“I just can’t believe we didn’t raise you better than this.” Ran was trying desperately to hide in his bowl of soup. As courses went, soup was pretty terrible for the sake of providing cover, and he was having to make do with staring intently at his spoon, hoping it would slip out of his hand and tragically impale him. Anything to get out of awkward conversations with The Parents. Not that he really had a problem with his parents. They’d always been supportive of him, albeit a little overbearing sometimes, but every once in a while they had a tendency to try to ‘set him straight’.

“Mom...” he started, but he didn’t really have anything to go with that, so he just left it kind of hanging there. He wasn’t in the mood to be berated. He was who he was thanks to them, and she wasn’t going to let him forget it. Not even when they dragged him to a local restaurant. He didn’t even like going out to dinner. Others making his food always made him a bit uncomfortable. 

“Hey now,” Ran’s father said, “give the boy a break. College is a place where people can get a fresh start, and it’s normal for him to need to take some time to really find his way.” Dad, coming in with the ‘Let’s all calm down’ out of left field was only slightly effective, because Mom immediately went on the offensive again.

“It’s just that I don’t really get why you associate with people like that,” she said. “I understand that you would kind of fall into it when you were younger and more… impressionable, but you’re a grown man now and I wish you’d just… talked to us about this stuff more. You could have fallen in with some really… unpleasant crowds.” Ran glanced at his father, looking to see if there might be another rebuttal, but his father just gave that little sideways head nod that was best translated to “She’s not wrong.”

“I don’t want to disappoint you two,” Ran said, “but it’s hard trying to figure out where you fit in the world, and not everyone sees things the same way, and making friends is hard enough as it is, and I’m just trying to make it through every day, you know?”

“That might well be true, Randall, but it’s no excuse.” She crossed her arms and leaned back. “The way I see it, you got lucky.”

“Lucky?” He frowned. He sure didn’t feel lucky, being given the third degree by the people who had encouraged him to make more friends in the first place. “It’s not like I know a lot of people to begin with, and I’m not exactly… y’know, good at meeting people.”

“That’s not true at all, honey,” Mom said, which was a blatant lie but the kind mothers have a way with getting away with. “You’re a wonderful young man, and anyone would be lucky not to see it. Besides, I’m sure you’ll find new people if you give it time and talk to your other schoolmates. Ones that are a little more… palatable.”

“I really wish you wouldn’t talk like that, Mom,” Ran said. “I really did do my best.”

“And look where it got you.” Ran frowned again. What was that supposed to mean?

“Look,” his father said, “the point is that it’s all going to be easier now, okay? You just don’t have to associate with people like that if you don’t want to. College is big enough as it is without you having to consort with…” Dad took a shuddering breath.

“Conservatives,” Mom added with a scowl. 

Ran sighed. “I know Dean isn’t the best, but I was just trying to do what I could with an old friendship, okay?”

“We get that, Randall,” Dad said, “but that boy takes after his parents.” He looked Ran in the eyes and grimaced performatively. “Trust me.”

“Why don’t you hang out with that roommate of yours more? Rachel?” His mom asked. “She seems nice. Getting wonderfully queer vibes off her, too.” 

“Uh, yeah,” Ran said, “about that…” He slowly pushed his bowl aside, his appetite pretty much sated anyway. Dad’s eyebrows went up, and Mom seemed to relax a little, leaning forward. “She’s gay,” Ran said.

“Oh, that’s nice!” Ran’s mother said. “I’m glad you’ll have a good influence to be around at the very least.”

The waiter came back to clean off their table, which was spent in painful silence. It was so bad Ran briefly considered reaching across the table to the stack of phones, but decided against it. Dinner had always been considered sacred in his family, which was why the phone rule had been implemented. In that moment, though, he would have definitely appreciated a little screen to hide behind. 

“Mo-om,” Ran said when their table had been cleared off, squeezing his eyes shut. If this was going to be another speech about the benefits of having a woman’s touch around the house, he was going to have to ask the waiter to bring him his soup back so he could drown himself in it. “What if it becomes weird?”

“Oh, don’t be like that, Randall,” his father said. “Your mother is right, you know. I’m very glad to hear your roommate’s gay. That way, you can’t slowly radicalize yourself by sitting alone in your apartment all day.” Ran was only partially listening, a big chunk of his brain hoping that maybe a truck would crash through the wall and kill him instantly, transporting him to a world where he could be someone else. Someone who wasn’t currently in this conversation. The waiter came by, and Randall waited the painful minutes while his father paid for the meal. 

“I… I know, Dad, I just don’t always know how to deal with the fact that she’s gay, and when she brings a girl home it just makes me uncomfortable,” Ran confessed. “I don’t know what the right thing or the wrong thing to do is, you know? What if I make it weird?”

“It won’t be weird,” his mother said, in that reassuring, motherly tone that made him want to scream into a stuffed animal because being treated like a literal child made his eyeballs itch. “I think you just need to treat her like a normal human being, and stop trying to see her as a queer person first.”

“Unless that’s what she wants,” Dad interjected with a lecturing finger-wag as the waiter handed him back his credit card. 

“Unless that’s what she wants,” Mom agreed. “The point, I think, is that you need to be a little more open-minded. This is the real world, and you can’t pretend people that aren’t like you aren’t out there forever, you know.” 

“I know that, Mom, I just--”

“We’re not saying you’re homophobic,” his dad said, holding out a calming hand, “just that you need to keep an open mind, okay?”

“Yes, Dad,” Ran said, regretting the fact that he’d wasted his birthday wish on something as trivial as happiness and comfort instead of the much more useful and practical being-hit-by-a-meteor. “I promise I’ll try.”

“Atta boy,” his father said as he stood up and ruffled his hair. “Now, your mom and I need to get going. Taxes aren’t going to file themselves, all that. Do you want us to drop you off at your apartment?” 

“I’m good,” Ran said, also getting up and meekly grabbing his coat. “It’s only a few minutes walking from here anyway.” He turned around and almost bumped into his mom, who seized the opportunity to wrap him in the kind of hug college students absolutely love having in public with their mom. 

“We love you, Randall,” she said as she took a step back and straightened his jacket. “We just want to see you become the best version of yourself, you know? And that might mean having to question the way you’ve looked at the world up until now. Just…” she patted him on the cheek and he fell over dead (or felt like it, anyway). “I know you’ll do us proud. And hey, if you turn out to be gay too, we’ll support you one hundred percent.”

“Sorry, Mom,” he said, smiling awkwardly. “Still no desire for boys.” 

“Nobody’s perfect,” his dad said happily as they walked out the front door of the restaurant. Ran was happy for the fresh air and the fresh introduction of so many directions in which to escape. 

“Kill me,” Ran mumbled.

“What was that?” his mother asked, straightening her jacket and looking for her keys.

“I’ll see you soon again, yeah?” he said, pretending not to have heard her. 

“You’re not getting rid of us that easily,” Dad said. “I promise we’re trying to give you space but, you know, we don’t have any other children and what are we going to do with all of this money.”

Ran rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Dad… I’m not twelve anymore, you don’t have to pretend money isn’t tight…” His dad gleefully grinned at him, embarrassment weaponized and personified. 

“Things aren’t nearly as bad as you’re making it sound, dear,” his mom said. “We just like spending time with you, and coming to visit isn’t a problem at all.” Ran hugged her one more time, and then took a step back. 

“Still… how about I cook next time? That’s cheaper, and I can introduce y’all to Rachel.” He paused for a second. “The roommate.”

“Ah. Yeah, that sounds wonderful!” His father said. “But you’re going to have to make sure to impress your mother. She’s used to scrutiny from her mother, and Mammy will have words if she finds out you’re not spicing properly.”

“Yes, Dad,” Ran said with a little bow. “Anyway, we’ll schedule it soon? I don’t know what times y’all are free, and I might have more homework one week or another.”

“Sounds good, dear,” his mom said. “Love you, Randall.”

“Love ya, sport,” his dad said with an exaggerated… Dad Accent? Was that even a thing?

“I love you too, Mom. Dad.” He waved and set off with a brisk walk, in between walking fast and not-quite-jogging. Not that he had to get anywhere in a hurry, but he wanted to get home and hide under something, maybe while watching Russian sketch-comedy with a tub of ice cream in his lap. 

Getting home, he opened the front door and was greeted with… sobbing. Sobbing when opening a door is never a good sign. He carefully peeked around the door and saw Rachel sitting on the sofa, with Amelia sort of crumpled up next to her. The girl didn’t look anything like her usual confident self, and it was clear Rachel had been comforting her. 

“Um,” he said, and the two looked up at him. Black lines streaked Amelia’s face. “Should I… go…? Do y’all need some space?” Amelia shook her head and wiped her tears, staining both her hands and her cheeks. 

“Nah,” she said quietly, “you’re fine. I’m sorry.” Rachel gently bapped her on the head.

“No apologizing, you,” Rachel said. 

“I don’t like people seeing me like this, Rach,” Amelia said, “and I don’t think he volunteered for it either. I must look disgusting.” Randall was kind of frozen in place. She looked like a mess, but that was kind of a given when someone with a lot of makeup has clearly spent some time crying. What struck him was the way she was a mess. She was a pretty mess, and he briefly wondered what it would look like if he was in that situation. He’d look horrible, and he definitely got why she thought she might too, even if he didn’t agree.

“You don’t,” Rachel said, and kissed the side of her head, pulling her a little closer.

“I don’t mind,” Ran said, and then immediately felt himself get hot in the face. “Not that I enjoy seeing you like that! Like, I don’t mean that I don’t mind that you’re upset but I… fuck…”

“See?” Rachel said with a barely contained chuckle. “He doesn’t mind.”

“Blech,” Amelia said, taking out her phone. “I bet I look so gross right now.” Rachel pushed her phone back down and Amelia relented, putting it on the table. “Sorry, Ran. It’s just been a bad day and I didn’t really know where to go. Sorry that’s your living room right now.”

“You’re fine,” Ran said. “Uh, can I do anything?” He finally managed to move his body again, taking off his coat and hanging it up after just kind of standing in place for four score and seven years. Amelia shook her head. 

“I got this,” Rachel said. “You’re a sweetheart for offering, though.”

Ran felt himself blush, both at her calling him a sweetheart and the genuinely lovely smile she gave him, so he scurried off to his room to give them some space anyway. When he was closing the door behind him, he heard them talking and left the door open just a little bit, out of curiosity, because he thought he heard them talking about him. 

“You know -snrrf- he really is cute.” That was Amelia. The sniffling alone would have given it away, but her husky voice was unmistakable. 

“He is,” Rachel said, and something about the way she said it made him feel all fuzzy inside. He tried to push that feeling down and failed, smiling to himself. “But it’s like I said, Amelia, guys don’t work for me. Ran is cool, but he’s still a guy, and I just can’t find myself attracted to them.” Ran immediately regretted having listened. The nice feeling he’d had just a second ago fell out the bottom of his stomach and his ears burned. He barely heard what was said after that. “You can if you want to, though.”

“Sorry, Rach,” Amelia said. “Same hat. Snrf.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Better.”

The noises of rustling clothing and gentle mouth sounds indicated the two had moved on to a more intimate way of consolation, and Randall went to go and lie down and try to forget the day had even happened. He didn’t even know why he felt like crying, but he eventually gave in.