The Ziba's Hundred Island Pirates have done their best to prepare for what's to come. My people and I have positioned ourselves while waiting for our enemies to arrive. I close my eyes while sitting on one of the watchtower's seats. I listen to my rustling surroundings, the nervous and excited feelings that my people as they anticipate the enemy's arrival.

 

"Should we send for a request for reinforcements, Lady Xandra?"

 

Hulda asked as she kneeled beside me, holding a curved bow with an intricate design in her hands while two sets of barrels wrapped around her back. She wore standard ranger armor with a hood covering her head as a short scimitar hanged on her waist.

 

"No. If we send for such, it will just raise the levels into blackspots and alarm Alexandria. We'll take care of this ourselves."

 

". . . By your will, Lady Xandra."

 

A few more minutes have passed, and the enemy's silence grew more deafening. They should've been here by now, so why aren't they? Something is wrong. I can feel it in my bones, yet I can't say for sure what it is. Should I be happy that they aren't here yet? It would give us enough time to plan for a counterattack and eliminate them once and for all, but why can't I get rid of this bad feeling?

 

As I was mulling over how I can get rid of my anxiety, a pirate went up to where I was while catching his breath.

 

"My queen! Th-the shipyard! They attacked the shipyard! The ships are burning! Cap'n Devorah is trying his best to hold 'em off, but he won't last fer long!"

 

"Hulda!"

 

"By your will, Lady Xandra! All spare hands retreat to the pier! We need to protect our ships!"

 

We rushed to the harbor, only to see two enemies clashing with one another. There were pirates of different colors sending powerful magic against one another as they faced each other. Devorah was in the frontlines, a scimitar on his left with a short barrel on his right. He cut down countless pirates that went against him as he used his short barrel and aimed at the enemies at a distance. He ignored his own cuts as he continued to cleave his way past the enemy lines, meeting us halfway. 

 

I gather magic into my staff as it conjured multiple balls of fire of the size of an adult head that hovered around me. My men marched forward as I took my time to create as many balls I could muster. The spell wasn't particularly taxing, and the base power they had was better than ordinary fireballs. Just before my reinforcements clashed with the increasing enemies, I released my magic towards the enemies, reduce their numbers to nearly half of their original force. 

 

"Lady Xandra, why be ye 'ere?! Ye should be 'eaded to the islands by now! It be dangerous fer ye to stay 'ere!"

 

"You know there is no way I'm leaving you alone to defend Ziba. What kind of captain am I if I abandon ship during the first sight of danger?"

 

I tell him as I pull out my short barrel, aiming it at one of the enemies before firing, blowing off his head straight off his body.

 

"That be what ye bein' smart, lady Xandra. Ye know they be after all Avitals an' ye be not a gentleman o' fortune Cap'n anymore, ye be our queen, so flay yer shriveled tongue an' get on one o' the ships an' set sail!"

 

"I'm an Avital! I am your Pirate Queen, and I will burn all trespassers to the ground!"

 

I tell him once more as I create a firewall around us, burning all incoming attacks that were sent our way. Our surroundings were becoming more chaotic, and my men were starting to fall one after another. I can't send more people in this area for fear that they might flank us, cutting our means of escape.

 

"Now you flay your shriveled tongue and make me some time. These scallywags are increasing in numbers, so it's about time we finish them all."

 

The harbor was getting more and more damaged while magic continued to cover the skies. There were barely any pirates confronting one another as they clashed their swords while we sniped them from behind. If this continued, I'd be losing more men than I had planned, which would spell the end of the kingdom I meant to give to Alexandria. 

 

I heard Devorah click his tongue as I erect my staff on the ground. I fasten my short barrel back in its holster before I start chanting a wide-area spell. I focused on chanting while I spend just enough attention listening to my environment. I could hear my people shouting and commanding. Devorah's battle cries echoed in my surroundings, followed by Hulda's reprimands of his noise.

 

As I was nearing the end of my chants, magic circles appeared and collided around me. With my arms stretched out in front of me, I slowly held my staff with both hands, only for my concentration to break upon hearing Hulda's terrified shriek.

 

I open my eyes as I flung my head towards the noise's direction and saw Devorah behind me. He had outstretched hands as a hole that tore half of the side of his torso gaped. My mind blanked as I ran towards him, dropping my staff to the ground and catching him before he fell on the floor.

 

"DEVORAH! NO! You fucking scallywag! Don't you fucking dare die on me, you dipshit! Hulda! The Healers, quick!"

 

"They're on their way, Lady Xandra!"

 

"Cover us while I bring Devorah to safety!"

 

I command my people as I drag Devorah's heavy body across the dirt ground, aiming for the destroyed building nearby. My tears fell as I desperately tried to carry his body, hoping, wishing that my healers would arrive sooner than later. I can't lose another skilled captain; I can't lose Devorah, not here, not ever.

 

"L-lady Xandra. . . L-listen. . . Listen. . . to me. . ."

 

"Flay your fucking shriveled tongue and stay alive, you shit! Just shut up, you get me?! I'm sorry, alright?! I should've. . . I should've listened to you all those years ago! If I did. . . If I. . ."

 

"Fu-fuckin' listen to. . . me. . . Xandra. . . Ye weren't. . . wrong. . . I be. . . I be glad. . . ye did nay. . . d-didn't go thr-through. . . with what I. . . said. . ."

 

"Devorah, please, I'm begging you. Just shut the fuck up and wait for the sawbones; they're almost here."

 

"J-just. . . okay. . .? be-because. . . fuck. . . it 'urts. . . Uri. . . thanks to. . . thanks to Alex an'. . . an' this here Ziba. . . this here Ziba ye made. . . Uri, me sweet child. . . She did nay 'ave to become. . . a cock. . . a cocksucker fer some. . . scrawny scallywag. . . like. . . like 'er mother. . . So. . . th-thank. . . thank ye. . . It been. . . It been an 'onor. . . to. . . to serve ye. . . Me queen. . . Lady. . . Xandra. . . T-take care. . .o' U. . . ri. . . fer me. . ."

 

"No, no, no, NO! DEVORAH! Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! WHY?! FUCK!"

 

I cried as I clutched on Devora's lifeless body. Despite his death, he never once blamed me for what had happened. I buried my face on his bloodied torso, staining my clothes of his blood. Hulda came a little later with the sawbones in tow. She fell silent upon seeing Devorah, who was smiling. How could he smile even though he's dead? How stupid. . .

 

I stood from the ground, laying Devorah's body gently to the ground before Hulda could comfort me. We have no time for being sentimental. We have pirates to burn and sons of biscuits to blow to the ground.

 

"How many are left?"

 

I ask Hulda, who offered my staff as she tried her best to hold back her tears. We all grew up together, and both of them were part of my father's last crew before the navy pirates claimed my father's bounty. I couldn't blame her if she were to break down and mourn for the death of her best friend, but we're still in the middle of a battle. I can't go soft now.

 

"About a hundred more, Lady Xandra. There are another thirty buccaneers incoming from int of the village. I've already sent some marauders to flank them and some silver ravens for reinforcements."

 

"Okay. Let's finish this."

 

"By your will, Lady Xandra."

 

We spent another hour or so whittling down the remaining enemies. Reinforcements were on their way, and we only need to hold them off for two to three more hours until they arrive. The enemies have cornered us in one of the buildings on the docks. There were only seven of us remaining from our initial number of 50 brave warriors. My people were exhausted from continuously sending heavy fire to eliminate as many enemies as they could. They were running out of mana.

 

I look at the haggard faces of my men. Their earlier fearless expression could no longer be seen and replaced by a look of resignation and acceptance. They have prepared themselves to have this place as their graves, but not me. I can't lose any more men because of my impaired judgment. Hulda was clutching her remaining long barrel while drinking her last supply of mana drink. I silently chuckle as I saw her determined expression. She still has some fights in her.

 

I look down at my neck, seeing the crystal's shine that reminded me of Alexandria's smile. I remove the necklace and play with it slightly between my fingers, ignoring the increasing bombardment outside.

 

"Hey, Hulda."

 

"Yes, Lady Xandra?"

 

"I need you to take everyone else and leave for the islands. There's an emergency ship hidden away in a cave downstream the river southwest of here."

 

"Wh-what are you saying, Lady Xandra?"

 

"I'm saying, save yourselves. None of you needs to die here."

 

"B-but!"

 

"Hulda, take this. I wouldn't want my baby, Alex, to get pissed at me if I accidentally burn it as well."

 

"Th-this is, isn't this. . . ? W-wait! Lady Xandra, what are you saying?! We won't leave you to die here! If you stay, then we'll all stay here with you, my lady!"

 

"Yer Majesty, we will stay 'ere 'till we be dead. We won't be leaving ye alone."

"Hulda."

 

"B-but, Lady Xandra. . . You can't possibly. . ."

 

"We don't have much time. Take care of my family for me, all right?"

 

". . . Let's go. Lady Xandra will hold them off here while we need to flank them from behind."

 

"What arr ye talkin' about Hulda?! We won't-- "

 

"We need to flank them so that Lady Xandra will survive!"

 

I couldn't help but smile at their discussion. The noises beyond our building were getting louder. I break the mana crystal embedded on my staff as our shelter shook violently due to the recent bombardment.

 

"We need to go, NOW!"

 

Hulda firmly commanded as she held back her tears. She prepared her gear while the rest of my men followed suit. She's going to be one fine captain. I was right in leaving Night Dew and Ziba's Hundred Island Pirates to her.

 

"Hey, Hulda, can I ask you for a favor?"

 

"Of course, Lady Xandra. Anything and it is by your will."

 

"If. . . If I ever don't make it out alive. . . Will you. . . Will you bury my ashes by the river instead of sending me off a pirate death?"

 

". . . Lady Xandra. . . Please. . . I beg of you. . ."

 

"Please? Not as the queen, not as your captain, but as Xandra, your childhood friend. Please?"

 

Hulda sniffled her tears back as she bit her lower lip, doing her best not to break down.

 

"B-By your will, Lady Xandra."

 

She vowed as she clenched my necklace in her palms, bowing for one last time before leaving with the rest of my people. Before I knew it, I was already smiling as I gazed at their retreating back, the red crystal on my hand glowing brighter than ever before. 

 

This is it, I guess.

 

I take in a deep breath before placing the crystal on my chest as multiple magic circles appeared around me. They were all positioning themselves on the floor, on the ceiling, and my body. I close my eyes as I feel the surging power within me, increasing, developing, bursting as it comes to life. 

 

*Flashback*

It was the night when Alexandria gave me the necklace. She was hugging me from behind as I laid my back on her torso, feeling her warmth enveloping my entire being.

"Hey, Alex."

"Hmm?"

"Aren't you. . . Aren't you scared of what others might think?"

"Think about what?"

"A-about us. Wh-what if people outcast you because you're dating me?"

"Ohh. . . I've never thought about that. . .

"Th-then. . .? What if. . . What if th-they do. . . outcast you. . . because you're. . . you're dating me. . .?"

". . .hmm. . . Well. . . Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah! Sure! Absolutely! Wh-what is it?"

"What are we?"

"What. . . are we?"

"Yeah, what are we?"

"Umm. . . Pirates?"

"Mhm, and what do we do?"

"We. . . Umm. . . We take what we want. . .?"

"Mhm. So if as pirates, we take what we want, what difference does it make if, instead of treasures, I want you? Then I can just take you for myself, yeah?"

I was stunned upon hearing her reasoning that I can't help but fall for her even more. I turn my head towards her and kissed her deeply while closing my eyes. I wrapped my hands around her neck as she wrapped hers around my waist. We spent a few more minutes in each other's arms before I broke our kiss to catch my breath.

"You better not give me away even after you've seen prettier girls than me."

"I would never let go a treasure such as yourself, Xandra. You better promise me too that you won't replace me with some younger ass once I'm older."

"Haha, you're adorable. I promise, Alex. I'm forever yours, and you forever mine."

"I love you, Xandra."

"I love you too, my baby."

*End of Flashback*

 

I'm sorry I can't keep my promise, my princess. I hope you know that I love you so much, and I won't stop loving you, even after death. Thank you so much for all the things you've done for me, given me, and showed me. You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, and never did I once regret killing Leo for our happiness. 

 

I love you, Alexandria Avital.

 

 

---

 

 

It took us two weeks to arrive back in the village. The harbor was burned to the ground as described in the letter. My heart was pounding as I drew my scimitar and left Matris Amore. My crew and slaves were close behind me as they studied the battle scars that painted our surroundings. The earlier peaceful scenery could no longer be found in this place ridden by bodies and ash.

 

Aunt Hulda and a group of ragged pirates were waiting by the road leading to the village proper, filled with more bodies and burnt debris. There was so much going on in our surroundings, but I couldn't focus on any of them. Not while I don't know how Xandra is doing. I head straight to the group, preparing myself for any possible answer that might come out of Hulda's mouth.

 

"Where's Xandra?"

 

"What did ye just say?"

 

What the hell are these fuckers saying? Are they seriously picking a fight with me right now? With Xandra, my mother, still fucking missing?!

 

I grip my scimitar's handle, prepared to cleave the bastard down to the brisket. But before I could raise my hand against these annoying shits, One and Two stepped forward and aimed their barrels towards them.

 

"I won't ask you again. Where's my mother?"

 

Hulda raised her hand to placate her men's increasing hostility towards my crew and me. She let out a sigh before extending a hand, leading the way.

 

I silently followed Hulda and her men with my crew and me for a few more minutes until the path became familiar. It was the way leading towards the river where I took Xandra to our floating lanterns date. Why are we here?

 

Hulda stopped by the river without uttering a word. I looked around with a confused expression, wondering why Hulda would bring me to this place.

 

"Aunt Hulda, why are we here? Where's Xan--"

 

Before I could finish my words, I spot a small hill of dirt with a cross erected in the center. My mind went blank as my scimitar slipped from my hands, falling on the dirt ground. I slowly walk towards the hill, not understand what I was feeling, or if I was feeling anything in the first place.

 

.

. .

. . .

 

She's dead.

 

Xandra's dead, my first love in this new world, the woman who gave birth to me and taught me everything I need to know and many more, yet why? WHY CAN'T I FEEL ANYTHING?!

 

She doesn't deserve this, she doesn't deserve any of this, yet why is it that all I can think about is how pitiful she is?!

 

She's done so much for me, yet I can't even feel anything for her death! Why? Why?! WHY?!

 

Why am I such a monster?!

 

. . . I'm. . . a monster?

 

YES! YOU"RE A MONSTER!

 

Why?

 

Because, you're not human. What kind of human are you to feel nothing on after learning about your mother and lover's death?

 

I'm a monster because I don't feel the same emotions humans do? 

 

Yes!

 

But wouldn't it make me more of a monster to shed crocodile tears for her? You're right. She doesn't deserve to die. She doesn't deserve any of this, but she also doesn't deserve my fake emotions. I am sad about her death. It's a pity and a waste. I simply don't feel the same sadness regular people feel, so why does that make me a monster?

 

While I continued debating whether I am a monster or not, Hulda spoke up beside me while looking down at my mother's grave.

 

"Lady Alexandria. . . I umm. . . She. . . Lady Xandra. . ."

 

I looked at her blankly. I didn't know what to do or how to appropriately respond to this situation.

 

Seeing that I wasn't going to talk, Hulda opened her palm and handed me the necklace I gave Xandra during our last date. It had lost its luster as I examined it closer. 

 

". . . Lady Xandra she. . . she gave it to me as safekeeping. . . and. . . if it wasn't for that. . . I would've been dead. . . I'm sorry Lady Alexandria. . . I didn't know it had a healing spell embedded in it. If. . . If I knew, then I wouldn't have--"

 

"She gave you this?"

 

". . .! Y-yes! She. . . She did. . ."

 

I already knew that the necklace could contain some of my magic once I've imbued my energy in it. What I didn't expect was Xandra giving it to someone else, when she clearly needed it more than Hulda. What a stupid decision.

 

". . . How idiotic. . ."

 

I unconsciously whispered underneath my breath as I clenched my fist around the dimmed red crystal. I then turn my back from the grave and headed back to the village, not realizing that my eyes had shed the tears I didn't know I was capable of dropping.

 

Perhaps my body is more human than my mind.

 

I suppose I'm an orphan, yet again. How shitty.