‘ He grasped what was left in his mind. He tried to swallow any and all sorrow.

And yet... 

 His name. His heart. His heart. His blood. His tears.

All for naught. 

He wasn't evil. He kept on telling himself. 

He wasn't good. They kept repeating to him.

Acknowledgment. Was the one thing he could depend on. No matter what it was.

He knew not to listen to what they poured out of their useless faces.

But they unwittingly kept him from slipping. 

The names? Those meant he had one that was worth something in which they all avoided calling him.

The insults to his style proved his feet were truly on the ground.

The beatings ascertained that his body was not merely a husk.

But today. 

Today.

He expected. For it all to double over into something more monstrous.

For them to regret the moment his skin felt the air.

But no.

Back turned with shoulders broad and ice chipped.

Not even an acknowledgment.

It didn't hurt. No insults to be flung. No abuse to his body.

Nothing.

Yet he was still confined.

No celebration for him. No way for him to celebrate by himself.

No acknowledgment.

He raced for validation. He raced for something anything.

But nothing came.

He fell to his floor at night.

Knees pale as clenched fingers upon his sleeves.

“ Why?”

Water damaged the pristine of his face.

His sounds were unholy.

“ My face.

My heart.

My voice.”

He tried his best as he could to piece together his mind.

“ My breath.

My blood.

My tears.”

He reached for something but that something was nothing.

Why?

He kept asking why.

All these things he put into this world. Produced by his body.

From blood to sweat.

All the pain.

Were shed for some purpose. That's his belief.

And all of it was recognized. All that mattered to him is that it was recognized.

Routinely and repetitively he put into the world what he had.

He didn't really care for what purpose they had.

Because no matter what was said. He found something of somewhat positive nature to say.

His face was filthy?

So he actually had a face.

His voice was obnoxious?

So he could be heard.

He was a disgusting person. 

So he could be seen.

That was because of one thing.

One fear.

One obsession.

That he himself did not know.

He didn't care that he mattered to anyone.

Those words kept him from the single worst possible thing he could think.

His blood.

That his tears.

His pain.

His hair. 

His face.

That his feet on the ground.

Everything.

All that to which he clung to as it was to prove himself wrong.

His fear.

Was simple. Yet its reason complicated.

“ Ah.

I see.

I don't exist.”

Was not existing.

And on that day. He had put this into his mind as a mere fact.

And on the very day he was brought into the world no less.

And that is how Quinn Cassius Axel.

Had simply stopped existing to himself.

On his ninth birthday.’

╞═════𖠁𐂃𖠁════╡

No lamp on the ceiling.

No clocks either. 

Time was lost by the time I had come to my senses.

I had stood up and was trying to overcome the everlasting sniveling and tears in the corner of my eyes.

I didn't realize that my birthday was something I cared about.

I didn't even have an I idea when my birthday was until I was six.

And even then I thought it was some sort of book.

I turned to exasperatedly scratching my hair thinking of my past birthdays.

I remember getting some sort of pastry and a hug from my old nanny. But on my tenth and so on. It was like a day consecrated to ignoring me.

Admittedly, I wasn't always ignored. 

Those days I don't want to remember.

Now that I'm in my right mind I-

*ATCHHOO!*

-feel that it was all rather–

*ATCHOO!*

Strange!

*ATCHOOO!*

Ugh. I need to leave this dust-covered abyss before my nose bleeds.

Huh. They didn't lock it?

Oh, well. I am not one to not count my blessings.

The door opened with little noise.

I looked left. Then right.

Nobody.

Hmm.

Venturing forward my ears twitched towards the sounds of the most boisterous celebrations.

The bitter permeating odor of alcohol was present as well. Things became apparent to me then.

There's nothing that quiets and stops questions more than massive,(almost ridiculous amounts) of expensive, delicious tasting (but strange-smelling ) liquor.

My body moved on its own. The farther away I was the less chance of an encounter with a drunkard.

...It wasn't long before my thoughts regained their free-range.

It was an endless spool of unraveling thread. Asking questions after questions. Usually just relaying the same query in different words. While also rewinding the previous events.

A cake appeared in front of me? After a strange voice announced my name? I didn't even remember it myself, so why?

Is this punishment? Am I going to be killed?Is someone going to kill me?

Whatdid I do did I do what what did I do what did I dowhat did I do what Idowhen I doI’m deadI’m dead I’m deadI’m dead I’m going to die and that person died my dad will pursue that one is dead dead walking deaddeaddeaddead dea d what’s wrong with you

My stomach boiled from the inside and the endless pool of thoughts laughed and skipped merrily in a meadow, “ Tra-la-la-la! “

Happily instilling panic with none a care.

I held myself upright to urge my stomach to contain its fluids.

I need to lie down. This promoted my exhaustion to prance along with a basket of flowers and creampies and happily cheer, “ Well hello again.”

Haah!

....Why are there suddenly no open doors?

I just wanted to rest already. These halls are so long I've felt a carriage was needed. 

Sweat held onto my head and I bent over hoping to catch my breath several times. I was hoping no more struggles dlitgered my way.

But misfortune. Misfortune. My dear. You tangle me in your dance. With a drunk of man, barely able to stand. His face familiar, then I realize it's similar to the man my fiancee brought. Lovely poem yes?

Hopefully, the point got across that a prince is currently breathing his bitter breath of whiskey and expensive glasses of ragtime wonder into my face. Lady Cain's escort had grabbed me and spoke absolute nonsense. I don't fancy being touched, once again.

His body pressed against mine. His bubbly scent of citrus mixed with the Lady’s signature scent of hydrangeas. I grew increasingly warm. Maybe it was because of the clinging. His drunkenly drawn face was somehow... seductive. Arms almost made of the most solid metal. He must– exercise a lot.

My God Quinn! What on earth are you thinking? Disgusting! You’re disgusting! Such thoughts of a man is unnatural! I fanned my thoughts and my heated face with my hand. I should go before my overwhelming negative thoughts of myself make it impossible for me to function.

“ Sir, I think you should local a member of staff to find you some accommodations–”

I saw something strange cloud his eyes.

Before I knew it he dragged me to the door I was approaching and it opened with little issue.

Really, that door was unlocked? Really?

He dragged me into a dark burgundy office sort of room. There was no lighting on the inside, but from the light on the outside I could make out some sort of lounge.

When I was thrown down my body suddenly lost its energy. ‘ Ah! You’re finally resting! Allow me to do the rest for you!’ It would say if possible. 

“ What on earth-!“

I tried lifting my upper half. My back quivering to return back to the don't comfort that is the lounge. Only to be pushed back down and forcefully kept there by one hand.

His gaze no longer held by any sort of sweetness or adorable stupor. 

An endless valley of grease emptied into him and poured itself onto my body as he slowly drank in my helplessness. He saw no fear. He didn't even see me. He only saw himself in what he was doing.

He was power. Plain and simple. 

All my struggles were vain. And his eyes in my grew more unhinged.

Vines began to squeeze me from every direction. Drinking in my form, lapping my tears. I wailed again and again.

No. Please. I don't!

“ STOP!”

I felt desperation hit me in waves as he tugged at my trousers... Then like a swift miracle.

A groan and a sharp swear surprised me. Until the noble fell to the ground in a pile. What just? I held my quaking body together as I liked towards the door.

Drenched in black with a face unknown. Like what an author would use to describe an assassin as. Panic was instilled once again once the person stepped forward. My breath was caught on a spike and instinctively I shouted, “ Stay back!”

The flowing embodiment of midnight stopped dead cold in its tracks. I didn't expect that... Um... what happens now? You would think their legs had been built on that very spot.

Would he let me escape? Or?

“ Uh.” The voice that came from beyond the endless pitch black was surprisingly. Sweet? In a feminine sense. But nothing could have ever prepared me for the words that would come out next.

“ Happy Birthday.”