With a bang, I opened the guild’s door, and I saw how people’s eyes were directed almost instantly at me, just like they were expecting someone.

As I took some steps inside, the staff on the side approached me cautiously. 

“Miss, swords must be kept inside the...” I glanced at him, hearing him spouting the words, realizing that my hand was still gripping it, frozen even.

“It’s stuck,” I rotated my wrist, placing my palm towards the ceiling, allowing him to see the icy areas from my sweat. 

His left hand fell on my shoulder as he pointed to a location, telling me to tag along. 

We stopped by a fireplace, one of three in the guild. Altogether, despite being far from one another, they made up a triangle to warm up this entire floor.

Once the connection melted, my weapon fell to the ground, doing a clacking sound a few times. I felt the burnt on my palm that the ice left, leaving a shape of intact skin in the part where the sword was. I glanced at the vivid meat, and it reminded me of Brook. His remnants haunted my mind, and I yelled and wept loudly. 

Silence reigned, and I found my hand healed up thanks to a fellow in the guild. Seated next to me was Tania with shallow, red eyes. Her mind was likely regretting tracking the clues she had found. They had cost Chris an arm and Brook his life. But I didn’t utter a word. There was no way for her to know what trail that one belonged to. It was a risky task, and they decided to do it during the night. 

“Bro-ok stepped on snow, he cra-cked a branch beneath it,” Tania finally spoke, and we heard her whimpering words, understanding that the creature heard the noise.

“Walking on snow is dangerous. Even more so during the night,” an older man spoke across the table, taking a sip of his drink. There was no sign of sadness in his voice, a hint of disappointment perhaps. It was not by chance that the quests for low-level adventurers were the easiest, but they, too, could pose a risk to one’s life. 

"A group of Tusk boars came..."

"Just how far were you guys in?"

"South from here by the frontier."

The old man took another sip after widening his eyes in surprise. From his words, Tania’s fingers curled, holding her anger and frustration for a job wrongly done. Out of all of us, she was likely the one feeling the worst.

Ryze was further away, staying by the side of Chris, whose shoulder was being bandaged. There was no coming back from losing that arm, at least not if it was lost to a beast.

Potions could heal wounds, but only powerful magic could glue an arm to a shoulder. My father had explained the knowledge of such arts and it was normal for it to change in the future. New inventions were things humans were likely to bring out, more often if it wasn’t for the closure of information to most people, as we belonged to the lowest social class. As miserable as this situation was, it was likely that this party was over. The instructor would make sure of it once the news reached her ears. 

I grabbed Tania’s hands with my own, “you did what you could.”

She nodded slightly, but her saddened expression didn’t change. All I could do was spark a tiny light of hope.

The spoon in front of us landed on a warm soup, “adventurers die all the time. It’s a horrible job.” The man declared, showing us his teeth, well eighty percent of them as some were missing: most yellow along with a few black ones with holes. 

My gaze slipped away from his bold smile, appreciating the words that he gave, but the truth was that we had been too weak and slow to save everyone. If there was a divinity of misfortune, he or she had certainly touched Brook that moment, right before his feet landed on the snow.

‘Aria,’ I named her name, the goddess who overlooked humans. However, I shook my head to the sides slowly and only twice. If there were more entities like her, then she wouldn’t have been the culprit. I sighed, realizing that the gods were not at fault, and neither was luck. It laid all but in one person, himself.

‘Poor Brook...’ Pity remained stuck in my mind along with all the scary noises that I recollected from that moment. My stomach growled, not from hunger, but from sickness. I had held on throwing up far too many times now. And I was at my limit, and the moment my body tried to get up, I felt Tania’s hands sheltering themselves in mine. 

She wasn’t satisfied yet. 

‘Breathe Iris, breathe,’ and I did, deeply, inhaling whatever smell was around, painting in my mind the diverse scents, replacing many atrocities.

‘The smell of branches burning, the aroma of the man’s mushroom soup,’ I rested my cheek on the table and then continued, ‘the smell of the dust and wood.’

And I finally realized the most important thing. I was human and my life was short. This was the beginning of my path, to be strong enough to protect my parents, what I took as the ultimate goal. However, it was clearly far from my reach, and knowing that made it rather painful.

My soul properties were not bad, but it wasn’t significant enough to cause a meaningful change. If I had the right amount of power to save Brook’s life, or even to slay the five creatures that came through, that would’ve been a dream come true.

‘We were weak,’ and I stumbled upon the condolences that the staff from the guild gave to Chris. With his dominant hand lost, his future was bleak. 

As if receiving some sort of confirmation, he got up and glanced at us briefly, walking hastily to the exit with his head down.

“Chris...” I mumbled in a trembling, soft voice, without wanting him to actually hear me. There were no words that could cheer him up, and if there were any, I didn’t know them. My heart tightened, leaving everything that had happened, feeling like nothing but a nuisance. It pissed me off how careless we had been, at the way I didn’t tell them what to do, the things my experienced parents taught me.

‘But I wasn’t the leader...’ I scorned such words in my mind, finding a justification for the passiveness within me. 

‘I...’ I shrouded myself in the secrecy of my heart, ugly as it was whenever pain came at me. It resented everything, hiding such emotions from my family and friends, bottling all of it inside. Couldn't wait to get back home and write my feelings in the black book: just like magic, it eased my mind whenever I vented in it. And I wrote a lot these past years. Even more so whenever something happened between me and the teens from the village. The disputes we had, the plays and conversations, the bonds, the good and the bad. And like a drug, my hand shook, wanting to head back home, fill a page, maybe two or three, and watch as all the pain went away.

The vibrations got sheltered by Tania’s embrace as her fingers rubbed softly on my own. It must’ve been her way of taking care of me, retribution for my actions and words. 

“Thank you,” and I held on to it without looking at her. 

I heard her mutter softly, but I don’t think there were any words. It was more like a plain sound of conformity, yet it was a good enough answer for both of us.

The guild staff dissolved the party, causing both of me and Tania to lose our place in it, and now I had to wait for a new one to take me in. The following day I would have news, so instead of staying there, my feet took me home. 

As usual, little saint approached me, but with his keen nose, he did not jump on me. He halted and waited, and I kneed in front of him and hugged his large neck. 

My eyes focused on the waving of his tail. It was slower than usual. I could tell my pet wanted to play. That little saint was holding back. But it was all I really needed at that moment and that was what I received, grateful for his presence and kindness.

It didn’t take long for me to speak with my parents about what happened, to receive their comfort, but also their rigidness. Their warnings were not in vain. I made sure to tell them that, but I had trained for this all my life. I still didn’t want to let it end there, but there was no way that I would accept my death. To be fair, I didn’t think anyone would ever pursue it. 

At night, before bed, I lighted up my hand with tones of light blue, and below it was the open book. Between my fingers, one of the few pencils I had left, and with it, I wrote.

Day 6 of the moon season, year 5014. 

I, Iris, lost my first companion. His name was Brook, a tall boy who wielded a spear. I didn’t get to know him well enough, since everything happened too fast. But he seemed nice and I could tell the other two, Chris and Ryze liked him a lot, possibly like a brother. The two of them were the ones who shed the most tears, especially Chris, who lost his arm, and even his future as an adventurer. 

The lady from the staff told me there weren’t many one-handed adventurers; it was quite an arduous feat to achieve. Indirectly, I believe, that she was telling me he would retire that day, or in the near future. 

It was just like that. I saw the sad way he spoke with the staff and the way he left without telling us girls anything, not even me. I thought he would have told me something... anything. I don't know why I had that expectation, but...

My eyes rose from the paper momentarily and I glanced over at my room window before continuing to write.

The moon is yellow today and hugeeeee! I’m still not okay, not after what I saw and heard. And I couldn’t express myself to my mother. I wasn’t able to tell her how much her training saved me. From the animals, I killed back then, the blood, and everything that came with it, all the way to cooking. If it wasn’t for that, I think, I would’ve been too shocked to move, or maybe I would’ve run and gotten caught, instead of waiting for a chance. She made me tough. Now, more than ever, am grateful to have her as my mother.

A tear slid down my eye onto the book, one after another, a soft rain hitting the pages, causing the book to shine, absorbing not only the letters but also the wetness.

‘Why are you so magical?’ I questioned it in my thoughts, realizing, like many times before, that it wouldn’t reply to me, and like in the past, this time around, there was no answer either.

Tightly, I held onto the pencil and added my last words for the night.

No matter what, I will not give up. I’ll fight, become stronger, and next time... next time for sure, I’ll make a difference!

And I closed it, placing the book under my bed, the sole place that my mother never checked, “good night,” and I closed my eyes, hoping to sleep peacefully. That night, I had a nightmare.