Age: 18 years, 4 months
Asura couldn't move while the world went by. A few players stopped to ask if she was okay, but her lack of response made them eventually leave. Finally, after she didn't know how long, she got to her feet and slowly made her way through the halls of the fortress. Her stomach felt like it was tied in knots and she nearly puked a few times but, eventually, she made her way to her room and crawled into her bed.
Once she laid down her entire body began to shake and tears formed in her eyes. “Why... just... not fair. I... I deserved to win. I worked hard. I figured out how to win. I did everything right. I've thrown everything I have into this game. It's not fair... IT'S NOT FAIR!” She reached for her pillows and threw them across the room. The sound of them hitting the wall and making a gentle poof sound did little to ease her pain.
Her hands reached out and brought up the menu and went through her friends. Only a few were online, and only one she felt close enough to. Slowly she turned on the recorder before she spoke, “M-Mutt... when you get this please respond. P-please meet me in my room. H-here, I'm sending you an access key. P-please come a-as soon as you can.”
With another pained cry the girl rolled onto her stomach and pulled the pillows up against her face, screaming into them. “IT'S NOT FAIR! I deserved it! I've given everything to this damn game! I don't... I don't have enough time to g-get another chance... I just want something to still be here after I'm gone. Why did you have to take that away from me?” She kicked the bed as hard as she could.
She drew her hands back and she punched the bed over and over. After a few minutes of abuse she finally went limp and sighed. “I give up... I can't win. I can never win. I just wasn't meant to,” she whispered into the pillow before closing her eyes. She slowly drifted off, neither fully awake nor asleep, just dazed while she let the pain gnaw at her like a demonic dog.
A gentle shake of her shoulder brought her back to reality. She slowly stared up at B4hamutt with tear stained eyes and smiled. “H-hey...”
“Holy crap, Asura,” he said when her looked her over. “You look like hell. What happened?”
“I... I failed,” she said softly before rolling onto her back. “It's done. I failed. I'm not a master. Heh heh. It's all over, done, game, set, match.”
“What? That's it? I thought your sister or parent had died or something,” B4hamutt said with a roll of his eyes. “Lots of people failed too, but you don't see them crying. It's just a game.”
Those words cut through her like a knife, causing her heart to throb. She grabbed her chest and shook, though the pain slowly dimmed. She looked up to him as the tears began again. “It's... it's not just a game. It was my only chance to do anything with my life! It was my only chance and I blew it!” She stared up at him with tear filled eyes.
“Asura, relax,” the man said with a sigh. “You're what, seventeen?”
“Eighteen.”
“Fine, eighteen,” he said and rolled his eyes. “You have your whole life ahead of you. It's just a game. You'll probably play hundreds of games like this one if you want. No need to care so much--”
“I'll be dead within a few years,” she said. “Maybe a few months.
“--About th... what?”
“I said I'll be dead within a few years. Possibly even this year.” She rolled over to stare at the roof.
“But you said, you said you're only eighteen. How...?”
“Didn't you wonder why I've been on so much this last year?” she asked with a soft sob. “Why I'm constantly playing? I come online first thing in the morning, don't even go offline half the time when I sleep? It's not because I'm addicted to the game! It's because there is nothing out there for me! I just lay in a hospital bed! I can't even move to change the channel or call for help if anything happens! I'm just trapped there!”
“You are? But, I thought there weren't any... is there a cure? What do you have?” the dragon asked while he stared at her, mouth open.
“I'm not going to be euthanized if that's what you're asking. Well, I probably will now,” she said before her hands balled into fists. “My parents have a lot of money. They paid all the fees so I wouldn't be... put out of my misery. They have really good insurance that even covers the majority of my medical needs. They bought the equipment and a constant feed so I can play this game as long as I want, so long as someone helps me put the headset on. There's no cure. All they can do is delay the effects. It's... hard to explain,” she whispered and rolled over onto her side before hugging her knees to her chest. “It's all over... I won't get another chance...”
“What... how? What's happening? How? What is it?”
She let out another soft cry before more tears trailed down her face. “I got it when I turned twelve. It started with just making my feet hard to move. Since then it has slowly moved up my body. Now I can only barely talk in the real world and in a few months I won't even be able to do that. I won't even be able to open my eyes.”
“Oh god...” B4hamutt said before he sat on the bed next to her. “You're messing with me, right? This is because I said it's just a game, right? I've only even heard about one case like this, and it's only because it's a pati--”
“No. I'd never make something like this up,” she said loudly, her frustration building while she barely listened to him. “They're going to have to feed me through a stomach tube soon. In a few years it'll likely become so bad that they'll have to put me on full life support in order to keep my blood pumping and replace the rest of my organs that stop with machines. If I even make it that long. If they decide not to just end me. At that point they say death will be almost there.”
“Oh God... why are you even playing this game? Why don't you... don't you...”
“Why don't I what? Just sit there, laying in my body while it slowly decomposes around me? I can do things here! I can feel! I can touch! I can run, fly, yell, fight!” she yelled before rolling around and clutching his chest. “I-I can do anything I want... I can even have dreams and goals here,” she said with a soft sob while her body trembled against his, staring up into his eyes. “I... I was going to become a legend. I spent all my time practicing. I learned how to fight as good as anyone else. I solved puzzles. I was prepared. I was going to become one of, or possibly the first, to master all the classes and unlock the advanced races. I was... I was going to... I was going to do something... become someone...” Tears soaked her face, falling down in torrents.
B4hamutt reached out and grabbed her by the shoulders. “Asura... I...” He bit his lower lip before pulling her up and against his chest. He held her tight while she sobbed. “I'm so, so sorry. You should have told me. I could have... I would have...”
“T-there... i-isn't anything y-you can do. A-all you would have d-done is f-feel sorry for me... I just... I wanted to spend my life here.” Her hands slowly fell from his chest before she pulled away and collapsed onto her bed. “To d-do all these amazing things. To be someone else... anyone else... than who I was in the real world. I wanted t-to become something p-people t-talked about for years… I wanted to leave something, anything, to remember me by...”
He sighed softly before laying down and putting an arm around her. “I... I don't understand. I'm sorry, I don't think I could ever understand. Just... just cry as much as you need too,” he said before pulling her back to his chest. She was too miserable to even care how strange it was.
She sobbed into him until the tears would no longer come. Her throat was sore and her eyes were puffy before she finally began to relax in his arms. A light red filled her cheeks when she realized she could smell him, or at least what the game decided his character smelt like. She slowly moved her head to look at his face and pulled back just a little bit. His eyes were narrowed with concern and she wondered how close they were to his real eyes. His dragon scales were rough and jagged but, even so, she couldn't help feeling how soft his gaze was.
Her hands tensed before she slowly leaned in and kissed him. Their lips touched for a moment and his eyes went wide, but he didn't try to shove her away. For a few seconds they sat there, lips pressed together until she finally pulled away.
“I... I'm sorry,” she said softly while staring at him. “I just... I felt...” Her hands began to tremble. “I must seem so pathetic. Heh. The only kiss I'm ever going to get and it's just in a game.”
“It's... I don't think you're pathetic,” B4hamutt said before looking away. “You're having a lot of problems. Just... I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?”
“No. There really isn't,” Asura said with another soft sob. “I'm going to die. Pathetic, useless and having never done anything with my life aside from holding my parents back. I can't even do anything in this game. You're right, though. It... it is just a game. I tried treating it like it was so much more, but it isn't. I just... I didn't want to have nothing to show for my life.”
“I know,” he whispered so softly she almost couldn't hear it. “What do you plan to do now?”
The angel gazed up at the roof for a few moments before sighing. “I'm going to do all those things I'll never be able to do in real life. My parents got me plenty of money to spend in the Red Light District. I'm going to just try a bunch of games and then... I'm going to tell them not to put the feeding tube in.”
“What? I thought you said you needed it?”
“I do if I want to live. I just... I can't do this any more,” she said before coughing into her hand, the knot in her throat refusing to go away. “I just... I just want it to end. I don't want to make my parents keep wasting their money on me. I used to be able to at least have a reason. I told myself I had a goal. Something to shoot for. Look at me now though... I'm a failure. I've lost.”
“Asura, I don't think you're a failure,” B4hamutt said quickly before gripping her arm. “You've been with us in the guild for years. There's no reason for you to leave. There's still the war, you could make a legend of yourself that way. Maybe there's something else we can do.” She could hear the panic in his voice, but she tried to ignore it.
“Mutt, don't. Just... don't. I just... I don't know why I called you here. I just needed someone to talk to.” She looked down when she felt his fingers wrap around hers. “Please don't... tell anyone about this. When I die, I don't... if I can't be remembered for anything good, I don't want to be remembered at all. Good bye.” She pulled her fingers away.
“Asura, wait! You don't--” She didn't hear the rest of his words because the world around her faded and she was brought to the main selection screen. She stared at it for a moment before sighing. “I guess this is the last time I'll ever see you. Good bye, Asura,” she said softly before exiting one last time, the letters fading around her.
------
Days slowly turned into weeks and months while Asher began the final months of his life. He spent every moment in the Red Light District, either finding a new experience to try or just sleeping in a warm bed, and sometimes warm arms. His parents sent him occasional messages, but he usually responded that he was in the middle of something or he'd chat with them later, unable to bring himself to face them. Despite this, his parents didn't cut off his game time, allowing him to spend almost every waking moment connected. He found himself frequenting a 'hook-up' joint set up like an old generic bar. It was the same one he found himself that night.
Asher sighed while looking around the virtual bar. He was in the form of a large, at least eight feet tall, lizard-man. The bar was filled with all manners of different creature's, elves, fairies, dwarves, cat-people, vampires, dog people, even a few robots. He made his way to a secluded table while his hands reached out to weave through the air. Words formed in front of him and he slowly tapped through options. “Lizard man seeks... huh... what do I want to try tonight?” he asked himself. “What haven't I tried?”
He pushed a button marked 'History' before a long list formed in front of him. His eyes glanced over them and he shivered. “Ugh... I can't believe I tried that pregnancy thing. Never again. I don't know how such a painful experience sells so well...” he said and kept flipping through them. Each encounter he had experienced over the last month was recorded and logged in his history, many of which were bundled with other similar experiences of different patrons to be sold to those who wished to watch. It was how many of the experiences remained so affordable.
He brought up his messages and let out a soft sigh. “Over a hundred messages now, Mutt. Just give it up. I'm not going to read them. I'm never coming back...” he whispered before flicking the messages out of his main storage and into a side storage area. Another beep drew his attention. A small flashing message. He clicked it with a sigh.
Words flashed across his view.
'Congratulations! Your hunter vs hunter game has been accepted! Please click accept to begin.'
A big red 'Accept' sign formed in front of him and he slowly reached out to click it. The world around him turned black before a contract formed in front of him. “I accept the terms,” he said softly, without reading them. A moment later a warning appeared, alerting himself that feedback had been set to maximum. He rolled his eyes and waited.
After a few seconds he appeared in the center of the woods. He was completely naked and the sun was slowly beginning to rise, revealing thick undergrowth and trees as far as the eye could see. He gulped and began walking, cringing when roots and pine needles dug into his feet. A small five minute timer appeared above and to his right.
Hunter vs hunter was one of the most dangerous, and barely legal, games in the Red Light District. It was simple, for the most part. Just a basic survival game for five minutes, you versus one other person. The only thing that separated it from a normal game was the fact there were no limits on what each player could do to each other, no way to exit the game until the five minutes ended(aside from manually exiting which got you permanently banned) and the feedback was set to maximum so everything felt real. Groups had been trying to outlaw the game for years but, due to the age limits on the game and the fact that nothing that happened in it was really 'real', it had managed to barely scrape under the law for years.
There were rumors that it got so intense at times that players had died in the real world, sometimes from heart attacks. The fear and pain that the game inspired eventually resulted in it becoming one of the most bought games in the district, while simultaneously not even being played by over a tenth of those who purchased it.
Asher slowly walked through the woods, as silent as he could while searching for his rival. He had read a few guides so he knew there were no animals or other dangerous things to look out for. The only true danger was each other. Weapons were scattered randomly throughout the woods, as well as clothing, but they could use branches and other obvious objects to defend themselves. A sharp pain went through his toe when he stepped on a rock, causing him to leap back with a startled cry. A few drops of blood went down from the toe and he hopped for a moment.
“Damn it, need to be careful,” he whispered before slowly lowering his foot back down, the toe still throbbing. He looked around until he saw a small cave off in the distance. He gulped and leaned down, grabbing a small rock and slowly making his way towards it. He stayed low to the ground while making his approach.
He made it to the entrance of the cave and slowly peeked his head around the wall and looked inside. It wasn't too deep and inside he saw a small closed box. A spawned item! He grinned before running to it, lifting the lid up.
The box was empty. He heard a crunching behind him. He turned around and saw a tall, naked man who was holding a knife in his right hand. The man chuckled while he gazed at Asher, gently licking his lips while he watched Asher with a look similar to a how one might view their next meal. “Newbies always come straight for the cave.”
“A trap?” Asher asked before looking down at the empty box and tossing the lid down. “So is this the part where I'm supposed to run?”
“Nah, kid,” the man said before stretching his wrist. “This is where I get to have my fun!” He charged.
Asher lifted his clutched rock high and tried to bring it down on the man, but his swing was wild and awkward. The man easily moved around the sluggish stone and stabbed him in the chest. The taller man then shoved him up against the wall before twisting the knife.
Asher groaned and grabbed the man's hand. “S-stop...” he whispered softly while he tried to push it off. Even the soft words hurt, the twisting knife making him want to scream in agony, but even breathing hurt and raising his voice at all just made the pain worse.
“No. We still have three minutes. I get to do whatever I want to you,” the man said before he yanked the knife out once more and jammed it into the boys shoulder, this time eliciting a very pained scream from him. “I get to have a lot of fun this time. I haven't had a dagger spawn in ages.”
Asher stared at the man for a moment before his right fist clenched, staring up into the eyes of his murderer. He felt adrenaline surge through him, though for a split second he wondered if it was happening in the real world as well or just the game. Years of game training came to him when he moved. He first raised his left knee between the taller mans legs while his right hand lashed out and caught the man under the chin with a powerful punch. The man stumbled back and clutched himself with eyes shut tight.
Asher reached up and grabbed the knife, pulling it free from his shoulder with an agonized cry. He then jumped at the man and tackled him to the ground, straddling him around the stomach. The boy clutched the dagger tightly in his hands and gazed down at his assaulter. He slowly raised the dagger up before plunging it into the older man's shoulder, ignoring the pain in his own shoulder while he focused on hurting his attack.
“AGHHH! Stop!” the man screamed before he tried to grab Asher by the wrist.
“No,” Asher said before drawing the knife up again, his entire body quivering, the pain in his own body dulled by the adrenaline rush. “I've tried everything else. I want to know how this feels.” He growled before plunging it into the man's wrist and twisted, slicing the hand off. It disappeared in a shower of red sparkles. He didn't stop, instead he lifted the blade again and again, cutting into the man and slicing pieces off while he just stared down at him, fury rising inside him. “You couldn't even make me scared...” he whispered, though his words were drowned out by the other man's screams. “Couldn't make my body shut down,” he said louder before bringing the blood soaked blade down yet again. “You've won before, why couldn't you do this? All you could do was make pain! Anyone can make pain. Why couldn’t you do it?!” he asked before he stabbed again.
He kept stabbing until he realized the screaming had stopped, as had his own pain. The dagger and blood were gone and he was now sitting on his knees in a black void, hands still wrapped around a now empty space. He slowly held his hands out, palm up, and stared at them. Tears began to go down his eyes and he wept in the darkness.
------
The real world slowly came into focus around Asher when he awoke, days after the hunter vs hunter incident. He slowly looked around in confusion before letting out a soft grunt. There was no response. He sighed and glanced about. A few streaks of sunlight leaked into the room. He looked down and almost screamed, his entire body shaking when it crawled along his unmoving body. “A-ahhhh. G-go away. Shoo!”
The spider froze, for a few moments. It then began walking towards him, skittering along his chest while he tried to move and shake it off. It was almost to his face when a large hand moved down, blocking its way and then scooping it up.
A large, older man, likely in his low thirties, stood over the boy. He was wearing scrubs and holding a clip board. He moved to the window, tossing the spider outside before glancing down at him
“Ah, Asher. Awake?” the man asked before he moved to stand over the patient.
“Y-yes...” the boy mumbled out while he stared at the man. “T-that was... h-how it... g-get in.”
“My name is Tod, one of the nurses here. I think this is the first time we've met here in the real world,” the man said while flipping through the clipboard at the foot of the bed. “Sorry about the spider. They're so small here, I guess they have trouble keeping them out. Back home they got as big as my hand,” he said absent mindedly while he transferred information between the two boards. He couldn't place it, but something about Tod's voices and movements were oddly familiar. “Don't worry, you'll be able to get back into your game in a little bit. Your parents are just coming by shortly. They asked us to prepare you.”
“H-huh?” Asher asked before blinking a few times. The crust along the edges of his eyes was beginning to get to him.
“Oh, right. Hold on,” Tod said before moving forward with a small sponge and began wiping the boy's eyes.
After a few minutes of cleaning Asher blinked a few times and sighed. He knew what was coming next when the blanket was lifted and he was cleaned. The process only took about twenty minutes, but to him it felt like an eternity.
“There, all better. Are you excited to see your parents today?” Tod asked with a happy smile that made Asher want to punch him. It reminded him of one of Jessica's.
“Guh...”
“Good! They'll be here soon,” the nurse said before looking at the clip board again. “Okay, everything looks good. I'll just go get them. Don't worry, you can go back to your games after they leave,” the man said before turning and walking out the door.
Asher sighed and closed his eyes again to wait. He couldn't imagine what would make his parents want to come here of all places. Fear clutched his heart when a terrifying thought filled his mind. What if they decided to just let him die? No feeding tube? Already his meals were getting harder and harder to swallow, soon he wouldn't be able to eat at all. He opened his eyes and looked around as his mind raced, grasping for any excuse other than the obvious.
His thoughts were broken when the door to his room opened. He stared, wide eyed, as his mother and father entered the room. His mom was far slimmer and in her arms she was holding a small bundle wrapped in a red blanket.
“Hello, honey,” his mother said before moving over to stand by his bed. “I went into labor last night and well... say hello to your little sister, Hope,” she said and slowly moved the blanket around so he could see. A small head was nestled up to his mother's bosom, unmoving.
“H... h-hello...” He barely managed to struggle out around the knot in his throat. His mind raced, but it was fruitless to try and say more. Instead he just stared at the little bundle.
She sat on the bed besides him and sighed sadly “We... know it must be hard for you, dear,” she said softly. He could see his dad pretending to be focused on one of the medical posters. He stared up at his mother while he awaited the death sentence. “We know you haven't wanted to spend time with us lately, either,” she said before reaching out to take his limp hand in hers. “If you've... decided to... not take the surgery, we understand. But please know your father and I don't... we don't want you to go if you don't want to. Take all the time you need. We just want you to be happy...” He looked up and saw tears forming in her eyes. “We know how hard it is for you to talk here. So please, send us a message when you make your decisions. Know that no matter what happens, you'll always be our little boy. We love you,” she said before leaning forward to give him a soft kiss on the forehead.
He blushed and made a soft grunting noise when she pulled away. She smiled a moment and let his fingers slip from hers. “Do you want to go back to your games, dear?”
“Y-yes...” he said weakly.
She sighed and soon handed off his little sister to his father. She then walked over to his headset and picked it up. “Remember dear. We do care and love you. All we want is for you to be as happy as you can.” She slowly slid it on and flipped the switch.
Within a few moments the world changed around him and he was brought to his loading screen, the empty black void. He slowly fell to his knees and sobbed. “I... I don't know what I want... I just... I'm not happy. Mom, dad... how can I possibly be happy? I just want to die, but I'm just...” He rolled onto his side and hugged his knees to his chest. “The only time I've ever been happy was when I... when I...”
He slowly looked up and reached out to touch the air. A small menu soon appeared and he clicked a few buttons. Before long his mail box formed and he clicked on the newest message sent by B4hamutt.
“Hey, Asura. Please answer as soon as you get this,” the guild leader's voice filled the void. “I know you're upset about... everything, but I just want you to know I understand. Well, I don't understand, but you're my friend. I want to be there for you... ummm... if you've seen any of my other messages just, please let me know. I think we can do this if we work together. Maybe we can find another way. You don’t have to face this, any of this, alone.”
Asher gulped and slowly began going through the rest of them. The oldest were practically begging Asura to return, to not just give up. But newer ones were giving advice, ideas. Plans. The war seemed to be going well, apparently each side was down to their fortresses now as all six capitals had been destroyed and new information had come to light. One of the newer messages caught his attention.
“We've been planning for a while,” B4hamutt said. “We're going to try to take on Niohoggr. Not the one with the dragon egg, but the actual full powered one. It hasn’t been beaten yet, so I figured we should give it a try. New areas and creatures are being added all the time, some places have never even been explored. We may find something we can use. Please message me when you get this.”
Tears began to well up in his eyes and he made his way through the rest of his messages. He slowly applied Asura's voice filter before sending his response. “H-hey, Mutt. I... I want to talk with you. I want to play... I want to come back,” he said before sending the message.
He sat back and waited. His eyes glanced at the mail symbol over and over, though it didn't flash. “Come on, Mutt. I'm sorry... you sent me all those messages, so you can't have given up on me,” he whispered to himself. “Why aren't you on? Are you busy?” he asked before he checked his friend list, the man was gone. “I need you!” he finally yelled.
After a few hours the alert came up and he nearly screamed. His hands tapped the message and, unsurprisingly, B4hamutt's name showed. He pushed play and the message began.
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