:: ARRICK ::

I jerked up from bed soaked in cold sweat.  Something wasn’t right.

It's been weeks since Caron left with Briana’s pack back to Nightshade territory. Colum assured Caron’s parents that if Caron and Briana decide to go forward with the mating, he’d send someone to accompany them to Nightshade so they could be with Caron for the ceremony.

I know it’s presumptuous, especially with what’s between me and Caron, or lack thereof, but I’m sure there would not be any mating ceremony between Briana and Caron. I’m not being egotistical I just feel that neither of them really wants it to happen. At least not bad enough for it to happen in the near future. If they did, they would have gone through with it already.

No one understood my decision to stay behind, to wait in Sandalius while Briana carries Caron off back to their territory. Everyone in the pack, who has the guts to do it, gives me the evil eye for allowing Caron to be taken away. 

Darach is still not talking to me, except if it’s absolutely necessary and only about pack business, while Eoin plainly ignores my existence. My only consolation is that Devon is still staying at my parent’s house, otherwise he’d be giving me hell as well.

In all honesty, I still don't understand why I chose to stay behind and not to leave with them. But the story that Briana told me about Cayden kept me up most of the night.

I guess it all boils down to trust and how far I would go to have Caron back. Love and affection are major factors, of course, but the baseline is and will always be trust.

Whether I care to admit it or not the fact is I have trust issues. It’s the reason why this shit blew out of proportion in the first place. I messed up, big time, and because of my inability to trust I hurt Caron.

I only have one chance to prove to him that I love and want him, to win him over again. So I can’t muck up. But that doesn’t mean that if I fail, I’d give up. If there’s one thing I learned from this whole fiasco it is that giving up is never an option, not when Caron is involved.

When Caron opened the door that morning, I was convinced that allowing him to leave was the right thing to do. Caron looked indifferent when he saw me, sitting outside his door, but I knew him well enough to notice the pain lingering in his eyes. He tried to hide it but he couldn't hide it from me.

I was afraid to talk to him. I was fearful that I’d say something callous and unthinking and Caron would break down in front of me again. I hesitated for a while but he was leaving. I don't know when or if he’d ever want to come back. I don’t want him to leave without talking to him first so I steeled myself and took my chance.

“Can I have a moment?” I asked.

Caron stared at me for a long moment before nodding and leading the way out of the pack house. We walked quietly for some time. I could tell he was lost in his own thoughts and I, well, at that moment I was content to just look at him.

Back then, I did have the strong desire to snatch him and hug him close to me. I wanted to touch him to reaffirm myself that Caron is really there and he was alright. He gave me quite a scare, breaking down like he did. But considering what I did and said to him, I guess holding him would be careless and selfish.

“I’m leaving,” he said after a while.

“I know,” I answered.

More pain and confusion flashed in his eyes. I hate it when he does that, when he jumps into conclusions and ends up hurting himself. Like me, Caron has issues but instead of trust what he lacks is confidence.

Caron doesn’t know how to demand for things and he’s never selfish, not even with me. He gives and gives until there’s nothing left thinking it’s the only way to show love. But he has to learn that it’s not. I told him before that his one-sided way of doing things is not right but Caron doesn’t seem to get it.

Perhaps I’m partly to blame for Caron’s lack of confidence and for his propensity to push himself over the edge with unnecessary thoughts of self-sacrifice.

Caron wavers because he’s not confident of being loved, thinking the scale is always tipped to one side while I waver because I can’t trust something so unbalanced.

We’re both fools, he and I, thinking we’re the only ones in love and we’re suffering because of it. Our issues and prejudices against each other is what pulls us apart. We already proved that we loved each other regardless so now we have to work on having confidence and trust in each other. That is the reason why I chose to let him go, for now.

“Wipe that look off your face, Caron.” I said before more evil thoughts lodged itself in his head. “I’m giving you the freedom to run away because you and I both need this. I’m not saying it would be easy, watching you leave and waiting for you to come back. But if we’re going to stay together there are some things between us that will have to change.”

I guess I wasn’t clear enough back then. Everything was lined up properly in my head. I had a solution for every shit we might encounter during this short separation. 

But as always, I miscalculated. I forgot Caron always does what I least expect. If you leave him on his own he goes off the rails thinking it was the only way. 

Damned selfless, unthinking, moronic, beautiful bastard! Wait until I get my hands on him because from the way my body is burning and shaking, Caron must have done something extreme again.

I wasted no time jumping off the bed and getting dressed for my journey to Nightshade. It’s dark outside. But their territory is a couple of hours drive away from Sandalius. If I leave now, I could reach Nightshade pack lands before noon.

I pounded on Darach’s door and was greeted by my growling and snarling beta.

“I have to go,” I said. I don’t have to explain where or why. Darach knows me enough to surmise the only reason I’d disturb him in the middle of the night is if the pack is under attack or if something happened to Caron or any member of my family.

“I’m coming,” he said. “Let me grab a shirt.”

I nodded but didn't wait for him to come out. He’d follow me down when he’s ready. 

I silently traced my way downstairs and when I got there, Caron’s parents were waiting for me by the door. I cursed in my head as I caught sight of the look in their faces. They must have felt it too, the ominous feeling that’s still wracking my body.

“Alpha.” Catrin said, twisting her hands together, intense worry evident on her face.

“It could be a false alarm.” I said, trying to reassure her and at the same time reassuring myself. “If something happened to Caron, Colum or Briana would have contacted us right away, regardless of the time. I’m going to check on him, just in case. Besides, it’s high time he comes home. Don’t you think?”

Catrin nodded but she still looked severely worried and Donovan’s arms tightened around her shoulders. The three of us experiencing the deathly feeling at the same time couldn’t be a coincidence and none of us is naïve to think it was otherwise. 

Still, I would gladly drive more than 12 hours to Nightshade territory and be proven wrong than wait here and do nothing when my gut tells me I have to get to Caron as fast as I can.

“I’d call if there’s anything but I expect us to be back by tomorrow or the day after.” 

The full moon is in three days. I was thinking of driving down to Nightshade and taking Caron back before that anyway. Now that it’s come to this, I guess I shouldn't have waited too long to act. Another fucking miscalculation!

I got in the car and started the engine the same time Darach slid on the passenger seat. We were both surprised when Eoin hopped in the back.

“I’m going.” Eoin said, glaring at us when we looked back questioningly at him.

I know convincing Eoin not to come with us would be a waste of time and I might need his help in case something did happen to Caron. Instead of telling him to go back, I just shrugged my shoulders and drove away from the pack house, heading out of Sandalius pack lands.

The drive to Nightshade was long and halfway through our trip we received a call from Donovan telling us that Colum called looking for me. In some way, this call confirmed our fears. Once we crossed the Nightshade territory an envoy was waiting for us by the border to guide the way towards the pack house.

By the time I parked the car and was standing in front of Colum and a sobbing Briana, I was too high-strung to care about anything or anyone. But keeping a level head was the only way to get us through this.

Seeing her, I instantly knew what was wrong. Briana’s scent was mixed with another and from the dark but protective look in Cayden’s face, it must have been Caron’s idea for them to fully mate.

That damned idiot, why does he like pushing things too far and too hard? I don’t know much about what happens when true mates reject each other but even I understand it’s not something to be trifled with.

“Where is he?” I don't need particulars. I could get an explanation later. Right now, I want to see Caron and assess the damage he’d done to himself.

I should have known something like this would happen. In all the scenarios I have planned in my head this is the only one I wasn’t prepared for.

“He’s in the forest.” Colum was the one to answer.

I turned and walked towards the tree line. If Caron is hiding in the forest then it means he’s relatively fine. I could scent him out and coax him to come back to Sandalius before the night is through. It can’t be safe for him to stay this close to Briana, not when she’s already fully mated to Cayden.

But before I could move further and enter the woods, Colum held me back.

“There’s something you need to know before you go and find him.” He said his eyes were boring through mine. “Don’t worry, Caron is not going anywhere. We’ve set up a perimeter around the area where he’s currently in. Half a mile radius and guards are all well aware and properly trained to confine him.”

I growled at that. “What do you mean confine him?”

They’ve got to be fucking with me. Setting up guards around Caron in the forest is the same as placing him on a cage. I don't know what happened while he was here but if Colum think I’d stand by while they treat Caron like a mindless rogue then they have another thing coming. Colum better have a good explanation for treating Caron like this or I won’t be held responsible for what I’d do by means of retaliation.

“It’s not for anything but for his own safety.” Colum started and I could see from the tight line of his muscles and the way that he’s standing he’s trying to measure and be careful with his next words, as he should. “You might have noticed the change in Briana’s scent. Yes, she and Cayden are now fully mated. Whether you believe it or not, they moved forward with the mating ceremony with Caron’s full consent and blessing. In fact, Caron was the one who pushed for it to happen.”

I already deduced as much. What I don't understand is why they’re trying to keep Caron here when he clearly doesn't want to stay. Why put up guards around him and in the forest no less? Why are they acting like Caron is a threat or that he’s dangerous?

“Caron said he was prepared for what would happen once the bond between him and Briana is severed. But something went wrong during the ceremony that none of us anticipated. After Briana and Cayden marked each other, Caron phased and went on a rampage. He injured some of my warriors.” Colum said clearly distressed about what happened. “We knew it could happen and we prepared for it. But we didn't expect the extent of the damage Caron would have to suffer.”

I suddenly feel cold all over.

Caron is a born warrior wolf with beta blood in his veins. He could be aggressive but he isn’t one to physically attack or injure anyone without a valid cause. It just isn’t in him. If Caron went berserk during the ceremony that would mean he’d lost all rationality and was acting solely on instinct. And when werewolf acts that way it could only mean one thing.

“We tried everything to reach out to him but he doesn't seem to remember anyone. Even Briana’s voice or presence couldn't reach him.” Colum explained further but this time, I already know what happened and what’s wrong with Caron. “It seems that he had turned feral.” 

I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. I’ve seen a werewolf turn feral before, once, when I was young. It was my grandfather, the alpha of Sandalius pack before my father. 

I was seven when it happened. Sandalius was at war with another pack back then and my grandmother was slaughtered on one of the raids while trying to defend the younger pups.

The turn happened so suddenly and none of us expected it. Once grandfather heard of what happened to his mate he phased to his alpha wolf and went on a killing rampage. Nothing we did or said could stop him. He injured a lot of warriors, killed his beta and the beta’s mate.

Grandfather wasn’t doing it consciously, we knew and understood that much. He was lashing out because of grief and loss, pure animal instinct was the only sense governing him. It was the only thing that could guide him through the pain and there was nothing any of us could do to help him out of it.

Everyone one knows that when a werewolf turns feral the kindest thing to do is to put it down before it kills one of its own. There’s no going back when it comes to that stage. Humanity and rationality is shattered, replaced by a wild instinct and savage urge to be free. 

Being free, in our case, is being devoid and stripped of all human emotions and encumbrance that could restrain or hold us back from being what we truly are, natural born predators who live for nothing but the next kill.

My body shook. I can’t believe it. He couldn't have. He wouldn’t…

Caron is stronger than this. I know he is!

My mind furiously worked out possibilities of ways around this damned situation we now find ourselves in. But no matter how hard I think the nagging feeling on the back of my skull keeps knocking me off balance and a deafening question keeps ringing out.

What if I can’t bring him back?

“This is your fault!”

My head snapped up and was stunned when I saw Eoin advance threateningly at Briana. It’s unlike him to blame anyone for anything. Eoin is the most forgiving person I know. But from the savage look on his face there’s no mistake that he’s ready to do Briana serious bodily harm.

Cayden reacted immediately and placed Briana behind him. Colum stood protectively in front of them and growled at Eoin to back off but my brother only snarled back, unfazed that he’s facing an alpha of another pack.

Darach and I moved at the same time. I stood between Colum and Eoin while Darach pulled my brother back.

“Let me go!” Eoin screamed, fighting off Darach’s hold. “It’s her fault!”

“It’s going to be alright, Eoin. Calm down…” Darach said in a gentle and calming voice, wrapping his arms around my brother to keep him from injuring himself. “Hush, everything is going to be alright.”

“He’s gone, Darach. Caron is gone and it’s her fucking fault! If she hadn’t appeared. If she hadn’t taken him. Caron would still be…” Eoin cried burying his face on my beta’s chest and Darach only held him tighter, closer. “I won’t forgive her! I swear I won’t forgive her!”

“Stop it, Eoin! Caron wouldn’t want to hear you talking like that, would he?” Darach chided my brother like he would a child. But his hold on him remained firm and his tone the gentlest I’ve ever heard him use. “Caron is stronger than this, don’t you think so? He’s probably just taking a breather.”

“But they said he’s gone…” Eoin choked back and started sobbing uncontrollably again.

I wanted to cry too but breaking down wouldn't solve anything. I chanced a glance at Briana and I could tell that even she is blaming herself for what happened to Caron. But it’s too late for her. Caron is no longer hers. She shouldn't be worrying about him anymore because now he’s wholly mine.

“It’s alright calm down,” Darach soothed Eoin, slowly rubbing circles on his back and keeping his head on his chest. “We’d figure this out, alright? Stop crying, Eoin.”

I watched them closely and despite Darach’s reassurances to my brother I could see that even he was shaken and couldn’t believe this was actually happening. I’m worried about Eoin but he’d be fine with Darach. From the look of the two of them together, I think it’s best to leave them to console each other, for now.

I turned to Colum with a plan already formed in my head.

“I need to borrow some of your warriors to accompany me and my party back to Sandalius territory.” I said with delay. “I need those who could fight without fatally wounding their opponent and have enough strength and endurance to make the journey on foot.”

Colum frowned questioningly at me but thankfully didn't voice out any of his questions. If he had any arguments, he blessedly kept it to himself. He nodded before turning on his heel to gather the men I asked of him with Briana and Cayden following closely behind.

“What are you planning to do?” Darach asked once we were alone.

“What do you think I’m going to do?” I asked back instead of answering his question.

Colum and his pack are friendly and understanding but their lenience to this situation could only stretch so far. Colum is the alpha of Nightshade and he would have to protect his own. We can't stay here. The full moon is coming and from the way they’re acting I think everyone has already given up. And if something happens in the next few days it would be Caron's head they’d be taking, not anyone else’s. That won’t do for me.

I’m not going to wait for a miracle to happen. I’m going to create one for myself and for Caron.

I’m done giving up without even trying. This is Caron we’re talking about and if I know him, which I am confident I do, he probably went through this insanity with thoughts of us, of proving himself to me. Not that I don’t appreciate the gesture but he didn’t need to do this, not to such an extent. But Caron has always been an extremist.

Curiously, I still don't regret not coming with him. I think that at that time we both needed the distance. I’m sorry that he misunderstood my intentions and my actions pushed him to this crude and barbaric method. The thing I regret is not being here to prevent him from going through with it.

But that’s all done. What happened before doesn’t matter anymore. This is now. The situation I have to deal with is not ideal but I’m giving up on him. Never again!

It’s all or nothing… 

Honestly, I’m not surprised these are the odds Caron set out for me to deal with. When it comes to him it’s always been one or the other. Caron took a gamble and I’m betting on him like he bet on me.

“I’m taking him home...”