Chapter 218. Valentine’s Day: Afternoon. (4/7)

“Well… I suppose in a sense you could say she was.” She’d intended a three-year relationship so she didn’t have much time to work with after all. She ended up initially picking whoever she thought would fit her own set of criteria. Somehow things had worked out pretty well in the end though.

“I see. The poor girl. There are so many better options even if she was desperate.”

“I can certainly agree to that.

“Then… if you don’t want a kiss… what if I offer up something as collateral?”

“You have nothing of equivalent value that I’d be interested in keeping should you renege on paying me back.”

“Uhh… how about my socks? Aren’t there guys that value that sort of thing?”

“Are you mentally challenged? Why in the hell would I want some smelly socks that are probably soaked from the snow earlier today.”

“Th-Then… Uh… something a guy would value… oh! That’s it!”

Her eyes darted about from left to right down the store aisle we were currently in. Her next actions left me shocked. My eyes had been stuck to the ground this entire time as she still had me in a headlock, so I naturally saw everything. She bent her left leg up off the ground then reached under the left side of her skirt and pulled on something.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, you god damn pervert!” I whispered frantically as my eyes darted about from left to right the same way hers had.

In no time, she’d slid her thong off of her left leg and raised her right leg up to fully remove it.

“This is definitely something guys would value. I’m sure of it. Therefore, I’d like to use it as collateral for a small loan from you. It’s definitely something I’d want back, so you shouldn’t have to worry about me reneging on paying you back to reclaim it.”

“Hell no! I don’t want it! I absolutely don’t want it! That thing is a nuclear bomb I want nothing to do with!”

“Too bad.” She stuffed her hand deep down into my pocket with the balled-up thong in her closed fist.

“Take it back.”

“No.”

“Look, you could have offered something like your phone, you idiot! Why’d you choose this of all things?”

“Oh! My phone, I didn’t even consider that as an option. That would have been a good idea.”

“Then take this back, put it back on, and hand over your phone.”

“You reap what you sow. If you’d obediently cooperated and made that suggestion in the first place, you wouldn’t be in this situation now.”

“Fuck off! I don’t want to hear that line again!” This woman... it had been a while since I’d been this ticked off.

“Then learn to cooperate next time so you don’t end up like this every time.”

She was the worst. Today I’d discovered yet another bane of my existence. I couldn’t help but despair because of how many banes of my existence turned out to be women. Each and every woman I get involved with is troublesome to no end.

“At least release me from this headlock now.”

“Well, I suppose I should. We’ve got to hurry after all.”

When she removed her arm from around my neck I was finally able to stand up straight. Not only was my neck aching in pain, but my back hurt as well. This was awful. Valentine’s Day was such a shitty holiday. Screw Valentine’s Day, I’m never leaving home again on Valentine’s Day again.

I’ll make sure to buy stuff in advance from now on instead of leaving things to the last minute like this. My entire day off was almost all gone in a flash. 

I really can’t wait until I’m done with this high school crap. High school girls are the most fiendish existences known to mankind. They’re worse than the devil. Who made these dreadful creatures known as high school girls anyway? Are they not a bunch of despicable and contemptible beings?

Haaaah. Well, a few of them at least. There were always bad apples. This goth girl was just one of those rotten to the core ones.

“Hey, come on. Let’s go. Let’s go.”

She suddenly grabbed onto my hand and dragged me to the store exit. As soon as we were outside she started running while forcefully pulling me along in tow.

“You idiot, what are you running in a skirt for in your current state?”

“Hahaha! It’s more thrilling than I expected and actually kind of fun. Is this freedom? Heheh, anyway, we don’t have time to dilly dally, let’s secure that muscle massage gun pronto.”

“I never even agreed to pay.”

“If you don’t, I’ll scream out that you stole my underwear and have security deal with you. Heh, so don’t get any ideas about trying to run away and escape on your own either.”

“Are you the devil?” Oh, wait, that’s me.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m the devil. A gothic devil.” She smiled when she said that as she pulled me along.

A few minutes later we arrived in front of the store.

I was panting with my hands on my knees trying to catch my breath. We’d been sprinting rather than going for a light jog. What the hell was she in such a rush for? The likelihood of someone buying it a few minutes earlier or later was pretty unlikely from my point of view. I doubted the last one would seriously be sold even if we took a bit longer to get here.

“You’re so out of shape for a guy.”

“You were sprinting at full speed. Actually, how are you running so fast with boots like that anyway? It’s unreasonable. It makes no sense at all. Why aren’t you dead tired?”

“When a woman’s shopping, the tiredness only kicks in once we finish. Until then, we have unlimited stamina.”

“Screw that! What sort of God thought that was balanced? Hah… hah… hah…”

I felt light-headed from keeping up a sprint for that long in my winter clothing.

Oh, that explained it. No wonder it was so draining on me but not her.

Her apparel wasn’t nearly as restricting or heavy as mine because of how skimpy it was. My attire was the exact opposite. I was also sweating because of how warm it was inside the mall.

“Come on, there’s no time to rest yet. We've still got to find it.”

Holding my hand to prevent me from fleeing, she pulled me inside the store.

When we entered, the cashier behind the counter at the front of the store waved at us in a friendly fashion and greeted us with a smile.

The goth girl smiled back to return the gesture.

Now inside the store, we walked up and down the aisles together until we found the one with massagers. Scanning through the items we didn’t see the one that had been advertised. We started reading the price tags on the bottom and finally found the one advertised.

“No waaaaay… it’s gone…” She squatted down to the ground dejected. She still hadn’t lowered her guard and let go of my hand though.

“What do we do now? Should we try to find a different one that might be cheaper?” She looked up at me from below.

“It’d be hard to find a quality one with so many features at a price like this. Any others would be mediocre products at best. But, why are you assuming they’re sold out just because it’s not on the shelf?”

“Isn’t it obvious someone purchased it already?”

“Do you have evidence other than it simply not being on the shelf? It could be someone picked it up thinking to purchase it but they changed their mind and dropped it somewhere in the store instead of putting it back on the shelf. It’s also entirely possible they brought it to the cashier and had a change of heart there and the cashier hasn’t put it back on the shelf yet. They might even have it at the back right now.”

“Oh! You’re right, I didn’t consider that at all!” She energetically jumped up to her feet and ran over to the cashier.

With no line up in front of the cashier, her grip on my hand strengthened a bit as she nervously asked, “Umm. Excuse me. The muscle massager gun you have advertised on clearance for $70, do you have it in stock still? I wasn’t able to find it on the shelf, but your website says you had one left. Is it maybe in the back room right now?”

“One moment, let me take a look.”

She typed something into her computer and turned the screen to us.

“Was it this one you were looking at?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm… it does say we still have one left. I’ll check the backroom to see if it’s there.”