I was sitting in my room reading when mom yelled at me to go outside and do something, so I hesitantly put down my book and went for the front door. "Felix" I shuttered at my mom calling my name, I didn't like it though I don't know why it just didn't feel right. "Make sure you have sunscreen on, and stay outside until your father gets home from work, it's 4 in the afternoon he should be home in an hour or two." she said, she was more concerned that I would make a mess in the house than she was if I where to get eaten by rabid animals out in the woods of our back yard. My mom didn't like me much I was 13 and starting to do the usual "boy" things that "boys" do at that age or at least that's what she thought, and how she looked at my actions. Not like I asked to be born a boy, I don't like it much myself, thinking about how different things would be if I was a girl I walked right into a tree. I had no idea where I was with mom sending me out like this every other day I had the majority of the woods committed to memory, but this was somewhere new somewhere I have yet to see in all of my 13 years of living and 5 or so years of being sent to go play alone in the woods or yard behind our house. Dad would throw a fit if he knew that I going this far into the woods alone but mom doesn't care where I go as long as I make it back for dinner. As that thought came to mind it dawned on me just how dark it was it had to have been at least 7 maybe 7:30 at night the sun was setting and I was lost. 

Being young as I am, I was taught that boys need to be tough, they don't cry, and they need to play rough, that boys can't like pink or bright colors. My mom always said no to me when I asked for the bright shirts I wanted and if I cried about it she would ground me and leave me with nothing but books for a month, even at the age of 13 when I asked to buy my own shirts and pants she told me no and went off and bought them for me her self. She would only buy me jeans, short sleeve shirts a few jackets, and some shorts, I wasn't allowed to have sweat pants or a sweatshirt. The only colors I would get are black white navy and sometimes if I was lucky I would get a darker red or green for a shirt. All that to say my mom only likes to follow the traditional sense of what "boy" means and how they should act, the man of the house, the only one that works and provides for the family. She was forcing all of those ideals on to me of how a "boy" should act, I don't know when it started or why if it was because of my mom or I was always like this but I never liked being a boy. Being a boy sucked and I wanted no part of it, that thought mixed with the overwhelming fear of being lost in the woods drove me to tears. For the first time in years, I cried, no I sobbed laying on the ground of the forest. I must have been crying for hours because when I stopped the sun wasn't just setting it was pitch black outside, but  I could faintly hear a voice calling out my name I could hear a few voices calling out my name but two of them stuck out calling my name in unison, not because of the voices themselves but how they were calling me, not urgently but almost beckoning me to come to go to them and find them rather than them looking for me, it was almost like they knew exactly where I was, so I followed. 

The voices lead me to a shed or at least it looked like one from a distance but as I got closer it looked like it was shifting like it was turning into something completely different. I kept walking closer more out of curiosity of what it would look like when whatever it was doing was done than what the building itself was. I didn't realize it until the voices calling my name were almost gone but it seemed like as the building changed the voices grew quiet. 'I don't know what was happing but I knew that I should be going home my dad must be losing it after all it seems like I have been missing for quite a long time now.' I thought to myself as I turned to leave I also had a thought that I should mark the trees so I can find this place again after a little rummaging through the dirt, rocks, sticks, and fallen leaves on the ground I found a sharp rock and started to mark the trees on my way to the voices I could faintly hear calling out to me, I would return here again as soon as I could.

I soon found my mom with a bunch of our neighbors and a few police officers, my mother as usual put on an act around everyone she liked to wear a mask around everyone, this mask just so happened to be a mother concerned for her child that was just found after being missing for many hours, so long even that the sun was starting to rise. But I knew better I knew that as soon as we were in the privacy of our own home that mask would crack and as soon as my dad was away even for a minute she would take that opportunity to scold me, make sure that I never made her look like a neglectful mother again.

And so she did, and I played along only just holding back tears, until I was sent to my room where I stopped holding them back and cried, through my cries into my pillow I could hear my dad ask-

"Where did Felix go?" he sounded almost disappointed that I wasn't there, my mood brightened a bit thinking about the fact that someone cares if even the tiniest bit about me. 

"Oh he went to his room, he was tired after the whole getting lost thing I'm sure he will be more careful next time he asks to go outside and play in the yard," she said with a hind of retort in her voice, it instantly killed what little bit of my mood was looking up and with that, I cried myself to sleep in my empty room nothing but me my bed and some books.