The past few days had been really strenuous for Alena. Every evening, Lotte would go to Ursel and get some kind of instructions, then disappear into the night. Alena would wait up for Lotte as long as she could before eventually falling into a restless sleep. Every morning, she would wake up to find Lotte beside her. But that period of not knowing that Lotte was safe was eating away at Alena.
Currently, Alena was waiting for Lotte to finish eating breakfast.
“Alena, you don’t have to wait for me,” Lotte insisted. “I’ll come find you afterward.”
“It’s fine,” Alena insisted, clutching her arm firmly.
Once Lotte had finished, Alena brought her to the meeting room where the other Resistance members were waiting. She had Lotte sit close while they worked, occasionally glancing at her to make sure she was alright. Lotte seemed fine. A little bored, but fine.
When that meeting was over, Alena grabbed Lotte and led her to a small room, barely larger than a closet, and knocked on the door.
“Come in!” came a soft voice from inside.
Alena opened the door and smiled at Margarete, who looked relieved to see someone she recognized.
“Hello, Alena, Lotte,” she said, setting down her pen. “It’s good to see you.”
“How are you doing, Margarete?” Lotte asked.
“I’m okay. Still a little nervous around people I don’t know, but getting a little better.” Turning to Alena, she added, “I’m incredibly grateful that you convinced Ursel to let me work here. It’s been a while since I’ve earned any money myself.”
“It was no problem,” Alena insisted.
It had been a major problem. The Resistance’s coffers were all but depleted. Everyone else here was a volunteer; most were spending their own money to help. Gernot and Therese had not been happy to hear that Alena’s condition for inviting Margarete to help was that she be paid for it. But the Resistance needed a codebreaker, so they had given in.
“How are things coming along?” Alena asked.
Margarete picked up a small pile of documents and handed them over to Alena.
“These have been fully decrypted. Some of them are still written in coded language, but I’ve added some notes about some of the most likely interpretations.”
“Thank you, Margarete. This is amazing.”
Alena went from office to office, Lotte on her heels, dropping off and picking up new documents. Multiple times, she had to stop at Ursel’s office for one reason or another. Ursel was so used to seeing her that she usually didn’t even react except for a brief greeting.
When Alena and Lotte finally sat down for lunch, Alena was a little tired.
“You need to stop pushing yourself so hard,” Lotte said, poking at the meager serving of vegetables on her plate. “It’s not healthy for you.”
“I’m fine, Lotte,” Alena insisted, trying to smile. “It will all be worth it in the end when we finally take down that bastard.”
“I just don’t want to see you get hurt, that’s all.”
“I promise that I’ll be okay,” Alena insisted, reaching over the table to take Lotte’s hand.
While they were eating, the two could hear footsteps. Ortwin entered the room, smiling softly at the two of them before heading into the kitchen himself. After a few minutes, he returned with a plate and sat down not far from the two at the long table.
“Hello there,” he said.
“Hello, Ortwin,” Lotte said. “Are you enjoying the day off work?”
Ortwin replied with a chuckle before answering, “I’ve been helping with Resistance work for most of the day. Although, Alena, things have become a lot more efficient since you started working here full-time.”
“Thank you,” Alena said, but Lotte cut in with, “She’s working herself too hard, if you ask me.”
“Yes, it’s important to find a balance,” Ortwin agreed. “But I can’t deny the impact she’s had. In fact, Alena, I’d say that you’ve all but become one of the official leaders yourself. It wouldn’t surprise me if, after the next big meeting, they offered you the position.”
Lotte stood up suddenly.
“I’m going to go take a nap before tonight,” she announced, annoyance written across her face. To Alena, she said, “Promise me that you’ll take things a little easier for the rest of the day.”
“I’ll take care of myself, Lotte,” Alena assured her.
Lotte didn’t look terribly convinced.
For the rest of the day, Alena worked twice as hard as before. She spent a good couple of hours forging coded notes for Hasso and Dovid to slip to Torben’s agents and sow disorder. It was important work, and it was going to help them succeed. Lotte would understand. When this was all over and they were safe again, Lotte would be grateful for all the extra work Alena was putting in.
***
There was the faintest chill in the air. Lotte, perched on a rooftop, pulled her cloak just a little tighter around her. Summer was slowly fading into autumn. Before long, she’d need to either start wearing warmer clothes or sprout fur over her entire body. Most likely the latter.
Her big cat ear swiveled at the sound of footsteps below, on the other side of the building. She glanced over to see the bright light of a lantern. The guards were on that street. That gave her some room to maneuver. Lotte took off running and leapt to another rooftop.
She traveled mostly by rooftop for these nighttime missions, using her transformative abilities and a little bit of magic to avoid the guards. Lotte actually felt safer in these situations than on the street in the daytime. Here, she was more in control. Here, the darkness shrouded her from her enemies. Here, it was she who was the real predator.
According to the map she’d been shown that evening, Lotte was looking for a seemingly-abandoned building in the west sector of town. It didn’t take long to find it. There were a few broken windows and two guards posted at the front entrance. Fortunately, there was a second floor that she could sneak in through.
With a leap, Lotte used her magic to attach herself to the back wall and climb over to a window. Peering inside with her night vision, she could see the threads connected to a small bell that would alert anyone of an intruder. A brief jolt of magic was enough to sever the thread without activating the trap.
Lotte slipped inside and out of her boots, navigating around the dirty floor with only padded feet. The stairs would creak if she tried to use them, so she simply jumped and landed with a quiet thump. It was enough to get someone’s attention, though, as she heard the quiet clank of cheap armor elsewhere in the building. She ran up next to an open doorway and pooled a surge of magic into her hand. When the guard walked through, Lotte raised her hand to his face and gently coaxed him to sleep, carefully lowering his body to the ground.
“And here’s my prize,” she whispered, stepping into the room and putting out the lantern with a wave of her hand.
Lined up against the wall was a rack of halberds. They were being stored here in case the guards needed to access them quickly, such as if a riot broke out. It would not benefit the Resistance if citizens got too hurt during the civil unrest they were planning to incite, so Lotte had been sent to do something about the weapons to help minimize casualties.
Stepping up to the rack, Lotte placed her fingers on the blade of a halberd, pushing her magic into it and speeding up time just a little. Rust began to spread from her fingers across the blade. She ran her hands down the length of the shaft, aging and weakening the wood to make the weapon useless. It took a lot of time to go through each weapon, but it was worth it.
Lotte slipped out the way that she came in, crawling up onto the rooftop and then leaping to another. Sabotaging the weapons was all she needed to do tonight, so it was time to head back to home and get some rest. It would be great to curl up next to Alena and sleep.
At one point, she had to stop and wait for a small patrol of guards to pass. They were chatting quietly. Lotte perked her ears up to see if she could listen in.
“What if it’s just around the corner?” someone was asking.
“Be quiet!” another person hissed. “You’re going to give me a heart attack.”
“I’m just saying, every night someone reports seeing the creature. It’s got to be real.”
“If there was a monster in this town, don’t you think that the wizard would do something about it?”
“That coot doesn’t ever leave his lab. For all we know, he’s the one who unleashed it.”
“Shut up!”
“For all we know, it’s listening in right now, about to pounce…”
“I said shut up!”
Lotte smirked and leapt over to another rooftop. They were scared of her. That felt good. That felt so good.
When Lotte made it back to Ursel’s home, she dispelled everything but her ears and tail before slipping inside. With her night vision, she was easily able to make it back to her room without lighting a candle. Alena was inside, turning restlessly as she tried to sleep. Lotte silently changed into a night shirt and laid down beside her, wrapping her arms around Alena. Her girlfriend almost immediately stopped fidgeting.
Lotte smiled softly, then frowned. She was awfully tired, but afraid to fall asleep. Every night brought her back to that cell. There was no escaping it. All she had to do was stay awake. That was feasible, right? Her eyelids were heavy. If she could just never fall asleep again, she’d be fine…
Lotte was wandering down hallways illuminated by flickering candles. She had the sense that there was something behind her, but no matter how many times she turned around there was no one there. When she called out for Alena, the sound just echoed down the halls. Lotte continued walking, shadows on the walls stretching out into the mocking shapes of indifferent crowds.
She covered her ears and ran for the door at the end of the hall. Bursting through, Lotte found herself in her cell again. Her entire body was shaking as she curled up into a ball. A shadow fell over her. Turning around, Lotte saw a haunched figure with glowing red eyes raising a large knife.
Lotte woke up breathing heavily and sat bolt right. Her entire body was shaking. It was dark, but there was a blanket on her. Where was she? This wasn’t her cell. Someone was stirring next to her. Lotte had already started to drag herself away by the time she remembered that it was Alena.
Her breathing slowed and Lotte wiped the cold sweat off of her face.
“What’s wrong?” Alena asked, yawning in the darkness.
“It’s nothing,” Lotte replied. “Just a bad dream.”
“Again? What was it this time? Come on—” She gently placed a hand on Lotte’s shoulder, causing her to pull away. “—tell me what happened.”
Lotte groaned and explained, “I just… I was walking down a hallway, and you weren’t there, and I felt so alone and scared and then that fucking wizard was there and I was in my cell again and… and…”
She curled her hands into fists and started wiping away the tears that were forming. Alena leaned in, pulling Lotte close and whispering softly to her. Lotte's breath was ragged and shallow.
“It’s okay, I’m here now,” Alena told her. “And I’m never letting you out of my sight again, okay? You never have to be without me, anymore.”
The two laid back down, Alena holding Lotte tightly. She closed her eyes and was asleep within minutes. Lotte stayed awake. Her eyes were getting heavy and her thoughts kept drifting, but she’d just bite her tongue every time she noticed until she could focus again.
At least when she was awake, Lotte had some control over her thoughts. She couldn’t go back to sleep again. She couldn’t go back there. This wasn’t going to be her life from now on. Lotte wouldn’t be constantly suffering from the memories of what had happened to her.
“Lotte, you need to talk to someone about this,” Zisald said, sitting down cross-legged next to her. “It’s not going to get better on it’s own. You need to talk to someone, or find some way to confront it, or you might never get better.”
“I just need to get out of this town,” Lotte said. “When we’ve beaten Torben, I’m leaving for a while. I’m going to travel and learn how to use my magic.”
“Will that help you get better?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered.
Zisald sighed and told her, “A big advantage of being human is that you’re not stuck in the same point in time forever. Please don’t let that moment consume you.”
“Do you think I want this?” Lotte hissed, craning her neck to look at the specter in the darkness. “Does this seem like it’s fun for me?”
Zisald didn’t answer. Lotte waited for them to say more, but they remained silent. She returned to biting her tongue to keep herself away.
Despite her best efforts, Lotte must have fallen asleep at some point in the night. When she next opened her eyes, light was filtering in through the curtains. She wasn’t quite as tired as she had been just moments before. Alena was still curled up next to her on the mattress. Lotte held on tightly to her and closed her eyes again. For a while, she drifted in a state of limited awareness before her mind blinked out entirely.
I am sitting where Lotte is right now. Has been hard to find a therapist...
I know this is sorta obvious, but that really sucks. I hope you've been able to find someone in the last three months...
@Shadowqueer I was able, yes. Helped a lot.
Hope she will be okay…