:: CARON ::

Arrick asked for time and I had no choice but to give it. I’ve always known my feelings have nowhere to go. It was doomed to failure right from the start. Still, giving him space and time to think about everything is the least I could do after the things I’ve done. Arrick will reject me, eventually, I need to be patient until he's calm enough to do it.

I realized it was wrong, to leave the situation unresolved and to run away. But I never really thought about it until Arrick pointed it out. I convinced myself that what I did was right, that leaving the pack was for the benefit of everyone. I thought the pain I was suffering could and would excuse my cowardly behavior. But Arrick saw through all that sham. I was being selfish.

I never expected him to be angry. No, shit wait! Angry is too tame a word to describe his reaction. It’s safe to say he was fucking furious. And considering the circumstances, Arrick has the right to feel that way.

I arrogantly decided everything on my own. I assumed things and headed out on my merry way without thought and didn’t care about the people I left behind. The situation had gone from bad to worse because I didn't have the will or the courage to stay and see things through. 

How could I expect Arrick to give me a chance when I didn’t allow him the same courtesy before? I ran away the first chance I got and didn’t think twice about it.

Arrick was right, I could have stayed. I could have told him the truth regardless of the consequences. It would have hurt me, perhaps my family and Arrick. But at least it would have been done, over. We could have moved on, forget, by now. I shouldn’t have allowed my fears to rule over me.

I was genuinely shocked when Arrick told me he knew about my feelings. For how long… It doesn't really matter, does it? What matters is he found out despite my attempts to hide it from him. I guess I wasn’t good at masking my emotions as I thought, or Arrick is more perceptive than I thought.

“Uncle Caron,” Devon said as he snuggled closer to me. “Are you and Daddy fighting?”

I froze and stared at Devon’s innocent and guileless face. 

“No, of course not.” I choked out, lying through my teeth. “What made you say that?”

“You don’t smile when Daddy is around. Daddy goes away when you’re in the room.” He explained wrinkling his nose and twirling a leaf in between his fingers. “You only look at Daddy when he’s not looking at you and Daddy watches you when you’re not looking at him.”

Oh gads! Were we that obvious? If Devon could notice the strain between me and his father, then I can only imagine what the older members of the pack see. No wonder the atmosphere in the pack house had been so strange. I thought it was due to the effects of the pack hunt and Delaney’s exile. But now that I think about it, I guess our reactions, whenever we find ourselves in the same room, must look and feel odd to the pack after everything that happened.

“I hope you make up soon,” Devon continued, casually flicking the leaf away. “Daddy’s no fun. He even forgot it was ‘mac and cheese night’ last night. He made me eat veggies instead. Can you believe that?”

Macaroni and cheese is Devon’s sacred manna. Wednesday nights are mac and cheese nights at the Colson household. No one messes with that regime. Devon is a picky eater and the only way to get him to eat vegetables and fruits is the solemn promise of macaroni and cheese every Wednesday, for dinner. I learned this fact during my first days back with the pack. And for Arrick to forget it is highly unlikely since it concerns his son. But it seems it is possible…

Devon continued to grumble with all the indignity a young pup could muster. He kept talking about the unfairness of eating more vegetables when he could eat meat or mac and cheese all the time.

After learning about Arrick’s uncanny behavior, it took me a while to focus, to listen and sympathize with Devon’s cause. And in the end of his heartfelt litany, I promised we’d have mac and cheese for dinner and reduce his serving of veggies for tomorrow. 

That small concession seemed to pacify Devon and allowed him to forget about his question about my current situation with his father. Once Devon was satisfied with the meal arrangement, he ran off to play with the other pups.

I mentally groaned when I spied Arrick on the other end of the lawn. He and Darach were headed for the garage but stopped when Devon spotted and called after them. Arrick moved and tackled Devon gently to the ground, laughing as he tickled his son mercilessly.

A smile played over my lips as I watched him with Devon. He looked carefree and natural until Devon whispered something in his ear. Whatever it was, it gave him pause.

Arrick slowly straightened and looked up to where I sat. I noticed the immediate change in his stance and expression once he caught sight of me. 

I tried to play it cool by raising a hand and waving a silent hello. But instead of acknowledging the gesture, Arrick pretended not to see. He warmly kissed his son’s forehead and walked away with Darach not far behind him.

“Damn it!” I cursed under my breath, rubbing a hand on the back of my neck to ease the tension forming there.

“Are you alright?” Eoin asked as he appeared beside me.

I wonder if he saw my failed and pathetic attempt at crawling back into his brother’s good graces.

“Why wouldn't I be?” I answered, mentally slapping myself. The response sounded rehearsed and unconvincing, only a fool would believe it.

Eoin just hummed in response, bumping his shoulder lightly against mine as he sat beside me. Eoin knew I was lying, one could easily guess by my tone. But Eoin decided to be kind and did not say anything about it. Eyes closed, he sat back and lifted his face towards the clear blue skies. 

“You’ve been spacing out a lot since you got released from the infirmary.” He said after a while, looking everywhere but me. He started to pull at some loose thread on the edge of his shirt. “I know I can’t do much but I can at least…”

I covered his hand with mine so he’d stop ruining his shirt. Eoin is fidgety when he’s nervous and he developed a habit of picking and scratching on things. That’s why it's so easy to tell when he’s bothered about something.

“I just have a lot of things in my mind,” I answered, giving his hand a gentle squeeze before letting go. “I’m sorry if I’m not fun to be with these days.”

“Is it about Arrick?” He asked, looking straight at me.

“You noticed it too, huh?” I answered, flashing him a self-deprecating smile. “Things are not good between us at the moment.”

“Yeah, we noticed.” Eoin mumbled and followed up with, “Is it because of Del?”

I started at that. “What does Delaney have to do with it?” I seriously don’t see the connection at all.

Eoin looked confused for a second before he proceeded to tell me what happened after Delaney’s failed attempt at Arrick’s life during the pack hunt. He also told me about the fight in the infirmary and how Arrick was goaded into it.

It’s been nagging at me why Delaney suddenly became a very sore topic for Arrick. I noticed that when someone happened to mention his name, Arrick would immediately tense up. 

Granted, the damn idiot tried to kill him but it wasn’t the first time Delaney made an attempt on Arrick’s life. Everyone knows Delaney is no match for Arrick that’s why he resorts to covert methods. Being sneaky is the only thing Delaney could do better than Arrick.

“I’ve never seen Arrick that mad before.” Eoin continued. “I was sure he was going to kill Del. But then he heard you call out his name and he just… stopped.”

My memories about that time are, in truth, a bit foggy. All I could remember clearly was the fight outside the room and how afraid I was when I realized the one fighting was Arrick. Now that Eoin recounted those events, some of the clouded recollections from that day became clearer.

I do remember calling Arrick’s name. I was so scared something might happen to him and felt frustrated because I couldn't move to get to him. I remember him picking me up from the floor and depositing me back on the bed. He was so gentle, so kind. He even laughed when I tried to reprimand him for his juvenile behavior.

But all that kindness, gentleness and playfulness disappeared without a trace the next time I opened my eyes. Maybe that’s the reason why my memories were so hazy. I thought I imagined it all.

“Caron, ah… you see,” Eoin hesitated before turning away and violently shook his head. “I want to ask if…” He started again, ruining the edge of his shirt. 

I can guess what he wanted to ask so I took pity on him and said, “We were never together,” I looked ahead and rested my elbow on my bent knee. “Delaney and I… we were never in a relationship.”

“But Delaney made it sound like you were.” Eoin whined.

I can imagine how Delaney made everything between us sound. I honestly don’t understand what made him think that way. I’ve been straightforward and firm when I told him that the one night we shared should be left buried and never explored or discussed again. Delaney agreed when we had that talk. I wonder what changed his mind.

I sighed and turned to look at Eoin. I have to tell him the truth. I don’t want him to believe something that wasn’t true.

“I admit, we had a night together.” I said looking straight into Eoin’s eyes so he’ll know I’m not lying. “But that happened a long time ago. Frankly, I don't even remember what went on that night. I was too drunk and wasted to remember. I doubt if I even had the strength or inclination to perform.”

It’s the truth. I can’t remember what happened that night with Delaney. All I know is we spent the night at a motel. From the state of the room and the marks on my body when I woke up, I surmised we’ve been intimate. But no matter what I do I can't seem to remember any of the details.

What I do remember is feeling vile and dirty after I woke up and found Delaney sitting on the edge of the bed staring at me. It felt wrong on so many levels, like I did something I wasn’t supposed to. 

I regretted that night. A lot. Delaney and I were friends before the incident happened. We weren’t close but we were amicable. And it felt wrong being intimate with a friend and worse, he was Arrick’s cousin.

Eoin flared up after hearing the muddy details of my one night stand with his cousin. Eoin is very innocent and is saving himself for ‘the one’. I silently laughed at myself because I used to think like him. 

I used to dream about Arrick and me together. I kept telling myself that no one was allowed to touch me aside from him. But after what happened with Delaney, I gathered there was no point in dreaming anymore. It doesn't matter if I remembered or not, I’ve been touched by someone and it wasn’t Arrick who did it.

I was brought back from my daze when Eoin bravely asked, “What exactly is between you and Delaney, Caron?”

There’s no possible way I could explain to Eoin about my complicated situation with Delaney without admitting my deep-seated feelings for his brother. Eoin has been my close friend for many years. If I have to be honest, I consider Eoin my best friend. He’s sweet natured and understanding. But I don't think Eoin would take kindly to me if he knows I’ve been secretly in love with his brother for years.

“I know…” Eoin said silently.

“Huh?” I asked dumbly.

“You have a habit of voicing your thoughts out loud when you feel cornered, Caron.” He sighed before smiling gently at me. “I know you’re in love with my brother. I’ve known for some time now.”

“Really?” I asked in disbelief. I might sound like an idiot, but sure, whatever. “It doesn't bother you?”

“Why would it bother me, Carr? You’re the most caring person I know. If anyone knows how to love someone with all their heart it would be you. And I’m happy you chose my brother.”

Wow! I mean, yeah. Okay. This is just… “Why didn't you say anything?” I asked, still reeling.

“I was waiting for you to tell me. But I realized, given the circumstances, you wanted to keep it a secret.” He answered.

I guess my well-kept secret is not so secret after all.

“So what will you do now? I guess the strain between you and Arrick is because he finally knows about your feelings.” I nodded slowly and he continued, “Did he say anything?”

I breathed out harshly and ran a hand through my hair. “He said he needed time…”

“Well that’s good isn’t it?” Eoin said happily. “I mean, if he asked for time, that means he’s actually considering and seriously thinking about it.”

I laughed humorlessly and shook my head. So naïve… “It’s complicated, Eoin. I don't think Arrick is thinking about anything except how to let me down gently.”

“You don’t know that,” Eoin argued.

I admire his optimism but in my case it's useless. “I do know.” I whispered sadly. “It was doomed from the start, Eoin. I’ve known all along I’d be rejected, that's why I ran away. Arrick is too kind to tell it to my face.”

“There you go again,” someone growled angrily behind us. “Assuming the worst and deciding things on your own!”

I froze at the sound of his voice. No, he can’t be. He was supposed to be at the garage. How did he manage to sneak up on us without Eoin or I scenting his approach?

“Will you ever learn, Caron?” Arrick hissed as he stalked towards me. He grabbed my elbow and yanked me up to my feet. “Come!”

“Arrick…” Eoin stood up and tried to glare at his brother. “Let him go. Just because you’re…”

“Stay out of this, Eoin!” Arrick snapped. “This is between me and Caron.”

I sent Eoin an apologetic look as Arrick dragged me away. It wasn’t his fault that his brother was pissed. Eoin was just unlucky to get caught in the crossfire.

“You shouldn’t talk to him like that,” I said.

“Buckle up,” Arrick answered and I belatedly realized we were sitting in his car.

“Where are we going?” I asked warily, wondering if I should get out or not.

Arrick sighed heavily as he leaned over and reached for the seat belt. With a swift pull and tug, I was secured in the seat before I could blink. Arrick didn't say anything as we drove away from the pack house. I don't recognize where we’re headed. Arrick seemed to be taking the back roads somewhere.

“What are you doing?” I tried again as he continued to drive. “Where are we going?”

Arrick made a sharp turn, making the back tires screech in protest, before turning his attention to me. “I’m abducting you,” he said.

What the hell?!