Echoes of Fire and Shadows
Interlude II: The Conflicted Auntie…
-----Tiria's POV-----
(I promise I will marry you! Even if it was a joke, I swear that I'll do it! So please wait until I am an adult! I get jealous easily, so don't see anyone else but me!)
No matter what I did, those words would continue to echo in my mind endlessly…
Those words made me feel happy and relieved, but also guilty and angry with myself.
I had done something stupid... Something extremely stupid and completely irresponsible.
"Fuck! Why did you have to say those words, Julius!? ARGH! I wish I had never listened to Lady Catris!" I angrily screamed as I punched yet another tree.
That tree was nothing but more proof of the disaster left by me in my rampage…
I had violently made my way into a secluded area deep within the forest to make sure no one could see me in my current pitiful state…
"..." I simply stood there, silently watching the fallen tree and seething with fury. "Sigh…" I let out a big sigh before sitting on the trunk of a tree that had been split in half.
I ended up hugging my legs and absentmindedly looking at the sky above me… Tears immediately started streaming down my cheeks once again. I didn't know for sure if I was crying out of joy or sadness…
Julius' words without a doubt made me undeniably happy, however, they also brought back the thoughts that made me ask him to marry me in the future…
"He only sees me as a daughter huh…" I could only mutter the words that Lady Catris had told me.
I could only weep and mourn for a love that I was now sure would never come to be…
For the last thirteen years, I have been in love with the same person even though I know that his heart already belonged to someone else.
That person taught me about all the small joys in life beyond the luxuries and comfort of my manor and gave me unimaginable courage and strength…
Frederick Armanz, that's the name of the one I love. The name of the person I used to love… My teacher, my comrade in arms, and my best friend…
“...” I silently stared at the blue sky as tears continued to stream down my cheeks.
I met Fred when I was fourteen years old. At the time I was certainly not the most well-behaved teenager and was stepping on my parents’ toes, constantly disrespecting them, yelling at them, and stealing from them… Hell, there was even a time when I threatened my mother with a knife for basically no reason…
I only cared about gossiping with my 'friends' and attending parties. I was completely unconcerned about being the only child and heir of my father, the Marquis Jon Graham Feru, and the esteemed reputation of my family.
One day, my father reached his tipping point and decided to use a favor someone owed him in order to straighten up his nightmare of a daughter. He had enough of my crap…
My father told me that I was to become a knight and change my behavior, otherwise, I would be disowned and thrown to the streets. I was surprised and enraged when I discovered that even my own mother agreed with my father.
Her patience had also run out and said that she could no longer scold me. She didn’t have the energy to do that anymore…
That very same day when I was given that ultimatum, I was dragged to the courtyard by my father. No matter how much I screamed, kicked, or cried, he didn’t stop walking nor did he look back at me…
My father simply left me there and told me not to leave that courtyard and to wait for my new tutor. He said that if I did leave, I would be effectively disowned and thrown out of the manor without any support besides the clothes I was wearing.
I reluctantly listened to my father and waited while cursing him under my breath…
Even if I was an entitled brat, I was not a complete idiot… I was not going to throw away my life of comfort, so I simply decided to make my new tutor's life hell so I could go back to my usual antics.
I waited and waited for what felt like hours… The person who eventually showed up was Fred. He was nineteen years old at the time.
He already had a bit of a reputation in the capital as a city guard who quickly rose through the ranks and became a knight thanks to his merits after being disowned by his family. The rumors about him had even reached the ears of a spoiled noble brat like me.
When we first met, I thought his reputation didn’t precede him. I thought that he was just another big muscular dull brute who was all brawn and no brain…
I thought I could easily beat him in a fight since I was one of the best fighters in the Blaise Academy at the time. I thought that I was superior to him in every way, but…
It turns out that I was completely mistaken about him…
I challenged him to a duel not even five minutes after meeting him and he mercilessly toyed with me until both my spirit and my will to fight were thoroughly broken…
After that, he simply talked to me for hours… He just talked about the most trivial things without caring about the fact that I was glaring at him with annoyance and disdain.
But… By the time sunset came, I found myself having fun talking to him. I remember that I felt like there was finally someone actually listening to me and who enjoyed my presence. I felt like I finally had gotten a genuine friend, unlike those backstabbing noble girls I used to hang out with…
I don't know how he had done it, but he easily tamed the stupid noble brat I used to be…
From that day onward, the two of us were always together, as mentor and student as well as a couple of friends.
Thanks to Fred, I was successfully able to become a knight after graduating from the Blaise Academy just like my parents wanted and I stopped bringing shame to our household.
Even after becoming a knight, I continued to treat Fred as my mentor and trained under him. For years, it was just the two of us, patrolling the streets of the capital, going on trips to train ourselves, or just hunting monsters on the outskirts of the city…
We were together almost every single waking moment of the day… I truly thought that we were meant to be together…
He was the person that made me aspire to become the best version of myself, after all.
I began to get aware of my feelings for Fred when the Emperor finally recognized his efforts and granted him the right to lead his own order of knights.
Fred called our order: 'The Bastard Knights'... It was the worst name he could have chosen, yet, our order received dozens upon dozens of recruits in just a matter of days.
I was twenty years old at the time. We had been partners for the last six years. Back then, the two of us had built such a reputation that even the common people from the most remote villages knew about our deeds.
We had slain all kinds of monsters and even dragons together… The people often said that the two of us could give the Ten Song of Rokkshar a run for their money.
To their credit, even to this day, I believe if it was the two of us together against the Ten Songs, Fred and I would win.
"I guess we'll never find out if that's true…" I smiled awkwardly even though I was still sobbing.
After Fred was recognized by the Emperor, we decided to celebrate our success by going for drinks at a very inconspicuous tavern.
After a few rounds of cold ale, I was definitely drunk enough to tell Fred how I really felt about him. But I didn't have that chance…
Before I could even open my mouth, Fred started babbling about that perfect angelic woman he had seen on the docks when he was a teenager… He talked about how badly he wanted to see her again, how he had turned his life around to be worthy of her, how he was going to talk to her next time he saw her, and that he would never let her go after that.
Honestly, I should have moved on from him at that point…
I was deeply hurt after finding out that his heart already belonged to someone else, but even if that was the case, I didn't want to leave his side…
I didn't care if I became his second wife or just a mistress... I just wanted to be together with him just like we had been for years…
Then, when he finally met his angel once again at the docks several months after our visit to that tavern, he was unable to talk to her… He was frozen in place with a panicked look on his face.
I knew what was going through his mind… He didn't know what to do in that situation…
I cannot deny that I considered not helping him out of jealousy but… My heart ached to see him standing there helpless when the person he was looking for was right in front of him.
I couldn't let him miss his chance after he had worked so hard to be worthy of that woman… As much as it pained me that he wasn't looking at me the same way, I decided to step aside for the time being and support his love for his soulmate.
I threw a note to the woman with a poem and signed it as if it was from Fred. Fred was busy, still thinking about what to say to the woman, so he didn't notice that I had done that.
My little note had worked and the woman approached us, something that caught Fred by surprise. That woman was Lilia. She was the apprentice of the most renowned magician on the continent.
That could have been another chance for me to move on and find someone else, but I still stuck around…
The two of them clicked and started dating almost immediately. They were married by the end of that same year. I was Fred's groomswoman at their wedding.
I can't deny that I felt envious of Lilia at times, but I was fine with that development… I simply told myself that Fred would eventually notice my feelings and would take me as his second wife…
Even after the twins were born and we were no longer knights, I still thought that it was just a matter of time before he would notice my feelings for him.
I never confessed my feelings toward Fred out of respect for Lilia, who had always treated me with kindness and told me that I was like a sister to her…
I foolishly clung to the idea Fred would notice how I feel until today when both Lady Lia and Lady Catris finally opened my eyes to reality.
Lady Lia had called the Goddess of Love, Lady Catris, to help me fix my disappointing love life once and for all because she felt bad about a few things she said during our fight…
"I guess I always knew that you only had eyes for Lilia, Fred… I was just trying to fool myself into thinking that I had a chance…" I cleared my tears after whispering those words.
The Goddess of Love herself told me that the man I had loved for most of my adult life considered me his daughter… Not a little sister, not a close friend, not his best friend… A daughter…
Those words crushed me… There's no other way to describe it… I felt like the Goddess of Love had punched me in the guts and then crushed my heart with her own hands…
And on top of that, according to Lady Catris, it turns out that Fred and I aren't even compatible with each other!
"Only 6%... I still can't believe it…" I had a bitter smile on my face as I kept trying to clear my tears.
The Goddess said that no matter what I did, Fred would never ever look at me in a romantic way…
After hearing that from Lady Catris, I simply locked myself up in Julius' room and cried hysterically for a while…
Even now, I cannot describe how crushed and depressed I felt at that moment… I seriously considered jumping off a cliff due to the painful revelation.
Well, even if I did that, I would most likely survive the fall, but that was one of my first thoughts when Lady Catris told me about how my impossible love was…
However, the Goddess of Love was apparently not done with me after all that… She still had something to tell me.
She then asked me if I would like to know the identity of my real soulmate, or rather, the person that was the most compatible with me…
Despite how depressed I was about not being reciprocated by the man I had loved for more than a decade, I said yes to the Goddess.
Never in my wildest dreams would I imagine that person Lady Catris was talking about was Julius, my adoptive nephew.
At first, I thought that she was messing with me and trying to kick me while I was down, but nope, she was being serious with me.
Naturally, I was completely flabbergasted because: 1) Julius is my nephew, and 2) he's not even half my age!
To that, Lady Catris said: (So what? You're a half-elf, you'll live for a few hundred years, waiting for another decade for him to grow up and become an adult shouldn't be a problem for you. Also, it is not like you two are related by blood or anything, so it is fine!)
While all the things she said were true, I was really mortified… By that point, I thought that my head was about to burst thanks to the myriad of emotions I was feeling…
Lady Catris then proceeded to explain why she thought that the two of us would be a good match, saying things like: "You two already have a strong bond", "You always are having a blast together, even when you're mercilessly teasing him" or "Both of you would go to the ends of the world for the sake of the other"...
I was unsure about how I should feel about that… I can't deny that I felt some relief knowing that there was someone for me in the world, but I was also appalled and distressed because we were talking about my nephew who is way younger than me…
Lady Catris then said: (Sheesh! It is not that big of a deal, you know? You wouldn't be the first to marry someone that is twenty years younger than you. In fact, your own great-great-great-grandfather was 70 years younger than his wife! But since I have the feeling telling you something like that will not be enough to help you move on, how about we see how Julius truly feels about you?)
And that is exactly what we did… I don't know how, but she managed to convince me to ask Julius if he would marry me if I was still alone by my forties.
Catris said that if Julius said no or had a bad reaction, I could play everything off as a tasteless joke of mine.
But… I was not expecting him to actually say yes… No… I wasn't expecting him to seem extremely disappointed when I panicked and said that I was just messing up with him…
I don't know if it is wrong to say this, but I was genuinely happy, even if it was a messed up situation…
I had liked other people before Fred, but even then, my feelings had never been reciprocated until now, and it definitely felt good… I can't deny it.
"But that certainly doesn't make this situation better… Sigh…" I smiled awkwardly. At least, I was no longer crying.
I was still feeling a myriad of emotions that I didn't know how to deal with thanks to this whole situation.
Grief and sadness for the fact that Fred would never like me back, happiness because there's someone who actually sees me in a romantic light, panic and quite a bit of shock because that person is my nephew, hopefulness for some reason, and lastly, fear because I do not know how to explain this all to Lilia…
"Gods, I need a drink… I want to drink myself into forgetting this day ever happened… Or not… Aaaargh! I don't fucking know what do to!" I was pulling my hair out in frustration.
(Tiria… I know, Catris put you in a really awkward situation because I asked her to help you out… I'm truly sorry… If it is any consolation, I was not aware of what Catris was planning to do…) Lady Lia apologized to me.
"Saying that this situation is awkward is a real understatement… Sigh..." I let out a heavy sigh.
Ugh… I really don't wanna go back to the house now… How will I face Fred? I'm sure I will burst into tears just by seeing him… No… How will I even face Julius now!? Everything will be so awkward at dinner…
(I know, I know… I have already punished Catris for being a dumbass.) The way she said that made me feel shivers down my spine. (But what's done is done. We have no other choice but to accept that things played out like this.) Lady Lia sounded a bit tired.
"Easy for you to say that… I'm the one who has to deal with everything down here!" I was frustrated. "Seriously, what do I even do now!?" I shouted as loudly as I could.
(First of all, calm down and take a deep breath. I understand all the overwhelming emotions that you're feeling, and you're entitled to feel how you're feeling.) She spoke with a compassionate and understanding tone.
"Okay…" I did what I was told and started taking deep breaths in order to calm myself down.
(That's good.) Lady Lia seemed pleased. (Now… There's actually not much you can do about this situation. As I see it, you only have two options.) Lady Lia said with a serious tone.
"And those are?" I asked.
(Option one, continue to pretend that you were just messing around with Julius and forget about this whole ordeal.) She said with a flat tone.
For some reason, as soon as she suggested that I started to feel like I had a pit in my stomach…
"That's…" I wasn't sure what to say about that option…
(I don't really recommend that option since Julius is aware that you were being serious when you asked him. You also don't seem to want to throw away this chance at love, so this option is not really a good one.) She pointed out something I was struggling to admit.
"But that is…-" I was interrupted.
(Fucked up? Yeah, I know. Catris is reflecting reeeeeally nicely for causing this situation in the first place~! Teehee~.) Lady Lia giggled innocently.
Those words didn't match her innocent giggle… It was terrifying…
(Anyway, option two. Since the damage is already done, you can just go all in and get what you can from this.) She suggested.
"What do you exactly mean by that…?" I asked timidly.
(By that I mean that you should just move on from Fred and wait for Julius. He said he would marry you, right? Even if it was a forced confession by Catris, his feelings for you are genuine, you know?) She said in a nonchalant manner.
"I know that, but…-" I was interrupted again, but not by Lady Lia…
"Oh? I thought I was going to find a monster but it was just you, Tiria." A husky voice called me from behind.
That voice belonged to the last person I wanted to see right now… Fred.
After I heard his voice, I froze. I didn't turn around to face him…
(Fuck… Talk about bad timing… Tiria, I will be helping you as an apology for what happened with Catris, okay? I'll suppress most of your negative emotions. You just need to act like you usually do.) Lady Lia seemed a little annoyed at Fred.
I just nodded since my words were stuck in my throat…
"Jeez, but to cause such a path of destruction… Someone really pissed you off real good, huh?" He spoke to himself while slowly making his way toward me.
For a moment, I thought I was going to have a panic attack or that I was going to start crying just by hearing his voice but, strangely, it was neither of the two… I felt a very pleasant sense of peace taking over me.
Even when Fred finally arrived and sat beside me, I felt at peace.
"Damn… Tiria, what happened to you? You've seen better days." He looked at me with worry.
"You could say that… Hehe…" I laughed weakly.
"Here." He immediately handed me a large glass bottle with a dark red liquid inside. It was wine. "With a little bit of that, you can surely tell your old teacher why you look so crestfallen, right?" He smirked while patting my back.
"I lost the one who I thought was the love of my life." I said before taking out the cork of the bottle and started quaffing down the wine.
"Oh, you have my condolences... You never told me that you had someone like that though. Is it someone I know?" He asked.
"You do know him and he is not dead." I said after giving him back the bottle. "It is just that I just realized I never had a chance with him to begin with." I smiled warmly at Fred.
"Is that so? Hmmm…" He felt deep into thought before taking a sip of the bottle. "I'm sorry to hear that… Did you try to tell him how you feel? Maybe he actually likes you back!" He smiled innocently back at me.
For a moment I felt a tiny bit of hope about us, but I quickly reminded myself of what Catris had said before.
"Nope. He only has eyes for one woman and that will never change." I chuckled. "Give me the bottle." I took the bottle out of his hand and started quaffing down the wine again.
"Ah, I can understand that… I don't think I could ever look at anyone else the same way I look at Lilia." He nodded to himself.
Ouch…
Even though his words hurt me a bit, I was still feeling at peace. It was a strange sensation, but I think I'm over him.
(No need to thank me!) Lady Lia said proudly.
Heh. Who knew that being friends with the Goddess who rules over emotions would eventually pay off like this?
"Of course, you'd say that! You're the only lunatic who would be in love for ten years with a woman you only saw one time." I started teasing my former comrade in arms.
"Hahaha! And it worked out for me, so I accept the title of lunatic with grace!" He laughed very loudly, just like usual.
Little by little, the two of us started drinking heavily while we talked about our distant past. The atmosphere was never a gloomy one nor was there any tension between us.
For the first time since I met him, I felt liberated since I no longer needed to worry about whether he was ever going to notice my feelings or not… I was genuinely happy just by enjoying the presence of an old friend who now felt like a father figure to me.
"You seem less angry than I thought you'd be... You know, after losing the love of your life and stuff." Fred said to me before taking a sip from the bottle.
"Well… You know what they say when the gods close a door, they do it for a reason, right?" I smiled from ear to ear.
"Heh… So you found someone else already! You gotta introduce him to me soon. He needs my blessing, you know? Not everyone deserves to marry one of my best students!" Fred said in a very enthusiastic manner. He was also a bit tipsy.
"You could say that. I'll talk to him about it~." I was a little drunk too… "Also, you've only had two official students." I corrected him.
Hehehe… Right now, waiting around for Julius doesn't feel like a bad idea… Mentally speaking, he is my age even though he acts childish sometimes… So what's the problem I had about it then!?
Naturally, those thoughts were mostly the alcohol speaking for me... Or at least, it was making me more honest with myself.
"Come to think of it, you never said who was the guy you were crying for a while ago." Fred was rubbing his chin.
"Bastard, I wasn't crying! I had something on my eyes!" I frowned before quaffing down the rest of the wine. "And that's a secret I'll take to the grave!" I said as I threw the empty bottle against a tree.
The bottle ended up being shattered after crashing against the tree.
"Charming. Are you sure that guy will like you with that sailor mouth of yours?" Fred smirked as he pulled another bottle out of nowhere.
"Hehe! He already says he loves me, so yeah!" I couldn't contain my happiness thanks to the sweet wine I had been drinking.
"I don't know whether I should congratulate you or give that guy my condolences." He opened the bottle and started drinking some more.
"That's so fucking mean! I’ll have you know that I'm such a fucking prize that anyone would be lucky to have me!" I crossed my arms and looked at him with annoyance.
"Sheesh... That attitude reminds me a bit of the day we met, young lady... Bwahahahaha!" Fred started cackling histerically.
"Unlike back then, I can kick your ass now old man! Now give me that other bottle!" I said angrily while Fred just continued to laugh.
The two of us just stayed there drinking to our hearts' content. My feelings for Fred had died, but our friendship was stronger than ever before.
Booze has once again saved the day!
On a related note, I was blissfully unaware that Lia wasn't actually suppressing my negative emotions. That's a fact that I would be learning in the future.
Oh the tragedy...