[A/N: Chapter will be rather confusing for people who haven't play ds3, as the level design of undead settlement is rather confusing. It gets even better in the undead catacombs and the Irithyll Dungeon.]

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Kayneth

'What? Why do they all look like ball sacks? Mutated demon children. No! Don't take me away! NOOOOO!' Those were my last thoughts before getting abducted by the scrotum-head demons. I have absolutely no idea what they are called, but from now on, they will be known as scrotum demons.

They took me away to a far-off place (the other side of the bridge), and dropped me off without saying anything. 3/5 Stars, kidnapped me but they said absolutely nothing. Walking forward and lighting the bonfire, I fell all the way down to the bottom part of the bridge. To my surprise, I lived, somehow.

[900 Damage Received]

"AHHHHH! MY FUCKING LEGS! FUUUUCK! WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF!" I screamed in pain for a solid minute before the regeneration did its work, fixing my body and a small part of my mind, making me forget that ev- What?

The dogs are barking and my legs are nearly fully healed. I have to somehow appease the masters of space-time magic before they somehow get up here. Kill them. Best plan I've heard in ages.

But I should probably learn a technique to acquire the ability to distort space to fuck people up. Folding space could be the jumping off point and I'll just go from there and advance it further beyond regular capabilities.

Grabbing the [Alluring Skull] as I would need it for the deacons fight, I ran to the edge of the bridge. "Please, grant me death. Undo my shackles." A sad whimpering voice begged.

"It shouldn't be that hard to kill you right?" I jokingly commented, propping my halberd on my shoulder. Noticing my existence, the turtle-like man turned towards me. "Oh… Oh, then it's true… A Champion of Ash, as I live and breathe." He said surprised, pausing in between words to stand, clinging onto his staff for dear support.

"To be in your presence is a great honor. I am Yoel of Londor, a pilgrim as you can see, only…Somehow, I've failed to die as was ordained. Well, perhaps my calling lies elsewhere. Say, Champion of Ash, how does the idea of taking me into your service strike you? I was once a sorcerer. Surely, I can be of use." He offered me, his tone changing to a livelier one.

Free levels are free levels. And free things are good things. "I might find some use in your services, Yoel. I see to it that you'll be working for me?"

"Ohh. I am honored, truly. I should be dead, yet you have granted me purpose anew. I Yoel of Londor, do solemnly swear myself to you." The turtle man swore, teleporting to the shrine afterward.

[+ 20 Reputation with Yoel, for giving him another purpose in his rather short life.]

[+100 Obedience with Yoel, for being his new employer.]

Part 1 on the quest done. Time for the most painful part, dying 20 times. Which I will do after getting the bonfire up ahead lit.

Through the dogs, pull the lever, and a bon-. Where is it? It's gone. Another difference? Not like it's going to be a bother dying anyway, there are more place to die quickly, it was only faster there anyway.

Walking over to the building, and through the pitchfork-wielding fucks in the way, I picked up [Loretta's Bone]. Greirat's first quest requirements are over, we can break him out later. On more important news, I killed the big hex spammer bitch and took the estus shard while I was there. Now there were two paths to take, one lead straight into the tree boss, while the other was a direct path into the next area. One had another hex bleed spam fucker, while the other had soup carriers.

Weighing over the options presented in front of me, I chose to go through the second option. The [Fire Clutch Ring] is an item along that path, so grabbing it could prove to be useful in the future if I choose to run the pyromancy flame.

Going through the barn house and dropping at the bridge, I made it over to the next bonfire. Now that I think about it, there are a lot of checkpoints in undead settlement, never really noticed, it's been a while since I played.

Getting to the pyromancy teacher, killing all the hollows along the way, he was inside a cage for some reason. "Ah-ha, Unkindled are we? Welcome to my abode. I am Cornyx, an old pyromancer. A crow in his cage as you see, now. But here we are, an encounter for the ages! I hear the Unkindled make for fine vessels. Care to learn pyromancies from this old man?" The old crow offered me with a smile, hoping I would help him out.

"Sure. Who would say no to a person offering the privilege of learning pyromancies? An art that is as beautiful as it is deadly." I accepted, opening the cage. Doing a couple of stretches, happy that he was finally out of his prison he thanked me. "Most wise. A chance encounter should not be squandered. To reiterate, I am Cornyx, of the Great Swamp. The pleasure is mine." And just like before, he disappeared into dust, transporting him to Firelink Shrine.

[+15 Reputation with Cornyx, for freeing him from his confinement and appreciating the art of pyromancy.]

[+50 Obedience with Cornyx, for accepting his offer of becoming his apprentice.]

That should be the last person that will land in the shrine if I am not mistaken, though there could be more based on the difference with this world from the game. Falling down the building (slowly), I went over to the sewers. Smells like shit, not surprised. But now that I am here, it is possible to get minions! There are rats in the sewers that I can use to do my bidding, forcing them to follow my every command. *Evil laugh*

I'm going to use them as cannon fodder.

[5 hound rats and 1 giant hound rat have become your slaves.]

[Rat Evolution System has been given out.]

'Rat Evolution' sounds fun. Hey GAME! Why can't I have some of that? I want to become a rat dragon dark god!

[You're an absolute man-child, you know that? *sigh*]

[You already have it. Just in a very different way.]

[You'll get a perk when you reach lvl 100 on your class, which should work similarly to maxing out your current species.]

That's cool and all. But how does it work? Some sort of level cap they have to reach? Or do they just pass it after a certain level and move on with their lives?

[The former.]

[The rats have to reach a level cap, and once they meet the requirements, they will evolve into a sub-species that is determined by what they were 'good' at before undergoing evolution.]

Pretty in-depth explanation you got there. Did you copy this off some weird anime?

[What do you mean?]

[This is the standard evolution system, only difference is that this one's for rats.]

Of course, there's a template out there for systems. Then again, systems bring some of the fastest growth/potential out of the most useless people. Turning useless otakus into mass murdering psychotic people, or so literature says they become.

But in the future, I'll have an army of ever evolving rat warriors. The next time I get recruits to join my small army should be in the Irithyll Dungeon. Should be enough to train at least one of these guys to command a portion of the new rats.

While I was here, I opened both the sewer door and the other door that led to the other bonfire. Going all the way back to the highwall, going down all the stairs, and ladders. I headed to Greirat's confinement.

Opening the locked door, he greeted me. "Ah, you're no jailer, are you?" To which I respond sarcastically with. "Stop with the joke why don't you. Unless you want another 20 lashings, then please continue on."

"Funny you say that mister jailer. But no, you're not from here at all. Judging by that bell though… You must be an Unkindled Ash. Remarkable. If that's true, then I have a favor to ask. Below the High Wall, there's a musty little town. Not the home of any lord, just a very old settlement of Undead. An old woman, Lorretta, lives there. Please give her this ring." He pulled out a ring with a big blue gem in it.

But sadly, we already knew her fate. Just as Greirat was about to continue, I pulled out a small bag. "Unkindled one. What is this?" *sigh* He opens the pouch and in it are bones. "These are the remains of Lorretta. I had just been to the undead settlement before arriving her. Found her bones, and as to what appeared to be her body, strung up in a bag. I'm sorry for your loss." I said softly, slightly comforting the man.

"I-. Thank you. You can keep this ring, I suppose. Just… give me a call whenever you need it." Holding back his tears, he teleported back to the shrine.

Wiping away the sadness from my face, I return to putting on a calm expression. Using a homeward bone, I went back to the undead settlement. Specifically, the bridge. Walking back through the path, letting my new fighters kill them while I watch from the back, I made it back to the barn. But, instead of going through it, this time, I went above and running past the little blowdart-firing shits, I made it to the edge of the cliff.

[-500 MP]

Making a ladder out of darkness, I slowly went down, making sure that there were no mobs when I reached the bottom. Dropping off the room I was spotted by a knight in what look to be dragon armor.

"Hmm... Another one of those Unkindled, are you? All you faceless Undead, behaving as if you deserve respect. But with those hound rats behind you, are you trying to spread a new plague. No matter. Heed my words. If you've any sense, you'll go find a coffin to huddle up inside. You here, in this land of Hollows, you're like a frail maiden on the front lines. If like the others, you're fool enough to play the champion… Then go on ahead, traipse right past the abandoned church. You'll face death, and it won't be pretty. Enough death to leave you broken, time after time." This man just insulted me, straight to my face… I know I can't kill him, but I want to soo~ badly.

Ignoring his words of bullshit, I went towards the cell. Opening the door with an artificial arm made of darkness, I entered, the loud metal bars creaking as I do so.

"Ahh, who's there? Is someone there, anyone? The dark surrounds me, nibbles at my flesh. Little creatures, they never stop biting." The woman inside cried out, curling herself up into a ball. "Please, whoever you are, hold out your hand, and touch me…" That was… quick. "At least buy me dinner first if you're going to be that bold about it." I joked.

"Is that so? I am sorry stranger, but I am unable to make a meal for supper, as I have been stricken with blindness. I apologize if that inconveniences you." She says, holding back the small nibbling pains for just a second. "If that's the case, then I just have to make it up to you, don't I? But in all seriousness, I may have a method to relieve the pain from your body." Her body language changed into a much more hopeful one, straightening herself and looking 'towards the direction of the voice'.

"Please stranger, what is the treatment for such illness?"

"In rather simple terms, become a firekeeper. By failing to become a firekeeper, you have been touched by the dark. But I theorize that, if you could collect divine tomes and read from them, you might be able to learn the secret to finally becoming one of them. Though this might just be a th-" I was cut off when the woman shouted.

"Yes! *ehem* I mean, yes. The nibbling of the dark is growing stronger by the second. I will do anything in my power for you alleviate it, please." She begged me, moving a bit closer to me. "Then how about you work for me. I can look for the tome, while you translate and find their secrets. An exchange of knowledge if you will."

[+25 Affection with Irina, for giving purpose to her 'useless' life.]

[+100 Obedience with Irina, for holding the key to stopping the little nibbles on her body.]

Contemplation soon sets in, a life changing decision that is answered rather quickly. "Yes. I accept your offer. I shall take my vows. I, Irina of Carim, solemnly swear to serve you." Like the rest, she teleported out of the cell and to firelink.

Just as I was about to leave, the man in armor spoke. "You've gone and rescued her, have you? How very quaint, pitying creatures that are beyond help. Very well. I'm sick of looking after her at any rate. I am Eygon, a knight of Carim. I am allied to you as long as you assure the girl's safety. And only for that long..."

"Well Sir Eygon, I just so happen to have what it takes to help her. In any case, I'll be on my way to the road of sacrifices. Goodbye now." I said with a bow, opening the gate and walking away.

Nearing the elevator, an onion man, carrying a large sword and staff, came off the lift, humming to himself. "Oh! Pardon me, I was absorbed in thought. I am Siegward of Catarina. To be honest, I'm in a bit of a pickle. Have you ever walked near a white birch, only to be struck by a great arrow? Well, if I'm not mistaken, they come from this tower. Whoever it is, I'm sure I can talk some sense into them. But I have to find a way up, and that's just the trouble. This lift only goes down, you see, and... Well, that doesn't get me anywhere... Hmm... Mmm... This lift only goes down, but you know... With a little warming up, eventually... No, no... I've got to use my head. And think..." He then continued to hum to himself.

He felt weirdly familiar. But not in the way I'm thinking. I do remember him from the game, but it's different. Perhaps it's the fact he has a catalyst. I am certain he didn't have that in the game. Anyways, after going down and going back, up I made it over to the top floor. There I met a giant. "Who are you?" He asked in a soft voice. "Relax, I'm not going to try and kill you. I'm just here to ask, can you not shoot me down with those massive arrows?" Giving a small nod at my request, I sighed, no arrow up my ass this playthrough.

Noticing a chest behind the giant, I walk towards it. And opening it up revealed…

[Skull Ring]

One of the Courland's transposed wonders. Derived from the soul of the Soulfeeder.

+15% Physical Damage

-10% Damage Reduction

+2 meters on enemy detection range.

And that put me back all the way to 1 reduction. But, 15% doesn't sound too bad. Going back down, and jumping off the elevator to get to Siegward. Running past the onion-suited man, I pulled my weapon out. Just then a couple of rats teleported to my location (they can't go up elevators). "No! You should have waited! Well, it's too late now. I, Siegward of the Knights of Catarina, fight by your side!" He shouted from behind, lifting his sword to attack the rats.

But the hound rats got to the demon first and gnawed on its feet, the bigger one tackled in it. Sadly, the tackle was ineffective, as the demon brought its club, and swung at the large rat.

The rat barely lived, its life hanging on a thread. The demon was about to go for another swing when I stabbed my halberd through his body. Lava poured out of its body, slightly burning my hand and everything below it.

Siegward, slash his sword from the front, taking his chances at victory.

And after a bit of wailing, we were able to kill the demon with the combined effort of me, Siegward, and the rats.

[You Gained 33750 G and 15000 Souls]

As the demon body dissolved into dust, Siegward spoke up. "Are the hound rats your creation? If so, then they are amazing at keeping support. Though you should try to make them endure harder hits, the big one almost died from that foul demon." He commented looking towards the rats.

Just as we both stare at them for a second, light starts to emanate from my slaves. They were evolving!

['Hound Rat' has evolved into 'Wolf Rat'] X3

['Hound Rat' has evolved into 'Shadow Rat'] X2

['Giant Hound Rat' has evolved into 'Giant Flame Rat']

'They look so cool.' I can't help but fangirl… I am ashamed of myself. Though the giant rat can now shoot fire out of its mouth, the wolf rats have grown in size considerably, and the shadow rats are very fast.

"I guess that fixed the problem." I quietly say as they all finish glowing. After the whole spectacle, Siegward just falls to the ground. Taking a couple deep breaths before he proclaims. "That was quite the performance. But you mustn't get in over your head. We Unkindled must put our duties first, especially with the troops you have over there. But for the moment, we've a toast to make. To your valor, my sword, and our victory together. Long may the Sun shine!"

[+10 Reputation with Siegward, for helping him kill the demon and for sharing a drink with him.]

[+25 Obedience with Siegward, for showing your capabilities in combat.]

Siegward gave me a cup, filled it up, and took a sip from his own. Looking at the drink for a moment, I downed the entire cup without thinking any of it. "Well, I'm going to have myself a little nap. The only thing to do, really, after a nice toast." He stated, getting into a comfortable position and slept.

Leaving the sleeping man to rest, I went over to the houses, grabbed the [Pale Tongue] from the strung-up corpse, not like they're going to do anything with it anyway. Going up the building I notice a rather well-dressed man, I signal the rats to stop following me for a sec while I talk to the guy.

"Hello? Is there something I can do for you?" The man continues to stare off into the distance, looking at the sky. "Hel-" I was cut off by him. "Ah yes, just admiring the sky. What can I do for you, sir?" He asked turning back to give me a look.

"Nothing much. Was just wondering why a man like you, would be sitting here. There was that fire demon just a bit ago. You've most certainly seen my rats… So, I wonder, why not run? Why stay here where it's not safe?"

He gave me a rather simple answer, an answer I wouldn't understand. "A hunter must hunt. The beast looked ripe with materials, but tragedy struck. My tool box was stolen, and without them, I couldn't pursue another one of my passions, crafting weapons for hunting."

He told me all of that in one go. "So, I'm guessing you need it back to make some weapons?"

"Yes. Bring me my tool box, and I'll make you the finest weapon across the land, after paying a fee of course."

"Alright I'll do it, but do have a general idea of where it was taken?"

"Tried to catch the thieves, but they escaped, I couldn't catch up to them, hard to tell the layout of an area you're unfamiliar with. I believe they got close to a castle last I saw of 'em." He answered.

"If that's the case, then just go to this place using this bone. It should send you to a place called 'Firelink Shrine'. There are people there that won't kill you. There's some space on the top floor, should be big enough for you to do your thing." I explain, handing him a homeward bone as we both teleport to the shrine.

…

Once there, we were greeted by Vestia. "Welcome back Kayneth. I've noticed that the number of residents in the shrine has grown recently. Is this perhaps your doing? And those…pets of yours… they're quite unique."

"Yes. I gathered many people along my journey to help me, while also helping them with their own personal goals. And don't call them pets, that would imply that their lives have any sort of impactful meaning besides fighting for me." I explained, moving the hunter along to the top floor.

"This should be the place. Now, if you ever need anything, like materials, souls, a great old one, just call me." I jokingly said the last part, walking downstairs to talking with the rest of the new residents.

While walking, I decided to spin the gacha, seeing as it would be the perfect time to do so.

[Spinning Gacha]

[Can of Soda]

[Goodberry] (Active)

Allows user to summon 20 berries on command. One berry is enough to feed a person for a day.

Effect- 1% HP per berry

Cost- 20 MP per cast

Cooldown- 5 hours

The UI looks different. Wonder if the system update while I was fighting something. Well at least it looks better than before, I can see the text easier than with the previous format.

Looking at all the open window in my field of vision, I suddenly remembered the auction house. "Cam can you show me a list of the things I can get with the number of tokens, I have right now?"

Just a second later, the AI responds to me. "Sure thing. . . Done! There is also a list of services that some users have provided on the right. If you have any more concerns, please use the chatbox below."

Using the search bar, I looked for something that would fit my budget.

Search: Commander, AI, … …

Results: 1~200 Sort by: Most popular

[Custom AI]

Cost: 100000000 T

….

…

…

[Sam (Custom AI)]

Cost: 99999.999

I wonder why is it so cheap? Is it defective? Whatever. I can just fix it, or just not use it if it doesn't work.

Are you sure you and to buy [Sam (Custom AI)]?

(Yes) (No)

Picking yes, another window popped up.

[Sam AI is being integrated into the system.]

[Removing trackers.]

[1...100%]

Have fun with your product!

That... makes more sense now. The person selling it didn't want his skills stolen/seen by other people.

[Sam] (Custom AI)

Created by user, Get_with_the_system, for a commission, AI is modelled after the character "Sam" from Samsung. But after learning that the AI was tracking all his skills, stats, etc. He removed it and put it up for auction. Sam can be used to control the micro-managing parts of the system, for example, potion making minigame. And just like any other AI, she can also give you reminders, set alarms, give you information about your system, and etc.

[I can finally rest.]

[Thank you for buying that sex doll, I'm going to take a vacation on system island.]

You son of a-

Hello master, I will be your new AI. Please call me Sam.

After reading the files left here by the previous AI, I will be managing your combat units from now on.

All you have to do is tell me where to put them.

As of right now, they are in the system storage space. But they will appear once more when in combat or when you are giving commands.

Oh, what a surprise, the new AI has a voice! Maybe game should learn a thing or two from her. Then again, he should be on vacation right now, I can't annoy him. So, Sam, do you have a hologram model, or are you just a voice in my head, I don't need any more of them right now.

Appearing in as a small palm-sized avatar, Sam projected herself.

I do indeed have a hologram form. Though if master chooses so, then I also have a Physical form.

It's fine, you can stay like that. A physical form would be too troublesome anyway. Though if you ever wanted, you can always ask me whenever you want~.

Ahhh. Yes sir, I will be ba- back if you have any other questions.

Is this what people with no life endure every day, neat. "Kayneth, would you mind coming over here for a second." Vestia called for me, from the exit on the second floor.

Walking all the way back up the stair, going through the left this time, I left through the exit. Getting near the tower, I found Vestia, looking at a soul very intently.

"What is it that you want? Does it relate to that interesting soul you have in your hands?" She stopped examining the soul, looking up at me and staring. "I know, I'm just that handsome that women can't help but stare at my body's perfection." I exclaimed in an overly exaggerated voice.

Whispering something beneath her breath, a small bolt of electricity was shot into my body.

[50 Damage Received]

"You do know that you're quite average, right? Out of all the men I have seen in my life, you are the most underwhelming one, not that it is a bad thing." It honestly made sense, looking at my stats. Quite a miracle now that I think about it. I was originally a rat, but through the power of luck, was able to get this strong rather quickly.

"Now, my purpose for calling you here... is to, thank you. And after thinking about it for a while, the only thing I could repay you with... was my body. I know it may sou- mhhmm~"

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[A/N: And cut! Cliffhanger folks, won't be able to see the lewds on this site. *cue evil laughter* I posted on here as a joke, so if you want everything that will come out after this, go to qq or ff.net. The fic is on there by the same name. Beyond that, thank you for participating in this social experiment bye!]