“You are not upset about that?” I managed after trying on half a dozen equally inappropriate expressions, finally settling on a frown.

The question itself wasn’t important. I simply needed more time to work through all the possible implications of Shae knowing about me eating the cat. Most of them were deeply troubling. All of them were things I should have considered before returning.

“I kind of was…” Shae hesitated, finger pushing against the bottom of her lips. For a moment I feared she had noticed my inner turmoil. That fear proved unfounded when she continued answering my question as if nothing was amiss. “But when my dad found out he got super upset and all angry and stuff. It was kind of hard to remain mad at you when he was being… so dramatic… about it.”

My worry deepened the further Shae got with her rambling explanation. Of course, she could only know about the cat if her dad knew. And he knew because I had been an idiot. I really should have been more careful with the body.

It had been a while since I’d last eaten, and well over an hour spent fishing people out of a raging river hadn’t improved my hunger. Then taking care of the lemongrass-and-cotton woman’s hypothermia. After that feat, I’d been more than ravenous. It had been well past midnight by the time I had crashed here in their barn. I’d snatched the cat simply because it was the first edible thing that wasn’t a person. Then I’d stripped out of my muddy, waterlogged clothes, and drifted off. In the early morning, Shae had stirred me from my torpor. I only remembered I had forgotten to dispose of the cat after I was long gone.

“It was kind of funny actually, after a while,” Shae continued her rambling explanation. “Then he got really angry at me for laughing about it too.” Shae pouted at that.

“Ah. Right,” I gave another noncommittal response, while I was slowly coming to a very simple conclusion.

Need to leave.
Right now!

If Shae’s dad knew, then he had probably found the cat’s body, maybe even connected the dots from there. He might not have. There were a lot of things about me and my actions that night that defied the logical conclusions. But with how things were going in Ostea, logic was no longer an excuse I could wield.

I did not want to leave, not after such an unexpectedly warm welcome from Shae. But I had survived so far by treating all potential issues as life-threatening. My wants had nothing to do with it.

If only I had buried that cat, then maybe...

I shook my head and steeled myself. I shouldn’t make excuses. They couldn’t change the past. I’d get Fern saddled and leave again. No one but Shae had seen me so far. I still had time to get out. Yet as soon as I resolved myself to this course of action Shae’s pout turned into a frown and she crossed her arms.

“You’re leaving!” There was a hint of anger in the young girl’s voice, and a lot of disappointment. “Again!”

‘m sorry!

“No, Shae... look... I...” I  stammered as I failed to find the right words. I always left before getting to know people, so I had no idea how I was supposed to extricate myself from this. There were probably phrases and platitudes people used to excuse themselves, ways a conversation like this was supposed to go. Yet I did not know them.

 “Why do you do this!” Shae stamped the ground and balled her tiny fists.

She looked so fierce and angry and vulnerable, standing there in the doorway. I had to do something before her shouting attracted attention. Or before she started crying. I did not know which of the two would be worse. Acting motherly was the only thing I could think of.

I don’t know how to do that…

With no other ideas coming to mind I approached her and put my hands on her shoulders. With us being approximately the same height the gesture felt uncomfortable.

Aaaah… I don’t want another person I need to look up at.

I soldiered through my cringe-inducing self-consciousness. My… developmental issues would have to wait. Shae needed words of encouragement… or comfort. Not more of these awkward pauses while I struggled with my thoughts.

I looked her in the eyes. Or tried to. Being this close to the exit of the barn and the sunlight streaming in already worsened my eyesight to the point where I could barely make out the features of her face. Holding her gaze I opened my mouth. I did not get a chance to speak. Suddenly Shae was gripping my wrists, pulling me forward. Unprepared, hissing in surprise, I stumbled, out of the barn, into the sunlight.

“You’re not leaving!” the girl grinned as she dragged me along, giving me no time to recover.

Lightheaded and disoriented from the sudden sun exposure I was forced to follow just to keep my footing. I didn’t even know where to place blame for this, with my own stupidity, or with this manipulative little shit dragging me along.

How?
What did I do to deserve this?

No, this was all on me. I had been blinded by her kindness, honesty, and maturity. But in the end, she was still just a kid. All of the pouting and the foot-stomping and the almost tears from earlier were probably just an act to get me to lower my guard. She would not get me like this. I was a monster hunter. I wrangled demons that could tear down houses for a living. Setting my feet I yanked my arms free and—

I nearly fell as Shae grabbed me somewhere else and pulled even harder.

I only took on the big scary demons at night because I was weak and pathetic in the sun. With this heat, keeping up the struggle wasn’t going to get me anywhere. I gave in before the whole thing could become unsightly. I’d excuse myself properly and leave in a civilized manner as soon as she stopped throwing a tantrum. I’d just step inside for a second, recover from the sun... again... explain why I needed to go, and leave.

My plan did not survive being shoved through the front door. Shae had barely shut it before she hugged me from behind and broke down sobbing on my shoulder. I was left awkwardly patting her head and uttering reassuring shushing noises until she calmed down.