CW: Explicit language, mentions of physical & sexual abuse, sexual content, depiction of a panic attack.
This whole chapter is a bit NSFW. But it's quite important, so let me know if you feel uncomfortable by the themes and want a censored/SFW summary.
Rin’s legs are shaking.
His last client had been particularly rough and he’d only had enough time to bathe and dress before rushing off to his next appointment. But now that he has a moment to gather himself, he keenly feels the weakness in his limbs and the sharp bolts of pain running up his spine.
Cursing quietly, the Rose carefully pads over to the bed and gingerly lowers himself onto the plush mattress. He lays on his back despite the pain, hoping to tantalise his next client with his front instead of his battered rear. He closes his eyes, trying to minimise the trembling, and pulls in deep, calming breaths.
There's no telling how many days he’s been here. It could be a week. It could be a month. Maybe even longer. Every day blurs into each other. All the fucking and dancing and flirting and drinking, it all fills his time, with hardly a second to himself. Whatever precious time he has, it’s spent either unwillingly unconscious or simply resting his weary body and tossing tonics down his bruised gullet.
In a way, the chaos is what enables him to survive this kind of life. Time to think means time to feel, and that could be the end for this Rose.
For this appointment, Rin wears a Northern tea dress made from fine Echana silk - a gift from a particularly wealthy client. The fabric hugs his body and cuts tantalisingly short, exposing a pair of pillowy thighs that rub against each other with every uncomfortable shift.
He fiddles with the ends of his damp hair as he stares blankly at the ceiling. In the haze of his last session, he saw the little lord again, drifting before his eyes like a spectre in the gloom. The boy who he’s not supposed to keep in his heart and yet, he can’t seem to keep him from his mind. Despite Bucky’s warning, it’s Jun who accompanies him through every session. Every client is the little lord, whether rough, clumsy, or downright sadistic. As long as he sees those goldens gazing back at him, that’s all he needs to lose himself in the other and steal a modicum of enjoyment from the transaction.
The door creaks open and close. Heavy footsteps make their way into the room. There’s the faint musky scent of a man drifting in with the client, making Rin inevitably clench on instinct. So far he hasn’t yet been with a man who is the recipient, but maybe this one will be the first. Wishful thinking. Rin sighs lightly and props himself up on his elbows, glancing over at the figure standing awkwardly by the drink cart.
“Help yourself,” Rin says, giving the fool a coquettish smile. He crosses his legs and twists them to the side, exposing the full length of his right leg. From his toes and all the way up to the plump curve of his hip. “What’s your name, handsome?”
His client picks up one of the crystal bottle and unstoppers it, sniffing loudly before taking a big swig. “Blech. What the fuck is this? Don’t this place have River wine?”
Rin jolts upright, flinching at the sudden lance of pain up his spine. “Bell?”
“Yeah?” The bullish youth steps closer to the bed, the warm electric glow of the chandelier above highlighting his rough features. A crooked grin stretches across his face and golden liquid drips down his chin. “Damn, Rat. You look like shit.”
There’s a violent swell in his chest, hot and heavy and throbbing. He purses his lips in a tight line, brows falling low over narrowing eyes. Black orbs swim like jelly. Cheeks grow flushed in his sudden upset. He throws himself out of bed and stalks over to the bull, breath coming in short, ragged bursts.
Bellow raises his brows, suddenly alarmed. He steps back, free hand held up before himself in defense. “Woah, Rat. Are you crying? What are you--”
A sharp crack interjects his speech, snapping Bell’s head to the side. He clutches his sore cheek with bulging eyes, mouth hung open in dismay. “What was that for?”
The raven trembles ever so slightly as he balls up his hands, trying his utmost not to beat his friend to a pulp. “You left me,” he seethes, scrubbing furiously at his burning eyes. “You weren’t there. And I...I needed you!”
Bellow closes his stupid mouth and frowns, ears turning a deep shade of red. He shrugs his hefty shoulders and fiddles with the bottle, glaring down at it with furious intent. “I didn’t realise shit was gonna go down, Rat. I was with my date. Y’know, Clarise, she uh..she wanted to go to Hansa Inn, so…” He rubs the back of his neck and glances up at the raven. “When I heard you got caught, I tried lookin’ for you all over. Wasn’t until I overheard some rich asshole talking it up in Sweet Brier about a new Rose...well, wasn’t too hard to put two and two together.”
Rin scoffs sharply and snatches the bottle from his friend’s hand, taking a long swig for himself. “Whatever. So you found me. So what? I still got caught, didn’t I?” He sighs, anger draining from him like water down the drain. Tired lines sweep from the inner corner of his puffy eyes and he waves at Bell lazily. “I suppose things wouldn’t have turned out this way if you were there. I just...I thought you ditched me to save your own hide.”
“Huh? I ain’t gonna do something that low. You think I’m a dirty Rat like you?” Bellow throws himself on the vast bed, thick covers puffing up around his heavy form. “Anyway, you seem to be doing pretty well for yourself. Didn’t realise you wanted to be a Rose all this time.”
“I didn’t. Not at first anyway.” Rin follows his friend and perches on the edge of the bed, wincing ever so slightly. He takes another long drink, hoping to numb the pain.
“Yeah? So what happened?”
“I met Madame Kahin.”
“I heard she’s the one that saved your ass when you got caught.”
“Mn. She did.” A faint smile curves on Rin’s lips, his eyes turned slightly glassy.
Bell grins at the raven, propping himself up on an elbow. “Didn’t you always say that you like to keep the money you earn? What changed your mind? You fall in love with her or something?”
“...I love Her, yes. All the Roses do. How could we not?”
The bull blinks in surprise. “...I guess I can understand why.” But he can’t hide the slight disgruntlement in his tone nor the disappointed glint in his narrowing eyes.
Rin twists his lips to the side and offers him the bottle. “How did you get in? Didn’t think you could even afford me.”
“Ah. Well, when I heard you were here, I snuck in posing as a client. Didn’t work too well and I almost got tossed out, but then Bucky swooped in and saved my ass. She gave me a token and told me it was proof of purchase.” He throws his head back and drinks deeply, the large bump in his throat rolling with every swallow. A golden bead of liquor slides down his chin and over his neck.
Rin stifles the sudden urge to lick that rolling throat clean. He carefully pulls himself further up onto the bed and lays flat beside the boy. A sea of sable locks spills around his head, making his face seem small and pale in contrast. Red rimmed eyes, big and black, gaze up at the bull steadily.
Bell feels his heart clench, thinking that his friend looks rather sick and pitiable.
“Do you hate me, Bell?” Rin asks suddenly, clasping his hands across his chest.
“...are you stupid?” Bellow growls, taking another furious swig. “Would I’ve tried lookin’ for you so damn hard if I really hated you?”
“No, I suppose not,” the Rose sighs, but he seems a little happier for it.
“So what’s the plan, Rat? Are you gonna come back with me? Your old lady’s goin’ crazy trying look for you. I think she’s hired a whole bunch of people to find you actually.”
“She has?” His heart skips a beat, surprise and...other strange emotions coursing through his veins. “What...what do you mean she’s hired people? With what money?”
“I dunno, Rat. But me and the boys have seen people come and go from your old lady’s place everyday since you disappeared. They look like Slummers but none of ‘em are any I’d ever seen.”
His stomach twists as uneasiness grows with every word Bell utters. “That doesn’t sound right,” he murmurs, rubbing the heel of his palms into his eyes.
“Even that old witch, Nuwa, she and that giant woman are trying to find you.”
“Nuwa and Bo are looking for me?” This entire situation seems increasingly surreal to the raven. Though the two women had helped him in the past, they weren’t exactly on the friendliest terms. “If there are so many people looking for me, why’d it take you this long?”
“You kidding me? The first places we looked were the Rose Palace and the five inns. There was no sign of you anywhere.”
That's because I was in the Training Room, Rin thinks with a sour taste in his mouth.
“Honestly,” Bell continues emphatically, “we all kinda thought you were dead, Rat. You disappear a lot, but you ain’t ever disappeared for this long before. Thought maybe the Marquis finally got to you. Or Tiger.” He sets the empty bottle on the side-table and shifts closer to the Rose, leaning his head against his palm. “You’ve been gone for almost half a year, Rin. Couldn’t you have sent word? Or come down to the Slums? You didn’t say shit this whole time...”
“I…” The syllable tapers off into an airless croak. His heart thumps uncomfortably. “Roses can’t leave the palace. Not without permission from the Madame. And that includes any contact with the outside.”
Now that he’s looking at him properly, the brutish boy seems to have grown into a rather handsome man. Though his features are still rough and coarse, his strong jaw and hard eyes are incredibly striking. He’s also filled out quite a bit, with widened shoulders and a firm, muscular chest. The boy had disappeared, only to be replaced with a near stranger.
Rin suddenly feels disoriented. He sits upright and holds his spinning head, feeling as though he were about to spit up his guts. A large hand grasps his arm, keeping him steady. The palm is hot, near burning upon his flesh.
He turns to face the man and snatches the front of his shirt, twisting to jerk him close. Bellow’s face nears until their warm breaths mingle. The bull gazes at Rin with heavy eyes, cheeks flushed with drink and other things.
“I don’t want you to tell them,” Rin breathes, pressing his face into the crook of Bell’s neck. He grazes his lips against the sensitive area under his ear. The man gives a slight shiver. “They might take me away and I don’t want to leave Her, Bell. So don’t tell them, okay?”
The pulse in Bell’s throat quickens. His flesh noticeably burns. Thick arms coil around the smaller form, squeezing their bodies together. “S-sure, Rat. Whatever you say.”
Rin hums and presses his lips against that fluttering pulse. When he parts, he leaves with a flick of his tongue, eliciting a short intake from the man. “Bell. I want to fuck you. Will you let me fuck you?”
Bellow stiffens, his arms tightening their hold around their prize. “...yeah,” he grunts, already semi-hard in anticipation. “Just don’t go wild. You look like you’re about to pass out.”
Rin glances up at the man with a coy smile, that familiar playful glint in those depthless hellebores. “Aw, pet. Are you worried about me?”
The bullish man scowls down at the Rose, stretching out his hand to pinch his fragile jaw. “You look like a twig, idiot. It’d look bad if I accidentally killed you is all.”
Rin smacks that large hand away and shoves the man onto his back. “That’s so sweet. But it’ll take more than that to kill me.” He straddles his thick waist and keeps him pinned down by the shoulders. Sable locks tickle the bull’s face as Rin hunches over, hellebores hooded and simmering with want. “I’m going to be rough with you, Bell,” he husks, bringing his mouth close to the other’s flushed ear. “I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk out of here. I’m going to beat you, bloody you, and tear into your flesh. If you can’t handle that, then tell me now. Or I won’t hold back, understand?”
Bellow stares up at the Rose, his own gaze torrid and his chest pumping with excited pants. Beneath the raven’s supple cheeks, the man swells and hardens, his length straining angrily. “I can handle it,” he says hoarsely, the slightest tremor present in his voice.
Rin smirks and smashes his mouth into Bellow’s, hungrily tasting every inch of his mouth. When they part, a thin rivulet of blood trickles from the corner of the man's mouth. “Good. It’s been a long time since I’ve last enjoyed myself.” Rin reaches between his legs and grasps the bull through the fabric of his pants, tracing the bulging outline with his fingertips. Bellow jolts and intakes sharply, his jaw locking at the teasing touch.
With a pleased hum, the Rat lowers his head for another hungry kiss, losing himself in the other’s comforting presence. For once, he doesn’t have to see those goldens to enjoy himself. And yet, they continue to haunt him like an irritating spirit latched onto his back.
***
Rin runs his hands down Bellow’s spine, petting his sweat drenched flesh with a modicum of sympathy. He massages the small of his back, knowing that the man will be sore when he wakes. The bull groans lowly in his sleep, his spent body quivering under that soothing touch.
“Sorry,” Rin murmurs, tugging the sheets up to cover Bell’s nakedness. He plants a kiss on his nape and rolls over onto his side of the bed. His own body aches and creaks, having done the larger man multiple times without pause for rest. Of course, Bellow seemed to enjoy it as much as he did, orgasming with every round. And by the end of the night, the poor guy was shooting blanks.
Solaris lightens the cloudless sky outside, casting a hot pink glow into the night drenched room. The Rose gazes out the window, both hands slid under his head as he fights to keep from drowsing.
He ruminates on what Bellow had told him. About his mother and the strange Slummers. About Nuwa and Bo. About the brutish boy now become a man. And the fact that he cared enough to keep looking for him all these months. When his mind wanders to the little lord, he sighs and gets out of bed, suddenly feeling restless.
After wrapping himself in one of the sheets and slipping his feet into Bell’s large winter boots, he awkwardly clomps his way to the window and swings it open. Frigid air hits his face and invades his lungs, scorching them with glacial burn. He steps out onto the ledge and swings the window shut behind, not wanting to let the heat escape.
Virgin snow blankets the palace grounds. Pathways and bridges are cleared for convenience, but everything else remains untouched and pristine. The ponds are frozen over, coral coins painted by the dawn. Weeping higan cherries are dressed in glistening icicles, delicate ornaments upon skeletal arms. It’s quiet at this hour. Only a few guards roam about, but they rush from building to building, chased inside by the cold.
Rin leaps from the ledge and lands rather clumsily in the snow, rolling a few times down the slight incline. Thankfully, the snow is dry and doesn’t seep into his clothes too much. He shakes himself clean and wraps the sheet tighter around himself.
He trudges to the perimeter of the grounds in his too-large boots, picking a more secluded area behind an unused villa. Out of sight of the guards who tirelessly patrol the main gates.
The green stone wall stretches high above his head with black tiles laid atop. When he palms his hand across the wall, it’s slippery with ice. He scrubs his numb hand across his chest, frowning in thought. If he can’t climb the wall itself, then it’ll have to be the higan cherry tree with branches extending towards the black tiles. He puffs a white plume and starts towards the tree.
And that’s when the panic strikes.
Galloping heart. Tightening chest. Cold sweat prickling his brow and around the collar of his robes. His palms grow damp and his legs start to wobble. Every breath he takes seems lacking. The world shifts under his feet, turns upside down. It takes on a harsher, sharper edge. He’s in a different reality, one that’s immediate and dangerous.
The Rose stumbles against the wall, gasping and shaking. He hunches over, clutching at his heaving chest. The sheet slips from his body, exposing his flesh to winter’s merciless chill.
He’s dying. He knows he’s dying.
He’s also terrified of staying in this state forever. Of being trapped in this isolated and freezing corner of the palace, never feeling the warmth of Solaris again.
Rin pants raggedly, sliding to his knees and curling up like a pillbug. He presses his face into the snow, shoving as much as he can into his mouth. “Jun...” he muffles, burning tears rolling down his cheeks. His hands claw at the white powder as if he could find stability there.
But no matter how desperately he calls for the little lord, his knight never comes to save him.
Instead, it’s Madame Kahin who finds him and gathers his shaking form into her arms. And he clings onto her like she’s his last tether to this world.
Don't worry, Jun will be making an appearance soon enough. Rin just needs to go through a little more bullshit first~ (*^▽^*)
Also, if you're wondering why Rin and Bellow keep referring to each other as 'friends', it's because that's the nature of their relationship. Neither of them are willing to commit to a relationship, though maybe Bell wants something a little more substantial.
Ah, poor guy.
