Part 1

“How do I stop gaining weight?”

A woman with black hair tied into a ponytail sat in front of me, and asked in a seemingly normal voice.

Hearing this, an ecstatic shudder ran down my spine as I focused my gaze into the woman’s eyes.

Uwah, a real client!

Oh yeah! Finally!

Someone normal and bringing in something normal, and my first real client!

I clenched my fist, pulling in my elbow as I smirked in triumph over expected frustration.

A victory comparable to that of Julius Caesar’s victory in The Battle of Alesia!

Having weight problems is considerably normal and not degenerative.

Now that something like this has appeared, it should be safe to assume that some of my clients will be just as normal, just people who need medical help.

Maybe the first three were just coincidentally degenerative.

Around me was an aura of radiating glitter, my wide smile that showed my white teeth were free for anyone to see.

Is this what they call, hope?

“-Excuse me, is something bothering you?”

The woman noticed my gradually building enthusiasm and happiness and asked me.

“Ahem, umu, no, there’s nothing wrong. Anyways, weight problems is it? Have you seen other professionals before me?”

I asked her about her history regarding this.

"I have, but it always ends in a dead-end, I keep gaining weight no matter what I do.”

The woman looked down at her bountiful and large chest.

Looking at her, she had an amazing curvaceous figure. A somewhat slim waist and huge boing boings.

Her face was okay too.

It wouldn’t be unnatural to assume that she’d be considered a voluptuous beauty in the Human World.

But she’s nothing compared to those of Heaven, I mean look at me.

My face was cuter.

My hair was blonde and silky.

My figure was perfect.

My chest was-

My chest…

“A cutting board…”

As the woman was despairingly glancing down at her body, I too, with dead fish eyes, looked at my lack of boing boings.

My hands scoured the empty wasteland for any hills or mountains, they returned with no supplies for the fort.

The land was considerably flat.

God is unfair.

I still need about 500 years until I can finally start growing…

As both of us looked up, our gazes met.

“You can probably tell but this is one of the main problems.”

The woman pointed to her chest and continued:

“-These are too big.”

Puaah!

My thighs flinched as a bullet was shot point-blank into my stomach.

It hurt, mentally.

“I-I see, and how does that trouble you?”

I said in a robotic tone, fueled by some weird emotion.

“You see, my shoulders hurt, especially when I run.”

Puaah!

This time, a shotgun shot me. The shotgun bullet was lodged straight into my figurative liver.

“-And men keep staring at me.”

“Puaah!”

It was a bazooka!

“Are you okay?!”

I was clutching my stomach, suffering from this mental pain.

“I-I’m fine, I understand the problem now.”

“But blood is dripping from your mouth!”

“I told you it’s fine.”

I gently said as I wiped the blood coming from my mouth with a pink handkerchief.

With that, we continued:

“I’m sure those stupid human doctors would have given you some stupid medication or pills, or maybe they gave you life advice to how to lose weight, like exercise.”

“They did, and it’s not working!”

“Well, the solution is simple: Exercise.”

I gave her the typical word anyone with weight problems would hear.

The blood in her face drained.

“B-But, it doesn’t work!”

“Naturally, it doesn’t work if you don’t do it properly.”

I shrugged as I recalled a lesson during my senior years in Biblet University, relating to weight loss.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s simply this question: What kind of exercise have you tried?”

Hearing this, the woman put her hand on her chin and began to recall.

After a while, she lists:

“I tried walking, running, sit-ups and squats.”

“I see, those types of exercises get boring, which is why you drop that routine after about 3 days, right?”

“H-How did you know?!”

“It’s just human nature, especially from those who haven’t completely committed themselves to change their bodyweight yet.”

“Then what can I do about this?”

The woman stood up and planted her palm onto my desk.

Her chests jiggled, somewhat pissing me off.

…I want huge boing boings too!

“Well the solution pretty simple: Do something you thoroughly enjoy and keep your mind out of the ‘I’ve lost this much’ mindset and change it into ‘I’ve done this much’. An example can be cleaning, yard work, gardening or even taking a bath. Just do something you like every day and put your mind out of the ‘lost’ and ‘gain’ zone.”

I continued:

“-So, try to think of something you enjoy and we’ll see what we can do from there.”

This was the typical advice, not a goddess-level one.

But I was fine with it, as long as I have a normal client.

She seems normal, if she wasn’t then I wouldn’t hesitate to shoot myself.

Hearing this, the woman answered almost instantly.

“Sex.”

Eh?

Hearing this, I opened the drawer and a revolver appeared out of thin air.

…I just said I would shoot myself if she wasn’t normal.

Should I do it?

Of course not.

“Huh?”

“I said sex.”

“I-I see, then you can burn about 200 calories per thirty minutes. But making that a habit is a bit…”

I fiddled with my fingers and looked down at my table. My face was probably red.

“Oh, I understand now! So you were saying that all along!”

You got something?

Wait… Oh.

N-No, please don’t say it.

Don’t say it!

“-I have to make sex a habit every day, wow, even though I love it so much I never thought of using it as a form of exercise. But the problem is that my husband isn’t the type of person to do it a lot, so sometimes I’d have to force him to do it. So how would I make it into an exercise.”

“You’re not supposed to! Let’s think about something else!”

I slammed my palm onto the table and with swirly eyes, tried to change the topic.

Hearing this lewd stuff made my mind feel a little bit dizzy out of embarrassment, so I couldn't coordinate my words well.

But she continued:

“Mm, how about I fuck every man I see on the street, would that work? I mean, it fills the condition of making it a habit. And instead of saying, ‘how many calories I burned’ I can say ‘I’ve fucked this many men’.!”

Aaah! Stop it!

Stop corrupting the form of logic I just gave to you!

“No-“

“-How about I netorare my husband with other men? Would that help with my metabolism?”

Uwah! Don’t do something like that to your husband! Actually, don’t say that so naturally!

I looked at the woman, her face was completely red and she was breathing pretty heavily.

She’s hopeless.

There’s no doubt in my mind that she’s already cheated on her husband.

After she finished speaking, she looked at me with glittering eyes.

Stop looking at me so innocently you freak.

At this point, I've already given up.

“I think that’s a great idea, now get out.”

According to my contract, as long as those degenerates get their solution, I’m free to kick them out.

“Thank you very much, I’ll spread the news to other people who have the same problems as me.”

Don’t.

With that said, the door shut as the woman left.

—

“Do the higher-ups hate me…?”

Not long after my client left, I shut down my services once again.

My head was clutched between both my hands and my elbows were leaning onto the table.

Doctors most definitely do not deal with this.

When I was given my title as a goddess, I noticed the senior gods giggling during my ceremony.

During the time, I didn’t understand why they were giggling.

“So that’s why they were laughing!”

But after experiencing this, I finally understood the true reason.

They were making fun of me!

Uwaaah!

They knew what would happen to me if I signed up for this, and they didn’t warn me!

“I’ll kill them all!”

Both my arms and legs fluttered around intensively, like a child throwing a tantrum.

Actually, putting it in a human’s sense, it would definitely look like a child throwing a tantrum.

Of course, I didn’t do anything besides coop up in my office for the rest of the day.

"Uwah..."

I lifelessly let out a weird sound.

There is no hope.