:: ARRICK :: 

Guiding Caron, in his current state, back to Sandalius pack lands is not an easy task.

The moment I approached him he didn’t recognize me at all, not my look, the sound of my voice or my scent. I wasn’t hoping he would but it was still quite a shock.

Caron immediately saw me as a threat and attacked without restraint or reservation. I had to phase in order to fend off the assault. I didn't want to hurt or fight him but I had no choice. I had to bite and harshly pin him down in order to achieve some form of dominance over him.

Caron may have no sense of what is right or wrong and he may not be able to distinguish a friend from a foe but even on current state he recognizes strength.

After I proved I was a lot stronger and more dominant than him, Caron stopped challenging me whenever he felt my approach. He was still wary and guarded but at the same time Caron became more aware of me.  

I advised the others to keep their distance. Caron would attack anyone he thinks is a prey and would do so without much provocation. Family, friends or pack members, he wouldn't or couldn't distinguish anyone. To him, everyone is a threat that has to be eliminated.

The move was simple enough. Colum along with six other warriors from his pack and Darach ran in a formation with Caron and I travelling in the middle.

The plan was for me to steer Caron in the direction of the Sandalius pack lands while the others act as guards to make sure we won’t encounter anyone along the way and to prevent him from escaping in case he veers off course.

At first it was difficult to steer him in the direction that I wanted him to go. Caron doesn’t have a sense of distance or purpose at the moment. He doesn’t care where he is or where he’s going and what he’s going to do. Everything seems to distract him. He would snarl and try to fight just to turn on another way. 

But as we progressed I developed some sort of system to keep him focused and in line. Every time he turned off course, I lightly nipped his hind legs or tail and nudged him back to the direction that I wanted him to take.

We had to avoid roadways and of course humans since Caron is too unstable and huge wolves travelling as a pack during the day would attract too much attention. We took the mountain pass and ran through thick and dense forests to get from one territory to the other. After almost 20 hours of consistent running and moving we finally arrived at Sandalius pack lands.

I sent Eoin ahead with the car so he could warn the pack and they could prepare to meet us and intercept Caron once we entered the Sandalius’ border. We have been travelling nonstop and the wolves from Nightshade are in need of a rest.

Ten wolves met us at the border including Caron’s father, Donovan. For a second he forgot himself when he saw Caron and tried to approach his son but I immediately warned him to back off. No matter how familiar he is, Caron would not recognize him, not right now.

I still don't know how I’m going to bring him back but for now I’m glad Caron is within my territory.

The southern part of the forest has been freed and appointed guards are now patrolling around the area. Caron and I would be staying there while I find a way to get him through his current state. No one is allowed to approach or enter this part of the woods until I give the word.

Here, the forest is denser and more isolated. It’s also far from the pack house so in case Caron goes off on one of his rages he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone but me. There’s plenty of game so we wouldn't starve and a fresh water stream would provide water. And since we’re currently on our wolf form there is no need to worry about shelter.

I don’t know how long we’d have to stay here but I’m prepared to spend as much time as needed. I have no clue on how to bring him back to his senses. For now, I’m letting him be and staying as close to him as possible.

Caron would be safe here, with me, and if time proves that nothing could be done for him then… Well, let’s just say that failing is not really a possibility for me.

Colum and his pack have gone back to their territory. I assured him that if there’s any development I’d notify him right away. Our packs have no problems with each other but for now it’s prudent to keep our distance.

Briana is fully mated with Cayden but since Caron is still unmated, the bond between them is still there. I think it’s another reason why Caron turned feral. The bond has to break cleanly. But with what they did, they only forced it to stretch close to breaking. It resulted in a backlash that turned Caron feral. The question is how to mend the bond or sever it completely.

Darach and the pack are worried, especially Caron’s parents and mine. They were there when grandfather turned and in their own ways they’re silently insisting that nothing could be done. Although no one voiced out their fears and thoughts I know most of them think it’s already too late to save Caron. But I don’t care. It’s me who’s going to stay with him, not them.

I’ve been spending more time on my fur now than on my skin. I still phase back to my human form, from time to time, but only when I feel that Caron is stable enough to see and accept me like that. I want him to get accustomed to both my forms.

Caron is already used to my fur. He’s allowing me to get closer to him now, to rub our bodies against each other and to just feel. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part but I feel like my presence calms him. That somehow my being here with him is reaching deep in the recesses of his soul.

For weeks I was the only thing constant in his life. We developed a routine from morning, noon to night. We run, we hunt, we rest and explore part of the woods and mountains. And at night I would lay down on an open spot and he would choose a place where he could be close enough to feel and see me but not enough for us to touch unnecessarily.

After turning feral, Caron often acts like a pup. He became more playful and a bit naughty. He would wrestle with me, bounce up and down, wagging his bushy tail and yelp in anticipation. I would oblige him until it became too stimulating and he would try to fight me for real.

It’s hard to control him when he forgets and loses himself, when the wild and savage side takes over, when the predator in him awakens. But I’ve been cautious not to push him too far. I don’t want to be forced to hurt him again. 

Lately, I’ve been trying to show him that there’s another way to do things aside from ravaging and tearing them apart. Our progress is slow but consistent.

A few weeks is a short time but in isolation it could feel like forever. The days become longer as well as the nights. And the more time I spend alone with him, the more I miss him and wish for him to come back. And perhaps I’ve gone impatient because of that longing.

I don't understand what I was thinking. Maybe spending too much time on my fur somehow altered my mind. On the day of the full moon, a month after Caron turned feral, I decided to test a theory and push Caron’s consciousness and rationality, whatever was left of it, a bit further to see if it would yield any favorable results.

I woke up earlier than usual and left him alone while he was still sleeping. The distance between where we lay has become shorter but the gap is still there. And the space between us annoys  the hell out of me. I didn’t go too far just far enough so Caron wouldn't be able to sense me. I covered my scent so he wouldn't be able to track me down and closely watched what he would do.

My heart was pounding wildly as I waited for him to awaken.

What would I do if he doesn't search for me? What would I do if he didn't realize I wasn’t there?

I was afraid of failing, of seeing for myself if it was really hopeless. But I wouldn’t know unless I try, would I? If I keep holding back and don’t push for possibilities, Caron and I would be lost in this world I created to protect and hide him in.

Caron woke up slowly. He looked around him for a long moment before lying back down. He didn’t whine or howl to call for me. I hoped he would but he just lay there staring and doing nothing. After some time he stood and went by the stream. He drank his fill before scanning the trees surrounding him. Again, he sat on the spot where we usually rest and stayed there doing and staring at nothing. 

Caron hunted and he ran, rolled and played, doing the same things we’ve been doing since we arrived at this place. And each time he would stop to look and scan the forest, looking perhaps for a sign of me. But not once did he howl or whine.

I followed him the whole day, keeping out of sight and maintaining the distance between us. Although Caron seemed and appeared alright, he was on the edge. He kept looking around, watching for a sign or movement, waiting for a presence other than his own.

Hope bloomed in my chest with each step we took, unconsciously, together. Caron may not understand it but he’s actually missing me!

I know it’s cruel, playing with him and testing him in his current state. But after this experiment I’m certain Caron will recover. I didn't realize I had doubts until I orchestrated the whole thing..

When I had enough, I came out in the open and purposely made a sound. Caron immediately picked it up and ran to where I was. He skidded to a halt when he saw I was on my skin. He growled and snarled, bared his teeth and pounded his paws on the dirt-covered ground. But I stood still and watched him vent.

I was naked, bare. I know he wants me to phase. Caron knew it was me, he could recognize me. But for some reason, he liked me more in my other form. I could shift. Caron has been hostile every time I show him my human form. But right now, I don’t think he’d attack me and even if he did, I’m confident he wouldn't aim for the kill.

I moved around the clearing all the while making sure his full attention was focused on me. I sat under a huge tree before shutting my eyes. I know I was playing with fire but if this works I’d be one step closer to getting him back.

Caron was still growling and snarling threateningly at me but so far he hasn't moved from where he was. I could feel him, still eyeing me like a prey, and for a second I felt I should stop. A part of me wanted to give in and cater to what he wanted. I know he misses me and he finally recognized who I am. Not entirely but at least he knows I’m familiar, isn’t that enough?

But I am greedy, through and through.

I sat silently, unmoving, and waited patiently for what Caron would do next. In my current state I’m extremely vulnerable to an attack. If I was standing, I could easily fight him off before phasing. But sitting down, with my back on a tree and my eyes closed, is like inviting the feral Caron to tear my damned head off.

No words could describe the feeling I had or the thoughts that went through my head with what happened next…

Warm, trembling hands traveled the length of my arm before it skimmed the expanse of my shoulder and chest. I was afraid to open my eyes, scared of losing the moment but I couldn’t help the gasp that escaped between my lips when I felt his warm breath as his nose rubbed the length of my exposed neck and jaw.

“Where have you been?” He asked like a child. “Why wouldn't you change?”

Tears spring out my eyes. I didn't know how terrified I was of not hearing his voice again. I would have been fine being with him as he was. But this, hearing him talk to me, feeling his delicate touch on my skin, was so much better than just rubbing fur and exchanging noises.

I wanted to touch him but something tells me if I do Caron would draw back. Call it instinct. I guess I honed mine while I was trying to curb his. 

I allowed Caron to explore my bare skin, my body was shaking with need to reach out and touch him as well. And when I felt his moist tongue on my neck and chest, I felt like I was going to die.

“Why won’t you look at me?” Caron whined rubbing his cheek on the expanse of my bare chest. “Why did you leave me alone?”

In his mind, Caron still hasn't noticed or realized the change or difference of his form. He’s on his skin but he’s acting like he’s on his fur. So regardless of how much I want to push him down, I can’t. I need to restrain myself.

Caron curled and sat on my lap. He buried his face on the hollow of my neck as his arms went around my torso. He clung to me like he wanted to get closer, like he wanted to mold himself to me.

“I’m sorry…” I whispered in his ear and that gave him a start.

Caron’s body tensed and he immediately jumped off from my lap. He crouched on a defensive stance in front of me and snarled.

I wanted to grab him and tell him it’s alright, that there’s no reason to be afraid. But I saw the look on his eyes changing. One wrong move and I’d be face to face with his smoke colored wolf once again and we’d be back to where we started. I held myself back and calmly looked at him, posing no threat, silently willing him with my mind to come back to me.

Slowly, the tension on his body eased. Caron looked confused for a moment before moving close to me again. I guess hearing the sound of my voice and talking to him is too much for now.

I was surprised when Caron grabbed my hand and placed it on his cheek. At first he froze at the feel of it on his bare skin but then he closed his eyes and smiled.

“It’s warm,” he murmured contentedly. “I like your stronger self but this fragile self feels good as well.” He must be talking about my fur.

Both his hands were curled securely around my wrist as he continued to softly nuzzle my palm. I know I should exercise caution but my other hand unconsciously moved to touch his bare shoulder. And when Caron didn't flinch or move away I sighed in relief, beyond ecstatic that I did it.

Caron allowed me to touch him freely, glorying at the feel of my skin against his. I didn’t try to talk to him again after the first time. I contented myself with being able to feel him intimately like this.

When the full moon rose to its peak we both heard the howls of hundreds of wolves chiming with the night wind. For the first time since he turned feral, Caron was calm and was content to stay where he was and as he was.

He curled back on my lap, his arms wrapped around me with his head resting on my chest. Caron allowed me to pull him closer, bury my face in his hair and wrap my own arms protectively around him. Caron fell asleep, dreamlessly, with the sound of my heart beating by his ear and with my hand softly caressing his back.

Everything could have gone differently and the situation could have turned for the worse but I’m thankful it didn’t.

I know we have a long way to go before Caron comes back to his senses. I also know that there could be a limit to his change. But for now, I am content to hold and touch him like this. There would be other days, a number of trials and errors for the both of us. But I’m not afraid anymore. If we don’t try we wouldn't know what’s waiting for us at the end of all this.

Frankly, I stopped caring where this is heading. I could be plunged into the depths of hell and I’d be perfectly content and happy. As long as I’m with Caron, nothing else matters.