1.41 – Lessons in Embarrassment
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“You’re younger than I expected,” the Academy doctor reciprocated my greeting with a quirky half-smile and this completely inappropriate statement.

Aaaah!
Not a kid!

My suspicions had been right. All of his weird glances had been for how young I looked. I wanted to flip the table and storm out. Everyone. Every single one of them. Always this was the first thing out of their mouth. We had not even fully exchanged names yet and already the accusation that I was far too young for this had been voiced.

I did not storm out. I did not stamp my feet, I did not glare, I did not even pout. Reya’s gaze still lingered on me, warning me not to try anything, and so I behaved.

Emotions… leaking!
Remember. Want him to think of me as a kid.

I could not believe how fast the meek and childish exterior I had projected was taking over. I was supposed to be in control, have all of my emotions and feelings locked away. Somehow, greedily latching on to this tiniest of openings, they had all spilled out again. I could not have them distract me now. As fast as I could, I shuffled all of my inappropriate emotional turmoil away again.

“Yes, there are numerous desperate kids in this business,” I deflected. “I suppose I could be counted as one of them.”

The words were dangerously close to a flat-out lie. I was certain Reya would understand that this was better than admitting that I was a demon. Mostly certain. Her expression betrayed no additional displeasure, but I still did not trust my ability to read the woman.

“My apologies, that was a bit rude of me.” The doctor inclined his head. “After the level of skill I have seen I was merely surprised at finding you so young, that is all.”

“Right, no problem,” I assured him, waving away any concern that his comments would have offended me. They had, but… appearances.

Appearances. By now, appearances were all I had left. I still felt offended by his remarks. That was a clear indication that I was doing a pitiable job of clamping down on my emotions. It had simply been so incredibly long since I had last tried to go without them that I just could not quite manage.

I still could. I was certain I still could. But what would happen if I did?

I did not think I had ever feared myself quite this way. Or maybe I feared more what I could lose. It was … what if I shoved all of these unwanted things in a drawer, and I closed it, and then when I looked inside it was all gone.

No, it was better to leave that drawer open a crack, so that I could make sure that none of it disappeared.

“Reya informed me you wanted to talk to me,” I continued, breaking past my musings.

“Right, right.” The man gladly took my offer to put the topic aside. “I’m Garlon by the way, Garlon Wilde. I usually work from Raveny, in the Lord’s service actually, but seeing as this was on the way back…”

“Ah… um… right,” I fiddled with my hair, unsure of how to respond to him spilling half his life’s story together with his name. The irrational rambling people always did never ceased to amaze me.

“I’ve been here since yesterday evening, actually,” the old man took my words as encouragement to continue. “That girl, Nebby, gave me a bit of a tour of the town. Nice little place you’ve all got here. Then went to check up on the patient for a bit, saw your work…”

Who’s Nebby?

“Yes…” I urged the man to continue. I still could not understand why certain people placed such importance on dancing around their questions for half an hour. If this counted as niceties, then I failed to see what was so nice about it. It was infuriating. Or maybe I was still as bad at formal social interactions as I had always been.

Really? Just get to the point already!

I had subtly studied him throughout our interaction so far, trying to figure out what he wanted. So far he had not shown even the slightest hint of suspecting anything. I was beginning to believe that this man might really just want to talk, though I could not imagine what a doctor in the employ of a Lord would ever want to talk to me about. If you took away the other things I was really just a young hunter with some healing skills on the side.

This why Reya let me talk to him?
Because even she couldn’t figure out why he wanted to see me?

“There really wasn’t much left for me to do anymore, besides urge the man to stay in bed,” he continued. “Reya here has told me how much of a close call it has been. He’s really made a bit of a miraculous recovery. Anyway, this made me wonder child, how often have you amputated before this?”

Finally!

I opened my mouth to reply, then quickly checked myself. This was a test, a trick question. I could not embellish, could not make myself appear better than I was. When it came to these kinds of subjects, the man would see straight through me. It almost certainly meant I had messed up the amputation somehow. I was only about to get an earful for how much he had to work around my mess.

“I know the theory…” I ventured, speaking slowly and with frequent pauses to better gauge his reaction. “Some of it… but… this was my first time attempting one?” I frowned. “Was I wrong? I shouldn’t have done it?”

“No, no, child, your swift action probably saved the man’s life,” the man assured me. “It’s just… it shows that you are not used to doing this.”

Not used to. A polite way to say I was terrible at it. I decided not to plaster a wince on my face. Then I reconsidered and acted one out anyway. It did not look like he was aware of my delay in facial expression.

Reya however, she did notice. A subtle frown accentuated the spike of annoyance in her scent. I gave her the faintest shake of my head trying to reassure her.

Sorry, sorry Reya, won’t happen again.

“Did I mess it up?” I asked the doctor.

“Don’t worry so much girl, there was nothing that I couldn’t fix up.” He reached over to pat my hand in reassurance.

I quickly retracted it and shoved it under the table. The Academy doctor could not touch me, for the same reason I had not offered to shake hands when I introduced myself. Some skilled mages could sense my Metzus vessel by mere touch. I painted startled fear on my face for emphasis, hoping he would associate my reaction with a fear of being touched, and not with me not being human.

“You alright child?” he frowned.

“Yes, yes, just I… My…” I acted out my frightful reaction.

“Are you certain child? If there is anything at all… I am certain I could… A girl of your age…” he faltered, eyes roving around, trying to find a place to look at that was not me or Reya. His heart rate accelerated, a confusing mix of emotions stirred the air around him, and a horrified blush colored his cheeks. Fishing in his coat he pulled out a cloth and started dabbing the sweat pooling on his forehead.

What?

I stared incredulously at the curious display. I did not get it. Something was happening, and I had no clue. Reya’s fiery gaze told me she knew what was going on, her scent told me I was embarrassing her, yet I still did not get it.

I replayed everything in my mind, over and over again. He had reached for my hand. I had retracted it. He was worried. I acted like a frightened child. Nothing unusual at all. The man had merely reached for my hand and I had acted… like a frightened child?

Oh no…
Aaaaah… It’s not that! It’s not!

As soon as I caught on, I shook my head vigorously, not even bothering to keep the affront out of my expression. “It’s not, can we move on,” I stated. Vehemently. Not all girl hunters supplemented their income with… that.

Emotions were leaking again and this whole situation was so inappropriate I failed to reign them in. Why did this have to be a man? Why did he have to think that? Why did he feel the need to voice such a horribly insulting accusation? This what not the direction I had wanted his thoughts to go when I pulled back my hand. Meanwhile, Reya’s gaze was burning a hole in my skull, and I could do nothing to explain to her why I had provoked this reaction from the doctor in a way that would not make him suspicious.

“Ah… um… right,” now the doctor flushed red in embarrassment, then floundered on in obvious discomfort. “I was wondering if… how… um… the way you performed the amputation. Yes, that. It was kind of um…”

The way he struggled to regain his composure after my fierce denial was almost adorable. Especially since I had never imagined his thoughts would go that way. Yes, maybe he came from a more luxurious background, with completely different sensibilities regarding propriety. He still shouldn’t have extrapolated like that. This was all his fault, not mine. I gestured at him with my hand, gave him a gentle smile, and hoped this was enough for him to drop his unease and continue.

“He should have died from that,” he eventually blurted out, breaking from his embarrassment.

What?

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