. But it’s hard. Very hard. For he knows better – there are things out there, worth living for. Worth dying for.

He was lying on the bed, his eyes open, looking at the ceiling. He wasn’t crying. Not anymore. He has been there for so many times already, he started to get used this feeling. It wasn’t like this process hurt or anything. It’s more like the pain of the experience he goes through every single time he visits that place.

As he was thinking about what to do now, a voice called out to him.

“You’re back. Welcome!”

It was the voice of a woman. Well, maybe not a woman yet, but a girl. But then again, girl makes it seem like she was a child, when she wasn’t, so it was hard to decide which was the correct term. But that didn’t really mattered to him anyways.

He turned to the side to look at her. Not like he forgot her appearance, he just needed something to distract himself from his thoughts. She didn’t change at all. Well, he wasn’t gone for long, so of course, it was expected for her to stay the same. She still had her long, black hair freely falling down to her back and shoulders. She still had the same, mischievous smile on her face. She still had the same, traditional clothes – long white robe with red flower motives, held together by a wide silk belt at the center. And she still had the same bandage around her head, covering her right eye.

He turned towards the ceiling and smiled. It was a rather unique smile, clearly not one that happy people would do, but wasn’t bittersweet or sad either. It wasn’t anything special though, it was just the way he smiled.

“I’ve been here the whole time. No need to greet me”

She stepped closer and sit down next to him on her knees, and looked him in the eyes.

“You told me. No, you promised me. I hope you didn’t forget”

“I didn’t, don’t worry. But I need to drink something first. I feel like my throat is a desert. Would you be so kind, and…?”

He didn’t need to finish the sentence, the girl stood up, went to the table at the other end of the room, picked up a cup, poured some drink from the pot, and brought it back to him. The man sit up, and grabbed the cup out of the girl’s hand, and downed it in one go. Then looked at her.

“This was… was this water?”

“Nope” she said smiling from ear to ear.

Then what could it have been, he wondered. Sure, it didn’t taste like water. But maybe only because it was warm. Maybe if it was cold, it would taste the exact same as water. Whatever the case, he knew what it wasn’t.

“This wasn’t alcohol, was it?”

“It wasn’t, of course. It was tea”

The smile didn’t disappear from her face.

Of course it was tea. She was drinking tea all the time. Of course she would want him to drink tea as well.

“You could’ve just gone down to the market, and buy some alcohol for me”

“Yeah, sure, except they wouldn’t have gave me any…”

“Why, aren't you over 22 years old already?”

“No, I’m barely over 20...”

“So what’s the problem?”

“The problem is, I don’t have any relatives or official documents. How would I prove the storekeeper I can buy alcohol legally?”

She was right. The laws forbade anyone under 20 to buy alcohol. Not that it stopped anyone from selling it to them.

“Nobody would’ve asked for you documents”

“Well, maybe I just wanted you to drink something else for a change”

“You make me sound like an old drunkard”

“I’m not saying you are old”

“So you admit I’m a drunkard”

She answered with a smile.

“Anyways, if you want to do it, could you prepare the table? I’ll get ready myself”

She turned around and went back to the same table, and started to clean it up. In the meantime, he got up, and went inside a small room, hidden behind a dirty curtain. Or, it might’ve been a curtain at one point, but now it looked more like a rag. The room was almost completely empty, save for a hole hidden by a lid on the floor, and a wide bucket on a small table, filled with water. Next to the bucket was two smaller rugs, one in a rather sad state, and another, that looked almost new. Well, as new as a rag can look. He pulled the curtains hiding the window aside to let in some sunlight. It was a beautiful early spring afternoon, which meant the sun was shining strong, but it wasn’t too hot. He really liked this time of the year.

He stepped towards the bucket, and looked at his image in the water. He wasn’t pleased by what he saw there. It was completely different from the one in the dream… non-dream… whatever it was. This face felt like, it didn’t belong to him. His long, fair hair was dirty and unkempt, the stubble on his chin… well it wasn’t anything special, some youngsters had more facial hair than him. That was something he didn’t mind though. At least less time needed to shave. Not that he shaved at all lately. His grey eyes looked tired. Not empty, or pained. Just tired. He felt tired. He felt tired all the time. But he couldn’t get a good nights sleep for years. Ever since that incident that happened. That he caused, rather.

He looked at his face for a bit longer. The more time he spent doing this, the more he started to see the person he was in the dream. Yeah, let’s just call it a dream for the time being. He started to see the clean-shaved face. The blonde hair. The young, ever watchful grey eyes. The smile on his face. He was handsome. He looked quite good. Really good, in fact. Or at least, he did, back then. But that was years ago. How much time has passed since then? 5 years? 10, even? He couldn’t remember clearly. He washed his hands and face face with the room-temperature water, and used the rag in worse shape to dry them.

He then grabbed a ribbon that was lying on the table next to the bucket, and tied his hair up into a ponytail. It took him some time, as he haven’t done this in quite a long a while. It felt weird. He used to do this all the time back then, but he also kept his hair clean and less long. He needed some time to get used to this look.

“Would you hurry up? I have prepared everything!”

She was not famous for her patience, that much he knew. Bai took one more look at his mirror image in the water, than stepped into the bigger room again, and went to the table.

The girl was already sitting there, so he sat down at the other end, facing her. In front of him was everything they needed: brushes, papers and ink. He haven’t done this in a long while, but once he held a brush, it felt like second nature to him. He carefully dipped the tip of the brush in ink, and then looked at the girl.

She wasn’t looking at his face. She was paying careful attention to every move he made with the brush, but when she realized he stopped, she looked up at him.

“Why did you stop? You didn’t forget how to write, did you?”

“That’s not it. I’m just not sure what to write”

“Well, start with your name?”

“That would work, I suppose”

He was thinking if he should write it using the old script or the new script. He was born some years after the new script became an official writing system, but his parent’s were very traditional, so they named him using the old script. While the new script was definitely simpler, the old one looked much better in calligraphy.

“Actually, do tell me, can you read the old script?”

He looked at her, asking this question all of a sudden.

“No, not really”

“Then should I write in new script?”

“However you see fit. You are the expert. Wait, hold on… Were you named using the old script? Then what does your name mean?”

It was the uniqueness of the old script – every character meant a word. Or at least, part of a word. His name – Bai – consisted only of one character. In the new script, that would be 3 characters, and wouldn’t really have a meaning. It would be his name, and nothing more.

“It means white. Apparently, the colour of my hair and eyes were so light, my parents thought this name would fit me”

“I see. That makes sense”

He didn’t want to think too much about the past. Every time he did that, he would get a headache, so instead he started painting. His name was not really that difficult to write in old script – it was barely 4-5 strokes. It depends on the writer and the writing style. It was even possible to write his name in one stroke, but that would make it almost completely unreadable.

When he finished, he put the brush aside and blew on the fresh ink on the paper. The girl was excited.

“Okay, now my turn! Hurry up, let me sit there!”

They changed places, and she took the brush into her hand, and looked at Bai.

“Do I hold it the right way?”

“Yes, you do. Seems like you paid attention”

She smiled, dipped the brush into the ink, and started to lift the it over the paper.

“Now wait just a second. Did you already decide what to write?”

“Well, I’ll just copy your name I guess. I don’t have much practice with calligraphy”

“I think it would be better to study the old script using regular means first – ink and calligraphy paper is not cheap, you know. Or you could just use new script”

She seemed disappointed, but she understood the situation.

“Okay then, I’ll write your name in new script?”

“Why my name? Why not yours? You don’t know how to write it?”

While asking the question, he was already seeing the characters of her name appear before his eyes. Or at least, that’s what he thought would happen. But it didn’t. Weird. As a calligrapher experienced in the ways of the Greatest Masters, there was hardly anything he couldn’t write. In old script, even. But this time, no matter how hard he concentrated, the characters, the letters just wouldn’t appear for him.

It only took him a moment to realize what’s happening. He, of course, knew how the girl was called. But it was a foreign name, which he have never seen written before. It might not even be possible to write it using the new script, no matter if it had similar sounds. He was a master calligrapher. If anyone, he would know how to write a word – if it can be written. And besides, it was not like they wanted to use this name if they wanted to blend in anyways, so there was no point in putting too much thought into it.

“Well… Yeah… No point in lying, is there? But even if I can’t write it, surely you can?”

“No, I’m afraid I can’t. It’s… Well anyways, I’ll tell you more about it later, but for now, how about we come up with a name for you, that you can learn how to write?”

“So should I just throw my old name away? I don’t quite like the sound of that, you know”

“Of course that’s not what I mean. But if we want to get yourself official papers, you will need to be able to write your own name. And since neither you, nor me can do that, it would be quite a hard task to do so. Impossible, actually. And also, it’s time we give you a proper name, one that can help you blend in more. It should be the one used between us as well, from now on”

“Not like you used to call me by name before though. Wasn’t I always just ‘girl’ to you? Anyways, then how about you choose a name for me? You are a calligrapher, you know the old script! Give me a name with a beautiful meaning!”

“You want your name to mean ‘beautiful’?”

He was smiling at her.

“No that’s not what I meant! I want my name to mean something beautiful! Like 'peafowl spreading it's feathers' or 'white clouds soaring the summer sky'!”

Those phrases… He wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea to give a name with such a… specific meaning. But he already had a good one in mind. It wasn't he who came up with it though. It was someone else. Someone she should miss so much. Someone that she can't remember anymore. Because of him...

“Alright, then how about ‘Hua’?

“’Hua’”?

She was mumbling the word quietly, thinking whether she liked the sound of it or not. After a short while she smiled, and looked up at Bai.

“Sounds good! What does it mean?”

“Flower”

“That’s a rather… generic name?”

“Not really, I don’t think I’ve met too many people named ‘Flower’ before. And besides, it can be easily written in old script. That’s kinda cool”

“So do teach me then!”

“Alright… But hold on, why do we do this on calligraphy paper again?”

“Because this is the first time I’m going to write my own name! This is the first time I’m going to see my own name written! I want to keep it and be able to look at it over and over again!”

He smiled. He knew how it felt to write for the first time.