“You’re Erick O’Brien, right?”
Erick looked up from his lunch to see a dark haired boy looking at him. It was the boy he saw bullied before the holidays. He gave a small nod.
“And you are?”
“Tony. Tony Garcia.”
“Hi Tony. How was your holiday?”
“It was good. At least Brown and the others didn’t bother me again after that.”
“That’s good to know. Want to sit down and have lunch together?”
Tony gave a shy smile before he sat opposite Erick. They started talking and Erick found him to be an intelligent, funny guy. It was just that he looked different that he was targeted. But at least with Alex’s threat, he wouldn’t be bullied anymore.
“Where do you hang out after school?” Tony asked before they headed to class.
“Normally I’d go to the computer labs but Alex hooked me up with Tom at the gym in town. He told me to work my aggression on a punching bag instead of real person…” Erick gave a shrug.
“Now I work out there two or three times a week. Want to go?”
“I’m not sure I’m meant for hitting people…”
“No, you should join. Tom’s really nice and he gives tips on self-defence. It’ll be helpful”
“Still not big on the idea…”
“Want to know the best part?”
“What?”
“Brown’s full name is Tom Brown Jr. This is your bully’s dad.”
“Sold.”
* * * * *
The last year of high school was good for Erick. Someone found out that he and Tony were training at Tom’s gym in town and could beat Brown Jr without any problems so most of the boys at school had a healthy level of respect for them and did not purposely try to stir up trouble.
His friendship with everyone else was also good, especially Tony. They had never spoken about what had happened in the past but for Erick, knowing that there was someone who was the same as him was a very reassuring thing. A friend who was in on the secret, so to speak.
Studies was going great and Erick was thinking of going into IT in college. His love for coding that he had learnt these few years had made him decide to further his studies in the field. At least he could spend the rest of his life doing something he liked. So this was what it was like to be living a perfect life.
He really shouldn’t have thought like that…
“What’s with that goofy grin?” Erick asked Tony while they were walking home.
“I asked Susan Roberts out and she said yes!”
Erick’s smile stiffened.
“You like girls? You never mentioned before.”
“I’ve always liked girls. Just that I never met one I really liked until now.”
Tony looked at Erick in confusion.
“Wait, you don’t mean to tell me you took Brown’s words seriously all this while, did you? You thought I wasn’t straight but was still willing to be my friend? You’ve got balls man.”
Tony jokingly punched Erick on the arm with a laugh.
“I know he was immature but I didn’t expect him to spread bullshit like that.” Erick rubbed his arm weakly.
“Yeah. Want to go hit him a few rounds at the gym?”
“Then won’t we be just like him?”
“Good point. Anyway, what are you doing this Friday night? Want to double date?”
“You know I haven’t got anyone I like…”
“True. Want Susan to set you up? She told me quite a few girls think you’re cute.”
“Maybe not… I’ve got some things to do this Friday anyway so next time, ok?”
“Sure. See you.”
Erick watched Tony turn into his street with a heavy heart. He may have turned Tony down about going to the gym but it looked like he was going to need a few rounds with the punching bag today.
* * * * *
“Rice! I want rice! I’d kill for a good plate of fried rice right now…”
Erick was greeted by that exclamation when he entered the sales department. He saw a young man about his age with dark hair with his head on the table. The defeated air about him was so funny he had to interject.
“I know a good place.”
The other man looked up at him, his glasses slightly askew. There was a slight blush on his fair face when he realized that Erick was smiling at his antics.
“Oh, hey, Josh. You haven’t met Erick yet. He’s one of our IT Engineers. Until last year, he was at your country’s branch, actually.” Dave, the sales team leader introduced.
“Erick, this is Joshua, the regional sales and development analyst.”
Erick was surprised to meet Joshua. He had spent the last two and a half years in South East Asia as an imported expert, setting up the new software system that the company had procured.
On one hand, he had gone because it was his job. But on the other, it had been an homage to Uncle Frank’s works. He had gone to almost every place that Frank had taken a photo of during his leave.
There were places that were almost the same as in the photos, untouched by time; and there were places that did not look the same at all. Some places, he couldn’t identify. His uncle did not write down where or when he took them.
He looked at Joshua’s frown, and could guess what he was thinking.
“I don’t think we’ve met. I was always stuck at my seat trying the whole time to get the system up and running.” Erick had wanted to throw the procurement officer who signed the purchase order out the window.
“I remember… everyone was cursing HQ for insisting we switch to that buggy system.” There was a pause. “Sorry…”
“It was a buggy system.” Erick could only shrug his shoulders. He loved his job but he hated the bureaucracy that made him dance to the boss’ whims.
“Well, everyone’s gotten used to the system now and they’ll admit that it’s more efficient.” Joshua tried to be diplomatic.
Lies, actually. Erick was still getting texts from the team there, who complained eight out of ten times.
“Don’t be too happy too soon,” Erick smiled. “The contract’s expiring soon and there’s talks about getting a different system, since everyone was complaining about it.”
Erick was not surprised by the groans coming from all around him. The current system had killed nearly everyone’s patience and brain cells with its complicated steps and redundant entry system; nobody wanted to learn a new one.
“Hey, don’t get too down. The contract’s still got a few more years to go, so it won’t be anytime soon.”
“Let’s hope I retire before they do…” an older co-worker muttered gloomily. That got everyone laughing, including Joshua, who finally pushed his crooked glasses back into place. There was something very charming about that lazy, laidback smile.
“Anyway, as I was saying, I know a pretty good Chinese place. The fried rice there is good.”
The already smiling face lit up even brighter at Erick’s words.
“Really? Let’s go there for lunch!”
Erick wanted to say a few more words but Dave finally interrupted them.
“Did you want something?”
That was when Erick finally remembered what he was here for.
“Oh yeah, someone was complaining that they were having problems extracting the data for their sales team. I tried troubleshooting over the phone. We both gave up.”
A woman stood up and waved. “Ah, Erick, over here.”
He gave Josh a nod and walked away. They would have time to chat later.
* * * * *
“Erick, your parents sent something over.”
Erick turned off the stove and washed his hands. He and Josh and been living together for a year or so now. After waffling about, Josh finally applied for a permanent transfer, which was approved. Of course they had to move to a different apartment. Josh no longer had the benefits afforded to imported experts and Erick’s loft style apartment was too small.
But being able to settle down together had been a dream come true for Erick. He had seen his siblings settle down and he had wanted that for himself. The few relationships he had tried never seemed to work out until Josh.
Maybe it was because Josh would put up with all of Erick’s little idiosyncrasies but put his foot down on the important matters. Maybe it was because Josh would never cling to him and was even embarrassed to display affection in the open. Maybe it was that adorable frustration whenever Josh failed at cooking but still wouldn’t give up. Whatever the reason, respect and like had turned to love before Erick had realized it.
“What is it?”
“I don’t know but it’s heavy.”
Walking out of the kitchen, Erick saw Josh on the floor, unwrapping a large box. It contained Uncle Frank’s albums and memorabilia. He found a note inside the box:
[Turning the basement into a playroom for the grandkids. This belongs to you. Dad]
“These are… albums?”
“Yeah, they were my uncle’s”
Erick sat next to him, leaning his weight against Josh. Josh had wanted to push him away but seeing the look of melancholy on his face, decided against it.
“What’s up?”
“Nothing, just thinking about him.”
Josh stroked his hair, putting Erick’s head more comfortably against his shoulder.
“Tell me about him?”
So Erick did, retelling the stories his father had told him over the years. How his uncle had been thrown out of the house, how he had lost the love of his life and how he had watched his uncle slowly die before ending it all in a sleep that never ended, lulled by his and Rick’s favourite songs.
His father had found an unfamiliar cassette in the radio in the aftermath. When he played it, he had broken down and tossed it into the box along with the rest if Frank’s items. It had been too painful to look or think about it.
There were many things that Erick and Josh found as they slowly unpacked the box: Frank’s albums, his camera, the cassette that his father had told him about, his favourite jacket that he had been wearing when Erick and his father picked him up from the station… Everything that was on Frank the day he had died.
When Erick thought about it, his uncle mostly lived from his luggage bag. These were the things that he would take with him wherever he went. Everything else, even the things in his old home, had not been as important as this box in his uncle’s eyes.
“What’s this tin?”
Josh’s voice broke Erick out of his daze. He saw a rusty chocolate tin in Josh’s hands. He had never seen it before. They opened it and found another smaller album and a small box. The type meant for rings.
Erick opened it and as expected, it was a ring. A simple gold band without any adornments. Engraved on the inside were the words ‘You are my reason’. Erick stared at his uncle’s heart laid bare.
“This must have been your uncle’s proposal album.”
Josh had been flipping through the album while Erick had looked at the ring. He leaned against Josh again as they looked at it together. The first half had been pictures of Frank and Rick in their younger days, laughing and carefree teenagers. Then there was a picture of Rick, paler and much thinner, in a hospital gown.
But later, there were pictures of lovers holding hands, hugging and kissing. They were random people that Frank had spotted and taken candidly. There were even a few wedding photos inside. Then, even more random were the pictures of a ring, signboards, a yellow bumblebee and a heart shaped balloon. Josh gave a snort.
“Your uncle sure was cheesy.”
“Huh?”
“Look, put together, doesn’t it say ‘will you ‘bee’ mine?’”
It did. Erick had to give it to his uncle. How long did he walk the streets looking for the right signboards and so on? He had really loved Rick.
“This is different.”
They had come to the end of the album. At the last page was a Polaroid picture of a pair of hands. The hands were pale and gaunt, the bony protrusions of each knuckle distinct. On the left ring finger was a ring. Compared to the other pictures in the album, this one was obviously taken by someone else. The lighting was so-so and the focus was slightly off centre.
But this picture spoke a lot to Erick. Even if the subject’s face was not shown, Erick knew without a doubt, whose hands they were. Uncle Frank’s feelings had been reciprocated. He gently pulled the photo out of the album to get a better look. And found a letter, carefully folded, behind it:
Frank,
After giving a lot of thought, I’ve decided to give you your ring back. I know why you gave it to me and when I first saw it, saw your proposal, I wanted to cry, laugh and jump for joy. But in the end, all I could do was cry.
I’m dying, Frank. I don’t have the strength to sit up straight anymore let alone jump. If I said yes, all I’d be doing is taking you down with me on this road to hell.
You didn’t tell me what happened between you and your parents but I know. My folks told me. They don’t approve either but since I’m a dead man, they can’t be bothered to care anymore.
So if I tell you no, maybe you’ll turn back. Maybe you can love a woman and get back what you deserve. You don’t deserve to be shamed and hated, forever hiding in the dark. You deserve to walk proudly in the sun, to be adored for your works, to be loved for who you are.
Your photos always make me happy, Frank. To be able to see so many things when I’m stuck here in the hospital… it made me feel alive. Even when chemo made me sick and put me in pain, whenever I thought about your pictures, it made me hold on. As long as I got better, I could go with you to see them myself… like you’d promised.
But my body’s failing. The doctor’s told me to prepare for the worst. I might not be able to see you before you get back. But that might be for the better. I don’t have the courage to tell you this to your face, don’t have the courage to say goodbye.
If you’re reading this when I’m gone, just… live Frank. Live my share for me, live for yourself. I’ll always be with you, wherever I am. And if there’s a heaven or another life, when I see you again, I’ll proudly wear your ring. You are my world.
I love you.
Rick
PS: Those five minutes when I wore your ring to take that picture was the happiest I’ve been in a while.
Uncle Frank most likely never noticed the photo or the note. If he did, maybe he wouldn’t have done what he did. But knowing at the last moment that his love was returned may have pushed him into the grave sooner. Nobody but Frank knew what he had been going through and nobody but Frank had a right to choose for him. This note could have been the straw to save a drowning man but it could also be the straw that broke the camel’s back. Wherever they were, Erick hoped that they were together.
* * * * *
“Your uncle sure had a lot of pictures…”
“He was using it to woo his man, what did you think?”
They were still sorting out the photos. Josh suggested that he compile his uncle’s best photos to be made into a photobook. That way, every member of the family could have one and it was a good way to remember him by.
Erick had agreed. With how the years had flown by, he was now actually older than his uncle. If his nephews and niece did not know about Uncle Frank, soon, no one would remember him.
“I don’t believe it!”
“What?” Erick had been a little shocked by Josh’s exclamation.
Josh had been looking at a photo with a look of incredulity. He shakily pointed at a little boy in the photo.
“That’s me…”
“What?!” Erick took the photo to have a look.
It was a young boy holding onto his father’s hand, laughing and pointing at something. His father smiling indulgently at him. Erick realized that Josh was right. He might not recognize Josh’s younger self but he recognized the younger version of Josh’s father.
“I remember now… there was a parade and my dad took us to see it. He almost never took us to this kind of things so I was really excited…”
Josh was reminiscing, a faint smile on his face.
“It’s amazing that your uncle was at the same place at the same time.”
Erick stared hard at Josh for a moment before he opened the chocolate tin again. He took out his uncle’s ring and grabbed Josh’s hand, putting the ring on his finger.
“Erick?!”
“Marry me.” His hands holding Josh’s, not letting go.
“Shouldn’t you ask me before you put the ring on?”
“Nope. Uncle Frank found you for me so even if you said no, I’d still drag you to register.”
“You’re crazy.”
Josh had a goofy smile but tears were trickling down the side of his face. Erick reached out a hand to wipe them, his other hand not letting go of Josh’s.
“I’m not going to wait anymore or regret it after I’ve lost you. You’ve already decided to stay here, to be with me. What else can I ask for?”
Josh was silent but in the end, all he did was place his head on Erick’s shoulder, his hand gripping Erick’s back in equal measure.
You are my reason. You are my world.
END
