What Geran was feeling in his mind and body was not something as simple as pain from the vast changes occurring in his body and soul, what he felt and what every being in this sick game felt was something far more sickening. Imagine the greatest pain you ever felt, try to vividly remember what that felt like whether it be physical or emotional, now add that pain to the rest of the pain you have ever felt in your life and imagine it all occurring at once, for those who were about to utilize the more physical abilities of the blue star felt physical pain from their entire life and called it an awakening, for those whose statuses were inclined to the mystical abilities of the purple star they felt all their emotional and mental pain come rushing back at once and believed it to be an epiphany. This is the process that completes an awakening or epiphany in Balanced Hell, this pain immediately caused 10% of those going through an awakening to have a heart attack while a staggering 22% of those who underwent an epiphany suffered cerebral hemorrhaging and either took several days to recover or died on the spot. those that bore the brunt of this initial pain however quickly realized something. The pain they were feeling was from past events that when focused on would actually lessen the mind numbing pain coursing through their minds and bodies. 

Geran however was a special case, the number of people who were able to experience both an epiphany and awakening only numbered in the thousands out of the 15 billion men, women, and children making it a .00000015% of the population. A number even more staggering was the amount who saw what Geran saw before him

"What... no no no no... NOOO!"

What Geran saw before him as he focused on the worst pain assaulting him was a scene he was all too familiar with and in vivid detail

"The crash"

A picturesque morning after Christmas, the roads and nearby barren trees covered in a layer of freshly fallen snow while a single matte grey car glides nearly silently along the uniform world. A man and woman are seen with the windows down despite that chilling morning air and singing "All I want for Christmas" with incredible fervor for 7:30 in the morning. In the backseat sits a younger almost preteen looking Geran with a miniature version of Clara laughing cheerfully to her parents from her carseat. Geran is looking down at his new phone he just received for Christmas and watching a new popular streamer play an RPG famous for being difficult. Geran is oblivious to everything around him until he suddenly finds the phone out of his hand and now in the possession of his smiling mother.

"Geran, cmon talk to your family, you don't have much longer till you'll stop being my baby boy and be a big man on your own in the world."

The older Geran who floated like a Christmas ghost around this scene looked to his younger self with burning hatred in stark contrast to the frigid air as he remembered the interaction about to take place.

"Oh good, so I don't have to put up with you butting into my business for much longer."

His bearded athletic father chimed in with the stern tone of someone raised with a military family 

"Hey! You don't talk like that to us, we're family... we're always gonna butt into your business, I mean did you see how nosy your grandma was this weekend? Seriously that woman would STILL enroll me into military academy if she could. See Geran? Once you get older you realize that you don't talk back to your parents, you just find someone to marry who you vent to about your parents, right honey?"

His beautiful brown haired wife stifled her laughter before sarcastically nodding and speaking

"Oh totally, I mean your dad and I are only really together because of how annoying your grandparents are."

Geran from the future couldn't help but smile at his parents antics.

"I mean the second your grandma kicks the bucket like she's been talking about for the past decade I am OUTTA here, gonna sell all your guys' toys and marry a supermodel." 

The way his dad was able to say such absurd remarks with a comically straight face always amazed Geran, it was what made him so funny and unsettling in every room he entered as his imposing physique also made people hesitant to laugh besides those who knew him. 

Geran saw his mother lightly punch his dads arm with a shocked but pleased expression

"HEY! acting like you aren't already married to one!"

His little sister chimed in

"YEAH DADDY! Mommy is the prettiest!"

"Hmm you're right, that does throw a wrench in my plans, ok fine I guess I'll stay."

Geran saw his past self huff before speaking arrogantly

"Yeah great, now if we're done with the family comedy act can I have my phone now."

His dad lost his joking attitude in an instant

"Hey, if you're in such a hurry to be grown up maybe we should get you a job, maybe interning at work would be a good experience for you. The local volunteer spots also could always use extra help."

Geran felt his rage growing as he watched his past self dismiss every word as they were spoken

"Work with no pay? no thanks."

Geran's mother looked at his father nervously before taking a breath and talking

"Geran honey, your dad and I have been talking and we think it would be best if you started volunteering or interning at your dads company a couple days a week for your allowance, we'll increase it to 350 a week though when you do."

Young Geran snorted.

"No thanks, I like the deal we got going on now."

"Hey! Geran your mother isn't negotiating, this is what's happening, either take it or don't get an allowance."

Young Geran grew outraged at this

"THAT'S BULLSHIT! You can't just put this on me like that!"

"Geran, your mother and I haven't been liking your attitude lately and neither have your teachers, apparently you beat a kid up for no reason?! You need some discipline son."

Geran looked away

"so what."

Gerans mother supported her husband

"What was that?!"

"SO WHAT?! HE'S JUST SOME WEIRDO WHO WAS TALKING TO A GIRL I LIKED!"

Gerans father now got louder

"GERAN! lower the tone!"

Geran now outraged for childish and selfish reason kicked his fathers chair... hard.

Older Geran tried with all his might to rectify this mistake or even use violence against his younger self, nothing worked though and he was forced to watch his mistake all over again. See, young Geran thought this was a harmless declaration of outrage, but kicking the seat that hard caused his foot to slip over the side and hit his fathers right arm, on an icy road where one needed to maintain steady hands, this caused a catastrophe. 

Geran watched as the car spun over the side of the road over a ditch several meters away from the road. The cruelest part about this though was that Geran saw time slow like one would see in a movie and was suddenly forced to the front of the car, watching his family become terrified in slow motion. A message like the status screen suddenly popped up over his mother and fathers heads.

"Skill: [Eyes That See Tragedy With Calmness] condition has been satisfied, would you like to see what targets are thinking?"

Geran despite his currently ethereal form felt his body grow cold and tears well up. Geran knew that these would be the last thoughts his parents ever had. Geran felt so many emotions right there that they put the mental and physical pain to shame. What would you feel if you were the cause of your loved ones death and you had the ability to know what they last thought of you, Geran was feeling all of that loss, sorrow, joy, regret, rage, fear, curiosity, desire. Geran made his decision after his fathers face became strained and terrified... the first time he had ever seen him scared.

'yes, please just show me'

Geran steeled his heart for the surefire flurry of hatred that was about to fly from his parents. Much like their normal lives though, their final thoughts shocked Geran with how in sync they were. Both were only thinking one thing

'Please, don't take the kids, take me."

As Geran felt tears flow from his face for the first time in 5 years and before he had time to process what just happened, time resumed. Geran watched the front passenger half of the car spin directly into a nearby tree killing his mother instantly and almost painlessly, her former beauty now still there but a bloody mess from broken metal, glass, and wood pieces sticking out of her as she closed her eyes peacefully for the last time.

Geran watched his massive intimidating father get thrown from the car like a ragdoll as if gravity hadn't heard he was supposed to be a powerful man. His father rolled across the snow leaving a chaotic painting of red on this white canvas and broke basically every bone in his body including his ribs which punctured his lungs. 

Geran looked at himself and Clara in the backseat who were heavily injured but would survive. The rage he felt overtook his senses as he shouted to the sky

"WHY?! WHY WOULD YOU SHOW ME THIS?! WHY WOULD YOU GIVE ME THAT TITLE?! FAVORED BY THE NEW GODS?! THIS IS ALL I KNOW OF GOD! PAIN AND SUFFERING! WHERE IS THE BALANCE IN THIS?! YOU SADISTIC BASTARDS! DID YOU BRING ME HERE JUST TO SUFFER AGAIN?!"

It was a miracle Geran had restrained his outrage after several seconds of intense hatred, this was only possible as Geran inherited his family's natural willpower and intelligence and was able to realize years ago, no God did this, this was all his. Due to his restraint of his anger he was able to notice something in time... his father was lightly moving his lips almost as if to speak. Geran immediately moved as fast as he could over to his father to try and hear his last words. 

What shocked Geran though was that as he made it over to his father, his father locked eyes with him before mumbling slight words too quiet to hear.

'H-Hey... use that skill again'

although it wasn't a specific command at all, the intuitive system worked out what he wanted and activated his skill. The box appeared over his fathers head again.

'Geran? Are you dead?'

Geran knew his dad could now see him, Geran figured this was due to being in a state between life and death like his dad was. Even if that wasn't the reason Geran didn't care, the only thing that mattered was he had a chance to apologize.

"Dad! No no... I survived this, Clara and I both did. I'm in the future, something crazy happened and... I have a chance to talk to you."

'You and Clara? Mom?'

Geran shook his head slowly

"She died on impact dad."

His father closed his eyes and let some tears fall

'Well I shouldn't keep her waiting then. If I wait too long all those other dead guys are gonna hit on her."

Geran chuckled while crying 

"Dad... I'm so sorry, I was such a spoiled brat, I got you and mom killed... I-I'm so sorry I didn't mean to, I wish it was-"

Geran saw words pop up slowly over his dads head, his dad was fading away.

'S-T-O-P. Don't you... ever wish... you were the one who died. I look at you now and I see a man, someone I wasn't at 18, you must have had to work hard.' 

Geran was speechless but just nodded

'Geran, if it meant you and Clara get to live and become outstanding adults your mom and I would gladly die a thousand times over. You lived through this and were able to stand strong. I don't think anybody is as strong as you son. Ah shit, I think it's time... I feel sleepy and I see your mother... HEY! AWAY FROM MY WIFE PAL! Love you son, live a free life!'

Geran smiled honestly and freely for the first time in his mature life as he had comfort knowing his mom and dad were together and at peace. More importantly that his dad would never change.

Geran Saw the text box disappear and knew his dad had died. But he didn't cry, he felt peaceful and relaxed. What appeared next put him in shock

[Hidden Condition Cleared: Resolve Past Trauma. You are the first to achieve this in the Cosmos, 

Reward: All Stats+10, Passive Skill: Identify]

AN: That's the end of this chapter, apologies it took so long, college classes just started and I got really stressed. I want to update at least once a week, I really hope you enjoyed this chapter as it illustrates a change from the normal archetype, this is also going to be a story about emotional growth and trauma over typical stabby stab constantly (It will still have cool action though)