Part 1

“Goddess of Doctors, how do I resist the urge to stab my boyfriend every time I see him talk with other women?”

I banged my forehead on my table, creating a loud thumping noise.

Seriously? Did you come to see me for this?

What’s your illness? What’s your injury? What’s your consultation?

Love obsession, idiocy and boyfriend issues? There's a Goddess of relationships and God of Yanderes not far from this building.

My next client, a woman, with me being obviously cuter, sat in front of me and asked me with a scary expression on her face.

“…There’s a God for Yanderes somewhere if you search heaven, actually, turn right from this building and then go straight, when you see the statue of God you take that roundabout and then you’ll see a building with a huge knife on its roof, when you enter that building you’ll meet the God of Yanderes.”

Go away, I don’t want you here.

I want real clients.

Talk to someone who knows this in greater detail, freak.

The woman tilted her head.

“I did that earlier but the God of Yanderes actually encouraged me to kill him, he told me that the guy should die for even breathing the same air as other women besides me… Haah… I think he’s right though.”

Ah, that’s right, she wants to ‘fix’ her issue.

Of course that creepy God of Yanderes would encourage her to kill him.

I once spoke with the God of Yanderes when I was a trainee in Biblet University, though I barely got in a word because when he would even look me in the eye, women around him would try to stab me.

Though he protected me.

But he was still creepy, especially when he tried to convince me to become his personal Yandere.

“If you think he’s right, why’re you coming to me to prevent this? Different types of Goddesses are better than me for this, like the God of Counselling and Psychology.”

“Are you telling me it’s the correct choice to stab him?!”

The woman stood up and looked at me with scary eyes, she made stabbing motions with her hands, probably subconsciously.

How the hell did you get to that assumption?

Are you seriously stupid?

“N-No, I’m not saying that. Just answer the question.”

“Well… Even though it pisses me off to see him talk to someone else other than me, it would be a shame for him to die before I raped him.”

W-What?

After hearing the last few words, I took a deep breath and breathed out, like those people who do in meditation.

“Hahaha! Did you mean it would be a shame for him to die before you rapped with him? I didn’t take you as the type to enjoy rap music. Yo yo!”

In a very fake tone, I did the rock-on gesture with my hands and smiled.

My lack of knowledge of Human music made me say ‘Yo yo!’, I didn’t know much about this ‘rap’ genre.

“Hm? I don’t listen to rap, I meant it would be a shame for him to die before I got the chance to rape his hard thick rod.”

My ears were working completely well!

“Uwah! Don’t say that!”

My face went red as I banged my forehead on the table, the banging sounds echoed across the room as I continuously hit it.

“W-Wait, please stop banging your head, you’ll injure yourself!”

After a few seconds, I raised my head.

I wanted to kick her out but according to the contract, if I kick out more than ten clients I would be sent to hell’s prison for about 10 years.

The prison in hell is scary, the demons were basically allowed to do whatever they wanted with you.

So I have to help this person somehow.

“Ah, sorry about that. My ears weren’t working, and I was fixing it. Anyways, I want you to close your eyes and think of a win-win situation for both you and your boyfriend. If you can’t, I’ll step in and help.”

This was one of many solutions I could offer: Asking her to think of something of her own discretion.

Doing this would make whatever she thinks of the most comfortable thing to do, from there, if she agrees with herself, then the problem is solved.

Everyone is happy.

The woman tilted her head backwards, trailing her eyes towards the ceiling and thinking.

After a while, a light bulb lit up from her eyes.

“-Ah! I see, so you were implying that all along. It was so simple.”

Eh? I wasn’t implying anything, I was just directly telling you to think of something.

“What did you come up with?”

I asked her with a bitter smile.

“You’re a Goddess of Doctors, it would be rude for me to come to you for a solution before thinking through it myself-“

It was rude to come here either way.

“-So after taking your words into consideration, I decided it would be better to rape my boyfriend-“

Don’t!

“-while NTRing the women he always talks to-“

What are you thinking?!

“-And then murdering them all together.”

“Uwah! How the heck is that a solution?!”

My face palmed myself as my chair rolled towards the wall, my blonde silky hair dangled to the floor as the force of the facepalm tilted my head back.

My other arm was agitatedly thrashing in the air.

“It’s a win-win situation for both me and my boyfriend, I get to rape him and he’ll feel that pleasure. After that, I’ll kill him and his other girlfriends. Isn’t that just brilliant?”

No, it isn’t! What sort of sick logic is that?

Men don't feel pleasure from being raped. I think...

But that’s nowhere near a solution at all!

Apologise to my thoughtfulness I had of this situation just a minute ago.

“Wait, if you kill people you’ll go to hell-“

“The God of Yanderes promised me that when I die that he’ll rebirth me into a world with my boyfriend again, where we’ll live happily ever after.”

How did you get the support of a senior God?

Haah, I don't care anymore.

“I see, that’s great to know. While I’d love to hear about all this in detail it seems like your problem is solved, I bid you the best of luck. Now get out.”

Sensing my opportunity to kick this woman out, I used my goddess powers to gently push the woman out of this room.

“Thank you very much! I’ll recommend you to my friends!”

“I’ll seriously kill you if you do that! Don’t bring your friends here, they’re probably crazy like you.”

I shut the door and sighed.

“…Haah. Did I just kill someone?”

Without a doubt, her intentions were very clear: Kill everyone involved.

And she reached that conclusion by consulting with me.

Doesn't that make it my fault?

Hm...

“Nope, I didn’t kill anyone. It was her choice, yep, it was her choice. My apologies in advance to her boyfriend and his women friends.”

I clasped my hands and prayed for their faithful judgement for when they're murdered.

After praying I leaned my back against my seat listlessly, releasing the tension of all my muscles.

I looked like a corpse sitting on a chair.

With that motion, I thought:

…I don’t feel like working anymore.

—

I shut down my services for the day and headed home.

After realising that I’d have to deal with this with only two days rest every day, I spent the night crying into my pillow.

God is unreasonable.