Along the shore the cloud waves break,
The twin suns sink behind the lake,
The shadows lengthen
In Carcosa.
The moment Lilith began to read, her eyes glazed over. “Lilith, how are you doing?” Tunem asked, only to be met with silence. His gaze hardened. “We’re aborting this test.” He slammed his fist against his chair, and a series of glowing lines spiraled towards Lilith. Suddenly, a series of lines spread out from the book, down Lilith’s arms and into the circle. As they progressed, the circle’s glow faded, and it began to suck in light rather than emit it. As the two series of lines met, there was a brilliant flash of light, and Tunem’s lines were overwhelmed.
Assimilation Xshbgip Prerequisite: YPRSAU The user is able to absorb any non-living biological entity, or any parts completely severed from a biological entity and gain all abilities the entity had or has. User must Assimilate at least half of the entity to gain this effect. Aspects gained in this way do not disappear even if the requirements are not met. If the user fully consumes a creature, the user is able to transform into a perfect duplicate of that creature, costing a small amount of mana. User may also transform into a “personal” form of a race they have previously consumed. User is considered to have consumed their base form for the purpose of transformation and transforming into base form does not cost mana. This effect is not magical in origin. |
Another one of the council members, a tall angelic woman began to chant. A soft, white light began to fill the room, and the progress of the line’s conversion was slowed…until the white light shifted to a dark color, streaks of light resembling lightning bolts rushing through it, speeding the conversion of the lines even more.
Do not interrupt. We welcome another into our circle.
Strange is the night where black stars rise,
And strange moons circle through the skies,
But stranger still is
Lost Carcosa.
The woman quickly ceased her chant, the light fading. Two council members stood up, one unleashed a barrage of thousands of magical bullets towards Lilith, while the other began to recite a spell. The bullets were stopped as the fully corrupted lines leapt upwards in defense, swallowing the bullets whole before wrapping themselves around Lilith, writhing and lashing out against any stray shot. Space seemed to distort as the other council member finished his chant, and several lines were cut off, teleported out of sight. Seconds later, they oozed down from the ceiling, in through the walls and door, more numerous than before.
I believe we instructed you to stop. We do not wish to interfere with our new sibling’s playthings, but we will if we must.
“You, sir, should unmask.”
“Indeed?”
“Indeed it’s time. We have all laid aside disguise but you.”
“I wear no mask.”
“No mask? No mask!”
The Mask |
Nashra was staring at the scene with glassy eyes, mumbling under her breath. Vithi had Judy in a hug, uttering words of assurance, more to herself than Judy. Alex was focused on Tunem, who seemed to be focusing hard, beads of sweat rolling down his temples. As one, all the seated council members stood, and began to channel nauseatingly thick waves of magic into an elven woman, who began to recite a banishment spell.
While amusing, it won’t work. Sleep now and pray our new sibling will be lenient.
The magical energy suddenly went haywire, and one by one the council members fell unconscious.
Songs that the Hyades shall sing,
Where flap the tatters of the King,
Must die unheard in
Dim Carcosa
Avatar Jekyll and Hyde, The Mask, and Avatar have combined, forming My Other Self. My other self |
The only noise in the chamber was Lilith robotically flipping the pages of the book. Nashra, Judy, Vithi, and Alex were huddled together, watching in terror as Lilith read.
Fear not, younglings. Should you not interfere, we will not harm you. We wish to be on good terms with our new sibling.
Notuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponusnotuponus
Unknowable Entity Attempting to read the mind of the user will result in weak-willed entities going insane. The type of insanity varies depending on the strength of will of the entity. The user may forcefully suppress this ability temporarily. The user is able to communicate telepathically with any being within sensory perception of the user or the user’s avatar. When communicating in this manner, the user may apply the same maddening effect to the entity communicates with. User cannot go mindlessly insane but is still susceptible to other forms of insanity. This effect is not magical in origin. This skill(?) cannot be stripped from the user. |
Song of my soul, my voice is dead,
Die thou, unsung, as tears unshed
Shall dry and die in
Lost Carcosa
King’s Knowledge
King’s Knowledge and Instinct (Knowledge) have combined to form Help Yourself Help Yourself
Help: Combined Skills
Suppression and King’s Knowledge have combined to form Advanced Suppression Advanced Suppression
Assimilation, Vessel, and King’s Knowledge have combined to form Ruler’s Right Ruler’s Right
Help Yourself and Effect: Omniglot have combined to form Decipher Decipher
Decipher and Effect: Powerful Mage have combined to form Innate Spellcaster Innate Spellcaster
The user has gained the Mask “Fae” and Mask "Elder God" |
Lilith snapped back into focus, feeling…refreshed. She was full of energy, like she’d just had a good night’s sleep. She briefly went to check the pop-ups she’d gotten before stopping in her tracks, looking at the surroundings. The room was in complete disarray, and the council members were all passed out on the floor. She quickly whirled around to the satellite magic circle and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that everyone there was safe. The inhabitants of the circle, well, where the circle used to be, didn't seem to share that relief, however. Aside from Judy, they shied back from Lilith’s gaze.
“Is that…you?” Judy squeaked.
“Yeah. It’s still me. What happened here?”
“Before I answer that, we need to know, do you feel any different? Urges, impulses, anything?”
“Perfectly fine. Between my Domains and my abilities, I should be safe. Of course, if I was insidiously insane instead of straight crazy insane, I’d say the same thing, so I’d watch me carefully. Without a closer look you’ll just have to take my word for it, though. I’ll answer any other questions you have, but I don’t think we’ll be able to get anywhere with it.”
“Good enough, I guess. The moment you opened the book you stopped responding. They tried to activate the circle but, something stopped them. They tried to fight it, but it mentioned something about welcoming a new sibling and not wanting to interfere with their playthings. They kept trying to stop things, but the thing just put them all to sleep. We’ve been here for about an hour after that, just…watching you read.”
Lilith frowned. “Great. Just great. I’m going to try to wake Tunem up, hopefully he’ll know what to do.” She walked over to where Tunem was and began shaking him. Almost immediately, he began to stir.
“Uh? Who…Lilith?!” Tunem bolted upright, scrambling backwards.
“It’s fine, I’m safe, feeling perfectly normal. I don’t know how this thing usually drives people mad, but I hope the fact that I’m not gibbering is a good sign. I’ll submit to a deep mental search later if you want, but you should probably wake up the other council members first.”
Tunem frowned. “I guess that’s a sound course of action for now. I hope you understand that we’re going to be in emergency mode for a bit, so you won’t be leaving the vault until we determine you to be safe. You’re right that not gibbering is a good sign, we haven’t had any cases of anyone going insane in any way other than ranting and raving, but we’ll be checking anyway.”
Lilith nodded. “Just so you know, I got the ability to replicate any magical formation or spell that’s been written down from just a glance, so if you have any of those you wouldn’t want me having, don’t let me see them. Just a heads-up.”
“Good to know. I’m going to go wake the rest up, you see if Vithi can conjure you a blindfold.”
After everyone was woken up, Tunem and the other council members stepped out of the room. Half an hour later, Tunem returned and led a blindfolded Lilith (as well as everyone else) to another room within the vault. Once everyone was inside, Tunem gave permission for the blindfold to be taken off, followed swiftly by Lilith taking it off. They were in a fairly large room that seemed to have been cleared out recently, judging by the patterns of dust on the floor.
“Alright”, Tunem said, “We’re going to have Kali here,” he motioned towards a bubbly-looking demonic woman “take a look at your mind while I look through your status.”
“Hi there!” Kali waved at them. “Name’s Kali, I’m a succubus and the chief of intelligence for the Protectorate.” To the surprise of Lilith and Judy, Kali was wearing a long-sleeve shirt and pants, and generally looked like your average girl-next-door, if you could put aside the bat wings and heart-tipped tail. Seeing their faces, she smirked. “Just because succubi have a reputation on Earth doesn’t mean we’re all go mode all the time. In fact, it’s prohibited to be in go mode in public. Too distracting. Anyway, we’ll start when you’re ready, just let us know.”
Lilith nodded. “I got an ability that makes ‘weak-minded’ people go insane upon reading my mind,” she said, “I can turn it off if you want, but I figured I’d let you know and give you the option first.”
Kali laughed. “No problem there. I’m not the head of the Protectorate’s intelligence department for nothing. I’ll back out if I feel it’s getting too much but go ahead and leave it on for now.”
“Understood. Ready when you are, then.”
Kali nodded, stepping close to Lilith and placing a finger on Lilith’s forehead. “Oooh, you weren’t kidding, that’s nasty. Alright, I’m good. This’ll take a bit, but feel free to talk with Tunem and everyone else while I look through this.” She removed the finger and sat down in nearby chair. Glancing at Lilith’s slightly confused expression, a mischievous smile lit her face. “What, expecting more? Well, if you’re a good girl, I wouldn’t be opposed to giving you a kiss later.”
Lilith started, blushing. “No, I, uh, I just thought you would to stay in contact with me the whole time, so I was surprised. That’s all.”
Kali laughed. “I’m just messing with you,” she said, face becoming serious. “Anyway, I’m going to have to focus on this, so don’t expect me to do much talking until I’m done.”
At this, Tunem cleared his throat. “If that’s the case, I’m going to perform some identification spells and see if I can find anything. Go ahead and find a seat.”
Lilith found a chair and sat down, and Tunem began chanting in a low voice, and then began speaking with the council members (sans Kali) after he finished. Nashra gave Lilith a skeptical glance and retreated to the corner of the room, where she laid down and proceeded to fall asleep. Vithi and Alex approached Lilith, where they began to uneasily chat with her. About ten minutes later, Kali came out of her trance, and began to go speak with Tunem and the others. At this point, Vithi excused herself from the conversation, and walked towards Tunem as well, leaving just Alex and Lilith.
“H-hey, so…I, uh, well, can we…talk later? Just you and me? I just need an hour, and then we’ll be done.” Alex blushed and looked away. “I…have some things I need to work out.”
Lilith blinked. “Yeah, sure. No problem at all. When were you thinking?”
“The sooner the better, but it should probably wait until we get out of the vault. Got, uh, bigger fish to fry.”
“Sure. Let me know whenever you’re ready.”
Alex nodded and withdrew. Judy came up to Lilith, giving her a hug. “How are you holding up?”
“I’m fine. How about you? Are you sure you should be trusting me after everything? I mean, I feel fine but right now it’s just my word.”
“They’ve finished their analysis and haven’t immediately come to get rid of you. As far as I’m concerned, that means you’re safe enough for now. Honestly, I’m more concerned about how we’re going to deal with your parents. Things just keep getting crazier and crazier with you, huh? How am I gonna tell them that their son, who is now their daughter, is also an eldritch god? It’ll make Thanksgiving awkward for sure!”
Tunem cleared his throat. “Well, I’ve got good news and bad news in that regard. The good news is that you won’t have to deal with that. The bad news is that we can’t afford to let you leave this school for the time being. Either of you.”
Ugh. Trying to sum up my feelings so far, so bear with me.
A *lot* of webnovels have one specific, similar problem - a lack of agency for their main character. Essentially, the MC, even a completely overpowered MC, is dragged from place to place by the story. They don't have any sort of goal, or at least not an important enough goal to make them the MC by any virtue other than their power.
This story is suffering from that problem, and while (like I said) it's common, it's glaringly obvious here because of Lilith's actions (or lack of action at times).
She's dragged into the magical world, dragged out of her home, dragged into her transformation, dragged to a magical school, dragged into reading a suspicious book that drives everyone insane, and now effectively enslaved/imprisoned in said magical school.
Where are her desires, her goals? What does she want to do with her power? What are plans for overcoming the people trying to enforce their will on her? At the risk of sounding like a job interviewer, where does she see herself in five years?
You can't root for an MC if there's nothing to root for. I realize this is a very late critique, and perhaps you've already rewritten this, but it's something to keep in mind. Hopefully this doesn't come across as too harsh, because I think the world and the system you've begun describing are interesting, and I'd love to see more of it.
I'm back with more, after a night's sleep.
Lilith doesn't protest this at all? She dives right in to a book that she knows has driven everyone else mad? Actually, I didn't even realize she'd technically started obeying in the previous chapter. There's basically no lag between given the order and opening the book. I think you said at some point that Lilith (still Lucas at the time) seemed like a bit of a doormat. This was a missed opportunity to alleviate that, just a bit, so maybe a good target for your rewrite.
Also, those were ciphers? I just assumed they were words you created or lifted from lovecraftian stuff. I'm not super familiar with that sort of thing. Do ciphers even work on LIlith?
Also also, a suggestion to consider if you want even more stylistic flair: xalgo text. Just google it if you aren't familiar. I could understood if you felt it was a bit much or doesn't fit, I just wanted you to be aware of the option, if you weren't already.
It's an unreasonable trust in authority figures, really. I do have some ideas around this for the rewrite, though ;)
And yeah, ciphers technically don't work on Lilith but I'm making an exception here as they came from an eldritch source and that's outside the scope of her translation ability. They're display as a result of the system flipping its wig and not knowing what to do, after all.
As for zalgo text...I think that it's a bit much, and also I typed this up in word originally and wasn't paying too much of a mind to flair since this was typed up I think...a year(ish?) before the series went public (maybe a few months? My timeline's a bit foggy), so I just went with something relatively easy.
...I say, having made a cipher. I mean, I just threw it into an online cipher generator, but you can do that for zalgo text too soooo
@Fighterman481 For sure. I mean, had this chapter already used it or something like it, I can't guarantee my reaction wouldn't have just been "oh big woop, you found a zalgo text generator, aren't you edgy". But you explain that the cipher is just to represent the system bugging out, so I thought I'd put another way to do that out there.
I don't know how to feel about this. Sure, she knows nearly nothing, but letting them just look into her mind like this? Does she even have any ... idk what to call it? Does she simply not care about her own self at all?
I would never let anyone look into my mind. That's the only place where I am truly free. Never would I willingly let anyone see everything. There is one exception, but that is only for me to know.
Self-preservation instinct? Want for privacy? No, she doesn't, not really.
In this situation in particular, she is trying to prove innocence, as refusing a scan would be crazy suspicious, and also make sure that nothing is going on with her. Is it still probably a poor idea? Yeah, but it felt in-character so I did it.
@Fighterman481 Oh it's alright. I see that it really does match with her personality.
It's just that it would feel absolutely revolting if it were to be done to me. I might really go crazy then.
Freedom is the most important thing in life, especially the freedom of thought.
No worries, I was just ranting all by myself. I'm really enjoying the novel actually. It would just be great if we were to see some character development from her soonish.
Thanks for the chapters!
@IHadSoManyNames Character development is ongoing with her, no worries ;). It starts getting more prominent in like 10-15 chapters but it's still being worked on even in the most recent chapters.
Glad to hear you're enjoying it, though !
@Fighterman481 Thanks for letting me know :P