The priest, Joshua, was in love with Noah. Sweet and tragic. An interesting facet to the problem but no closer to the center. I decided to take my notes and say farewell to uncle Pete. I wanted to get closer to Noah without alerting Meresin. I decided to dive deeper and just face the human myself. I'd have to risk not running into my brother, or if I did, I'd need an excuse.

I kept my sight on Noah as I left the funeral. I kept my feelers out in the ether to avoid Meresin. I know his vibrational fingerprint almost as well as I know my own. If he were cloaking himself while I was snooping around, something he is known to do, I run the risk of getting caught. Meresin is a sly bastard and being invisible, even to other angels, is his standard operating procedure. I had to be on my toes if I were to spy on his precious human project in person.

I considered visiting Noah in dreams but quickly found out his mind was on lockdown. It had Meresin all over it. There were artificial barriers put there. Black obsidian walls, my brother's handiwork. He wanted no other angel or spirit on Noah. The next safest place was present day, present time. I can move freely throughout most human timelines. However, the most unstable place is the near future. I can only move as far as what the majority of humans have decided is really 'real,' or really physical. That means I cannot move far into the future, just a few steps ahead of present day. It also makes predicting the future fifty fifty most of the time.

Noah was at a baseball field, which was surprising since he didn't strike me as a particularly athletic kid. He was with someone who I immediately read as not being Joshua. There was no baseball game, as I didn't read any other creature's vibrations as being present--except a few rodents under the bleachers. I could tell the other human wasn't Joshua as they were a doorway, and they seemed somewhat familiar to me.

A doorway, meaning she (likely a 'she') had children. Since I'm a entity without a body I don't have physical eyes to see what people look like literally. I don't care what people look like either, except that they often (though not always) reflect what their energy looks like. To me, all people are human. Physically, they're all just a spectrum of female. Penises are just very large clitorises. This is why 'men' have vestigial nipples. But, there is a point when a baby is forming that the Veil becomes closed; they cannot house a spirit, and they aren't gifted with a womb. I can see the vibration of doorways inside people pretty well. People with doorways are by nature more complex, beautiful spirits.

I felt dazzled by the energy of the person beside Noah. Immediately, I was more interested in what was going on. I also put my guard up, because it seemed odd that Meresin wasn't around for this. I hid myself with an extra layer of glamour. It was near real-time and I knew Meresin, or any of my brothers, could show up at any moment for any reason. I was safer in the past, where not all of my brothers could time travel and find me. In addition, being the Devil, it isn't just other fallen angels looking for me and demanding my time and attention.

The energy swapping back and forth between the Doorway and Noah was electrifying. They were flirting, and both were giving and receiving equally. Passionately. Oooh!!

I did another layer of masking and protection just to be safe. This was good. This was juicy. Did Joshua know, I wonder? Did he get over that crush from a while ago? Did Meresin know? It looked like love almost, but it was clearly too young to be tested and true. Love was a white energy, burning and cold at the same time. It was an energy like no other, and something I'm not privy to wield or have. It destroyed everything. It built everything. It couldn't be fucked with. But, it was a volatile energy and I personally love fucking with everything around it. I'm attracted to it, as everything is. Like any catalyst, you could guarantee something interesting was going to happen when you saw it.

It was romantic. The sun was setting over the baseball field, low and hazy. A limp wind exhaled across the grass, causes pieces of debris to twitch. Noah read as a bit shorter, a bit smaller than his lady companion. They sat at the top of the bleachers, hand in hand. I took my pad of notes and kept a great distance, mapping out points in their energy. I wanted to know who this new love interest was. I wanted to know everything about them while I could.

I can only read what the human allows. Humans are the only creature in the universe with three parts to their spirit. Their higher spirit decides what is plastered on the outside like a billboard. I saw that she was a mother of a few children and she was an artist. Her energy read as complex and high vibrational. She looked magical, as if a portion of her spirit came from fairy ancestry. Usually, people like this were naturally inclined to witchcraft and religion, because they are very good at it. They could talk to spirits and see ghosts. They were antennas. The activity in their brain lit up like a storm. They're attractive to entities like me. They are more like us than they are like other humans.

Naturally, people like this are persecuted. It's a shame, really, because it is a waste. If only humans embraced this natural feature of their existence, they would go so much farther. Sometimes if you dig, you can find the name of the person inside their energy without delving too far and getting noticed.

Wendy. Her name was Wendy. Noah and Wendy. I wanted to take a snapshot and seize the moment. In the distance, a lonely train hooted. I came in a little closer to see if I could get a better read on their energy. I ducked behind the bleachers, and then over the chain link fence. I still didn't sense Meresin around, and I decided to be extra careful, with my receptors piqued and everything on alert. A smear of stars began to appear near the pale sky. In the distance, an old couple took a walk through the peaceful park. Wendy and Noah's vibrations crackled with lust and attraction. I wanted to see more.

I heard the distant train rolling downstream. It was transitioning from the small town in Michigan to somewhere in Canada. I can't see the world the way humans can. Instead, it is like looking at the source code from behind the scenes. I found it interesting that Noah was a person with a doorway, too. He was likely a female person, or an intersex person. I didn't know or care, but I noted it as it was something in which Meresin must have been interested in. Noah didn't read as if he had used his doorway, though-- it didn't seem as if he had or conceived children. (Just because I cannot perceive it doesn't mean it hasn't happened, however) Was that what Meresin was doing?

That's an experiment that has been done a dozen or so times. It is something I've tried. It is something nearly every fallen angel has tried or thought of at least once. Since possession rarely works, there have been many attempts at creating a baby from scratch and overtaking the human spirit inside to give ourselves a flesh suit. It has never worked, no matter how close we have gotten.

I felt pulled closer. Wendy and Noah were pressing their energies together, likely kissing on the bleachers. If I could eat I would have manifested popcorn. I could see them open up to each other. It was more than friendship, it was more than desire, it was love. Noah and Wendy read as if they were in love, truly and deeply, at least in this singular moment in time. The closer I got the more information I was able to absorb and piece together. Yet, something felt off. Something wasn't right.

Sometimes I get frustrated that I can't actually see what people look like. I wish I had the cones and the rods to perceive what colors humans are seeing. I wish I knew what kissing actually felt like. Some of the motivation to invade human minds and possess them for just a moment is simply to escape a second of Hell. A part of me is in Hell all the time, feeling pain. It most relates to being in chronic pain from an illness. Only it is in my spiritual body instead of my physical, but which is eternal. A infinitesimal second of relief is a blessing and I can see why my brothers or other creatures in Hell obsess over it. There was something inside of me that thought... I could invade Noah, for just a second, to feel what it felt like to kiss Wendy. Meresin wasn't around to know.

It was the draw of real love. The longer I was around it, the more intoxicating it became. It was making me feel hungry and anxious. I wanted it. The bad part of being an angel (besides all of it) is the part about being a messenger. We have no bodies, no walls, to hold us back. What it means to be a messenger is ultimate empathy; to feel exactly how a human feels, for good or bad. Some things burn right through our boundaries. I wanted to feel love again, to be in the Lord's presence. I wanted what Noah and Wendy had, right in front of me. I salivated like a dog at a grilled steak. I wanted what they had.

I decided to do it. It was taking a risk, surely, but I would stick my toe in there for just a moment. I would harvest as much information as I could while Meresin was nowhere to be found. I wanted to feel what it was like to kiss Wendy. I knew I only had so much time since I was in the present moment. Anything could change at any time. I could rewind time a few seconds and try to experience it again, but it wasn't the same. Nothing is more real than the current moment.

The moment I decided to go, to jump in, to possess Noah for a minute, he turned. He turned and looked at me. Noah pulled his face from Wendy's and set his eyes exactly on the spot my consciousness is concentrated. Noah saw me. I could feel his mind perceive me. It was then that I saw him, I saw Meresin look back at me. Instead of human eyes perceiving my presence, I saw the gaze of the void staring right through me. Meresin, like always, was one step ahead and was already in possession of Noah's mind.

I immediately pulled away. Like the coward I am. Like everyone always accuses me of being, a scapegoat, a criminal, ect. I could feel my brother's eyes like an icy cold grip. The thing is, I just wasn't sure what he was going to do next. Was he angry with me? Was he going to come after me? I only saw his face for a moment and it was exactly like seeing that scene from the Exorcist. It was like noticing a ghost's face in a mirror and I reacted so quickly that I wasn't sure if I had seen anything at all. Maybe it wasn't Meresin's face. Maybe I just freaked myself out.

I decided to wait around for a minute in a place that I was sure he would find me if he looked. Maybe he did want to talk. I felt like pacing. I vanished instantly and went... somewhere else. I thought I saw Meresin's eyes for a fraction of a second and disappeared.

The place that I always go when I want to be found is a low vibrational dimension that is often seen as the bottom of Hell. A Low Place. But it is my little nook in the universe. It is a replica of the Garden of Eden, complete with a massive Tree of Knowledge in the center. I sort of see the place as my heart, my home. It is where I like to go when I think. Its environment and weather reflect my moods, a place that is very personal to me. I knew Meresin would meet me there.

I had to catch my not-breath. Was it him? Was it my brother? I sent a signal out, loud enough for most brothers to hear: if our brother Meresin wanted to talk, he should meet me in Eden. This wasn't the first time I've asked a sibling to talk to me here. I felt it was a neutral ground.

I decided to decorate for him. I made all the flowers in the garden bloom in full spectrum of color. I wanted Meresin to be impressed. I caught him possessing a human while kissing a girl. Did he mean to kiss the girl? Did he taste what I wanted to taste? In a flurry of ideas, I made sure all the flowers in Eden had blooms that smelled like chocolate. I wanted to know everything.

The animals, too, were exotic. I made sure the peacocks had reflective, rainbow tails. I made sure my broadcast inviting Meresin over was heard. Was he kissing that human on purpose, I wonder? No one hated humans more coldly than my brother. Surely it was for some experiment to create another Black Plague or Spanish flu. Last time he took this much interest in anything living it was rats, not people.

As far as human energies went, Wendy was interesting. I have been smitten with humans with similar vibrational compositions. She seemed smart, fun, and creative. I could see why Noah felt attracted to her.

I waited a not-minute. And then two and three. Time is different here in the 'other side.' I knew Meresin heard me. All of my active brothers heard me. I wanted him-- I wanted to talk to him. I wanted answers once and for all. When he was thinking of quitting, did he mean he was preparing himself to be consumed by myself or another brother and go into dormancy? Was that what kissing Wendy was all about-- a sort of farewell tour?

He was keeping me waiting. That dick. I stopped decorating and made everything in the garden still and silent. I was furious. There was no need to keep me waiting because Meresin, like all us angels, are of course able to be in more than one location at a time. We are bodiless and infinite. ...Finally? Finally! I felt a 'knock' on the Gates of Eden. It wasn't Meresin but someone was here to see me. I was annoyed they knocked but heck-- you can't be too mad. Manners are nearly impossible to find in Hell.

I appeared myself at the Gates. The Gates of my replica Eden are made of iridescent pearl and stand several stories tall. They are ornate and laced in flowers and ivy. I knew who it was. I knew who it was before I saw him. It was Meresin's personal assistant, Vassago. I absolutely hate Vassago for very valid reasons. Sending Vassago was my brother personally spitting in my face.

I wore my more human form to greet Vassago. I rarely appear any other way, since my actual form is too difficult and too splendorous to be perceived by most beings. I think appearing human is both very ironic and poetic, so it is how I choose to appear 99% of the time, even with absolute trash demons like Vassago.

A fine mist always permeates the Gates of the gardens. Outside the Gates was an open gray nothingness, a vastness of space. The Garden of Eden replica was my special place, my special home to think. I crafted every detail, every flower, every leaf, every knot in the wood. After he announced himself with a knock, a dark figure appeared outside of the Gates. After I opened the doors to let him inside, he took more shape. Part of why I always hated Vassago was how skillfully he was crafted.

Unlike the majority of demons, his form often came strangely humanoid. His beauty also set him apart, with bright yellow catty eyes and soft faun hair. He was often dressed in bright colors and also came across as either fun or harmless. He was inclined to help or inspire artists to create, instead of inspiring despair or destruction. Today, he was dressed as a fool in bright red checkerboard patterns.

The initial reason I hated Vassago was he was an obvious mockery of me. Meresin created the demon's features and demeanor to mirror mine. When Vassago's face was first created, it looked exactly like me. Then, Meresin put a clown's costume on him. Since then, Vassago's face has changed and grew, looking pointer and more fae-like. He's far more volatile than me, or maybe I took Meresin's not so subtle hint to stop acting the fool. Since then, though, the demon has become his favorite. He almost always uses Vassago for everything. Or, maybe he's using the demon as my replacement and he's just as interested in my affairs as I am his.

“Oh, Lord Lucifer the Morningstar, I've word from--” Vassago announced himself as he pulled his form from the shadow mist. The first thing I saw was a long, slender leg in striped tights with a curled toe. Vassago was dressed as a medieval troubadour again, not unlike the fool from the standard tarot deck. Then, a long, brass heralding horn. A small, purple cartoonish banner with a moon unraveled from the horn. He tooted it and then continued his announcement, all the while pulling himself together to appear in his human form. “from your brother, Lord Meresin the Pestilence!”

First of all, I hate being called Lucifer my proper name (one of them, since I've consumed so many of my brother's consciousnesses) is Azazel. But I've also been called Azrael or Iblis. Just never Lucifer that's a made up name from the Romans. Names are important and aren't just thrown around, I knew Meresin was just being an asshole. I've actually made a Lucifer answering service to respond whenever some stupid human calls on me or prays to me in error.

So for Meresin to begin this way... I crossed my arms and decided to allow this little performance to continue. Vassago continued to pull his appearance together. He was smartly dressed in checkered patterns and stripes. His handsome face was topped in a foppish hat with a feather. He carried his horn under his arm and continued to sing in a falsetto voice.

“Poking your nose where it doesn’t belong

Never admitting when you’re wrong

I will not meet you in your garden,

And I most certainly do not beg your pardon,

I will not listen to your spew,

You bite more than you can chew,

If we weren't brothers, we would be through!

All I’ve got to say is... ahem....”

Vassago is a demon, and thus had no shame. He looked me right in the eye as he filled his lungs in with a deep breath. I knew what it was even before he belted it:

“FUCK YOU.”

Then, the demon blasted his little horn and the hanging flag flipped from a moon to the words “fuck you” written in fancy Gothic lettering.

“Lord--” Vassago continued to sing. I waved him to silence before anything else was sung at me like a singing telegram.

“Yeah yeah, I got the message,” I snipped, gesticulating my manicured hand and sewing the demon's mouth shut. “You didn't need to make it a production,” I critiqued. “Will he see me at all?” I asked the demon.

Vassago couldn't respond because I wouldn't let him speak. In fact, I vowed to never interact with that creature with my face again. I hated it. It was cruel joke. Meresin was evil, but we are family. If I could kill it I would have ages ago. Vassago blinked at me and touched his lips, tightly sewn shut with small black thread. He shrugged and somersaulted into the air. His long limbs were strong and well formed like a practiced gymnast. Vassago vanished into a slit in the void, disappearing from the Garden of Eden.