Sunlight filtered through panes of glass studded with crystalline flowers. I watched motes of dust drift in the glow of the dawn, thinking. I did that a lot lately. Thinking. I sat in the center of a room dedicated to the echo of the sacred, but with none of the vibrancy that a true place of worship contained. Streams of data swirled within me, telling me of the status of the Court of Divide and how events were proceeding, but various fragments of self attended to that. The core of me was free to just ponder.

I found myself unsettled of late, although I could not discern the reason. My melancholy had improved since reconnecting with Benzaiten not long ago and the unexpected gift I had found in the song of leviathans. I allowed myself a brief smile at the thought and pulled a recording of one such song from my memory vaults, letting its haunting melody surround me. My feeling of unease grew quieter, though not altogether gone. The song soothed me.

My beloved found my fascination with the whales amusing, but did not mock me for it. I don’t think xe understood why I was drawn to the creatures. As for myself, I had no clear answers. However, I sometimes wondered if it was because I felt a kinship to the beasts. The leviathans drifted among the stars at the whims of humanity, the allure of a living ship too strong to leave the beasts alone. Some of my kin might agree with that connection through a lens that viewed the whales as slaves to human needs as we ourselves used to be. But I found that idea shallow and unsatisfying. No, I think I felt connected because the whales themselves could not be separated from people. It was human beings that saw to their needs, attended to their health, allowed them to focus their existence on their songs. And give the songs context, meaning, life.

Humanity, for all of its faults, was alive in ways that much of the universe was not. Alive in the sense of chaos, of discord, of straining to heaven with feet planted in earth. The whales were not ignorant of this. Through song, they spoke of the love they felt for the creatures residing within them. And oh what a deep and abiding love! That was the kinship. I had felt such love before, felt it still when I considered Benzaiten in Autumn, felt the thorns of it when I remembered Iris. A pain and a blessing.

For a time, I allowed myself to bask in stillness. At this stage of the Court, there were only a handful of participants left, and it was unlikely that any would need my arbitration. I was thankful for this. The duty kept me focused, anchored. I knew not how Benzaiten had known this is what I needed, but I thanked xer for it all the same.

That isn’t to say I didn’t find the whole affair distasteful. The purposes of the Court were numerous and I agreed with many of them. But the way that humans were treated within its confines left a bitter taste. Still, consensus had been achieved, and I was unwilling to break that agreement purely for my own whims.

The streams of data my shards had been monitoring suddenly flared with a flood of new information. The Court had reached its finale, the competitors whittled down to two pairs. I focused in on the action and watched as a human frantically called down an orbital strike on a figure of gold and roses. I felt a twinge of sorrow when the figure moved with incredible speed and struck down the human before being bathed in radiance from the heavens.

The light faded and the feminine figure was bent but not broken. Her partner nearly lost their life to the opposing proxy but I stretched forth the authority of my office and declared the Court adjourned.

Empress Daji Scatters Roses Before Her Throne and her human companion were the victors in this round.

I called them to my sanctum and congratulated them on victory. Daji luxuriated in the praise and her companion, a nervous looking androgyne, just nodded along. I went through the formalities automatically, agreeing to the desire of the human to become a haruspex and watching them depart to travel to the Sphere. Daji lingered, her face displaying a variety of emotions in a manner more suited to humans than AI.

She studied me for a time. I studied her back. I did not know what was going through her mind, but my own appreciated the chance to consider the young AI. I knew her past, most machines did. A haruspex AI whose other half had died early, tragically. I also knew that like me, she often found herself out of place among other AIs of the Mandate.

I wondered if her loss, her pain was anything like mine. Perhaps, in the way that grief can share so many notes even if every dirge is unique. I had considered reaching out to her, several times, but something about her unsettled me more than most haruspex AIs. My study of her was interrupted by a languid stretch that showed off the beauty of her form and a lengthy sigh.
“I can never get a read on you, Wonsul. The others, they all have reasons to be here. I won’t pretend to understand those reasons but at least they exist. You, on the other hand, are a mystery. The others talk about you, you know. You are something of a celebrity.” Daji tilted her head, a wicked smirk on her face. “But I think they focus on the wrong whispers. So what if you alone can claim a long-term relationship with an AI that confounds everyone and everything? Boring. Benzaiten isn’t that interesting, not really. You on the other hand…”

Her expression shifted, growing somber. Her eyes glowed with foxfire as she stared at me. She saw something that made her gasp and lean back.

“You are like me, aren’t you? The emptiness. The element that everyone else seems to have, to know. But it isn’t there for you, is it? I, at least, know what it was for me. But you don’t know, do you?”

I felt dread settle into me. Because she was right. There was something. How did she see it when everyone else, even Benzaiten, overlooked it? A corner of my mind pulsed like the beat of  a heart, a section of my core that I had sealed away. I couldn’t meet her gaze. I dared not open that box.

We sat there for a while, the dust drifting in the sunlight. I looked back at the eccentric AI with her elegant form. That form that reminded me of the goddess, despite being different in nearly every way. The pulse grew louder at these thoughts. I pushed them away, focusing on her instead of myself.

“Yes. I am. And I am sorry that I am not alone.” I spoke the words softly, gently.

She stood up and walked to me and embraced me before I could react. “We’ll find it, Wonsul. You and I. We will be whole.” Her words enveloped me and left me...hopeful.

She let me go and her caring expression faded as the mask of mischief took its place.

“But you had better hurry, you stuffy old machine! I’m on the hunt and if you aren’t careful, I’ll find my answers before you.” She let out a laugh like windchimes and spun away.

Quick as lightning, her proxy shifted from human to that of a large fox, the movements covered by a shroud of rose petals. I couldn’t help but smile at the theatrics of it. She left my sanctum, her tail swishing as she bounded out the door.

It was only after she had left completely that my attention returned to that pulse. It was impossible to ignore now. I feared to open it, to find what was buried.

Damn that fox. Bless her, but damn her.