During the train ride to school, various thoughts flooded my mind. They were mainly about how to circumvent the negative consequences from conquering Saya. But, everything led to the same conclusion. 

We stepped off of the train, and started heading towards our school. 

As we were walking, I started noticing the girls around making strange faces and whispering amongst themselves. 

Is Saya's infamy that bad?! The way they looked at me before is nothing compared to this! 

I glanced out of the corner of my eye at Saya and she was walking confidently without a care in the world. 

I can’t believe how unbothered she is about this. Maybe she’s used to it? I wish I could say the same for myself. 

“So now you’re being quiet?” Saya asked with a laugh as we approached our school. In a much better mood than earlier. 

Saya kind of made me feel her up while we made out on the train. Which seemed to have improved her mood significantly. Bringing out her cutesy side again.  

I sighed internally. 

I can’t just avoid Saya in school. 

“Hello?!” Saya’s voice knocked me out of my stupor. 

When I came to, Saya was waving her hand in front of my face. 

“Oh.” The word escaped my mouth. 

“I’ve been talking to you for who knows how long and that’s all you have to say?“ Saya sighed before a smile came to her lips. “Were you thinking about something perverted?” 

This is going to suck. “Saya.” 

I turned to face Saya and grabbed her by the shoulders before pushing her to a more private area. 

Saya blushed profusely as she stared into my eyes. “You want to do it here?” 

Something below my pants jumped in excitement, but the thought of what I was about to do really killed my mood. 

“No...I…” What should I even say? 

Saya was still staring at me expectantly so I planted a kiss on her lips. She tried to take it further by seeking out my tongue. But, I quickly pulled back. 

Saya armed herself with puppy dog eyes and threw me a longing gaze.  

My chest tightened, and my stomach churned. 

There’s no good way to really do this. 

My heart was beating fast and I had to take a deep breath to calm myself down. “Saya, I care about you. B-“ 

“I do too.” Saya responded with a beautiful smile on her face as her blush deepened. “I love you.” 

Please… don’t say that? 

I hung my head, no longer able to look Saya in the eyes. “…When we’re at school, could you hold back?” 

“What?” I heard Saya’s voice filled with confusion. She shook slightly as if I struck her.

“I… don’t..it’s…” It’s not that I can’t find the right words to say. It’s that there isn’t any.. 

After a long pause, Saya’s voice cut into my thoughts. “You’re embarrassed of me.” 

It was like a bullet struck me in the chest. “No-“ 

“Or is it.. because you don’t want another girl to know?” Saya started trembling and I could hear how strained her voice was when it started cracking.

She’s… right. 

My grip tightened on Saya’s shoulders. I was afraid to look Saya in the face, I didn’t want to know how bad I just hurt her. But, I forced myself to do it. I deserved it. 

Once I looked up I saw the wreck I had just created. 

Saya was pale and tears were streaming down her face. The look in her eyes was despondent, as if her whole world came crashing down in front of her. Her lips trembled and her body shook uncontrollably. 

It felt like a gut punch, and I felt weak to my knees. But I couldn’t be upset because I deserved it. It was only a small price to pay. “I love you Saya. It’s just that-“

“That’s what it is…ha…” I could see Saya’s heart breaking inside of her eyes, and the pain from it spilled into her voice. 

I opened my mouth to reply, but I never got the opportunity to. 

Saya’s hand connected with my cheek and I found myself tumbling backwards. 

My ears started ringing, and I held my burning cheek. 

“I hate you…” That was Saya’s last words to me before she took off running, leaving me behind.

I was alone with my thoughts and I felt sick to my stomach. Tears welled up in my eyes and my chest was killing me. 

I’m the biggest piece of shit ever. 

The walk to school was mostly a blur. I felt empty and gross the entire time.

What was I thinking? No.. I wasn’t thinking? I thought that I considered her feelings, but I really didn’t. 

I arrived at the school gate in no time. Or at least it felt like it.

Jennifer tried to stop me for something. But, I just couldn’t find the energy to care and I walked right past her. 

Hopefully this day ends sooner rather than later. 

I walked into class, and as per usual Jason was surrounded by almost all of the girls. 

How the hell does he do it? Why am I having such a rough go of it? 

I noticed Riri staring at me, but once I looked her way she looked the other way. 

I’m not surprised. The text messages from her were really bad. 

I said hey as I passed by Riri, but she didn’t respond nor look my way. 

I sighed internally and sat down in my seat before putting my head down. 

A few minutes later I was woken up by a tap on my shoulder. 

“Jeff.” I looked up to see Sarah standing over me. She had a weird look on her face, and it looked like she had something more to say. 

The fuck does she want? “..Yes.” 

Sarah pointed to the door with a hesitant look on her face. “Can I.. talk to you in the hallway?” 

Am I about to get a lecture? 

I looked around to see everyone turning to see what was going on. Riri as well, but she averted her eyes again once she noticed me staring at her. 

Fuck it. It can't be that bad. 

I stood up and followed Sarah out of the class. As we stepped into the hallway Sarah pulled me to the side. 

Sarah looked back and forth before quietly whispering to me. “Jeff… Is everything alright at home?” 

“…Where did that come from?” I hope she’s not insinuating that I’m being abused? 

Sarah closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  “Me and your other teachers had a conference about your behavior and recent performance. You’ve been sleeping in class a lot, and when you’re not sleeping, you aren’t paying attention. Not to mention you haven’t done any homework.” 

“…” She’s right. I’ve been so preoccupied with Saya, that I pushed everything else off. 

Sarah placed her hands on my shoulders, and a small amiable smile floated onto her face. “I know about your condition. And so do your other teachers. Jeff, I know things may be rough right now, but they’ll get better. And we’re here to help you.” 

“I..really appreciate that.” I felt a little bit better until Saya’s face popped up in my head. The same sour feeling returned and I had the urge to vomit.

“So…” Sarah dragged her words out with a joyful tone. “We’re going to go back to class, work on your homework, and I’m going to have a talk with your teachers to see if there’s something we can do about improving your grades. Okay?”

“Okay.” I answered flatly. My head is in a different space. 

“Hey.” Sarah pulled my cheeks. “Smile. Everything’s going to be alright.” 

I did as she instructed and smiled. 

Sarah’s face twitched, but she kept up her smile. “See… You have a great smile. You should show it off more often.” 

“Really?” I can tell you’re lying.  

“Yeah...” Sarah’s voice trailed off as she averted her eyes. 

Sarah and I stepped back into class and she started helping me with my homework. That was until..

“Hey, can I help?” Jason walked up to my next with his books and notebooks in hand. Like he knew the answer would be yes. 

This fucking guy…

“Of course!” Sarah answered as if she was ready to jump out of her chair in excitement. 

You don’t have to be that damn thirsty. Think about your job lady. 

Jason grabbed a chair and scooted in front of me. I mourned the loss of my alone time with Sarah as soon as she agreed to let him help. 

The girls around us were making stank faces and throwing hateful glares at me. 

If I didn't know any better, I’d think Jason was placing a spell on all of the girls.  How the hell does someone conquer an entire classroom? Well, save for Riri. But, at this rate he might get her too. 

I bent forward, the pain from my chest hitting me unexpectedly. 

“Are you okay?!” Jason asked as he placed a hand on my shoulder. 

“I’m good…” I…don’t want to lose Riri? I can’t even imagine it. I can’t believe it hurts this bad?? What the fuck?? 

Once things calmed down Jason took his seat. The moment he sat down Sarah was practically all over him. It was like I faded into the background.

Isn’t this supposed to be about me? What the fuck are they doing? 

I imagined myself as a side character watching their love story unfold. A forbidden love between a teacher and her student. The teacher does her best to hide her feelings for her student and act composed in front of him. But, every once in a while her feelings slip out. 

A slight brush of the shoulders, stroking of the arms, random blushing, long stares, laughing when there’s nothing funny, smiling like an idiot. 

That’s supposed to be for me… He’s trying to take everything from me..

My heart started racing, I started breathing hard, and I could feel my blood boiling. 

Both of these fuckers are supposed to be helping me, yet they’re blatantly flirting in front of me. 

I stood up and snatched up my book and notebook before throwing it into my book bag and flinging it over my shoulder.  

“What are you doing?” Sarah asked, still sticking close to Jason. 

“Giving you two some space.” I replied as I started walking towards the door. 

“Excuse me?!” Sarah replied with a bit of irritation in her voice.

I turned around and stared her straight in the eyes. “You heard what I said.” 

Sarah looked stunned by what I said, but I don’t care. 

I continued walking until I remembered there was something else I wanted to say. “I don’t need your help anymore.” 

“W-wait!” Jason grabbed my wrist, stopping me right before I could walk out the door.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I snatched my arm away and walked out the door without looking back.

Once I stepped into the hallway, I heard the classroom erupt

Fuck them! Fuck all of them! 

After I left the classroom and wandered around school for a little bit. I got the chance to cool down. 

That was really dumb… Sure, it’s annoying how much they’re all over each other. But, I am failing and she did offer to help. Plus, it’s a bad idea to be at odds with a teacher. 

I sighed loudly and rubbed the bridge of my nose. 

Who knows how much I’ve just set myself back with Sarah. Then there’s Riri.. she refuses to even look at me. And Miyuki hasn’t answered any of my texts.

I thought back to what happened with Saya this morning, and I sighed loudly. “And not to mention Saya.” 

“What?” I looked up to see Saya squatted down smoking a cigarette in her usual spot. 

What?! How did I end up here?! I didn’t intend to come here! 

I stared at Saya as she continued smoking her cigarette. 

Fuck it. 

I swallowed my anxiety and fear and approached Saya. 

Before I could reach her, she stopped me. 

“Stop!” Saya held up a hand. “You don’t want to be seen with me, right? Your other girlfriend might find out.” 

I continued walking towards Saya until I was able to sit down next to her. “I don’t have another girlfriend.” 

“So you’re trying to get one.” Saya replied as she took a long puff of her cigarette. “And here I was trying to quit.”

“What?” I didn’t know that. She never mentioned it before. 

“Yup. I was doing it for you.” Saya responded, taking another drag off of her cigarette. “But, what’s the point?” 

Saya laughed melancholy. “I thought you actually gave a fuck. But as usual, I’m a stupid bitch.”

“Saya-“ 

My words got cut off when I watched Saya stick her cigarette into her wrist. 

“What the fuck?!” I knocked the cigarette out of Saya’s hand. 

I pulled up Saya’s shirt and saw that she had been digging into her skin with her fingernails. “Stop doing this shit! What’s wrong with you?!” 

“Stop acting like you care!” Saya roared as she batted my hands away. “What does it matter anyway?!“ Tears started streaming down Saya’s cheeks and mucus started coming out of her nose as she sobbed and hiccuped. “Why don’t you want me? Why am I not enough?” 

I couldn’t contain myself any longer. I hugged Saya as hard as I could, as if she would disappear at any moment. I do want you.”I planted kisses on her lips one after the other, ignoring the salty taste of her tears. “You are enough.”

“I love you.” Saya struggled to say through her sobbing. 

“I’m sorry.” This is my fault. I have to make this right. I have to do better. Saya doesn’t deserve to be treated like this. 

There was a crazed look in Saya’s eyes as flashes of sinister light passed through each of them. She dug her nails into Jeff’s back while a crooked smile painted her face. Though she was being held by Jeff, that’s not what she was smiling for. In fact, she was far more focused on the person in front of her. 

There was a petite girl with curly black hair and flawless ebony skin watching Saya and Jeff’s display of affection silently. 

“I love you so, so much..” Saya whispered into Jeff’s ear with the voice of a siren. 

“I love you too.” Jeff responded, unaware of what was happening around him. 

Riri’s eyes watered, and she bit down on her trembling lip before turning back around and leaving. 

As Saya watched Riri leave, her smile only deepened and the crazed look in her eyes grew worse. It took everything in her to prevent herself from laughing hysterically.