When I reached Meise, the moment Mama Sang saw me, she pulled a long face and barked at me.  She had been in this line for a long time and had seen a lot of tragedies.  Her heart had hardened like the washboard and upon seeing my sickly face, her expression still did not improve.

          As soon as I saw her, I cried with tears falling like rain.  "Mama, I will not take leave.  I'm coming to work.  But I want to take a rest first to adjust my mood.  I'm afraid that I'll not be able to smile when I meet the guests……*wu,wu,wu*(*crying).  Mama, I went to the hospital today, I…..I have acute leukemia and I'm going to die….. *wu,wu,wu*"

          I knew Mama Sang loved her set of luxurious Chanel clothes, so without speaking, I went up to her and held on to her clothes.  Clutching on to her collar, I wiped my tears and snotted.  Bawling loudly, "Mama, what to do, I have leukemia and the doctor said I only have three more months to live…..ah!!!!   *wo, wo,wo*….. Mama, what shall I do?  I don’t want to die, the doctor said my hair will fall off, my eyes, ears, nose and mouth will bleed.  But the man who loves me has not appeared yet.  To who shall I talk about Blue Life and Death*, Mama!!!!" (Blue Life and Death is a Korean TV drama love story of the heroine who died of leukemia)

          "Hey, you're crazy, go away!"

        Mama Sang was embarrassed and desperately pushed me away as I clung to her.  I fought to hold on to her, talking about my fever, about me not eating anything for the whole day and about eating a few pieces of bread that were going to expire.  It was now the bread that was providing the catalyst to support me as I acted out the role of the first grief-stricken heroine.

        Finally, Mama Sang was able to push me away.  I burst into tears, almost choking, acting extremely pitiful and emotional, I said.  "Mama, tomorrow I'm going to stay in the hospital.  The doctor said that I should be hospitalized as soon as possible so that I can live another two months more.  Mama, I don’t want to die…….can you lend me some money.  Mama, please save me.  In my next life, I'll repay you!  No, no, not only next life but the next and the next and the next, I will serve you like an ox and a horse*……." (work extremely hard)

          I mournfully shouted loudly, "Mama….ah!  Save me!"

          In the dressing room, the other hostesses watching the show were gathered around, some expressing sympathy, some doubtful and Li Lisa was looking at me with interest with her legs crossed while eating melon seeds.

          I made Mama Sang so mad that her face that was caked with thick powder started to crack and powder dust was dropping off her face.  Pulling back the collar that I had used to wipe my tears, she shook her red nails at me while spraying saliva on my face.  "You want to borrow money?  No way!  Do you think Meise is a charity organization?  You can ask this circle of sisters, which one of them is not from a broken family with bitter grievances.  Want to play tricks with me?  You are still green!  Do you think this old lady does not know?  Why don’t you go out and ask around what kind of a person is Duan Feng Shi?" (The actual name of Mama Sang)

          I continued to play-act and spoke in a tearful voice.  "Mama, I didn’t lie to you.  Don’t say that.  I really have a terminal illness and this is my fate.  Before, fortune tellers had said that in my past life, I was a maidservant who ground ink for the King of Hell.  My life was destined to be a bearer of ill luck.  Not only will I cause the death of my parents but also the people beside me and finally, I will cause my own death.  Last time I did not believe it and even as an orphan, I still didn’t believe but ever since the dog I raised had died, the cat I raised had died, the turtle I kept has died and lastly the family who raised me, my third uncle, my third aunt, and my cousins had also died.  Now I begin to believe in my fate.  Now….now is the same, I, I really believe in fate….. * wu,wu,wu.*  I'm going to die, I'm going to die.  I'm a bearer of ill luck and I'll even kill myself….. * wu,wu,wu.*

          Covering my face, I sat down on the floor and cried.

          After crying for some time, I deeply felt that being a competent bitch was not easy and being a hungry bitch was even more difficult.  I really admired my own dedication.

          The women in the room were holding a lively discussion which made Mama Sang furious.  My mournful crying as a distraught woman was even more pitiful.

          Businessmen do not like people coming to their door and say bad things but I did not care and every word I uttered was of life and death.  It is a taboo for businessmen.  Even if Mama Sang did not believe I am about to die, but she still carried that taboo in her heart and would rather believe than not to.  I guess she was afraid I am really was a reincarnation of a super bearer of ill luck and she felt disgusted with me.

          As expected, she waved her hand and shouted.  "Scram, scram!  Get out of here, the further away from here the better and never come back!"

          I wiped my nose and tears and said timidly.  "Mama, don’t chase me away!  Let me make some money for my coffin!   * wu,wu,wu *…..now things are so expensive, I cannot afford to die......."

          Mama Sang was so angry that she was clutching her heart, feeling that she would faint at any moment.  Someone by her side started to fan her and advised.  "Really, in Meise here, how can these type of people come in and mess around.  Mama, don’t be angry.  Being angry will harm your body.  Chase her out, so your eyes will be considered clean if you don’t see her."

          "Consider this old mother unlucky."  Mama Sang weakly nodded.  While I was crying, she waved her hands to the crowd and shouted. "Come quick!  Throw her out of Meise!"

          The women present in the room looked hesitantly at each other, afraid to stain their hands with my bad luck if they touched me.

          I lifted up my head and looked sadly at her.  "Mama, the money……."

          At the mention of money, Mama Sang's expression suddenly turned hideous.  "Money?"

          Probably she realized that I was about to 'die', so the next second, her expression softened and she waved her hand at me.  In a tired tone, she said.  "Your wages will be calculated and given to you and leave immediately.  Don’t let this old woman see you again."

          I staggered to stand up, crying even more loudly.  Li Lisa gracefully stood up, smiled at Mama Sang and said.  "Mama, you can rest.  I will send this unlucky child out so that she will not be an eyesore."

         Mama Sang nodded then glared at me before she turned back to the crowd and fiercely said.  "What?  Are you all not done with watching the show?!  Get back to work!!"

          Everyone scattered and feeling remorsefully 'sad', I walked out of Meise.  Under the flickering lights and shadows, my mouth lifted into a cunning smile.

         Li Lisa accompanied me to wait for a taxi and we stood along the road outside of Meise about three or four hundred meters away.  The stars in the sky were smiling and twinkling.  Li Lisa was looking at me and gave me a wink so naughty that she did not look like the classic 'lady of the night'.

         Even though our time spent together was not long, I and Li Lisa, both were drawn towards each other at first sight like magnets.  From her pair of bright, twinkling eyes and the naughty look in her eyes, I could feel the purity that she had reserved for herself in her heart.

          Catering to this low-moral society while retaining the most precious for herself without contamination…….It was my evaluation of Li Lisa and admired her for her ability.

          In my opinion, a smart lady occasionally exposing a child's look would be more convincing than any language.

          Li Lisa had seen through me.

          After doubling up in laughter for a while, she poked at my hot forehead and said.  "You have guts.  You can even turn a fever into leukemia.  And that story of an ink-grinding maidservant of the King of Hell…….you can even pull that off….hahaha.  You, this woman is simply marvelous.  I can’t help but admire you."

          I had spent all my energy on crying just now, so I clung to her for support and looked at her with a smile.  "If I don’t do that, you think that old monster will let me go?  It was easy for me because this old woman has not eaten the whole day and crying until my liver and gallbladder are in pain."

          Li Lisa smiled slyly and exaggerated.  "Yo…..if you have not eaten, you can act like that, then if you had eaten, you can act in Qiong Yao* drama." (Qiong Yao is a famous Taiwanese writer who created a series of books and works mostly based on romance in graceful styles)

         Feeling dizzy, I raked through my messy hair and said.  "That is because I have beauty and brains, like a pearl in the deep blue sea.  Let me tell you......grandmother Qiong Yao wrote her famous story, My Fair Princess based on my prototype."

          Li Lisa was shaking with laughter and I laughed along with her happily.  After a long while, Li Lisa became sad.  "After so many years, you're the first one to get out from that ghost place.  Leaving is very difficult.  Listen to Elder Sister, never come back again.  Don’t be like Elder Sister, no matter how much you clean, your body will still carry that 'taste'."

          From her words, I could feel her lingering sadness, so light yet it went right into the listener's heart.

          I tightened my hold on her hand and made a decision.

          I smiled and stood up straight, then stretched out my hand towards Li Lisa.  "Come, beautiful lady.  Let's start afresh and get to know each other again."

          Li Lisa was surprised and her eyes shone beautifully.

          "Fang Liang Liang."

          "Ni Sha."

          I hugged Li Lisa, sincerely said in her ear.  "Let's be friends."

          "Sure."  She said.  "Elder Sister is very lonely."

         

          Before going home, I used all my energy that was left and went to the pharmacy to buy medicine for my fever.  From a street shop, I bought a bowl of white porridge and some biscuits in case I feel hungry later.  As I passed by the optical shop glass window, I stopped and looked at my reflection.  I saw my bleak eyes, the haggard, pale look and after that teary session just now, my eyes were red and swollen.

          A couple walked past me, hand in hand, smiling slightly and I threw them a glance.  Turning my head, subconsciously I touched my face, thinking about Weiyi who could be now resting her head on Fu Chen's shoulder acting coquettishly.  I looked again at my reflection and saw the pitiful worm staring back at me.  I left in a huff.

          Burn, burn……burn this pitiful worm to death.

          On reaching home, I felt breathless and rested on the sofa for a while.  Then I sat up to drink the porridge and could only finish half of it.  I did not force myself to finish the remainder and instead took two tablets of the fever medicine.  Then I texted a message to Dong Zi to inform him that I had retreated so that he would be a bit more quick-witted and to bear for a few more days in that ghost place before he could completely retreat.

          After I had texted the message, I deleted Kang Zixian's number, shut down my cellphone, pulled out the SIM card and with confidence and ease, I threw the card away.  No matter where the card landed, my mood suddenly lifted.  I staggered to stand up, walked to my bed to lie down and went into a deep sleep.

          It could be when I was out, I was exposed to the cool breeze and my fever became more severe.  My whole body became sore and weak and I felt drowsy.  My skin was hot but internally I felt cold to my bone marrow.  It was very painful. 

          Every minute, I felt the pain become more unbearable.

          Fortunately, later I fell asleep.  When I opened my eyes, I could feel my soul was still in my body but my actions were not coordinating with my will so much so, that a slight movement was laborious.

          I crawled out of my bed.  Without food for almost a day and a night, my energy was depleted.  I leaned against the wall for support and moved towards the bathroom.

         Quickly, I brushed my teeth, washed my face but I was still without vigor.  So with the wall as support, I made my way back to the living room with the intention of eating some biscuits to replenish my strength but my usual effortless gesture of opening the paper-wrapping was gone.  This time, I could not even tear the paper-wrapping apart instead, my actions became more and more chaotic.  In the end, with one pull, the biscuits were thrown onto the wall. 

          Raking through my hair, I sat on the sofa and sulked.  Glancing around the room and I found some food that could be eaten.  I scratched my nose to indicate my surrender and stood up to rummaged through the drawers for a pair of scissors.  After a messy search, I finally found the pair of scissors in a pile of newspapers.           

          After such vigorous actions, my energy was depleted.

         Downing cold water with a few pieces of biscuits, I took some medicine for my fever.  After that, I could not sit still and lean against the wall to make my way back to bed and slept.

         Perhaps I had slept too much, I tossed around and could not go back to sleep.  I looked around......there is a wall, the other side is a wall, the left side is a wall and right side is a wall.  Cockroaches were crawling on the wall, no relatives walking about, no one to lovingly touch my forehead, no smile to put me at ease......to let me know that I am not alone.

          But now, in reality, I am alone.  The good man, Fu Chen was driven away by me and I blamed him for not understanding my work.  I resented his nagging, resented him for not giving me my freedom, so I flippantly said.  "Since you do not understand me, we should break off as soon as possible."

          I recalled half a year ago, we quarreled every day.  The reason was that he became jealous which almost jeopardized my job.  We began a cold war and finally, we trod on the path of no return.

          If there was a 'regretful' pill placed in front of me, I would not hesitate to swallow it so that I could relive the good old times and erase my mistakes.

          This loneliness was gnawing into my heart.  I finally realized how wayward I was, how childish, how inconsiderate and also how much I longed for the past.

          But I cannot go back because his shoulders have been given to others.

          I felt like crying but my tears never flowed because crying requires energy.

          My energy must be conserved.

          After that, in a daze, I went into a deep sleep.  I did not know how long I slept and was awakened by a burst of noisy doorbells.  A long persistent ringing that made me distraught. 

          My mind was still in chaos and covered up in my quilt, I muttered.  "Fuck……who is ringing the doorbell?  So noisy."

          The doorbell stopped ringing for a while, then began to ring again.  I finally woke up…. This is my doorbell, right?

          This time, who is coming to help me?  My mother flew back to surprise me?  Or Fei Ge finished her game and is back in the country?

          I even rolled off from the bed feeling a bit excited.  Except for a few faces, most people's appearance would make me deeply grateful to them for the rest of my life.

          So I joyfully opened the door.  When I looked up, I felt a bucket of cold water splashed down on my head.  I cursed my mother because in front of me stood the person that ranked first on my blacklist.  I hate him so much that my teeth itched. 

          The person standing outside my door was clearly Kang Zixian.