A reminder: We will be taking a week off from posting. We will return on Friday the 15th.

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A knock snapped me out of my daze. "Are you okay in there?" Emma's voice came through the door.

 

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You're never going to be alright. You're going to be broken for as long as you live and there's nothing you can do about it.

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"Yeah," I muttered, hopefully loud enough for her to hear me.

"Good. Just take your time and come down when you're ready. We're waiting on you before we start talking about what's going on."

 

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Did you hear that? No matter how long you stay here, it's going to happen. You may as well stop being a fucking baby and face your consequences.

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…hey Esmer, do I need to do this?

 

'We know it's hard, but Emma loves us enough to not give up on us.'

 

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We all know that's bullshit.

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'Don't listen to him. He's just as stressed as we are, and this is his way of dealing with it.'

 

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God damn right I'm stressed, but not because she's going to find out everything. I don't care one bit about that.

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'We didn't say you were stressed about this. Just stressed.'

 

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Are you going to spend all day pretending Esmer's here, or are we going to get this done with?

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…I guess it can't be any worse than everything in the alleyway and the car ride there.

 

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It's going to get worse-

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-Because she'll abandon me and sell me to whoever pays first.

 

He twisted his blob of a head to look at me.

 

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That wasn't the reaction I was expecting at all.

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I'm so numb right now that I don't think anything less than seeing Father or Zach could give me a reaction. Everything's fucked and there's no saving anything. My family's going to hate me. I got no friends because I'm an asshole. I'm not going to have a house because they'll kick me out. All of that and just nothing. And it's not even that I don't care. I'm just too tired to give a shit.

 

I wobbled up to the door and opened it.

 

So if I can't care, then I might as well skip to the end and burn everything down already.

 

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That's the first time you spoke so openly about being a failure.

I'm proud of you.

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Thanks.

 

I walked downstairs, turned the corner, and there was Robbie sitting at the table along with his dad and Emma. My heart bounced around in my chest like a pinball as Robbie and I stared at each other.

 

I guess seeing Robbie is enough to cause a reaction as well…

 

I walked up to them, "Hi…" I muttered to Robbie.

He flipped between looking at my eyes, and my blood stained sleeve as I sat down next to Emma.

"Like I was saying," Emma said, "I wanted to know how much Kendall's been bullying you. And don't worry about what you say in front of her. I'm going to make sure she doesn't so much as look at you funny from now on."

"Sorry," Robbie's dad cut in, "But I actually want to hear about this pepper spray first. And I'm sure you do as well," he said to Emma.

Robbie leaned back in his seat and slouched down, just like I was.

"That's fine by me," she said.

Something in me clicked, and without even thinking about it, I blurted it out, "He never used any pepper spray."

That got the attention of the whole table.

"What are you talking about?" Emma asked, "You told me in the car that he sprayed you, and I can see your face. It's still red."

I wasn't even sure what I was saying at this point, but I decided to just roll with it, "That's from crying. And I guess I misspoke."

There was no change in Robbie's reactions. Still just staring at me with the most intense blank face I ever seen.

"Sophie's dad even told me he used it,' Emma kept going, "Why are you trying to cover it up?"

"Her dad is wrong then, and Sophie's not remembering it right."

Silence at the table as Emma and Robbie's dad looked at each other, probably trying to figure out what was going on.

"Did you do something to threaten her?" His dad asked him.

"I didn't do anything."

"Yeah, Robbie didn't lay a finger on me."

"Hold on," Emma leaned forward towards Robbie. "You brought my sister to that Alleyway."

"He wanted to show me something. That's all."

"You and her dad both told me he did everything to you, and you're just going to pretend that didn't happen? Who did all this to you then?"

"Someone else and I don't want to talk about that anymore, but Robbie didn't do anything wrong."

Emma leaned back in her seat. "Do you really want to just let it go like that?"

Shrugging my shoulders, "Nothing to let go because it never happened."

"Then tell me who beat you up."

"I don't remember anymore."

"You're not even trying to lie well," Emma said as she rubbed her face. "I don't get why you're trying to protect him, but fine." She turned her attention towards Robbie. "You want to tell us what Kendall did to you? I want to hear everything she did."

My eyes fell to my lap as I waited for him to spend the next hour telling Emma everything I did to her, but something was wrong. He didn't say anything for so long that I looked up at him, and saw he was looking at me with that same intense stare.

"Is everything okay?" his Dad asked.

Robbie stood up, but didn't look away from me. "I'm tired and I want to go to bed."

I leaned back, trying to make sense of what he just said.

 

…Are you serious?

 

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That can't be it. There's got to be something going on in his head to fuck you over. He's not just going to let you off the hook like that. 

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"Maybe if he wasn't sitting across from Kendall then it'll be easier," his dad said while eyeing me.

"That's not it. I just don't want to talk about it anymore."

 

For once I agree with you. Look at that face. That's not the face of someone forgiving.

 

"Well I do," his Dad said, "How many times did she send you home running late with a black eye?"

I didn't need to look away from Robbie to feel Emma's gaze, but that wasn't nearly as freaky as whatever Robbie's doing right now.

 

Wow. Even Emma getting pissed isn't enough to get me going.

 

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I'm pretty sure this is what it's like to be dead inside.

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"He said he doesn't want to talk about it," I said it, "I think we should just leave him alone."

With a sigh from Emma, "So neither of you are going to tell us what happened?"

"Don't let getting worried about getting in trouble for any of that keep you from telling us what Kendall did," his dad said, "You can tell us."

Robbie stood up from his chair and pushed it in, "I want to talk to Kendall alone." After a quick glance at Emma and his dad, I got up and walked with him down a hall connected to the kitchen. Out of sight of the others where he turned around and faced me. "So we're just going to pretend nothing happened back there?"

"Is that what you want? Because if it is then we can do that. I mean we were already doing it but I can keep it up."

He crossed his arm, "I don't know what I want anymore. I hate you and you're still an asshole, but I feel bad about taking things that far. So I'm sorry."

 

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Even Robbie's treating you like a homeless animal. The only reason people are nice to you is because they know about everything you went through.

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"Don't say sorry just because of what you heard. I fucking hate when people try and be nice and sorry just because they know I went through crap."

"I'm not," he immediately shot back, keeping perfect eye contact. "You going through all that doesn't make everything you did to me go away. Acting nice to you is the last thing I want to do, and I'm only sorry because I went too far."

"Oh…" I said, rubbing my neck, "Sorry. Sophie was trying to do that earlier. But why did you not tell them back there then? You could've said whatever you wanted.”

"Because I'm tired of dealing with you. I just want to focus on making it up to Sophie and my friends."

"Right, that thing between you and Sophie. I might be able to help with that."

"No. Everything you say you tried to help with got worse."

 

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Ha! Glad to see Robbie's got some sense to reject your help.

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"It's different this time. She told me why she broke up with you and I can at least clear up a couple of things."

"She told you that?" He didn't say anything for a while. Probably talking with his anima.

 

What do you think his anima's like?

 

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A lot better than Esmer.

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"I want to hear how before you do anything," he said.

"Okay, so she was mad over the reason you brought me there, right? Well I started attacking people, so obviously it didn't go as planned. She was also pissed about the spray and you not stopping. I deserved all that and you have an anima."

"...I get how you can help with the first one couple, but what are you suggesting with me having an anima?"

"Have you told Sophie you have one?" I asked.

"I never really got a good chance, but she's not going to care if I do or not with that."

"Why not? I haven't told my sister yet, but she might understand if I did some stuff because of her."

"Because that's not how it works. Do you really think it's okay to blame your anima for things you guys do?"

"What? No, I never blame her."

 

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You've absolutely blamed her. Repeatedly.

I mean it's deserved because a lot of times it's just as much her fault, but still.

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Shut it.

 

"Whatever. Sophie's still going to be upset because I ignored her."

"Can I at least try? Give me your phone and I'll send a message to Sophie."

"Just use your own phone."

"It's dead, remember? Just let me write a message and you can choose if you want to send it or not."

We stood there in silence for a moment. He looked to the side before taking out his phone and opened up a text to Sophie before handing it to me. "I'm watching as you type it."

"That's fine." He watched from the side as I typed it out.

 

To Sophie:

8:46 PM: It's Kendall. I'm borrowing Robbie's phone because I need to tell you that I deserved what Robbie did. Yes he almost sprayed you but I was beating up his friends. What was he supposed to do? Robbie's had enough shit happen to him because of me, and the last thing he needs is his girlfriend to dump him. Can you at least talk with him about it? 

 

And if you're still upset about what I said when I got in the car. I can fucking smell bullshit from a mile away and I HATE people that try to play nice when they find out what happened because it's all fake. Just treat me like how you did before you found out.

 

Looking down at Robbie, "Is this okay?"

"At least tell her that your sister drove you over to my house and why you're using my phone."

I added on:

 

And I'm over at Robbie's house because my sister drove me here because she wanted to find out if I was bullying Robbie and my phone's still dead.

 

"Now?"

"...Yeah, that's fine."

"Alright." I hit send and handed him his phone as my stomach growled, making me lean against the wall as my hunger started to hit me hard. My legs shook as I tried to stay standing. "I'm probably going to need to go soon so I can actually eat something, but…" I pushed myself off the wall and did my best to stand in front of him. "I want you to know that I'm going to make it up to you however I can. I know you probably want to get at least one more hit off on me, so you can hit me in the stomach if you want. Because I can't think of any other way of showing you I'm sorry."

He broke eye contact with me to peek around the wall to where everyone else was. He turned around and walked further down the hall, and I followed him down to the end and faced me.

"Whenever you're ready," I said.

He wasted no time in winding up his punch, and midway through I went to tighten my abs, but they didn't even get a quarter of the way tensed up before relaxing again.

 

Oh fu-

 

My thought was interrupted when his punch landed. The pain that was already there multiplied how much it hurt. Hunching over made my weak legs give out and brought me to my knees, and my sore and hurting everything else made me fall forward onto the floor. Moments later, my stomach growled again.

"Crap," Robbie whispered as he knelt down, "Did I really hit you that hard?"

"No, I'm just really worn out." I rolled over onto my back to look up at him, and even that tired me out. "Emmaaaaaa."

It wasn't long until she came around the corner and ran up to me. "What happened?"

I closed my eyes, since this was the first time I got to lay down on a comfortable enough floor since this started. "Too hungry."

"She just fell down," Robbie said as he stood off to the side.

I reached up to grab Emma's hand, and she pulled me up midway, but my knees gave out and I just fell onto the floor again.

"You're that hungry you can't even stand up?" Robbie's dad asked, "Hold on. I'll make you some dinner."

 

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He's going to put all kinds of things in it as payback for bullying his son.

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His dad already disappeared from view, so I grabbed Emma's collar and gently tugged her closer and whispered so Robbie wouldn't hear. "Can you help me up?" I let my arm fall to the floor, and she just fucking lifted me up from the ground. She even looked like she was straining to carry me back to the kitchen table. "Sorry, but I don't want you getting blood on their good chairs, so just rest here." She gently set me down on the chair.

"That's fine. Thanks..." I muttered as I closed my eyes as my body slowly caught up to me.

 

I can't fucking believe everything didn't blow up in my face…

 

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That's because Robbie spared your ass. You got off too easy. Do you really think it's okay for us to just get away with a slap on the wrist after all the shit you pulled? I hope Robbie tells them everything we did eventually. I want to see the look on Emma's face when she finds out how brutal you've been to him.

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I know he kept me from getting in trouble, so I guess I owe him even more. Just going to need to keep working at making it up to him the best I can.