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Yes Votes: 10 38.5%
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No Votes: 16 61.5%
"Mama is big brother going to die!"
"Is he going to burn alive?"
As Mwana was busy trying to contain his fears, Pendo's words were like fuel to a fire. His fear and anxiety had already entered a new maximum. He recalled the stories about spontaneous human combustion that his friend, Cheza was obsessed with reading about. This peculiar phenomenon involved humans who burst into flames and burned into ash for no explainable reason without any prior warning whatsoever.
The best healers, medicine doctors, diviners, herbal physicians and even witch doctors were once brought together to investigate this curious phenomenon but even they couldn't solve this mystery.
The unknown factor spread fear all around, after all "what you know is no longer scary at all, as for what you don't…" Mwana's body was already hyperventilating at the thought of this. He was shivering despite how hot his body felt. His breathing became rushed and hurried and he even felt the fire start to gather in his body as if he would explode at any time.
"I'm dead. Dad I'm coming to see you," these were the only thoughts in his mind.
Sana already knew the type of fear such words and such an event would elicit in her son so she hurriedly shouted "Bloodline Awakening."
She repeated her words again even louder this time, and it is only then that Mwana stopped hyperventilating. She rushed out of the room and a few seconds later, she came back in holding a huge wooden pail big enough to bath two people and filled with water.
Even with her frail body, she could still manage at least this. Mwana did not even wait to be told but immediately jumped into the water. Steam rose all around the room and spread through the entire house as the water boiled and evaporated at a speed visible to the naked eye. It is only after all the water was gone that Mwana's skin appeared less red.
Pendo and Sana were leaning on the side of huge pail, looking at him with concern. It is only when they were sure that he was no longer in danger that Sana started explaining, "Bloodline awakening. Your bloodline just awakened."
Mwana had already calmed down enough to listen. "Awakening? Then why is it so scary!"
Sana sighed and continued explaining, she could still see the fear in her son's face despite already knowing he was out of danger.
"Awakening is different for everyone depending on their bloodline type, bloodline rank and elemental affinity. For example, heat and steam can represent fire, water or thunder element while something like freezing could represents the ice element. Different bloodlines can be predisposed to different elements so the heat and steam probably means your bloodline has to do with the fire element."
When Mwana, heard this, he couldn't help but let a sigh of relief. However, the next moment he was reminded of his cries when he was in fear and couldn't help feel bashful.
After all since he was a little child, he had always fantasized about awakening his bloodline and rising to be a mighty warrior in a single bound yet when the moment truly came, he was consumed with fear and cried louder than he had ever before.
"I knew that already," he felt that he had to preserve his dignity.
However, little Pendo couldn't let him have it, "then why were you screaming so loudly big brother?"
Although it sounded accusing, it was all said with a straight and innocent face. For a moment Mwana felt tongue-tied before claiming that he was shouting out of excitement.
Even at Pendo's young age, she still found this highly dubious, after all the fear was real. She couldn't help but continue, "But big brother…"
The writing is good and your style does well for cultivation novels, however, I can see that you have read a lot of translations. I would get Grammarly or prowriting aid to fix small mistakes, it can help and it only takes a few minutes. I would increase your chapter size to be about 2k words or above, this is just going to be too short to do combat scenes effectively unless they are a complete stomp which just isn't any fun to read.
With short chapters like this, I find that the details tend to be the first things that go. Things you might notice in a room like decorations or a particular smell, we don't get descriptions of the characters that I saw. These are things that can hurt an action novel as they reduce the atmosphere. When I make a scene I try to put myself there and think of what I would see or notice and try to relay that back to the reader.
I think it is a great first attempt, I would just spend time making the chapters bigger and filling in the world. It was fun to read so I will leave you some favorites and a five.
Thanks for the encouragement and advice. I'll do my best to improve my writing.
Whoever votes no is a fool. Spontaneous human combustion is a real medical thing that is not even fully understand.
It freaked me out the first time I learned about it.