Part 1

“Alright, we’re done here, you can leave now.”

The agent angel stood up and dropped a file onto the table.

“Ah, finally, thank you very much.”

Let me explain the current situation.

I shot a delinquent for not paying.

Of course, the delinquent didn’t die, even if it was a shotgun to the back and the shells bursting into his heart, lungs, spine and liver, no one could possibly die in heaven.

It’s literally impossible for any mortal to die in heaven.

Sure, it hurts, but if you throw the body into some holy water it’ll heal right away.

But I was still detained for shooting in the first place.

Well, I say detained but it was more of an ‘invite’ to the interrogation room.

Basically, the agent angels didn’t care about what happened to the delinquent and ‘understood’ the legitimacy of me shooting him.

It’s clear that they love their jobs as much as I do.

Hehe…

But really, as long as I don’t break my contract or shoot indiscriminately, the agent angels won’t do a thing.

Shooting that guy was just a demonstration of what happens if you don’t pay your medical bills.

Pain.

Well now that I’m free, I’m going to head back to my office and begin working again.

Part 2

I dropped myself onto my pink rotating chair, spinning around a few times before using my hands to grab the table, stopping it.

“Why don’t they have more chairs like this in heaven, it’s just the boring wooden four-legged ones. The Human World’s swivel or revolving chairs are so much more fun to sit on.”

I span again and again.

“-It costs a lot of godcoins to buy this.”

To be exact, about 500.

I know, unreasonable, right?

You could buy a normal chair for about 10 godcoins, but when it comes to the Human World’s inventions, boom boom boom, the ideology of capitalism go boom boom in heaven!

After spinning for a while, I heard a knock on the door.

“Hello? Is this the Goddess of Doc-“

“-Yes, that’s me, come in.”

I quickly stopped spinning and patted myself off.

A young adult walked in, male, black hair and healthy-looking. I’m assuming his early 20s.

He wore normal clothes with a white shirt and black pants- …Oi

Oi oi oi oi.

What the hell do you think you’re doing.

“Oi, where do you think your hand is?”

I had already averted my gaze but…

…How do I say this?

How do I not want to say this?

Should I really say it?

Uhm.

This guy was masturbating right in front of me.

“Ah! I didn’t notice that, I’m sorry you had to see that!”

I heard a zip sound.

Hearing this, I tilted my head back, looking at the man’s face.

And I looked down-

“You liar!”

The people of the Human World hypothesised that there was nothing faster than light.

Well, they’re wrong.

Albert Einstein is wrong.

I used my rotating chair to turn around in a swift motion, even faster than light.

I only caught a glimpse of it…

The young man was still rubbing himself off, even in front of me.

“Wait, this is the problem, please take a look at it.”

With my back turned towards him, he stood up and reached towards me.

“No! As if I’d take a look at something like that, and what’s that sound? Are you still doing it? Stop! Stop it! Put it back in your pants you fricking weirdo!”

Despite being turned away from him, my face turned red as I covered myself with my hands.

“But please-”

“Take another step, and I’ll shoot you.”

With my eyes closed, I used the tip of the shotgun, pushing it at the floor to rotate my chair around and pointed it towards the man.

With this, I heard him abruptly sitting down.

“Now, don’t move.”

With my goddess powers, I created a blanket and put it over his crotch.

Now I can open my eyes.

Taking off the pressure from my right eye, it slowly opened.

Okay, we’re safe, it’s covered.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I adjusted myself on my seat and placed my hands on the table.

“…Alright, what exactly is your problem?”

I could guess what his problem was, but I still needed to ask him anyway.

Uwah, I can still see the bulge coming from the blanket.

Fricking pervert.

Go die.

“…Well, I’m sure you’ve already seen but-“

“Stop touching yourself! Uwah! Uwah!”

Before I knew it, he began to rub himself again.

“My body forces me to rub myself even if I don’t want to! I’m not doing this out of my own will!”

“-Good lie, now tell me the real reason.”

Even if I’m flustered, even I could tell whether or not a human was lying or not.

Those ‘lie detector’ machines down in the Human World… They’re useless.

But to beings in Heaven looking down on the lesser beings, telling lies from truth is just as easy as telling brown sugar from white salt.

Perhaps after hearing my reply, the man’s back jerked up.

Hah, you can’t lie to me, human.

He then slouched and sighed, closing his eyes.

“I don’t really understand but, I just feel the urge to do it whenever. But at this point, it’s troubling me, especially during work. I almost got fired just a few days ago, please help me.”

Stop. Doing. It. In. Front. Of. Me.

Oh well, this is a simple case of chronic masturbation.

Included with an unnaturally high rate of sexual desire.

“-Oh and, when I say help, I mean it by: Please give me a handjob yourself-“

“Bang! Bang!”

Thunderous sounds of a shotgun firing filled up the room, creating a bright light coming from the tip of the shotgun.

As the shotgun blasted the man’s face, I also made audible sounds of “Bang, Bang” with my mouth.

What was left of his head hit the floor, along with a huge thump that followed his body.

“I refuse.”

After putting down my shotgun I took a pen and began to write something on a piece of paper.

After writing something, I folded the paper and approached the now a puddle of blood along with a body.

I slid the paper into his pocket.

What did the paper say?

It just redirected this trash to the God of Masturbation.

The contract states I have to help any clients no matter what, so this counts.

If that damned contract didn’t exist, this guy would be in a dumpster.

“Haaaah, it happened again.”

I leaned onto my office desk and heaved a heavy sigh.

Though before I could sit back down, the door was smashed open.

“The Goddess of Doctors is accused of harming another degenerate, please follow us into the interrogation room. Do not resist.”

An agent angel barged into the room.

“We’ve been through this already.”

“It doesn’t matter, I have to follow protocol for situations like this, or God might lower my pay for this month.”

Ah, god might lower your pay.

It’s clear that you’re a faithful man to your job.

“I understand.”

I raised my arms for the second time today and was led into the interrogation room for also the second time for today.

It ended the exact same way it did the first time.

The agent angel said some waffles waffles and useless stuff and let me go.

He even gave me some cupcakes as he interrogated me.

I returned to my office, slowly bumping my forehead onto my office desk muttering:

“God is unreasonable.”