“Are you ready to head home, Kat?” Jen asked, giving my hand a squeeze.

Home… I tried to run. I tried to give her an easy out, a way to be rid of me, but she still wants me to go home with her… I don’t understand…

A masculine voice broke in while I was trying to think of a response.

“Cassie, honey, time to get home. It’s a school night, after all.”

“Yes, daddy,” Cassie heaved out a dramatic sigh. “Will you be at school tomorrow, Kat? The others were really worried about you too, and I’m sure they’d be happy to see you.”

I glanced up at Jen, then back at Cassie, and nodded slowly. Avoiding school wasn’t going to do me any good. Pete would still be there. All these other kids who my new “friend” Cassie assured me would miss me would be there. A school full of fakes and frauds. What better place for me, the not-a-real-girl?

“Great,” Cassie beamed, “before I go, what’s your cell number? We should add each other!”

I glanced at Jen again. She fished into her purse and pulled out my new cell phone. A few moments of fumbling with it found my number, which I relayed to her. Jen showed me how to add a new contact for Cassie, and took a quick picture to use for it. Cassie showed me the one she had set for me: a cute kitten.

“I’ll take a real picture to use tomorrow when you’re cleaned up and back to your usual self, but this’ll do for now!” she giggled.

Back to my usual self… yeah. If she only knew what my usual self looked like, she’d probably run a thousand miles in the opposite direction.

“Sure,” I agreed to her promised picture-taking session tomorrow.

“Great, see you tomorrow, girl! Sleep well!” She waved cutely, then took off out of the room and down the hall.

“She’s sure energetic,” Jen laughed. “I’m pretty beat, guess we’ll have to put shopping off for now… how about we get some take-out on the way home for dinner?”

“Yeah,” I mumbled, nodding. “Sounds good…”

“Burgers alright with you?”

I nodded again.

==========

The hot water of the shower felt so, so good. I’d just been standing in the stream for the past twenty minutes since we finished eating dinner. I replayed events in my head from the day. The howling catcalls of those thugs as they started chasing me still hung eerily in my memories.

If I was a boy, I was broken, unwanted, bad. If I was a girl, would I be looked at the same way? Jen seemed to like me… but she had only known me since this started. She had never known me really as a boy. I had so much more now, just in this short week as a girl, I’d gained a place to live, “friends”, and a… guardian… that cared about me.

I sank down to the floor of the shower, hugging my knees to my chest as the water poured over me like warm rain, and let myself cry. How much of this new life was a lie? How much would go away as soon as people got bored of me? If I turned back to normal, what would happen? If I stay a girl… what then? 

I lost track of how long I’d been in there, but eventually the water started to run cooler, eliciting reactions from my body that were new and not entirely welcome. I climbed out of the shower, shutting off the water, and wrapped a towel around myself. Jen had left a set of pyjamas for me outside the door, and I quickly changed into them as soon as I was dry.

Bed was a warm, welcome embrace, and I sank into it greedily.

==========

“Hey, come back! Stop!” I shouted, chasing the person ahead of me down the dark street. The moon must be really full tonight, because I could see him like it was daylight, even though I knew it wasn’t.

They were fast, whoever they were, but I could tell they were getting tired. I picked up the pace, grinning like a fiend.

A block away, half a block, I could see his back, smell his scent. I pounced, tackling him to the ground. We rolled a few paces, and I came out on top, pinning him to the ground.

He was gasping for air, eyes wildly searching for any escape. “Please, let me go!” he begged.

Something about him sounded, looked, smelled familiar. I leaned in closer, giving him a sniff. That was a weird thing to do, right? No, no, perfectly normal. 

“Who are you? What do you want?” he struggled to say.

“Me? I’m Kat, who are you?”

“I-I’m… Kit,” the boy said. That sounded familiar. Hm…

Wait a minute…

“You can’t be Kit, I’m Kit! Well, I was, at least,” I giggled, smiling down at him.

“Kit, is that you?” The boy was suddenly gone. I stood up quickly when I recognized the voice.

There he was, short reddish-brown hair, bright green eyes, his beard styled into something he probably thought looked attractive.

“Mo-... Dad,” I mumbled.

“Well, look at you,” he grinned, circling me.

“Does your old man know how to raise ‘em, or does he know how to raise ‘em? You’re a certified cutie, Kit.”

“Stop,”

“Stop? What for? What good little girl doesn’t want to be told she’s cute by her daddy?”

I shook my head. Words wouldn’t come.

“Hm… Guess being a girl really does fit you better, Kit. You always were a clingy, whiny little bitch. Always with the ‘mommy, I need this,’ or ‘mommy, I made you this,’ mommy, mommy, mommy. Do you know how exhausting that was? Thank God for the Re-Gendering, or I’d have been stuck with you until I finally put a fucking pistol in one of our mouths.”

I collapsed to my knees. Was that really how he saw me? Had… had mom seen me that way?

Boy or girl, did it matter? Was I just… bad?

Someone was laughing - more than one someone.

“Aw, she’s crying. Let’s show her a good time to cheer her up, boys.” I recognized the voice of one of the thugs from the alley.

They were moving in to surround me. I looked up at my former-mother-turned-father. “...Dad… h-help me…”

He laughed, turned, and walked away, tossing a crumpled up $20 bill over his shoulder. “Take care of yourself, kid.”

I felt a hand grab my shoulder, and I screamed.

==========

“Kat, honey,” Jen shushed soothingly, “you’re okay, you’re okay, I promise!” She held my shoulders, sitting on the side of my bed looking down at me with concern evident on her face.

It took a minute to realize where I was, who was holding me, what she was saying. I was drenched in sweat, and I could tell from the stinging in my eyes that I had been crying.

“J-Jen?” I asked when I finally calmed down enough to speak. My throat was raw and made my voice scratchy. It sounded more like my old voice.

I hated it.

“You’re okay, baby,” Jen reassured me. “I heard you screaming, so I came to check on you. It was just a nightmare, okay? You’ll be alright.”

I nodded, letting her stroke my head, holding me close against her. It felt good. Safe.

“He… he left me, Jen. He hated me… he always hated me.”

“Who, honey?”

“My dad… he told me… he told me that even as my mom he hated me. He was… he said he was going to…” I could practically hear the pop of a gun. You get used to gunfire, living on the streets. It’s just something that happens sometimes.

“Mom, I’m scared!” I mumbled, holding Jen tightly.

She returned the embrace, shushing gently again. “It’s okay, Kat. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”