Sir Taco gave Candii a grand tour of all the great architecture and cultural spots of New Orleans. During the day, they walked the coast, visited a cemetery filled with the music legends of jazz and gospel, and at night they went to the airport for a very important rendezvous.

Candii anxiously watched the incoming flights for flight 0810. When it finally arrived, she ran over to the bag terminals to greet her friends. Two rock legends walked through the crowd signing autographs, shaking hands, and kissing babies. Sometimes they confused a baby for an autograph and vice versa.

“Thad Penguino! Key Gullz!” Candii cried. She leapt into the air and came crashing down on them both.

“Candii! Long time no see!” Thad Penguino gave her a big hug as he climbed back on his feet and pulled them both up. Still clinging to what he claimed to be the best time of his life, he sported a shirt with just the word College written on it.

“I’ve missed you so much I could murder you and take you home in a body bag!” Key Gullz said. Always one to make a statement, her rose patterned shirt was fun. “But I won’t because I’m feeling generous.”

“Thanks. I like being alive.” Candii waved Sir Taco over and he shook their hands respectfully. She was grinning ear to ear. “How have you two been? Tell me everything!”

“Oh, you know. Fighting for social justice and equity. Just normal stuff,” Key Gullz said nonchalantly. “We’ve been on the road the last few years and are really taking it too those racist hooligans.”

Candii nodded knowingly. “You two always were the dreamers.”

Thad Penguino gave a deferring wave. "You flatter me, Candii.”

They grabbed their bags and headed back to Sir Taco’s house where Candii explained her journey again. Regarding the Land of Rock, her knowledge was limited. But Thad Penguino, internet sleuth extraordinaire, was there to help.

“So, I looked up some expert sources,” he waved his phone in his hand, “thank you first page of internet search results, and I know that only one charter boat service will bring us out to the Land of Rock. Once we get there, we can rent a tour bus and travel fairly inexpensively. I suggest we bring loads of cash so we don’t leave a purchase trail.”

Key Gullz nodded. “Good thinking.” She opened a bag she was carrying and inside were mad stacks of fat cash.

“Where the heck did you get all that cash?” Candii shouted. She leaned over the bag.

Key Gullz flashed a tiny smirk. “The last person to ask me that has yet to be found by authorities. I’m going to keep this as my little secret.”

She shut the bag and tucked it under a chair. “Listen. I’ve been thinking about this Morgana Malevolent and what exactly her deal is. My best guess is she is a psychopath since she has no empathy for you or your unicorns who are clearly very happy on your ranch.”

Candii nodded. “Thank you.”

“Excellent personality profile," Thad Penguino said. "I think it’s time we take this band on the road.”

 

The group bought four tickets aboard the SS Rock-a-Doodle-Doo. The questionable vessel floated into the harbor and looked more like a fishing boat than the cruise line it sold itself to be on the website. Blatant patch jobs lined the hull, it was half the documented length, and its anchor appeared permanently dragging behind it.

“I rock-a-doodle-don’t want to get on that thing,” Key Gullz said.

A gnarly sea-worthy captain waved them aboard. “Ahoy, land lubbers! Welcome aboard my pride and joy.”

After the band loaded their instruments and speakers into the cabin below, they were surprised to realize they were the only passengers besides the crew.

“Holy bologna, kitty and pony. They don’t seem to get a lot of customers, do they?” Candii asked as she opened a few cabin doors and found mostly empty rooms.

Thad Penguino was behind her on his phone. “I’m starting to get bad reception as we pull away from shore, but I thought I remembered seeing that they did get good reviews.”

“What was the criteria?” Key Gullz asked. “Five stars as long as you weren’t murdered?”

“This is weirding me out too much. Can we do something to get our mind of off this?” Candii asked. Then, she remembered why they even had to put up with these dismal accommodations in the first place. “Ooo! I’m so mad just thinking of kicking Morgana’s butt!”

Sir Taco pumped his fist into the air. “Yeah! After hearing about your encounter with her, I feel hungry for revenge!”

“Hungry like the wolf?” Thad Penguino asked as he unpacked their instruments.

Sir Taco grabbed his microphone. Thad Penguino tuned the lead guitar. Key Gullz arranged her drums and Candii whipped out her bass.

 

Begin Hungry Like the Wolf by Duran Duran

 

INTRODUCTION & VERSE 1

Dark … dodo.

The nighttime darkness on the empty ocean gave the band a feeling of loneliness.

“Despite the calm waves, I’m feeling a fire well up inside of me!” Sir Taco growled.

“I know what you mean,” Candii said. “Morgana won’t be able to hold a candle to the combined rock power of The Non-Traditional Key Gullz!” She yelled into the great dark abyss. “Morgana! I’m gonna find you and then I’m gonna whoop your butt!”

Key Gullz got excited and started jumping around. She had a lot of energy to burn so she started kicking everything in sight. The band laughed and started to kick things too forgetting Key Gullz was sometimes a little too wild.

“Hey! Knock that off!” a deck hand shouted.

 

CHORUS

In … wolf.

“Just like the song says, I’ll touch YOUR ground, if you know what I’m saying,” Key Gullz said. She winked about seventeen times.

“I’m a hungry wolf and I’m hungry for revenge!” Candii said.

“I’m just hungry for tacos,” Sir Taco mumbled.

“I’m hungry for an adventure!” Thad Penguino said.

 

VERSE 2

Stalked … dodo.

The late-night moon shone off the ocean water like a unicorn pearl. Candii saw the light shimmer and for a moment thought it really was indeed a pearl. A girl can dream, she thought.

“You feeling my heat?” Key Gullz asked still taking everything up to the next level. She danced uncomfortably close to a deck hand who was clearly not interested. “Yeah? Yeah? I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean. I’m sorry everyone.” She slinked away.

 

CHORUS

In … wolf.

“Does anyone else smell that salty sea water? It’s gross,” Candii lamented. “Can’t nature just keep to itself?”

“Let’s drown out that smell with sound!” Thad Penguino turned up everyone’s amps.

“I don’t think that’s how that works,” Candii began to say until several of the ship’s crew came up topside and started dancing to the music.

“Oh, you’ve heard of us, maybe?” Thad Penguino asked one of the deck hands playing a mean air guitar.

“Sure have!” she said. “I have all your albums on vinyl!”

 

INSTRUMENTAL

♫♫♫… wolf.

Even the ship’s eye-patched captain ascended and brought her banjo to join the band.

“I knew I recognized you guys! You’re the Non-Traditional Key Gullz! I’m a huge fan!” The captain laughed heartily and tuned her banjo. “I hope it’s alright if I jam with you.”

 

CHORUS x2

Burning … alive.

The captain ripped some fiery chords on her banjo and her music resonated with the band. It was a folk match made in heaven.

“Wow! This captain can really make it happen!” Candii said.

“She even knows our songs!” Thad Penguino said.

The captain grinned. “Have you seen my quarters below deck? It’s got Non-Traditional Key Gullz posters covering the walls!”

Candii thew a hand up. “Slap my hand!” They high fived. “I don’t care if you’re the only boat out to the Continent. I’d charter you any day!”

“You know, back when I was a landlubber, I used to rock out pretty hard,” the captain said.

“Yeah, okay, grandma,” Thad Penguino joked kindly.

“I used to be in a band called The Salty Sea Dawgs. I’ll have to tell you about it sometime,” the captain said.

Key Gullz looked around suspiciously. "You can't all tell me no one noticed what the captain did there a minute ago. My quarters below deck? Come on, people!"

Everyone laughed.

 

End Hungry Like the Wolf by Duran Duran

 

After a night of killer jams, the captain invited the band to dine with her. She introduced herself as Captain Bing and they laughed and drank the night away.

Sometime in the middle of the night as the band slept, Candii awoke with a start. Something felt amiss. She jumped out of her bed and left the band’s cabin. When she rose to the deck, she saw a single mop and bucket sliding alone across the deck as the ship tilted to and fro. Yet there were no crew to be found.

The bucket toppled over and a brown, dirty water splashed everywhere. “Ha, the poop deck,” Candii said.

Suddenly, the boat rocked and swayed violently. Candii grabbed onto the side railing before almost flinging overboard. As she stared into the black water just below her, she saw two giant glowing yellow eyes staring back at her. She screamed and fell back onto the deck. The ocean began to splash and the ship continued to rock as a giant octopus ascended from the depths and loomed over the small boat.

The rest of the band hurried onto the deck at the sound of her scream and gasped at the sight of the intimidating creature.

Sir Taco screamed like a banshee. “Oh gee willikers! It’s a sea monster!”

The octopus replied, “Monster? Don’t you think that’s a bit harsh? I went to Yale.”

Sir Taco cleared his throat. “Oh. My apologies.”

Candii pushed Sir Taco out of the way and stomped across the bow. “What do you want, octopus? Let us pass to the Continent of the Jam Gods without incident!”

“I’m afraid I can’t allow that,” the octopus bellowed. “I’ve been ordered by Queen Morgana to stop your band from reaching the mainland. I hope you understand. It's nothing personal."

“You and what means?” Thad Penguino shook his fist menacingly.

“Oh you mean these?” Tentacles rose from the water holding an array of musical instruments. “Queen Morgana bestowed upon me a magical unicorn pearl that grants me the power to do grand things. I will use her gift to drum up the waves and overturn your boat. Then I shall be rewarded handsomely.”

“Maybe you don’t know who we are, you beast, so I’ll introduce us.” Candii struck a pose and the band behind her instinctively did the same despite totally not being choreographed. “We are The Non-Traditional Key Gullz and we will punish you!”

“I’m feeling pretty lucky with the power of the unicorn pearl,” the octopus boasted.

“You’ll need more than luck to flip this boat!” Candii said.

“You’re right. How about a song?” the octopus asked.

 

Begin Get Lucky by Daft Punk ft. Pharrell & Nile Rodgers

 

INTRODUCTION & VERSE 1

Like … beginning.

The octopus began playing his instruments and singing with a beautiful voice that surprised even Sir Taco and took Key Gullz’ breath away. The unicorn pearl amplified his volume to new heights.

As the unicorn pearl floated above the octopus’ head in the night sky, Candii realized she had mistaken it for the moon earlier. She had indeed spotted the pearl with her own eyes and she should have trusted her gut. How naïve she was!

 

PRE-CHORUS

We’ve … stars.

“I was in the all-male glee club in college. Does that surprise you?” the octopus asked. He splashed a tentacle to create a mean bass line that rocked the boat.

 

CHORUS

She’s … lucky.

Candii rallied the band and they began yanking ropes and battening down the hatches. They secured the lines and dropped the anchor even lower to help keep the ship oriented correctly. However, the waves began to violently batter the ship.

The octopus laughed. “You think a few adjustments will keep your dinghy afloat? Let me turn it up a little.” He infused his instruments with more unicorn magic and they began to grow louder and the waves more furious.

 

VERSE 2

The … it.

“What is all this racket!” Captain Bing yelled as she stepped out from her quarters only to see a giant octopus.

Thad Penguino went flying across the deck, being flung by the turbulence, and said, “We got a rocktopus on our hands and he’s trying to overturn the boat with the power of his music!”

 

PRE-CHORUS

We’ve … stars.

“Ding dang rocktopi and their flim flam music!” Captain Bing disappeared into her cabin momentarily, then emerged with her banjo and a huge amp so big that it took five deck hands to haul it topside. She plugged her banjo into the tall stack of amps. “What count is this monster on?”

 

CHORUS

She’s … lucky.

“Hey, you big dangly mess!” Captain Bing shouted at the octopus. “This isn’t my first rocktopus rodeo, you know!” Huge waves splashed onto the deck as the surly captain strummed a jaunty chord. “Gotta jam them back into the sea!”

“Wow! I didn’t know that banjo was electric,” Candii said.

“It’s a hybrid,” Captain Bing winked as she started jamming out the exact same song as the octopus. The rocking of the boat began to lessen.

Feeling steady on her feet again, Candii screamed up at the clouds, “We’re coming for you, Morgana!”

“I’m sorry,” the octopus said. “I don’t think she can hear you over the sound of my awesome rock!”

 

INSTRUMENTAL

♫♫♫ … lucky.

The crew took over the securing of the boat and let the band focus on helping Captain Bing.

Thad Penguino finally put two and two together. “Hey! Captain Bing’s music is negating the octopus’s musical sound waves!”

“We should get our instruments, too!” Sir Taco yelled as he ran down below deck.

Thad Penguino followed and they retrieved all their instruments. They plugged into Captain Bing’s amps and began playing the song back at the exact same frequency and volume as the octopus.

An ominous storm cloud began forming up above as their fierce sound waves disrupted the local atmosphere. Lightening cracked and a light drizzle began to fall.

 

PRE-CHORUS

We’ve … stars.

The octopus infused more power into the instruments and got louder. The band had trouble keeping up with his reverbing sound that started to again whip up some wild waves.

Candii stumbled around and almost dropped her guitar overboard. "Whoa! These waves are picking up again! Be careful and hold on!"

 

CHORUS

She’s … lucky.

“Hold on, crew!” Captain Bing said. She handed her banjo to her First Mate and ran to the ship’s towering mast.

“But Captain! It’s too dangerous to climb the mast in this weather!”

“Shush, boy! Let your Captain do what she must!” Captain Bing climbed the frightfully tall mast, with thunder and lightning crashing down into the ocean, and flipped a switch in the crow’s nest. A lightning rod rose from the mast and took a massive crack of power from the heavens. The band’s amps started to glow and grew even louder.

Astonished, the octopus turned to his unicorn pearl. “No! I need more power! Queen Morgana will literally turn me into sushi!” Try as it might, the pearl provided no more power. The octopus cried out in failure and abandoned his instruments, the pearl, and dived back into the dark abyss.

“Quick! Someone grab the pearl!” Candii shouted.

 

End Get Lucky by Daft Punk ft. Pharrell & Nile Rodgers

 

Thad Penguino leapt off the deck and dived down into the water as the pearl splashed down. For a few tense moments everyone stared overboard as the light of the pearl descended into the darkness. Then it began to rise again and finally emerge in Thad Penguino’s hands.

Captain Bing clapped. “By George! That was one hell of a dive!”

“I was an all-American diving champ in high school. That wasn’t my best work, so there’s no need to be impressed,” Thad Penguino said.

“Oh my gosh, this guy!” Key Gullz cried at Thad Penguino being so extra.

Candii grabbed the unicorn pearl and felt its warm glass-like surface filling her with magic and love. “This one’s for Charlie. We’re going to do everything we can to rescue them all.”