Chapter 9

The laborious walk to Acidystopia’s capitol city of Sludgerton took quite the toll on Dwight, where the overly-busty avatar was sweat-saturated and panting with exhaustion after a torturous half hour of walking, his enormous, jiggling chest anchors sending sparks of pain up his back. Occasionally passing another pedestrian traversing the dusty road, the group could eventually see some lights and tall buildings emerging from the low, rolling fog, where the skies overhead became black as night settled over the realm.

“You okay there, Dwight?” Logan asked. “You look like you’re about to die, bro,”

“He doesn’t like being a burden, even though we don’t mind stopping to give him a break with those things that he has to carry around,” Mister S.A said, now sitting on McWanda’s left shoulder.

“L-lets just keep going, who knows if the Syndicate is sending anyone else after us,” Dwight replied, wiping a layer of sweat from his forehead as he clutched his stomach. “As sexy as that futa lady was, her stuff isn’t agreeing with me.”

“Please, I was trying to forget about that,” Wanda said with a shudder.

A warm, humid breeze wafted past everyone as they descended a gradual slope that led down to the city, where large amounts of people could already be seen weaving around the streets and buildings. The large blue dragon, however, held up his arms to prevent his companions from traveling any further.

“Hold up…Coal Counters, there by that first street,” Logan warned as he nodded towards two of the soot-ridden, towering golems that were marching along one of the routes into the city. “That’s okay, we’re better off taking the sewer route anyway.”

Seeing as the realm’s authorities were obviously out looking for the unconventional group, everyone decided to follow Logan’s advice and use the subterranean sewer tunnels to traverse the city and reach Governor Taxmongous’ mansion that lay on the other side. Thankfully, the former foreman seemed well travelled around his realm, and clearly knew the ins and outs of places like Sludgerton as he led his new acquaintances to the circular, concrete entrance of the sewers. Wading into the shallow, swampy water, where Dwight and McWanda cringed as they slowly stepped through the thick muck, the group cautiously walked into the darkened tunnel before them.

“Hold up, chaps, I’ve got a light,” Mister S.A piped up as he flicked on a small pen light.

“Ditto,” the clown girl added as she flicked on a long butane torch that she’d retrieved from the back of her dress.

Huddling around the limited illumination, the foursome advanced into the cold, damp sewer with Logan leading the way, their feet splashing though to the shallow water as Dwight shuddered at feeling his bare toes squishing and squelching through.

“Oh yeah, I used to play down here all the time when I was a kid,” the dragon chuckled as he began to navigate around the sewer’s maze-like structure, turning corner after winding corner as if he knew the way by heart. “Sure brings back memories, I didn’t think I’d ever have to set down foot down here again.”

“You must have had an… interesting-smelling childhood,” Mister S.A coughed as he fanned the intense stench of sewer from his face. “Smells like an outhouse down here.”

Dwight, meanwhile, felt somewhat at home in the swirling odors. There was something funky about the air down there that reminded the 35-year-old man of the fragrant scents that accumulated in his apartment after waste from his many ordered-in fast food items was allowed to collect. Logan was also quite unbothered by it.

“So what’s the game plan? Should we just walk up to the Governor’s house and see if he’ll talk to us?” McWanda eventually asked among their splashing, echoing footsteps.

“I suppose so,” the hamster hitman replied, before turning to the dragon. “What’s this guy supposed to be like anyway? Of all the times I’ve been to this realm, nobody seems to like him.”

“Well I guess as his name implies, he sure likes to tack on new taxes to anything and everything,” Logan answered, scratching his chin. “Come to think of it, we never see what exactly these tax dollars pay for. I wonder if he’s funneling that cash to the Kyroshi Syndicate...that bastard.”

“Well, as long as we don’t have to fight any more of their guys, then you do what you have to do, Logan,” Dwight stammered as he clutched the side of the stone tunnel to prevent his weighty chest from dragging him down into the shallow, cold water. “What are you going to do if things don’t work out? Go rush in punching?”

“Duh,” the blue dragon snickered in the darkness. “I mean c’mon, if he doesn’t tell us what we need to know, then we may have to resort to other methods…”

“Leave the interrogation to me,” Mister S.A remarked with a smirk, riding on top of Dwight’s shoulder now as he flexed his fists.

The damp walk through the underground continued for another 15 minutes or so, where the smell seemed to get worse the deeper the group ventured into the winding catacombs as the air grew ever colder. Dwight was by this point beyond utter exhaustion, where he could feel blisters all over his feet as he pressed on, his back muscles screaming in agony as he waddled behind everyone else with a hunch. Eventually, after turning a final corner, the unlikely foursome could see light emitting from the end of the stony concrete tunnel.

“Hah, I’ve still got it,” Logan remarked, tapping his head as the group emerged from the sewers and into the darkness of Acidystopia’s night. “I can’t believe I remembered how to get here after all these years.”

Wading into a shallow pond that the tunnel drained into, Dwight shivered in the cold as his eyes scanned the blackness that shrouded the area. With the dim lights of Sludgerton now behind them, the party found themselves in a swamp of sorts, where tall grass and cattails bordered a dense forest of low hanging trees. Despite being in a more nature-esque area, the towering smokestacks of distant plants and factories could still be seen far off on the horizon.

“My word, what a lovely farmhouse,” Mister S.A said while the rest of the group turned to follow his gaze. A short distance away was a massive white-wood structure, its two stories adorned with towering windows, decadent light fixtures, superbly trimmed awnings, and a wrap-around porch that was lined with several rocking chairs. It reminded Dwight of an old plantation house from the 1800s, which he’d gotten familiar with in the real world via a game called Plantation Simulator 2105.

“This is the Governor’s manor, and Taxmongous has been squatting there for nearly 20 years now,” Logan explained, reminiscing as he scratched his scaly chin. “This is just the backyard though, the fellas and I used to graffiti it back in the day. Much less security than going in the front.”

“Well, what are we waiting for then? Let’s go talk to the guy!” McWanda smiled as she slurped down the last bite of a hamburger that she’d been eating.

The group waded through some of the tall grass and bushes as they advanced towards the towering mansion, until a sudden creak caused them to halt in their tracks.

An unassuming door at the back of the house opened, where from beneath one of the porch lights, a single figure could be seen emerging. Dwight squinted to get a better look at them, where followed by the clinking of metal, the gamer could see that it was a tall woman who was wearing some kind of armor. Unlike the Gretchen girl that McWanada had fought, this woman’s shiny suit glistened under a silver-blue material that Dwight recognized as mithril. Casually striding down the porch steps, the figure stopped next to a barrel that was filled with what looked like long, sharpened spears.

“I don’t know who you people are, but you’re trespassing on Acidystopian government property,” the woman warned through a pair of plush lips, her dark skin glowing beneath the light and long box braids trailing over the back of her armor.

“Pardon us, Miss, but we’re seek an audience with Mister Taxmongous,” Mister S.A piped up, jumping on top of Logan’s head to better project his voice.

“The Governor isn’t doing meetings right now, so please leave,” the armor-clad woman replied coldly.

“Look, lady, we’re seeing your boss whether he wants us to or not,” the blue dragon huffed as he stood forward before the rest of the group. “We think that he’s in some sketchy shit, so unless he can answer to that now, then move aside.”

“My name is Michelle Bates, Governor Taxmongous’ chief of guard,” the figure explained, picking up one of the tall spears in the barrel. “I’m a well-trained warrior, and my specialty is javelin throwing. Take this warning shot, for example.”

Rearing back her arm, Bates proceeded to throw the spear with immense speed, where Dwight could see the air around her briefly distort as a sonic boom sounded with the projectile wailing past the party, missing Logan by a hair before impaling and effortlessly slicing through several rows of trees behind them all, sending the towering trunks crumbling to the ground seconds later. Even Mister S.A gulped nervously.

“So unless you strangers want to end up like kebabs, then I suggest that you vacate the premises now,” the woman warned coolly.

“Hold that thought,” Logan interjected, before turning to his new companions. “Guys, any ideas on how to get past this chick?”

“I’m out of bullets, so I can’t strafe her from a distance or anything,” Mister S.A said as he examined his empty gun.

“I’ve slapped around one armored lady, but I doubt that I’d be able to get close enough to her to repeat that,” McWanda added, fiddling with the handle to her spatula sword.

Dwight, meanwhile, felt the gears in his head turning as he began to think of a plan. While he’d nearly wet himself as the sonic-speed projectile narrowly brushed past the group, the gamer put his knowledge of basic real time strategy to the test as he considered a way to approach their foe without being skewered by her deadly javelins.

“We could…split up and flank her?” Dwight suggested nervously.

“Not a bad idea, Dwight my boy, I was thinking of the same thing,” the hamster hitman replied as he groomed the fur on top of his head. “How about McWanda and I draw her fire, because I’m a small target and Wanda is pretty swift too, so I doubt that lady can hit us immediately. That leaves you and Logan to figure out a way to take her out…”

“Sounds like a plan, but can we really get up there and pummel her before she turns us into kebabs?” the blue dragon asked with a grunt.

“Actually, I have a plan for that as well,” Dwight cut-in, before giving his massive boobs a pat. When he told the others of the strategy he’d come up with on the spot, Logan ended up howling in laughter.

“Damn, Dwight! Talk about putting those sandbags on your chest to good use…”

“Excuse me, but are you guys going to move, or am I going to have to put a hole in someone?” Bates asked as she nonchalantly picked up another spear.

With that, the group split into two as Mister S.A and McWanda sprinted towards the armor-clad woman, the both of them running in a zig-zag while Logan and Dwight slowly began to flank the house from the east side. Taking a combative stance, Bates held her javelin up as her eyes calmly scanned the 4 trespassers to see who would make the best target. The experienced warrior could already tell that the large dragon and massive-chested gamer were attempting to flank her, but she’d have to deal with the clown girl and almost-unseen hamster that were currently advancing towards her first.

“She’s targeting you, McWanda, watch yourself!” the hamster hitman shrieked as the chief guard reared back her arm before letting loose another devastating spear throw. The supersonic projectile screamed towards the clown-girl, where Wanda froze and leaned to the left slightly just in time, where the javelin sailed past her face and shot deep into the woods behind them, crashing through the vegetation.

“Holy cheeseburgers,” the red-haired clown panted as she shivered at having had a brush with death.

“Hey, pointy-lady, over here!” Mister S.A yelled as he scampered straight forward their opponent.

“Don’t think that I can’t hit you just because you’re small, rat,” Bates muttered as she picked up another javelin and this time reared it back at an angle. Her eyes calmly watching the hitman that was starting towards her, the chief guard threw her weapon, this time with less intensity as it flew upwards for a moment, before leveling off and spiraling back down as gravity took hold. The experienced warrior’s aim proved true, however, as if Mister S.A hadn’t abruptly stopped in his tracks, then the vertical spear would have impaled him through the middle.

“Great shot, young lady, your aim is impeccable,” the hamster remarked, before starting another sprint towards Bates while McWanda resumed her charge as well.

“How annoying, I can’t remember the last time I missed a couple of targets twice in a row,” the armor-clad woman sighed, before picking up yet another javelin and spinning it in her hand as she now walked out into the open field to meet her opponents.

Only a few feet away from the towering lady, Mister S.A leapt high into the air, aiming for his foe’s exposed throat with his paw. Bates’ reaction time won, however, and with a swipe of the spear that she held in her hand, was able to knock the rodent right out of the air and send him tumbling into the grass.

“Blast it, my heart!” the hamster swore, clutching his chest. “My speed is off too because of all that electricity that the Syndicate bastard hit me with!”

“Sit tight, S.A, I got this!” Wanda declared, her spatula-sword raised as she got in close to Bates. Attempting a few rapid slaps with her weaponized kitchen utensil, the clown girl was surprised by the armored woman’s speed and agility, which seemed to surpass her own as the guard easily dodged her blows. Flicking the end of her spear, Bates ended up clashing with the spatula and was able to flick it out of her opponent’s hand with her longer weapon, sending the shiny tool flying and landing many feet away on the ground. With McWanda unarmed, the clown raised her hands in surrender as the well-armored woman aimed the lengthy javelin right at her throat.

A light smirk broadening across her face, Bates forced Mister S.A to surrender under the threat of putting a hole in McWanda’s neck if he didn’t. With the two foes that had made a suicidal charge towards her now subdued, the chief guard’s mind shifted to the other pair that had seemingly held back. Her eyes drifted to her right slowly, where she realized too late what the other half of the group had planned.

“Now, Logan!” Dwight yelled as the bulky dragon hoisted the female avatar and their heavy chest over his shoulder, and with all his strength, proceeded to chuck the gamer towards Bates. Having gotten a mere 15 feet or so away from the guard’s position, Dwight flew through the air somewhat before gravity dragged him boobs-first down to the grown- landing right on target atop the armor-clad woman.

“Dwight Press!” the former male exclaimed as he watched his immense, plushy breasts engulf Bates’ horrified face between them, before taking the stalwart lady with him to the ground as his fullweight smothered his opponent firmly in the middle of his gargantuan boobs. Cushioned by his chest, Dwight could immediately feel his victim struggle as the guard’s entire head and upper abdomen disappeared beneath his mighty rack, where her annoyed punches to his bouncy mammaries soon devolved into desperate struggles while her air supply quickly ran out.

“I’m really sorry about this,” Dwight apologized, seeing his foe’s long box braids sticking out from beneath his boobs. “We just really, really need to see your boss.”

The chief guard’s flails eventually began to cease after an impressive few minutes, where her arms then fell limp to the side. This served as the gamer’s cue to peel himself away from the unfortunate woman, where Logan helped him to his feet. With McWanda and Mister S.A joining the pair at the Bates’ side, they could all see that the javelin-throwing woman had indeed fallen into unconsciousness.

“Dwight, my friend, you have yourself one epic fighting style!” the blue dragon laughed, impressed at the fact that the massive-chested avatar was able to take out another opponent via his breasts.

“I dare say I’m impressed, my boy, I don’t think we could have done that one without you,” the hamster hitman chuckled.

“Almost makes me want a pair like that!” McWanda smirked, giving one of the gamer’s breasts an affectionate shake, before looking at her own modest B-cup boobs.

“Trust me, I wouldn’t wish these upon anyone,” Dwight laughed, his face blushing from all the compliments. “I guess they’re pretty handy though, eh?”

Since the virgin-nerd had first entered the new world, he’d already experienced a more exciting life than the last 10 years of his own existence back on Earth. Each hour that he spent in the dimension that heavily resembled ULife brought with it new unexpected experiences, where despite the dangers and how many times he’d been scared shitless, Dwight found himself feeling an ounce of confidence for the first time in as long as he could remember.

“Now, what do you guys say that we pay the Governor a little visit?” Logan asked with a toothy smile. Walking up to the exit that Michelle Bates had come out of, the husky dragon pushed the door open and allowed the others inside. The four filed into what looked like an expansive kitchen, where pots and pans adorned a series of thick wooden tables and a woodstove that sat in a corner. Fresh vegetables and bread filled bowls and plates, while a white-iced cake sat tantalizingly in a pan.

From the kitchen, the group continued down a long hall that was dimly lit with a series of candles placed on holders along the wall. Turning a right corner at the end of the corridor, they found themselves at a grand two-story room that seemed to be where the front door led into. Extravagant with a large staircase leading up to the second floor, the foursome climbed the steps (Dwight with great difficulty) to reach a hall that overlooked the front foyer, and from the end of which was a large red door. Leading the charge, Logan unceremoniously kicked the door right in and led the group into a large, oval-shaped room that was also lit with candles.

A solid oak desk sat in the middle of the room towards the far wall, which seemed to overlook the west side of the mansion grounds through an enormous glass window. A figure sat in a plush, red desk chair with their back facing the door, where fog from a cigar that they were smoking slowly rose into the air above them.

“So, you riff-raff managed to sneak past that whole legion of Coal Counters that I had stationed in the front yard,” Governor Taxmongous said as he spun around in his chair, where he was revealed to resemble a short, stout man with a rotund belly and was dressed in a bright maroon suit and tie with matching burgundy trousers. He was seemingly Human apart from one key detail- where the Governor’s head should have been was instead a floating, glowing, green skull that was hovering over where his neck should have been with a thick cigar sticking out of its mouth.

“Hello, Governor, we’d like to talk to you about a few things,” Logan said with a hiss.

“Whoa, that’s Taxmongous?” Dwight asked. “He’s got the skull-float cosmetic head skin, you don’t see a lot of players using it in ULife much anymore.”

“Ooooh, and who have we here?” the Governor asked through his hollow eyes, looking the female avatar’s busty body up and down. “Before you guys ask me anything, let me offer you a position as my fill-in secretary, gorgeous.”

“This is not the conduct that I’d expect from the leader of one of the 6 realms,” Mister S.A sneered, grossing his arms while standing on Dwight’s shoulder.

“Enough. All I want to know, sir, is if you’re working with the Kyroshi Syndicate,” Logan continued, walking right up to the pudgy man’s desk and slamming his meaty clawed hands onto the hard surface. “I’m the foreman of the Fumageddon power plant, where I had to flee because the Syndicate’s thugs threatened my employees. These workers were good people, so you’d better give me a good reason to believe that you and your Coal Counters didn’t just allow a bunch of goons to waltz into my plant.”

“Ah yes, a pity that Lightning Rodrick’s group chose to tunnel inside the facility rather than just walk in the front door so that my rock-heads could have helped them,” Taxmongous replied with a sigh, before taking a long drag of is cigar. “Look, it’s nothing personal, it’s just business. The Kyroshi Syndicate showers me in cash, then I look the other way while they takeover a power plant or two. I use tax dollars to build more power plants, and then I get even more money when the Syndicate takes a portion of said plants. Their boss has big plans, and the more control over the power grid that he has, the better it is for all of us.”

“You little shit, I’ll crack that glowing head of yours for this!” the large blue dragon growled, looming over the stout man, who didn’t even flinch. “How could you sell out your own realm, the people that trust you? All so that you can fill your own pockets?”

“I don’t expect you to understand, but these Kyroshi guys have bigger plans that extend beyond the 6 realms,” Taxmongous argued with a snort, hopping down from his chair and waddling over to the front of the group, before looking them all up and down. “Now, I’m sorry about the power plant, but Acidystopia can spare one or two for the greater good. My chief guard should be here any second to capture you or whatever, and then I’m sure the Syndicate will be pleased to have their hands on the rascals who’ve been fighting their people left and right.”

“Heh, about that guard of yours…,” Mister S.A said with a smirk.

Dwight and McWanda joined him in snickering while Logan began to crack his knuckles.

“W-What are you talking about?” Taxmongous replied, the confident smile fading from the hovering green skull. “Michelle? Michelle, where are you? I’m dealing with a little pest problem up here!”

“I may have “accidently” put her down for a little nap with my chest here,” the avid gamer chuckled as he gave one of his massive boobs a pat, feeling quite confident in himself as he and his acquaintances stood over the corrupt Governor.

“B-but she’s a cold-blooded warrior, there’s no way that you beat her…” the red-suited man stammered as he began to pace away from the group. “If Michelle is down and all my Coal Counters are outside…huh, then that means I’m completely alone up here.”

“Yep, nobody to interrupt us throwing you out of office, fat man,” Logan snorted as he began to raise a closed fist over the stout politician. The room’s occupants weren’t prepared for the Governor’s response.

“Oh please, have mercy!” Taxmongous wailed as he threw himself onto his hands and knees, groveling at the blue dragon’s scaly feet. “I beseech you, just please, don’t hurt me!”

“Um…okay, chill out man,” Logan replied, feeling awkward as he rubbed the back of his head, his bat-like ears twitching. “We just want justice. Resign from office, and nobody has to get hurt.”

A smirk regrew across his green-skull face as the Governor, believing the dragon’s guard to be down, whipped out a revolver from his maroon suit jacket and pointed it at Logan’s chest. His finger on the trigger, Taxmongous prepared to fire- only for him to suddenly clutch his hand in pain, dropping the revolver as blood slowly trickled from his wrist. A tiny knife was firmly imbedded in his skin.

“Gotcha, you glowing guttersnipe,” Mister S.A sneered, clapping his paws together.

“Thanks, hamster buddy, I’ll take it from here now,” Logan growled as he kicked the gun away and aimed his fist right at the politician’s floating green head.

“W-wait, I’m sorry!” Taxmongous begged again, now crawling away in fear. “I surrender for real this time, I-”

The towering dragon didn’t give the corrupt governor time to respond, however, as he brought his fist down and dealt a shallow punch to hard surface of the floating skull, causing Taxmongous’s fat body to immediately flop over on the ground like a jiggling, limp fish, knocked out cold.

Dwight smirked with satisfaction, having felt like he’d actually helped accomplish something meaningful for once. McWanda felt very much the same way, while Mister S.A seemed happy to help do away with the sleazy politician. Logan had a light smile on his face, obviously savoring the sweet taste of vengeance at being able to punch the man who’d turned his life upside down since earlier that day.

“What are you going to do now?” the clown girl asked, bending down to look at the governor’s unconscious body.

“Easy, we let the whole realm know just what their “dear leader” has been doing behind our backs,” the dragon replied, smirking as he eyed an intercom system sitting on the very end of the desk. “And then let’s tell the Kyroshi Syndicate that Acidystopia is off limits.”