“You have grown so much! Oh, why…Why scare me that much! Did you kill yourself as a male so that you didn’t have to have a secret anymore? My child, I was so scared that you…That you…”

I pulled back from my father, and smiled, I had to use my voice…I had too!

Before, becoming mute, was to save myself…Now…Speaking, it was to save myself…

“Father…”

My father made some strange sounds and smiled happily, he had more tears now and gave me another hug.

“Oh, my child is talking again! I’m so glad, so glad!”

I take a breath and then nodded, his words giving me an idea, “I did as you say. Now, no secret!”

My father nodded and then shook his head, confusing me, “Yes, yes. Now we don’t have to worry. But, my child, why did you not tell me! I thought…”

He put a hand to his mouth, closed his eyes and shook his head.

Oh…So…Does he think that I had died? Is that what has happened? That ‘Lorrie’ was ‘dead’?

“I fine, Father. I did on…On purpose.”

My father opened his eyes then and frowned, “On purpose, whatever for?”

I smiled, as best as I could, and continued, “I hear sister. I take her place.”

After a few seconds, he widened his eyes and stared at me, “You…You did all this all for him?”

Him? What does he mean by…Him?

No…Father, if only you knew…I just don’t want to go back to that place where my mother was killed!

“I take her place.” I repeated myself once again, having no other words for anything else.

My father took a step back and looked away from me. “…I should have known…With all the rumours going around.”

 

Not knowing what my father was talking about, I stood there, wondering if I should repeat myself again.

My father let out a small laugh and then looked back at me, “You really want to take your sister’s place? I know she is not keen but…Do…Do you love that man that much?”

I tried not to look like I didn’t know what he was talking about, but when I showed a small frown, my father walked to the window, “Is it that you are jealous? You want to take this away from her? Tell me!”

What…What do I tell you!? I don’t even know what I’m asking for!

“Yes.”

I guessed this word…This word should be enough…

“Yes…You love him? That you demand to take her place?”

I nodded, then firmly said, “Yes!”

Another few seconds past and my father nodded, “Fine, you have done enough for us by taking Mason’s position in the army, if this is what you want, I will happily grant it to you!”

But…What is it that you are granting me father?

“I’m glad I can at least give you something now in return. You…You have never asked for anything, so I never knew what to give you.”

He took my shoulders and smiled at me, “Now, for the first thing you have asked for, I shall give it to you! My child, thank you for being alive and speaking again, I am already so happy!”

I smiled back at him, but inside I was being ripped apart…I had nothing to do with my so-called death…I also was forced to talk…Yet, I’ve given him so much happiness…

“I will talk to my wife and demand that you are to go instead of Venus, I will not take no as an answer!”

He didn’t move yet though, just continued to stand there, “Oh, my child is all grown up! I’m really sad and happy, all at once!”

 

Not long after he left, I closed my eyes tightly and worked harder on keeping my tears at bay.

I had no idea on what I got myself into, but all I could think about was being forced into this…And the worst part about it, was how it was done!

It really had been torture…So much torture…

I had wanted to scream so many times! So many times!

Then…Having to speak, being told to speak, by the woman who had made me stop speaking in the first place…

I finally remembered who I was to that woman…I was worthless…I was something that shouldn’t exist! A tool to use to do as she deemed fit!

Swallowing, I looked out the window…

I couldn’t keep thinking…I can’t…

Don’t cry…Don’t cry!

Taking some deep breathes and looking very seriously outside of the window, I did not even hear someone enter the room…

“How dare you!”

I was suddenly turned around and then slapped, finding myself lean over, nearly falling completely to the floor! I looked in the direction of the person sharply, wanting to get my dagger…

Oh…

“Ah, look, she hates me! I never did anything to her!”

It was Lady Venus…

Why she slapped me and yelled out that I hated her…I have no idea…

I got up and moved away from her, then seeing Lady Billings come into the room with my father.

“Now, now Venus. You heard your father, he is unwilling to change his mind.”

Lady Billings voice sounded mad, but she stayed standing there, staring at me with a strange smile on her face.

My father came in front of me then, and said, “That’s right, Malory has only ever asked of me one thing! I can’t say no!”

“But didn’t the decree have my name on it! How can she go!? Is she Venus now!?”

“Enough! The decree was not specific and only stated a daughter. You will always be Venus!”

Venus stopped after awhile and looked at her mother.

“You have no choice Venus, you will just have to marry another.”

Marry?

I was…Was I going to marry someone?

 

“Fine, let her marry him. He’s a nobody and ugly!”

“Venus!”

“She’s probably already lain with him! Probably already a slut!”

“Enough, Venus!”

Venus looked at me like I was trash and then stomped out of the room, following close behind her was her mother…That woman!

“I’m so sorry, my child.”

Always…Always the same words!

I didn’t want to hear them anymore…I don’t…Want to hear anything anymore…

“The wedding is in a week, I’ll let you stay with Summers again until then.”

He guided me out of his study, after looking to see if anyone was there first, and we silently made our way towards his steward’s quarters.

I did wonder if I could see Neil there…I knew I probably wouldn’t, but I just needed something to cling onto!

If Neil was there, maybe we could run away or something…

Whatever it was, I just hoped he was there!

 

But…He wasn’t.

Even Steward Summers wasn’t there, as he was out…

Apparently, he was still looking for ‘Lorrie’ for my father.

That’s right…

Neil…Was he looking for ‘Lorrie’ too?

Kael…Kael…

“I will come see you often, my dear, but I have to get someone to find Steward Summers and Neil, they are most likely worried about you…I got…I got to figure out the best way to do this…”

He turned in thought and started to walk away.

Falling down upon a bed, I stared at the figure of my father disappearing away from me…

After one tear fell, more came…

I closed my eyes in defeat and let them drop…

They had been wanting to be released since…Since I had been taken…

I couldn’t hold them back any longer…

A complete hour past and I felt exhausted.

Wiping myself down, I laid down and fell asleep.

Perhaps…I could sleep forever…

 

 

My father returned to have dinner with me, having to wake me up.

We ate together but I didn’t say another word.

My father was acting stranger as the time passed, but I tried to keep up appearances, I…Maybe I wasn’t doing a good job of it…

“Are you sad, you look…Really sad…Do you miss General Wilton that much? I wish you would miss me this much!”

I looked up at him and gently smiled at hearing the name…I nodded…Yes…I missed Kael. I missed him a lot!

“Ah, no wonder. It was strange that you suddenly returned but maybe not so strange when something such as this comes up. He…He did not know that you were a female?”

Looking up at my father, I shook my head.

“Good! Then, what a surprise! He will no doubt dote upon you extremely well! I just…Worry that he will be very angry if he does find out that you were in fact in the army and a female…Perhaps…Perhaps, Malory, you should not tell him, uh? You are not ‘Lorrie’ anymore, you are not male anymore. ‘Lorrie’ was your twin, and just like him, you have been brought up in secret and shame, ok…Forget all about the past, like you have no idea about what the army is like, and make a good, different future with your husband, ok?”

Husband?

So, the person I was going to marry…Was Kael!?

 

I widened my eyes and shook my head…Did I hear that properly!?

Desperately wanting to confirm if this is what I thought it was, I was then interrupted by my father, “Oh, my child is leaving me. I never wanted you to go in the first place and you have already been gone for years, now you won’t really return because you will live with your husband. Tell me, Malory, will you be mad if I come to see you often?”

I let out a small smile and shook my head.

“Still not much of a talker? I thought you were doing it more because of when we just meet again earlier. Could…Could I hear one more thing?”

I continued to look at him, not sure if I should talk, shake my head or nod…

“Will…Will you tell me you love me? Do…Do you love me?”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Do I? Do I love my father?

I hardly knew what love was!

Swallowing, I took a breath in and took the chance…The chance to be truthful, “I…Want to love…Papa.”

I don’t know why I had said ‘papa’, it was for little children. I had not called him that, even in my head, since…Well for years…

My father got up from the small table and embraced me, “I love you, I love you so much, Malory!”

Pulling back from me, he smiled and wiped away his tears, “So glad…”

So glad about what? That the secret wasn’t found out? That I had saved his son and now his daughter?

I couldn’t help from thinking these thoughts…I couldn’t help them popping into my head, because that was the only thing I could think of that he was glad about!

 

After father left, I was alone again and started to let myself think that perhaps…Perhaps it was real. I was going to marry Kael!

We were going to always be together! Just as he said!

We would grow old and talk, laugh and have children!

I was going to be his bride!

Letting a smile appear on my face, I couldn’t help but start to get jittery.

Suddenly, I couldn’t wait!

I couldn’t wait to be with him again, but this time, I will be a female. Surely…Surely, he will…Treat me the same…

So…I was able to get over the recent horror of that place and being forced into something yet again, just because…Because I was marrying the most handsomest man I had ever met, the most caring and sweet man.

And, instead of feeling wronged and abused once again, I now felt happy. I felt like, this was luck!

I was lucky!

I couldn’t wait!

 

***

 

The week went by, and I was unable to see Steward Summers or Neil until the end of the week, as they had widened the search to look for a long lost ‘boy’ of fifteen years old and had not returned earlier.

Since the search was widened and very little people believed that I was still alive, the search was taking a long time, and Steward Summers and Neil were finally found, to say that I was instead alive and they came back at the Billings residence.

I never thought I would miss my belongings as much as I did!

Getting back my daggers and other wooden sculpture, had made me cry once again…

Losing the wooden sculpture upon my belt and my precious bracelet, had only made me really sad before now, but at least…At least I still had something from my friends!

Even the money that Dilan had given me was still in my belongings, that Neil had stolen from Kael.

I thanked him…I thanked Neil so much that he nearly yelled at me to get me to stop!

Wishing I could find my bracelet and other wooden sculpture, I told Neil about them afterwards and he stated that he will do his best to find them for me, making me feel like I could hope to get it back!

I didn’t tell him that I saw them get taken by the people that followed Lady Billings, I knew that if I did that and it was found out that I was forced into this situation, I might not marry Kael…

And…I wanted to marry Kael…Just the thought of it made me very happy!

 

It had been the only thing that made me smile in the last week, that I was marrying Kael…In this most beautiful dress I had ever set my eyes upon!

I was in the most beautiful dress, knowing my father had spent a large amount of money on it.

I looked beautiful…I felt…Beautiful. For the first time in my life, I felt…Great!

I wore a veil that went nicely with my flowing dress and it had pretty little flowers on it that didn’t stand out, they just enhanced the dress more.

There were a few shiny specks on it that could be blinding in the sun, but it made me even more dashing and I loved it…Completely!

My makeup was done, reminding my father about my scar once again. He promptly told me to always keep my scar concealed when he found out that Kael knew about it beforehand. My father…Was determined to never let on that I was indeed ‘Lorrie’…But I felt like having another secret was going to hinder me once again and I didn’t want to do that. No more secrets!

I was going to go against my father’s desires and tell the General everything!

I planned to tell him today!

I was already leaving to go…Go and become Kael’s bride!

Saying goodbye to my father and the maid, that had been there to help me, I left in the carriage, once again leaving the Billings residence behind.

I was told that I would be brought to General Wilton’s residence and would walk towards it on my own for a few metres and be wed inside the residence.

My father was going to met me there, but he couldn’t hold back from being very emotional beforehand.

I didn’t mind, I was very happy with anything that was going to happen today.

The best part, was that I would be able to see Kael again. I hadn’t seen him in days and I smiled every time I thought of this.

Just two more days, just one more day, today…I’ll see him today!

All week, I was counting down, and now it was the day that I will stand before him as his bride!

 

Getting out of the carriage, I saw quite a number of people on both sides of the crude mat placed out.

I would walk on the mat to the residence and then we would all go inside…Just…People were so quiet…

I saw General Tolley, standing…Standing there looking sad, he was right next to…Kael.

As soon as my eyes found him, I wasn’t able to look away.

Walking closer towards him, with a flower in my hand, I see him looking down…

Then…He looked to the side…To the other side…

I was now only five metres away, when he suddenly said, “Continue without me.”

And he ran…

Continue…Without him…

What does that mean?

I was in complete shock…

I had thought of ways to show myself to him, thought of how I would speak…I was going to speak…

I was thinking of ways to eventually tell him the truth…That I was ‘Lorrie’ and that I, even though forced, wants to be his bride!

I just didn’t know how I could relay it to him so that he will be the least angry!

My biggest secret, my curse…It was not an easy matter at all!

But…On this mat, five metres away from him…

He had left me there…

I had been so happy to see him once again…For him to leave me…

Complete shock wasn’t all that there was to me at this moment…I knew that I had questions. I also felt a depressing few questions start to bubble up too…

Keep calm…Keep calm. We have the rest of our lives to figure this out!

As much as I tried to coax myself, I felt myself wavering…I knew I didn’t have a lot of self-confidence, well perhaps I had gained some being in the army, but a lost a lot in…That place…

I was on the verge of falling apart!

Be strong!