The skies were painted blue as he flew underneath it. Ropes of energy pulled him up as he swings around the vast skies. Piercing headfirst on the clouds and navigating through the nimbus. He could see Concordia Island from above surrounded by the sea giants that bathed in the ocean. His coat flapping wildly. Face buffeted by the winds as he dives down where he could see his home.

Like a falling feather he landed on the side of his orchard.  Ashia sat on a chair with her eyes on a book that read. “The Mist and the leaf” and her stayed focus on it. Nolan step toward her, circling around, looking over her shoulder. He understood the letters thankfully to him being able to extract the skills required. The symbols were something he was used to by now, and it was also thanks to her language instilling that he was well literate in this world.

“You like flying nowadays,” she said.

“I do,” Nolan responded. “Makes me free and leads my thoughts away from walking. I can suppressed the curse to an extent, but doing so would require me this habit. Flying seems to be one of the ways I can cure it. How about yours?”

“I’ve done my fair share of travels and ever since then I had released myself from the cure. The souls inside me also helped alleviate it and completely remove it. I worry about you, Nolan. I worry that one day you’d just turn your legs somewhere and leave.”

“Do you think I will?”

“No.”

“Then you should know that I won’t.”

The orchard leaves were blown by the wind. The baskets were empty and the workers that usually come by to harvest the fruits on the trees weren’t here. A festival was happening so they had told Nolan earlier on that they won’t be coming for a few days.

“Ania’s pregnant.”

“Oh,” Nolan nodded. “Arel must be grinning happily now. So they went to check on someone?”

“Audrey handled it, but just to be sure they went to Agni to check the baby. The clinic does have the right facility and equipment, but Arel is quite anxious about his child. The young man couldn’t stop grinning.”

“You jealous?”

“Hah?” She looked away from her book. “Obviously, I am. But you know that we can’t risk an unprepared pregnancy. I must make sure that when I do become pregnant my powers and the gifts they got from you won’t turn them into monsters. They would be controlled and determined by their age. I don’t want to feel that pain again, Nolan. I didn’t personally experienced what the burnt woman did. But the loss of her children and all because she couldn’t control the powers of her children scares me. I’ve not been a good mother. None of my incarnations are. I’m afraid and I know that you want one.”

Nolan couldn’t deny it. He nodded. He lost his family already, and being thrown into a world without them scared him. He craved for it madly. He wanted to find companionship and familial love that he lost. He barely could remember them any longer. Their faces and their names were like smudge blurs and distorted sounds.

“Do you remember them? You birthparents, Ciara?”

“I do,” she looked sharply at the mention of her true name. “I still could remember the day they were burned in front of me. Just because they didn’t have the money to pay for the levies and serfs. They burned them and branded me as a cursed woman. I should have hated them, Nolan. I couldn’t find it to my heart to hate them. Because I know that my parents did everything they could to help them. Sometimes, I wonder what would have happen if I awake before it happened. But then again, the loop that we ended up didn’t allow that. When the war maiden took over my incarnations, I was thrown into the void, became the Pale Shine and roamed some places in the fragments of history and became a legend. I couldn’t do anything about it. Still,” she smiled, “I had a family here. My second parents and their presence gave my heart and soul healing it needed. I let go as I let of my desire to be like a hero. You know? I think this is the right choice. I never knew that I wanted to teach children. Hah, no wonder I like visiting orphanages and making those kids happy.”

He did recall that she regularly visited orphanage and let herself be surrounded by children. Her smile when facing those children were mesmerizing that even Nolan who was trying to be like stone couldn’t help but turn his eyes to it. A female knight mingling with the little kids whose smiles were rare as gold. He loved it.

She eyed her. “Are you really sure about this?”

“About what?”

“Being with me?”

“Ask that again and I’ll answer you with actions.”

“I can’t even give you a child…even though you want us to be a family.”

“It hurts,” Nolan confessed. “The more I think about it, it hurts. The day I buried our unborn infant and then the next day, you in that grave broke me. I lost the twins as well, and then Einar…my boy Einar….he was a good man and he lived a life surrounded by his family in that towered worlds…still…it hurts losing them. As long as they are safe it’s fine to keep waiting.”

Ashia sighed. “I am pregnant, Nolan. I just takes it slowly. I am not human and the Alf race’s birthing period lasts for twelve months. I would give birth in the thirteenth.”

“Oh,” Nolan hung his jaw. “That’s good. I just have to wait.”

She placed her book away and gestured for Nolan to come. Nolan rested his head on her stomach and body-shaking sobs accompanied him. He couldn’t hold it in.

“Really, I know this would happen. It is okay, nothing bad will happen okay? With Audrey and you around, I don’t think anything will happen. I can defend myself I have to. So…please…try not to worry too much okay?”

Nolan nodded. Letting the tears out. He couldn’t help it. He wished that there would be no trouble. Yet…his heart betrayed him. His worries blooming intense. He had suffered long enough to know that relying on hope all the time he was worrisome.

For now. He let go of the worry. Those tears of happiness and sadness forming into a terrible resolve to protect.