~ Potions Class ~
"Of course"
"Thank you," Says back the dreamy voice of Luna as she sits down.
"My name is Luna Lovegood," She says as she puts out her hand.
The Queen looks for a second at her Moon, to think about what she's doing, but then it hits her.
"Ah, what a coincidence, or more like fate, for the ONLY courageous person to sit with the Queen is else body with a shared name, a pleasure to meet with you, I am Luna Crimson" the Queen replies while shaking Lovegood's hand.
All other students are whispering even more, but this time not only about the Queen but also Luna. The Queen doesn't pay any attention to any of the whispers except for one.
'Look at that, the weird just go so well together, still too early to decide if the new weirdo will be able to handle Loony'
The Queen's eye twitches a little, but as Luna releases her hand, she whispers that it's okay. Okay... how is that okay, fine, for now, it may as well be... for now.
Without anybody seeing, the Queen casts a Muffliato spell on herself and Luna, by touching the hilt of her rapier,
"So, Moon, you're quite amazing, you just strode up to me and introduced yourself, just so you could show that you're far more superior to your peers" The Queen concludes.
"No, silly"
"What?"
"I introduced myself so that everybody would know, that we know each other, even if by a little"There's a brief silence.
"Well I liked my explanation better, so that's what it will be," The Queen says.
Is she... sore about losing? Luna thinks that's...
"You can be quite cute sometimes, Queen"
The Queen chokes on her saliva a bit
"Ah... Thank you, but I'd rather be 'Royally Sexy' or something along those lines"
Is the Queen blushing? So just throw her off the loop and she won't know what hit her. Luna decides to do more of that in the future.
."Okay, how about, Royally cute? Or the cutest Royal? Is that fine?" Luna dreamily asks.
"Ugh... Fine, I will accept your compliments. A compliment is still a compliment after all" The Queen remarks "it's my height, isn't it" She whispers beneath her breath so that Luna couldn't hear.
The Queen breaks the Muffliato spell, just so everybody could hear her.
"Anyway, I am utterly disappointed, there was nobody else who even dared to say anything, let alone sit with me, truly pathetic, I would applaud you Lovegood, but, I think the verbal notice is enough to be known"
She instantly re-casts Muffliato, so she would be the only one to hear her Moon."Perhaps, but might I suggest something?"
"Of course, you can say anything, anytime, anywhere to me, you know this, there's no need for any of this 'Can I ask something' stuff, you want to do it, you just do it"
"Yeah, but anyway, I think some of the braver, or less judgemental students, there's not many of those, might be more intimidated of you because of the long rapier you have on your hip"
"Oh... Yeah, I forgot about that"
The Queen takes her Rapier off of her hip, takes out her wand from the hilt, points her wand at the rapier. A quick 'Reducio' later the rapier is shrunk back to a size level of a necklace, and that's intended, as the Queen takes out a gold chain embedded with small rubies. She puts the sword on the chain.
She goes to put on her 'necklace' on herself, before stopping and looking at her Moon, there's barely any time of thinking spared, as she leans in and puts it on her, while Luna instantly lets her do it.
"Ah, how can perfection, be even more perfect, you're truly a wonder. Hold onto the Soulrapier for me, won't you, Moon?"
Luna checks out the rapier necklace, the chain for a bit and then looks at the Queen, with a beautiful smile while saying a low 'Thank you, I will'
Just as the Queen goes to say something, the door bursts open and a cape-wearing man haughtily walks in. The Queen instantly breaks the Muffliato spell. And she goes to put her wand back in her pocket, but she sees that Luna has it in between her ear... And she does the same.
"This is quite efficient and it doesn't look bad" The Queen whispers to Luna.
"I'm glad you like it"
"QUIET" The man slowly, but loudly says.
All the whispering, all the talking in the classroom ceased instantly.
Ah, it'd be bad if the silence broke, wouldn't it? The Queen thinks... Well, I might as well the honors.
"Professor, when you say 'Quiet' to the students, you yourself, don't have to be silent as well, I hope you know that, because otherwise, the class won't be going anywhere" Just as the Queen finishes, Snape snaps his eyes at her.
"Ah, Luna Crimson"
"That's Queen to you, sir"
The Queen cuts him off. There's silence yet again, everybody is staring at them, except for Lovegood, she's just staring into nowhere. As one should.
"What kind of 'Queen' is without any subjects to rule over," Snape says and ignores her, thinking he's won the small argument. Or at least tries to.
"What kind of 'Teacher' argues with his students, therefore wasting the time of a precious lesson, instead of teaching, said lesson" The Queen snaps back, which makes Snape glare at her for casually insulting him.
"And for your information, Everybody in this school, is my subject, yes, dear 'teacher' that also includes you, congratulations. You should feel honored to be in the grace, of such perfection as I. Now, do your job, you know? Teaching"
The whole classroom is quiet, Snape and the Queen are in an eye lock, glaring at each other, it seems that hexes could run amok at any moment, but to everybody's surprise, except for Luna, who's not paying any attention to them, both of them grin at each other.
The Queen breaks the silence.
"Heh, I like you, I feel like we could be great friends, you're almost as arrogant as me"
"That's so? Well, I myself can't complain about our little conversation, it was definitely more interesting than most of them, that I have with other students" Snape muses back.
"Nice... But seriously, start the lesson, I want to show these subjects of mine, of how behind they are to the Queen, in terms of skill and knowledge"
~ End of Chapter 5 ~
Looks like this is the start to an absolutely wondrous relationship..
I feel like a sad puppy... and I’m ashamed with myself. I don’t like the Crimson MC. I get the urge to just, Flee. I’ve seen comments by readers that associate Luna with Yuna... and I wouldn’t run from Yuna. Luna’s Authority is scary for me, and comes with certain connotations. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I get this feeling from authority figures... I become growly, and adopt an avoidance strategy, because I feel threatened. Though, I will say I enjoy your other story’s MC, Frost. Lots of confidence there too, but less blatant authority use. So, sad puppy, because of my personal shortcomings, and my somewhat irrational dislike for a perfectly acceptable MC.
Also, some things I believe would help this story? (Just remember, I’m only on chapter 6). It’s listed as an Isekai, but I haven’t seen her enter into this world, and would like to. Yes, I know she isn’t originally apart of this world, but would still like to read about her interaction with the god who sent her here, her subsequent arrival, and a brief adjustment period where we obtain some of the MC’s goals in a new world. At the moment, things feel very abrupt, and I haven’t had a chance to care about our MC. I blatantly dislike her, and don’t care because I can’t sympathize or put myself in her shoes. I can only see her ‘acting out’, but not why; and feel like she’s missing backstory, which leaves me frustrated.
The last thing I’ll share... I find the chapters somewhat jarring. I feel like I’m being jerked around to different scenes without any warning, and I have to actually work to read through them, and play the association game. Because I don’t have an ‘origin’ for our MC, I can’t play with the characters in my head, and therefore have trouble imagining other possibilities for our MC. Things feel very rigid, cut and dry. So... I don’t know? I’m not a very good writer myself, and don’t really have advice for how to adjust the chapters so they are less ‘jarring’, or feel less ‘cut and dry’. I can see you perhaps wanted something ‘episodic’... but, I felt like they were closer to slightly disjointed ‘scene shots’? *shrug* Good luck! : /...
...Oh yeah! Thanks for sharing.
@Ditz
Hi, really like the comment, it lets me to tell you (And future readers) early on about a few things, let me answer it in points.
1. No need to feel ashamed about not liking something, it just how it is for people, they tend to like different things. But anyway, the 'Crimson' MC, as a matter of a fact, you're not supposed to like her, I purposefully write the story for people to 'dislike', 'hate' and get 'annoyed' with the Queen, because that's how the students and some grown-ups in the story will feel like. Oh and sometimes the readers might 'cringe' at her, was that intended at first? Not really, but eventually I just embraced it, since the 'I am the Queen of Ravenclaw' line back at Chapter 1. And just like some characters in Harry Potter itself, I disliked some of them early on, but over the years they spent in Hogwarts, I come to somewhat like them and that's my goal. You see, right now The Queen has spent almost 2 weeks in Hogwarts, 1 of which was spent in the Room of Requirements, so over the years and the battles (Way later on), she will slowly start changing little by little and all because of her future Queenly wife candidates and if I don't screw it up, people should 'turn' from disliking her to the opposite.
2. Luna being scary authority wise, I mean, she should be, no? She is a Queen, who's more or less a battle maiden, a war-bred Queen, a narcissistic one at that, people call her arrogant, but I don't really see her as that, yes, she's obviously 'arrogant' but it comes with being a narcissist, she loves herself and sees herself above everybody else because of it, so my description is that, a big narcissist. So her showing her 'authority' is perfect and as it should be. And Diana Frost, she's confidant just as you said, but she's a wholesome girl, unlike Luna, she cares for people around her, yes she can get a little bit out of hand because of how competitive she feels, but she'd help somebody if they were hurt, the Queen would ignore them and just move on, unless it were her wife candidates, she'd be the first in line to help them.
3. Now, the 'backstory', how she got to be in this world to begin with, some people really like to know all about that. It's not happening... Well, not any time soon, some details will be thrown around little by little, you see my stories are very slow paced, all 3 of them have around 100k words at this point and yet they aren't even 20% done, like I mentioned before, the Queen has been in Hogwarts for 2 weeks, first I want to show all of the 'classes' that the Queen will attend and her interactions with the teachers and students respectively, so the next few chapters will be that, Transfiguration and Astronomy, after those classes are over, there will be actually time skips, not big ones, like week long ones, to start moving on with the story of the tournament. Now this will turn into a shameless plug for a moment. You see with my HP and RWBY stories, it writes differently than my Frozen one, since both HP and RWBY have a lot more content in them, with HP I can creat some random spell if I feel like it, because the Queen is quite strong with that, with RWBY I, at first copy pate some of the transcripts and then change them accordingly, but with the Frozen one, there's nothing, empty, I have to think of everything, the time cut from the first move and the second movie is 3 years, so I have to imagine a lot of 'arcs' in the meanwhile. So back to the point I was trying to make, the backstory will come very late, because I like to put a lot of hidden details for the future in almost every chapter and one of them is hidden in the Answers part 2 (Yes it's far away chapter wise) but once you get there, you'll see one thing that the Queen can't speak of her past life and her time with Zeddicus (The 'god' that reincarnated her) So you're not meant to see her backstory just the same as the characters in the story aren't meant to hear it. Oh but the 'goal in the new world' part is explained in the synopsis of the story, since she saw the word being 'peaceful' she decided to get herself Wives and that's it, everything else that comes in the future, she'll deal with it at that moment. Now why that's her goal? That will be explained eventually.
4. The chapters feeling dry, I can see that, especially to people that might care about the 'world' and its flavor. But I am a minimilistic writer of sorts, to me all of that's just 'flavor', it's not needed for the full story, I mean look at the way I describe my own main characters in my stories. The Queen has red hair, red eyes a crown on her head and a rapier around her hip, oh and she's short. That's it, I never went in on the full details of how she looks and never will, because I myself feel like it's not needed. It's the same with Diana and Crystal in the other stories. So if I don't even write big descriptions for them, there won't be much for anything else, I care for the 'main' points, I won't go into explaining how some place looks, or how a character looks, or even what they eat, just like I didn't with my Frozen fic, when Diana brought food to Elsa, I don't think that I said once what that 'food' is, just that it's good and it's new because of her prior knowledge of recipes from her world. I don't see a point in that.
5. The other part of your point, the chapters being 'jarring', this one, I can understand, because I started writing all of my stories at the same time, I at first decided to write chapters no shorter than 1000 words, so until like the 10th chapters in my stories, they are short and only bring one 'episodic' scene in them, if I did them now? Most of them would be connected into one, like maybe the 4,5,6,7 would become one chapter, with some changes. Though I don't see being 'jerked' around them without warning, because all of the early ones happen in the same place, the Queen and Luna interacting for the first... second time, their first was the train express, because of my inexperience (Which I have plenty now, I don't think I will become decent at writing for a long while) one topic was just one chapter, it's done pretty badly, but it's basically one conversation, well two, because they sleep once, so if it was one chapter, it wouldn't be all that bad. Oh and I'd write something else here too, but you made a second comment, I will address that there.
Thanks for commenting and reading.
@CrimsonLust
I have read and appreciate your response(s).
I liked reading 1 through 3. Good vibes. At 4, meh, I’m not the Author. You do you; I’ll live, and frankly, you’re right. It’s a matter of personal preference.
. Anyways, for 5, *shrug*, I just threw my emotions at you. Sorry. I like that you took me seriously though... Even if I’m just a Ditz.
...Thanks for Sharing!
isn't a wand a little big to put behind her ear?!?! plus she said earlier that hers was heavier then normal so her ear must be hurting!!!!!!
@sinlesdarkangel Two sentences. Luna has her wand behind her ear most of the time so it's not too long, besides wands can be quite short. The Queen is using a Feather-light charm... Which is basically permanent, since the crown ontop of her head has it too, she doesn't want to feel uncomfortable, now does she?